Writer's Block

Release Me

What are you holding onto in your life that you know you should let go of? What is getting in the way of doing so?

Answers (2)

  • I'm holding onto the belief that everything will be okay. It's not that I think that things will go wrong, but on the other hand, it just isn't good to get into a mindset or a false security that once you get to a good place, things will stay that way forever. Eventually, something will go wrong, someone will die or some challenge will face you, and if you're still in your false place of security, then you won't be ready to deal with those things. You might end up paralyzed with fear.

    For me, I'm in a place now where I have more money than I've ever had before. (I grew up in poverty.) I also have been pursuing treatment for my husband's mental illness where before, when we weren't getting treatment for him, I was constantly afraid that he would commit suicide. It was something I, back then, felt like I had to just accept and live with, like our days were numbered. Now I live life without that kind of fear always on my chest...but the idea of something else bad happening to my husband, my sister, my brother, the world in general, still seem so incredibly terrible. I used to try very hard to become intimate with the traditional Buddhist idea of impermanence and how we should look at people appreciating both their life and their mortality and never to cling to things with the idea that they will always be there. I think right now I'm more or less stuck in a place of thinking, now that I've fought really hard to get my husband to a better place, that he will consequentially always be here, that I don't have to think about the possibility of him dying or being gone anymore, but that simply isn't true. Whether tomorrow or eighty years from now, my husband will die, as will all the other people I love, so the idea of them being here, using that as a false sense of security, is something I should let go of.

    I think the main thing getting in my way of letting go of it is fear of the feeling of insignificance. It seems, deep inside, like if I have to continue preparing for the loss of my (or my husband's or my sister's or my family's) well-being, then I've some something wrong and am useless or insufficient. This is not true, and I know it's not, but it's hard not to think that way. It's hard to be confident in one's efforts while still preparing for the worst.
  • Alot of past failures, and wondering what life would be like if I didn't pursue what I did, and if I lived in a state that actually didn't disgust me. It's hard to let go of those, since they never seem to go away.