"I'm not the loser here, that would be you my dear sir, with your social failure, your asshole tendencies, and everything else you do. I mean at least I have some sort of a life to live."
The French term "l'esprit de l'escalier," which translates literally as "the wit of the staircase," refers to those perfect, clever comebacks that you only think of after the fact. What's the best came-too-late comeback you've ever had?
someone told me they would only do something 'if pigs fly'
and my comeback a little too late was 'you fly?'
This is a pretty stupid one... lol. Um, I was complaining on how expensive women's shirts were and how they were a lot more expensive then the men's ones right? And so, one of the guys I was with said, "That's cos you need more fabric and support for your chest." And then they started laughing and high-five-ing each other. And I was peeved. Majorly peeved.
So I come back home and suddenly this awesome comeback came to me! Why didn't I mention pants? Sigh... It was too late tho.
I've had plenty of these moments, but there's one incident that really stands out. When I was in high school, one of my teachers had us write down what we thought everyone in the class was going to do or become after graduation (i.e., "Most likely to become a millionaire", "Most likely to win the Nobel Prize", etc.). Well, the teacher left the room for a couple of minutes, and one guy, just to be an @$$hole, announced to everyone that he was going to put down that he thought I was "Most likely to work at 7-11". I couldn't really think of anything clever at the time, but of course, I now have the perfect comeback: "You better check your crystal ball again, 'cause you must have my future confused with yours."
Well I can't remember what I was going to say, but it was a major burn (can you hear the sizzling?)... Although I am glad I didn't say it because my friend ended up apologizing about ten minutes later. It was a really stupid fight over some boy though...
grr...this describes my life...Lets see...one day as I was walking home one of the big football players (a senior) and his buddies started making cat calls and the usual derogatory things teenage boys yell at pretty girls when their congregated in a group. It wasn't until after I walked down the street I thought enough to yell back, "I don't play with little boys!"
"oh huh!" learned from a 4 yr old neighbor. "you're a what?" learned from middle school age boys. "humph" learned from older sister. "oh, mom!" learned from kids.
"Oh Yeah? Well.... SHUT UP!!!!!"
cleverness has never been my forte
Haha, I've had plenty of those moments. However, one sticks out quite clear.
I was sitting up at my friends work one night. She was working night shift at this conveinient store by herslef, and I decided to keep her company. Well, about 2 hours into it, this kid we know comes in. He looks like Jack Barakat from ATL, except much shorter; so everyone calls him Little Jack.
Well, he was chilling up there with us for a while, left, then came back with some friends. I was sitting off to the side of the counter, and Little Jack and all of his friends came over and sat around me. There were about 5 of them, if I recall correctly. I can't remember all of their names, but I do remember one. This kid who is Best Friends with Little Jack, is called Naked kid. Why? Well, he likes being naked, and posing naked. Before even meeting him, Little Jack had shown me on his phone pictures of said kid. I didn't want to see them, however, Little Jack kind of shoved the phone in my face without letting me know what was about to burn into my retinas. I didn't see the kids..Package, luckily, though.
Well, as we were sitting there. Some comment were made about this kid being naked. I said something about him looking like a 13 year old girl whne naked ( I know, so sweet.), and he replied with "I'm only 17 and will grow into a man, you already look like one."
Pretty lame, but still an ego wounder. Being shocked as I was.. I laughed in his face and told him to fuck off. I said to him that his balls probably still hadn't dropped and that he should probably never even 'try' to have sex, because it will only end in him seizuring on the poor girl for 4 seconds, and the girl crying and walking away.
That was alright, however, later when thinking about it. A better scenario came into mind.
When he called me a man I would have...
"Oh really? I'm a man?" I would laiugh. Then grabbing my boobs, I would say, " So these aren't real? And my vagina doesn't mean anything either?" Laughing again, I would finish, "Sweetie, if you were a real man, you would know what real boobs looked like. And sweetie, these are real. However, you've probably never seen real boobs, only the ones you oggle on your TV or computer. Why don't you grow a pair before you decide to be witty and what not. Cause babe, I AM more of a man than you. You were just owned in front of your friends by a girl. So go ahead and tell people I'm a dude, it might make this story slightly less emasculating for you."
I hate when things come to me at such later points.
Shut Up Becky. Yeah that would have been sweet.