write-ups

Quick rant with no actual point other then to vent my frustration on relationships. ( WTF MARRIED? )

Nothing much going on. Trying to figure out school and where I'm going to live. Just don't know what to do, and feel very restricted because of my car.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, avoid depression, but lack of connection to people, lack of intimacy, lack of relationships, it really bothers me. I don't just mean having a romantic relationship, I mean friends and family too. Home life sucks because Echo is freaking out constantly, my mother is starting to cry more, my grandmother is just making everything worse, and there's nothing I can do but sit here.

God. /wank. Sorry.

Why is it that a chick with a shaved head is making a 'statement', but a guy is just hohum, business as usual? Pfft.

Yes, I shaved my head. I'm not thrilled, but worse things could have happened. Meh.

I think I need to just move away from my family. Gwar. At least out of the house. I just don't know where to go. I don't want to stay in ND, especially after the 'rents move, but... I really just don't know where to go. :\ My thoughts were of finding a place where I can rent a room for cheap, go to school, and work. I just...have no particular desires to go anywhere specific, so I don't know.

I just don't know. Rawr!

Well, I'm very close to being done at Wal Mart. I've agreed to work through next Friday, but if they piss me off, I've no qualms about leaving early.

Stephy, I'm hoping to make it to the mall today to get those things for you and have your package mailed tomorrow. xxx

I've recently had revelations about myself that I would have never thought I'd have. If that makes any sense. And... I don't feel like I've got anyone to talk to about it. It sounds pathetic, but I guess I really want someone there to sort it through with me, tell me I'm not some hallucinative freak. Le sigh. I talked to my mother about said issue...she didn't say much, just asked me why I thought what I thought. I can't tell if she doesn't care, doesn't care, or is just trying not to let me see she doesn't like it. Death to over thinkers.

On a happier note, I've actually started working on a Metanoia fanart piece. I need to work on poses and such, but it's nice. I likes. I'm just having problems with what I want it to say. I want to illustrate how the main characters' (Star and Zander) faiths seperate them. I wanted to write something like "FAITH: does not always unite" or 'devided we stand' or something, but I can't think of something I like. At the very least, the word 'faith' will appear as a main focus point. Other then that....

I have today off from both jobs, whee. Now I must vaccum my coach and bed free of dog hair. I hate my dogs sometimes, they shed so much. *twitch*

Later.

PS: Linney love, IM me when you're on?

December 1st, World AIDS Day: http://www.lighttounite.com/ will donate $1 to HIV/AIDS research for each person who participates. It's fast, easy, and for one day only, so please do it.

The apocolypes is near. Not only did I clean the kitchen, but I made a PIE.

Not a cooked pie, I'm probably too lazy for that, but still, a nummy choclate pie.

I still need to sweep/mop and clean the bathroom. Gyah.

Think I might pop in LOTR while I do said cleaning.

gomichan articulates perfectly what I was thinking regarding the meme that has a list of "if a woman is [situation], don't rape her" sentences.

Read it here.

Why is it that EVERY year, when winter /really/ arrives, people freak out and decide driving 25 MPH on the HIGHWAY is a good idea? I mean, really, why?

And you don't wnat to hear half the other shit they've been doing. -_-

It makes me curious as to if gomichan and his friends have this problem in St. Paul.

I hate people.

So shit's been crazy. I have the new job at DHI, which rocks. Wal Mart pisses me off, so I'm quiting. Sometime between Dec 10 and Dec 16, not sure exactly when. We'll see.

I'm packing up so if I get stranded in town, it's okay. Going to work 2.5 hours early. BLAH. I do have a place lined up where I can stay, which is great.

So, forewarning, I might not be around.

Being sick and all, you'd think I'd want to /sleep/ whenever possible.

Not so!

I had five hours of sleep, then woke up with a HORRIBLY sore throat and was unable to sleep. I've been up about 2.5 hours now, and seem to be destressingly alert. -_-; I took one of my sisters sleeping pills (well, half) to see if that would help. Gwar.

In other news, I have an idea for a short story. I'd really love to RP it, but honestly, it would probably fall by the wayside when another fancy strikes me and never be concluded. :( which is sad. I hate that I abandon so many characters. Sigh. So, yes, short story that will (hopefully) actually get done.

Yesterday sucked. I woke up at 5.30 AM after about five hours of sleep >_< Then went to work at DHI, watched them do meds for abuot an hour and spent another half hour reading up on medical information for the clients. Then I had to go to the office, across town (but, really, it's Grand Forks. It takes maybe twenty minutes to cross the entire city). I had to take short tests on five of the clients showing that I remembered specific information about their problems and how to deal with them. Then I had to do a fake med pass and read through a bunch of medical info, and lastly I had to talk to someone about my employee ID not working (which I am supposed to use to sign into the phone). Passed all the tests with 100%, yay, got med certified and only have to do a real med pass on monday to make it official, but PIN still not working because something is wrong with their system. Blargh.

I definately think I'll like working nights there. And, honestly, I really do like the clients.

Wal Mart sucks......so I may be looking for another job soon, we'll see.

First, to bitch about some politician and his 'war on porn': He acts like pornography inequivably equals low morals, child porn, rape, and other very not nice things. You know what? Porn is going to happen, one way or another. Just like prostitution. If they honestly think somehow passing a ban on porn will WORK, they will be sadly mistaken. This also goes for most restriction their warped minds would come up with. It would just breed a black market. The only thing I agreed with was yeah, sucks that internet sites advertise to minors: this is something that I don't think will be easy to prevent, therefore parents and schools and such need to take steps to make sure kids don't get a chance to see these sites. Responsibility, people.

Also, he talked about the ban on gay marraige and explained that they want to do this to protect the union of marraige, as it was meant to be originally. Something along the lines of the decline in marraige is troublesome, so they want people to know they still care by refusing to let same-sex couples marry..... Bullshit. I hate people so much.

And I hate married people. >_< mainly because most of them are stupid--I know WAY too many people that are married and stay together through hell and high water--which is NOT a bad thing, but it is bad when you don't even like the person, don't want to be friends with them and are ESTATIC when you only see them five minutes a day. This is probably a Bad Bad Thing if it happens to you. I understand working it out, but when you spend six years trying to save a two-year marraige that was originally a one year dating thing, I think it's a waste. There should be psych tests to show that people are actually competent to make the decision to be married or something, rather then just fees for the paperwork, and even larger fees for a divorce. Anyway, I know plenty of people that are happy just being together and don't feel the need to be married immediately--hell, they even manage to last /years/ without the dire need for paperwork to make it all legal.

I do know some couples that are together and are good together. Definately not perfect, but not mind-numbingly stupid either.

And now, to the silly: There's a guy at work. He's amusing and he's nice to me and he doesn't give me near as hard a time as most people do. He talks to me and he remembers things I say (like mentioning my tests) and such. At best, he could only be considered an acquintance. But honestly? I could totally seeing it being more. Except for one problem:

Bet you thought I'd say he was gay! Ha! No. :( Married. Damnit! And he's only TWENTY. But, even though that meanst there's absolutely no chance in hell, that's okay. Plus, it sounds like he's got a great thing going with his wife, which is always good. ^_^; And they'll probably be moving to Las Vegas soon, as she is trying to get a teaching job there. And he's got a great job lined up as a guitar instructor.

But damn the cosmos. He seems perfect, except for a few inevitable flaws, likes being straight. :p Well, no, but whatever.

Anyway, done rambling and talking about things that don't matter and whining about stupid shit. How is everyone doing?

First: http://college.big-boys.com/articles/nintendochoir.html

Second:

Third: So, I'm totally skyping with Ti, an it's her first time! And then she asked if I was interested in a threesome, so she invited some guy, Jesse, I've never met, to join us. WHEE.

Wow. Just wow.

http://www.hetracil.com/

I think it's serious, but really.... gawd.... *mind boggled*

ANTI-EFFEMINATE?!

Some people.... *twitch*

So anyone that's chatted with me for a decent amount of time is probably aware that I would absolutely love to move to England, even if only temporarily. There's something about England that just seems magical to me, and I'm unable to truly explain what it is. Maybe when I get there, it will be different, but for now my opinion stands.

See, I have A Plan. Yes, yes I do. I was thinking of going to massage therapy school in Grand Forks ND come next fall, but that costs about $7100. And I don't have that money, and don't know who would seriously give me a loan.

But then my mom did some checking and found this web site that does distance learning for all sorts of things (including massage, holistics, etc), and it's based out of the UK, classes through schools thereabouts. You can get all sorts of certificates, but they probably aren't valid in the US....

....However, if I go to the UK and work there, then come back to the US, I'll have the UK education and experience, and that should be just dandy for most UK employers. Hot damn. :)

And so I went through their site amd listed all the different courses I would, ideally, like to take. Most averaged about $300-$450, a few were only $150, and the most expensive was a foot massage type course that was $900 but included all sorts of board certifications and stuff. The total courses? About 15-20. The total cost? About $6400. That's about a thousand dollars less for WAY more experience, including things like salon management, beauty therapist, aromatherapy, acupressure, holistic health, profemme health, stress management.... The list goes on and on.

And this got me thinking that it'd be awesome to run a womens health spa, with therapy and massage and yoga and all that stuff. I mean, maybe I'm seriously reaching, but wouldn't it be neat?? And hey, if I actually managed to do something like that, I could do a mans spa too. I think it'd be fun and challenging and rewarding and definately lucrative.

So now I have some goals in mind. Take a fw of the classes while I'm still in Grand Forks, in the meantime save up money to go to England (I figure I'll need at least five or six grand), maybe stay with some friends of the family before finding a cheap flat to rent a room in... it'd be so nifty, man. It'd be just AMAZING.

I'm so excited just THINKING about it. If I'm really going to do this, I'll have to get my ass in gear. Will stil be working two jobs, but the courses offered by elearnuk.co.uk are all self-paced, so no deadlines to worry about and I can get shit done when I have time. That's freaking cool. I'm just buzzin from all this, and I can't wait to get started!

Oh, I had that interview this morning, and am officially hired. WHEE. Start orientation on Wednesday, next week. Now, off to work at Wal Mart.

xxx

This past week has...yuck. I feel like I've done nothing but sleep and work. Work has been crazy.

I didn't take that motel job, because they wanted to pay me $6.50 to do laundry, work the desk, AND do their audits. That's waaaay too much work for not enough money. Suck.

BUT there's a job at a group home that pays $8.65 (plus another $0.65 on Fri-Sun nights) and is worth the work. I have an interview on Tuesday morning, hopefully it works out. We'll see.

Well..nothing else much to say.... blah... gonna eat a snack and go to bed.

That tears it.

I am /no longer/ allowed to watch anything before/during bedtime except CSI and Disney. Those are the only things that don't seem to give me weird/freaky/scary/fucked up dreams. -_-;

And /especially/ NO XFILES!

Okay, this will be a long post. Really long. Sorry!

( LJ cuts are your friends. )

The BEST news I have is this: I arranged to work days at Wal Mart until I get the night job set up. However, the prospects for night work were looking dismal. I applied for a few places, including Amazon (AGAIN???) and a night auditor position at motel 8. Today I got a call from the lady at motel 8!! She wants me to come in for an interview and to complete paper work today, and tonight I can start! WOOHOO. *bounces* Now I just have to get ahold of Cindy and tell her what hours I'm going to work at Wal Mart. I think I'll be working 6-11 (five hour shift, five days a week, so 25 hours) there and a full shift of 40 at Motel 8, so 65 hours a week.... but I might tack on an extra hour at Wal Mart, plus a half hour lunch I'm required to take by law, so maybe work 5-11.30 there and 12-8 at the motel. That would put me at 70 hours a week, plus whatever extra minutes I get for clocking in a bit early, or out a bit late. I will have NO LIFE, but hopefully will save up money, pay on my car, not be dead broke, etc etc. And maybe it'll keep me from being lonely.

And the BEST thing is I will still be working nights and I will still have time to catch my lovely girls online. I heart you, Ninz and Linney. :) <3

So that was what's been going on with me. Sorry if I babbled. I just felt like informing. :p

Bye for now!

1. Go to www.google.com <http://www.google.com>;
2. Type in "failure"
3. Press the I'm feeling lucky button (instead of the Google search one)
4. Laugh
5. Forward to friends before the Google folks fix this!

First, something quite.... well, wow. *blinks*



For those of you that cannot tell, that is a 13 foot python....with a 6 foot alligator protruding from it's side after it tried to eat it. Both the python and the alligator are dead.

( The full story )

In other news. I cut my hair, again. Now, you say, what might I have left to cut? Well, in one word: BANGS, baby. They're a little too short, but I think they're okay, plus I look kinda cute-ish with'em. Also, my eyebrows are EVIL and continue to piss me off. So... I got rid of them. Shaved 'em clean off. Undecided if I'll continue to do this and simply draw them on (which, they look so much nice drawn on. I've gotten good at it!) or if I'll try to shape them as they grow in. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

Got paid, bought stuff. Oh! Have you ever heard of AC/DCs album "Dirty Deads Done Dirt Cheap"? I think someone should make one called "Freaky Fantasies Fulfulled For Free". This is one of the random things I thought of while I was trying to sleep!

Ah, and now: Work. Definately time to rant, at least a little. I'll be nice and LJ cut it.

Q: What do you do when you're being crushed by a hostile enviroment and you can't really just say "FUCK YOU" because you're broke?
( A: I pick myself up, brush myself off, and turn to the Dark Side. )

And, uhm, yeah. Oh. Bought makeup. Will take pictures later, with eyebrows on and such. :p Ooooh, and I have Friday/Saturday night off to hang with a friend for her birthday. Friday evening we're driving out to get her tattoos (wings on her back, specially designed for her) and Saturday is her party. It'll be fun, relaxing. A great break. I'm just going to stay at her place, so after Friday evening, I won't have any net. Probably be home sometime Sunday, unless I stay over longer.

The story is set against the trinity prophecy—a prophecy that states a being that is part angelic, demon/sprite (unclear which, referred to by whatever name collectively means the demons and sprites as the helpers of the angels) and mortal (it was understood the angel involved would be either good or evil and the sprite/demon involved would be opposite, and the mortal would essentially be considered neutral) will appear and have the power to destroy heaven, hell, and everything in between. Or he could just leave it and try to live out a normal life. This prophecy was originally foretold by some of the first mortals ever to walk the world—and it has been reiterated just often enough to keep people—angels and demons—looking for him in the rearview mirror. The prophecy is very simple, and as far as any can remember, is always the same: the trinity will have the power to control or destroy, if he wants. Which means that someone has to get to him first and help to guide his desires.

There has only been one instance in which everyone truly thought the trinity was found. A female demon was impregnated by a mortal. These children have always been killed just after birth—demons cannot kill children they carry, for it damages them and they’d never carry again. Customs dictate they must wait for the birth and then the mother is responsible for disposing of the child. Male demons who impregnate mortal women may kill the child in the womb, or can wait—no telling if it will affect the mortal woman, and generally the demon doesn’t care.

In this instance, a female demon went off to have her child—the females would usually do this alone, not because it was emotional, but because it was considered shameful to have allowed yourself to become pregnant by a mortal. Unfortunately, the demon died while birthing the child. In a mess of blood and birth, the child lay dying until an angel came to collect his soul—as he was part mortal, he had one. But this angel did something unusual and collected the child, not just its soul. He took the child to heaven and raised it there.

The first oddity that was noticed was that the child was born with teeth. But, as he was part demon, it wasn’t that odd. The next was that he didn’t appear to be satisfied with drinking from a bottle—so they tried breastfeeding. He bit the angel, drinking both blood and milk. The angels realized that his bloodlust was a product of his heritage. They wanted to save him from it, but for the moment they allowed it to continue—they begin feeding him a mixture of blood and milk. The child grew, but they had found no way to cure his blood lust. He could eat and drink normally, but he needed blood to survive.

Finally, it was decided that the boy was incurable and that he should be destroyed—this was to ensure he didn’t do anything to harm angels and that the demons wouldn’t know about him. It was obvious he was special—in addition to the bloodlust, other strange abilities were noted.

The angel that collected the demon/mortal child doesn’t want him to die, so allows him to slip away. He doesn’t scheme to let it happen, but he lets the child know what is going to happen and is purposefully unwatchful, allowing the child to escape his fate. The angel is punished with blindness.

The child is found by demons, who believe he is the trinity—part demon, part mortal…raised by angels to think like angels. He has something of all three. They try to raise an army, but the children seem to flock to the first child and their feelings are much to chaotic to use to corrupt the mortal realm. They eventually abandon the idea to use them as an army, and abandon the thought that the boy was the trinity. The rest of the storyline is basically the same. Have to decide what the timeline is.

*Cries*

Pain. Lots of pain. I hate being female. That's /it/. Tomorrow I'm calling to make an appointment to see someone about my incredibly painful periods and my much-too-large chest.

( Cut because some people think talking about periods is squicky. )

In other news....not much happening. Can't sleep because of the pain. Maybe I'll clean up my computer and try to install Poser 6 again. I couldn't get the damn thing to install last time.

I /could/ write..... Meh. Like anyone cares if I write. :p

I have a present for you, Tea!

( Read more... )

I hope you like it, love.

xxx