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introspection
Kyro and I talked last night. He told me that people in the family/group that I've entered feel uncomfortable around me b/c I am very secretive. Actually, I'm just sort of quiet most of the time, with loud occasional bursts of enthusiasm; the more comfortable I feel, the more frequent the bursts.
I do understand the weariness. I came here not knowing anyone, save Cheryl, and I haven't even spent much time with her. I admit I have been overly cautious with my actions since I took this position. Just trust me when I say that what I do is serious (fucking) business.
I've never been part of such a close-knit community of people before. I wonder if its common after college, or if this group is something really unique. It definitely contains some interesting characters. I definitely appreciate the sense of being at home that it brings. For once, its like I have a family. Its nice. The first month or two in TX was existential mayonnaise, but I feel better now. I've taken to punishing myself with the weights, bicycle, diet, reading, and sleep/work schedule. Honestly, I like the abuse. Is there a difference between abuse and self-discipline? I've seen the sun rise in Plano much more than I would have seen back home.
There are still some things I need to overcome. I need to not drink so much at partys. I need to find maybe two more disjoint sets of friends, bc I do need to get out on something other than casual dating or alone-time. Most importantly, I need to let myself out more. Express yourself. If that means affirmations, more livejournal, whatever dorkiness I can come up with, that's fine.
Its always hard for me to talk about myself. I'll start here. Ever tried to get me out on a Friday night? A few have failed. Saturday and Sunday mornings, at 8 AM, I am doing this:
PBA is Plano Bicycling Association. The cycling culture here in Plano is pretty amazing, because Plano is where all the rich engineers live, and Lance is from Plano. There are about 600 people in the club. Most are old (over 40). My old city club had 100, and the college club had 6. I used to be really good. Hopefully, I can get back.
I do understand the weariness. I came here not knowing anyone, save Cheryl, and I haven't even spent much time with her. I admit I have been overly cautious with my actions since I took this position. Just trust me when I say that what I do is serious (fucking) business.
I've never been part of such a close-knit community of people before. I wonder if its common after college, or if this group is something really unique. It definitely contains some interesting characters. I definitely appreciate the sense of being at home that it brings. For once, its like I have a family. Its nice. The first month or two in TX was existential mayonnaise, but I feel better now. I've taken to punishing myself with the weights, bicycle, diet, reading, and sleep/work schedule. Honestly, I like the abuse. Is there a difference between abuse and self-discipline? I've seen the sun rise in Plano much more than I would have seen back home.
There are still some things I need to overcome. I need to not drink so much at partys. I need to find maybe two more disjoint sets of friends, bc I do need to get out on something other than casual dating or alone-time. Most importantly, I need to let myself out more. Express yourself. If that means affirmations, more livejournal, whatever dorkiness I can come up with, that's fine.
Its always hard for me to talk about myself. I'll start here. Ever tried to get me out on a Friday night? A few have failed. Saturday and Sunday mornings, at 8 AM, I am doing this:
PBA is Plano Bicycling Association. The cycling culture here in Plano is pretty amazing, because Plano is where all the rich engineers live, and Lance is from Plano. There are about 600 people in the club. Most are old (over 40). My old city club had 100, and the college club had 6. I used to be really good. Hopefully, I can get back.
