Individually and in small groups of people that fit mine energy and personality...nope. For a while I am friendly, open...and yeah I suppose I'd say entertaining. Wrinkles nose kinda shyly.
But then I get burned out after a bit and have to go and recharge and/or do mine own thing for a while. Just ask my pals who are fellow regulars at my local Starbucks. (The one on Hawthorne, a really cool and eclectic boulevard here in the SE Portland area....aaah...home sweet home. :<)
Really large crowds....eeerg, it dependeth. If the crowd and/or energy fits me then I'm okay being around it but not the *most* social person therein...not antisocial either I do some socializing but then there are some times and/or crowds where I *do* still panic and/or get emotional claustrophobia. Does not happen oft anymore but in some environments yes it can.
Hugs to those who accept them,
I find it somewhat hard to open up to people, even people I've known for years because I don't know how well I can trust them with anything. The only person I know I can trust is my brother, whom I shall call Henry on this blog, because we've been through a lot of the same things, and if we haven't gone through something the other has, we've got whatever information from the other person in case it does happen to us. A benefit of being emotionally guarded is that you know you won't be exploited for being afraid of heights or spiders and eventually made fun of. A disadvantage is that if you keep your emotions locked up inside for too long, you're gonna explode and hurt something, whether it's yourself or someone else, especally a loved one. I don't have to worry about being emotionally guarded around my brother, though, because he's always there for me, and if he's not there with me physically, I just hold it in till I see him. Or till I'm home. Whichever one comes first.
I've always been kind of a loner...very shy. The only thing I ever shined at was academics, and...believe it or not, public speaking! Once I found this out, I started being able to motivate people and talk to people (it's the strangest thing..I found Empathy. And...stranger enough, I found learning how to speak publicly and have an open mind, at church! Ugh.) I did fairly well with making a few friends, but they were a choiced few. Someone I could open up to and trust. LOL, some of them were pretty unlikely at first (at least I thought.. at first) but I went against my better judgment and went over to them and said hello, took a risk and guess what? That's how the loner was no more...in my case and theirs! Not a lot of people did the same to me, just came over and saw I was lonely and said hi. hehe. Guess that's the way the world works, in reverse. I tried to be nice to everyone around me, though there were a few that still refused to be nice to me (mostly because they made frienemies with me. That's another story.) I also had a few people that hated my guts without even giving me a chance or getting to know me at all! Like, ooh I don't know, Brittany Murray!!!! Take this day, when we all had a young activitiy for church, we played a game that was murder in the dark, murder mystery. I had teamed up with Teasle, of course, and Brittany had somewhat not liked her, and then not liked me instantly. We got in a fight (haha, who started it, I don't know) and basically I defended Teasle, of course. And Brittany then became a stuck-up bitch for the rest of my living days knowing her! Even in high school, she held a huge grudge against me, for some strange reason....she wouldn't let it go! I saw her in A-Capella class, was curious what she was doing, and she was doing a report on some stupid thing for cowboys (what the words Yee and Haw meant for example). She didn't give me the time of day..but I asked anyway, about her project. Eventually she told me. Hmm...strange. Maybe I also have a gift to let people know since I don't make a big deal of it and forgive easily (MOST people! Only 2 people I will NEVER EVER forgive! but that's another story!), maybe she's warmed up to me a teeeny bit.
But aside from things, I guess I make friends pretty easily. I wish I could say the same for boy/girl friends..ugh. I suck at dating. I wish I could just apply my same thought pattern of "be nice to everyone" and be friendly to these people and NOT freak out when they actually have interest in me! And NOT freak out when they try to make a move..hah...guess that's something I need to talk to a counsellor about eh?
I am still trying to learn how to take the dive, and get outside my comfort bubble, and date a titch, just get to know someone, or at least take the dive and just ask someone out. Wish me luck on that one -___-;;
As for most of the time, when I was a kid...things came easier. It's not that I thought the whole world would like me, I just didn't CARE whether I fit in or not. Most often it was the latter.
Take for instance, Lisa. I loves my Lisa to death. I don't remember exactly the day we met but I remembered we were both kinda lonely and boom, there it was, destiny happened, we are still bff's for life (along with Teasle! I love you guys!) I guess what it comes down to is, when the barriers are dropped, the defenses are low, then finally, Yes Finally, you have a friend you can talk to about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, and they don't hold grudges or anger in their heart and can speak their minds....as well as you. And when that barrier is gone, the true self, the true nature of self, shines brightly, and in some instances, love takes place. If I could just let my barriers down, my defenses, with a guy or girl I am dating....well, that would let love in, and let me find what I need in life. But...easier said than done! The last couple times I've let my defenses down...as with anything, comes vulnerability. And vulnerability kills. That's when someone takes a pot-shot at your heart, and it can be good or bad, and most of the time I've got it bad.
So, when do you make the call? When do you take the plunge? When do you finally set in motion, the things you want to say or do, to make that person like you? What step is it, tell me, that you stop flying solo, and make a commitment to just say "yes"? or at what stage, do you finally just drop everything and say "Hey I kinda like you", or "Let's hang out"? Because every time I've tried saying that, I hold back, I bite my tongue, I FEAR. I cave. It's a programmed response, to not trust, to let fear lead my life. So, how do I hold that confidence, do I feign ignorance and just pretend? Do I hold back on telling people my personal thoughts, until I know how they are first? How do I get to know someone without unsheathing that vulnerable side?.....is it even possible? (And mostly, I keep thinking about this, because I have never gone on a gayte with a girl that I just meet out of the blue...nor have I gone on a date with a guy in a long ass time. When I was kinda-seeing Josh, he turned my world upside-down in a bad way...I really loved him, for everything he was, and his kids, and he just poofed on me when I got too close.)
*sigh* anyway...I gotta stop rambling. If anyone has some advice, I'd be much obliged.
I do not find it hard to share what's on my mind. I just naturally trust people unless they automatically give me a reason not to. I believe that being open is the first step to friendship that one would miss out on if they kept everything inside. In addition to the social benefits, it isn't healthy to keep one's emotions bottled up inside.
Yes, I do find it very hard to open up to people. The reason being is I want to find people whom I can trust. There are so many backstabbing people out there who pretends to be your best friend but they go behind you back and talk shit about you right after you leave. And it is not just you that they backstab. They do it to everyone when you are not around them. I know. I had a friend like that. I could be telling them how if feel and to them, it may sound stupid that they feel the need to tell everyone and say shit about how stupid it is. I hate it when people talk about me. No one here knows me enough to judge me.
The benefits of being emotionally guarded is that you won't have people gossiping about you nor talking shit about you. There was an OG that I have not talked to for so long nor seen and she knew basicaly my whole life story. It got me thinking, if they know this about me without me telling her then what else are people saying about me. If they want to know how I am doing and what I have been up to then they should come up to me and ask me and I'll tell you what I'm up to.
The disadvantages is that you lose that opportunity of having a good friend that you can trust because you keep things bottled up that they may feel that you may not want to be friends.
I have recently started to open up again. I have been hurt so much in my past and built a wall to keep the world out. I found it hard that way because I would keep all my problems bottled up and then I grew depressed. I learned you cant hide either way you will be hurt in the end, I have great friends, a wonderful husband and the best family anyone could ask for I feel like I am very much a happier person because I say whats on my mind, or whats bothering me and everyone tries to help and give me advice!
I ALWAYS find it hard to open up to people. However, I have realised that it's a lonely path to take when you don't. Life is about chances, and sooner or later you'll learn who to trust and who not to trust.
I think I have a hard time opening up to people because of my life experiences. At an early age I was isolated from all the other children and never really had a chance to interact with them. Over time, however, I have learned to stop guarding myself so much and to trust people. It is still really difficult at times, but I think that with more time I will be a little more trusting of people.
You have people to talk to about your own personal problems. It always helps to have a few people that you can vent to, otherwise you have to bottle it all up and have no where to turn when something goes wrong in your life. If you show someone you trust them then it's easier for them to trust you, and that leads to a better friendship/relationship with that person.
You can get hurt. When you're hurt emotionally because someone you trusted betrayed you it can really rip your heart out. But, isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? At least you know the joy of love/friendship instead of being lonely and in the dark all of your life.
Yes, I do find it hard to open up to people. I find it hard because I have trusting issues, which is because of my mom, and I would rather not explain why...so I'll just skip to benifits. The benifits are that you can't get hurt by anyone, and the disadvantage(s) is that you wont be able to truly get close to anyone....
It seems to me that it depends on the circumstances, if I feel comfortable opening up to people or not. It's really a trust issue I think, and whether they are complete strangers or if they know people that I wouldn't tell those things to.
I feel as though, the longer that we are friends, the harder it is to be more emotionally guarded.
Probably because in the past, the longer I had my friends and the more I said things to them, we ended up drifting apart and I couldn't trust them anymore.
I'm sure these were isolated incidences, but I'm still keeping my guard up.
I think that's why I like to make new friends, because I can talk to them about whatever and not care. hah.
The benefits of being emotionally guarded is that you don't have to have someone know what's bothering you all the time,
or to have someone constantly asking you if something is wrong.
I feel as though my worries are changing so quickly around this time of my life, so I might be worrying about one thing today,
but something totally different another day.
The more I try to answer this question, the more ideas I get of how to better answer it.
So I will end here =]
Anyway, to make this relevant to my life recently.
It seemed rather easy to open up to people on my China trip, but at the same time there were things I weren't sure I should mention.
Just because I wasn't sure how they related to my self right now.
I suppose others might have felt the same way,
which became an issue when most of us were wondering if certain people were straight or not.
Maybe they have the right to be emotionally guarded,
but I feel as though I was being honest and trustworthy, so who knows.
I suppose I talk about the personal aspects of my life more on here than in person. It's not that I don't want people to know anything about me - I'm an open book like that. I guess it's because I don't really give a sh*t. I have no image or reputation to keep up, and so far, no one has used anything against me. What annoys me is that potential employers look your sh*t up. I don't think your background should influence someone's decision to hire you. I guess there's a certain amount of distrust when hiring someone with a criminal background, that I can understand. But, just because someone complains about their job/boss/whatever doesn't warrant a firing. Things aren't always perfect, and people are human. There's going to be disadvantages to all jobs, and if I want to blog about it, it's my right to. As long as it doesn't impact the quality of work I do, I think it's okay.
Anyway, I find it hard to talk to people because I never really learned how to properly connect with them, and most people intimidate me by being loud and garrulous or extremely opinionated, especially if it's something I don't agree with. I also don't like small talk - I don't think anyone does, really, but it's unavoidable if you don't know the person that well.
The only benefit I see to being emotionally guarded is that you don't seem weak to another person - God forbid that ever happens. It annoys the heck out of someone if you always act depressed, 'cause sometimes you have no idea WTF to do to help them get out of it. It's a sad sight - I had to go through it when I my aunt went through this depression in December/January. Otherwise, emotionally guarded people p*ss me off because I don't see any reason to be that way.