sweetcoalminer

09:32 pm: Strange
It's been kind of a strange weekend.

I believe I've mentioned before that Mimi can talk a blue streak a mile wide on a cloudy day with monkeys. Or whatever. If she is awake, she is talking. To me, to Frank, to the wall, to her stuffed Ernie doll . . . . She talks a lot.

We actually had a babysitter show up here so that Cory and I could attack sorting and packing on Saturday, and she even offered to work into the night, but despite her assurances to the contrary, she clearly was not experienced at all with babies. Which was fine. She's really sweet - she works at our church and is wonderful with Mimi. And Frank, for the most part. But we couldn't leave them alone. So it was nice to have them close by and still get work done. I was bummed out I didn't get to see Byrneout's last bout of the season, but I am glad Cory and I realized the sitter's limitations. Not to mention that at 8pm on the nose, I was ready to collapse and way too tired to even grab dinner around the corner as we had planned. We JUST moved a year ago next week, and yet here we are, going through all of our earthly possessions again.

You know what I loved about having a babysitter? After 8 hours, which included frequent interventions by me and Cory to take care of Frank or Mimi, and to make and serve lunch and dinner and cleanup thereafter, the sitter was EXHAUSTED. And she's like 19. I tell you, keeping up with these two kids is not a cakewalk.

Anyway, so today was a family day. They had a children's thingy during the service, which they are doing pretty often these days, and Mimi loves to go up and hear the other children sing and listen to the little sermon. She so desperately wants to sing with the other children. She's always lip syncing. And when they have a separate service for kids (called "short church") and they give the kids their own bulletins to follow the service, Mimi totally fakes knowing what's going on by pointing out to all her other little preschool friends where they are in the bulletin and pretending to read along.

Mimi's teachers brought the preschoolers into the church for communion, and it is so awesome to watch Mimi candidly in her element. She's social and sweet, and she listens to directions, but she so desperately wants to talk to everyone. It's so hard for her to sit quietly. She tries so earnestly. I could just eat that girl. There are 5 other little girls in her sunday school class, and they are so sweet and lovely - if I could handpick friends for her, I would pick these sweet, gentle girls. They are so supportive and kind to each other, getting crayons for each other, and helping and holding hands. I will miss this Sunday school. We were so lucky to have found it.

(Much like Mimi's class at daycare, her Sunday school class is nearly all girls. But the nursery is full of little boys (not a single girl anymore), as Frankie's class at daycare is nearly all boys. Very strange.)

We went to visit her great-grandma after church, Cory's grandma, who is recovering slowly from her hospital stay and illness. We broke the news to her about going to Greece, and she was sad but very talkative about her childhood during the depression (she was orphaned at age 8, and told us today that in the first grade she worked in the cotton fields after school - after her mother died she bounced around from relative to relative). She is very acutely aware of the looming financial crisis and seemed to understand that we were tightening our belts a bit as well as giving Cory some space to get his work done.

From there we came home while Mimi napped and Frank, whose fever was 102.1 when we got home (who knew he was sick again/still/already?) sat quietly on my nap while Cory and I watched National Treasure 2 (guess who put that on the netflix list? Not I, said the pig.) We went to the park, where Mimi has mastered every inch of the playground. She can even hang from this turning ring thing by herself. She is fearless, this girl. And she's so friendly. She wants to ride the teeter-totter, so she just finds kids her size and invites them to get on it with her. Usually the kids are probably closer to 4 or 5, and they get on the teeter totter with her. The dynamics are so fantastic to watch - like some kind of social experiment.

We got home from the store, and Mimi had three yogurt tubes. After the second one, we tried to bargain with her to eat something else instead of a third tube.

"Daddy, can I please have another yogurt?"

"No."

"Mommy, can I have another yogurt? Please?"

"No."

"Daddy, actually, I need another yogurt."

"I said No."

"OK, well, go ahead and get me one."

What?

"Go ahead and do it. Go ahead and get me my yogurt dad. Do it."

We got her the yogurt.

Tonight we read some books and got ready for bed after Mimi's second solo potty poop of the day (she disappears into her room and comes out holding the potty tray with her pants around her ankles yelling, "I got poops! I made poops! Are you impressed? Are you so proud?" She was so tired.

Then she said, "Mom, God and Jesus are not my friend."

Me: "Mimi, why would you say that? That's not true."

Mimi: "They're NOT MY FRIEND."

Me: "God and Jesus take care of us and help us. Do you remember taking communion today? Did you have the bread?"

Mimi: "We all share the bread. Mom, put your hands together and say, 'Thank you God for my cars I gave my friends'." And I did. She said, "Put your hands together and say, 'Thank you God for my friends giving me cars'." And I did.

Mimi said, "OK, now, Mom, put your hands together and say, 'Thank you God for all of my toys and my Crocs.'" And I did.

"Mom, tuckle me in." And I did.

"Mom, I'm so stirsty. I need some cold water." So I got her a sip.

"Mom, my feet are out."

"Mom, leave the door open this big much, okay?"

"Mom, let's say a prayer."

Me: "We already said a prayer, remember?

Mimi: "OK, now let's speak Spanish."

Me: "What?"

Mimi: "Let's speak Spanish, Mom."

Me: "I don't speak Spanish."

Mimi: "Mom, let's say our prayers in Spanish, OK?"

Me: "Mimi, you're stalling."

Mimi: "Actually, the boys are actually the boys and I'm actually a girl."

Me: "Goodnight, Mimi."

Anyway, it was I guess a normal day full of strange things.

09:11 pm: In which I say things that are not nice about other children and their parents
So all those bitches with kids in Mimi's class can just go fucking jump.

We've been at that school for very nearly a year, and we've been to a hundred fucking birthday parties. All but one were at our old apartment complex in university family housing, they've all been in the africa heat, and they've all been poorly planned and executed, with a pinata full of shitty hard candy that 2-year-olds can't even eat.

I'm just so sick of all those bitches and their bratty kids. I've never ONCE gotten a thank-you notes for the thoughtful presents we took them, either. And they were thoughtful. At the beginning, anyway.

And then we go and plan a going-away party for the kids' birthdays saying no gifts, for which I have bought plentiful fun supplies, planned activities, and hired help for the kids' party, and NOT ONE of the parents indicated they are coming. Ok, one. Out of the 15 we sent invitations to. Granted, we've missed two parties in the last month, one because I didn't see the invitation in the folder and the other because, well, that kid's mom is a bitch, her grandmother is an inconsiderate fuckhead, and her dad is . . .stupid. And she's a clique-y mean little bully.

Let me just say that Mimi has her faults. But she's so sweet and friendly to everyone. She always welcomes everyone and tries to give hugs. She always tries to comfort children who are hurt (even if she is the one who hurt them). But this kid - BRAT. Every time we go to a party, she hits Mimi, pushes her, and tries to take things away from her. Her mother snubs me all the time. I always say hello and ask about the little bully, and she either ignores me or gives me a pinched smile. And when I apologized for missing the party (truthfully, they were both kind of sick), she just said, "OK" without even making eye contact. And her husband's mother has closed the door on me numerous times as I was going in or out of the classroom with the baby in my arms and all of the related accoutrement as I tried to gather Mimi.

Everyone, except for Mimi's best little friend's mom, treats me like some kind of leper. I don't get it. We were at a fundraiser at Shakey's last night, and Mimi sat pretty well compared to the other kids. She didn't climb on anything or throw her food. She gave a genuine and excited "Hi Owen! I so happy to see you!", "Natalia! Are you eating dinner with your mommy!" and greetings for the other children she knew, including from Frank's class and her old group with hugs and big smiles. Clearly, Mimi is a social little friend to the other kids. But why am I so horrible? Why can't these bitches just be friendly?

I talked to one of the parents last night from Mimi's old class, who, in response to the 10% tuition increase, made some snide remarks about the grant students who go there free. Let me just be clear I am not that person. I am glad that those students can get safe, wonderful child care while they are in school. And although I do believe there are some parents who do not report a second income and abuse the system, it is a great idea and I was happy to support it while I could. I do suspect who a couple of the grant parents are, but otherwise have no idea. I know I do not send off that vibe.

So over the year, I have found myself becoming less and less interested in the parents because they are such assholes. I know when they are nice to me or act polite it is because there is a birthday party invitation in our folder. When they ARE nice to me, I am skeptical.

I need to suck it up because this is the beginning of feeling my kids' social pain, but Mimi was SO excited to invite those kids to her party. She talks about this party constantly. We're going to make carmel apples and clay monsters, and do the limbo and there will be 2 really fun babysitters (one of which is the former "lead teacher" for Mimi's class) doing activities with the kids. And, most likely, NO PINATA. If there is a pinata, it will be from an authentic pinata shop, and not one of those cardboard ones that the kids can't break open anyway. And it will be filled with real candy, not pineapple hard candy.

I think it totally sucks that after all the fucking party karma we've created by going to these parties that they're not coming to see Mimi off. It's a COSTUME PARTY for fuck's sake, and although I did not put "no gifts" on the invitation, I was planning on telling them as they rsvp'd to not bring gifts. I am so sad for Mimi. I think she will have some little friends there, like our neighbors and our other friend's daughter, and maybe, if we're lucky, the Niblet, but I am sad for her that the little friends she loves so dearly will not be there to see her off.

If she gets sick before we leave, I am totally sending her to school contagious. Fuck you, ass clowns.

11:12 am: All this talk about sex is making me hungry
In a stunningly awkward conversation with my father yesterday, I was forced to discuss the status of my marriage. Everyone seems so concerned about Cory's and my marriage. I may be naive, but it seems great to me, if you can overlook the 11.5 month old who is still sleeping in our bed.

My dad was concerned that Cory's and my marriage wasn't going to make it the 10 months apart. I am more concerned that if we stayed here trying to raise these two kids completely alone and being as financially challenged as we are right now, we wouldn't make it. I really do think I could be a very successful lawyer, and, again, maybe I'm naive, but it takes time which I never have. I can't put in 13-hour days while letting Cory nurture his career, which is at a very critical point. Especially since Mei "spit up" at preschool yesterday, leaving me to ponder exactly when Mimi and Frank will commence vomiting, too.

Yesterday, Cory didn't get home until after 7 pm, leaving me with 2 kids, all of Mimi's peed-on laundry to wash and dry before they close the laundry room at 9 (she's been peeing on her blankets, and since we only have 2 and she pees on one at night and one at school, I have to keep up), dishes, etc. I nearly strangled him when he walked in the door. He had told me 6-6:30ish, so I was counting on a hand to make/serve dinner and bring the laundry back. I can't do it. I keep putting them in their room with toys and projects, and within seconds they are under my feet eating soggy crackers out of the trash. There is no way I could live like this. No way. I can carry Frank and the laundry if the laundry basket is on top of the dryer, but I can't lift our flimsy little laundry basket off the floor without spilling the clean laundry onto the filthy floor with the baby in my arms. I almost cried yesterday when I saw someone had moved our basket to the floor. While listening for the timer and trying not to poke the nice old man who lives upstairs in the eyeball because he's chatting my ear off while my arms are slowly breaking off of my body and Mimi is screaming at the door that she has her shoes on now, can she come out, and that the dogs are going to get her.

I can't handle that stress. I am not that woman. But at my dad's house with willing arms for the kids at crucial times like bath time and dinner time, I might just survive. There is no dryer there, though, so hanging and drying laundry is a major pass time. Hopefully Mimi will get up and pee herself at night. Or at least pee when we take her to the bathroom every few hours instead of slapping me and telling me I'm not her friend.

My dad had quite a stern talking-to for me, which is fair. I take full responsibility for our financial situation. The truth is I've never made as much money since lawschool as I was making before, and that has mostly to do with my choice of family over career more than anything else. I keep thinking a better job is around the corner, and it never is. I also screwed us by taking time off with both kids and quitting my job, although, again, I think it saved my sanity. He also has quite a bit of parenting advice. It is a different culture. I shudder to think what they will say if they discover that Frank is still nursing - it is just not something done with toddlers over there, but I am loathe to wean him before we move. I think once we are situated, it will be a much better time. My stepmother also admonished me that as soon as Frank learns to walk, we will potty train him, which is fine with me. She toilet trained 2 kids before they were 2, so more power to her.

But these last weeks it is driving me nuts having Frank in the bed. We CIO'd in the crib earlier this week - first 45 min, the next night 17, and then 6. Last night he fell asleep in my arms, so it doesn't count. But he sleeps in his crib in our room and wakes up screaming several times a night after about 3 hours. The easiest way to quiet him is to nurse him in bed. It's too hot to close up all the windows and let him CIO in the middle of the night right now, although it is VERY VERY VERY tempting.

Cory fondly asks, remember how Mimi used to play and play and play quietly in her crib? Frank is not like that AT ALL.

So, anyway, I find myself glaring at Frank, who is snuggled up on a pillow in between us. He usually either has his hands behind his head and his feet splayed so as to take up more space than a 1-year-old really needs to sleep, or he will be on his side, holding on to some part of me with his feet touching Cory. I want my bed back. It's really his sense of entitlement that I resent, more than anything - as though he has every right to be sleeping in my bed. And the mornings that he wakes up while one of us is tending to Mimi - fuhgeddaboudit. He knows that when he wakes us up by slapping us, shoving his pacifier in our mouths, crawling all over us, etc., that it's his time to bask in all of the attention he misses out on to squeaky wheel sister the rest of the day.

Then I read an article in a magazine about "knowing" your husband every night for just one week, which sounds great, but cue the crying baby (who is very nearly a year old and needs to fucking sleep through the night like a normal person). I really think it's a great idea, and I would call it National F&*( Your Husband Week. I'm all for it, but we are harboring a fugitive. I really want my bed back.

And, since I really try to write this as a baby book for the kids, let me just add one thing that will not make them cringe. Frank communicates. But yesterday, while I was trying to transfer the pot roast to a plate and keep them out from under my feet, I put both kids in the crib. Frank was so forlorn, and so I gave him a little toy remote control. Mimi wanted it desperately. She kept asking if she could have it, and I kept saying no, because it was Frank's toy and he was using it. I asked Frank, "Here's another toy. Can Mimi have that one? Will you please give it to Mimi?" And Frank said clearly, "No!"

When, on the other hand, I ask him if he would like to go for a walk to see the doggies, he nods emphatically with a big smile. I am so amazed at these little people growing up so quickly.

11:05 am: And . . . kill time
I knew it was coming, but the woman I've been working for is just out of work. Bless her heart, she had me working on anything she could possibly pull me into, but there's just nothing going on right now. I suspect that this is a temporary setback, but it will not be rectified before we leave.

I was relieved. I didn't want to have to quit her. I may do a little work for her here or there, but she doesn't have enough work for me to come in every day, and going in every day and killing time for which I could not bill was getting disheartening with me having so much other stuff to do - packing, organizing, etc. - but we need the money.

And, to celebrate the loss of my income, I am on my new laptop! It is cheap, and it is a PC, and I'm so 'cited! Is it wrong to say that it is a nice change from the apple computers we've had here since 2002?

Also in celebration of the loss of my income, my car is in the shop.

I am feeling better and better about our plan - it was really the right thing to do. I would be really panicking right now about not working because I know that this slowdown is across the board. All of the other attorneys I've talked to are slow too. There's just not a lot of work right now. This time last year, there were tons of job ads for people like me.

So, anyway, onward and upward. Now! With Skyping! :)

10:48 am: Arrgh
I had really wanted to write about Mimi and her mouth, and Frankie and his mouth, but I never have any time anymore. Packing, party planning, working, momming, cleaning, etc. seem to fill every waking hour until I fall asleep exhausted every night. OK, let's get real, I haven't started packing yet. But I'm THINKING about it.

We were driving past the hospital where the kids were born, and I told Mimi, "That's where you were born. That's where you came out of my belly." and she said, "That's where I was a baby?"

Me: "Yes. And that's where Frankie was born, too. Do you remember coming to visit?"

Mimi: "Yes. That's where we were babies from your belly?"

Me: "Yes. That's where all of our babies came from. Do you think you'd like another baby someday?"

Mimi: "Yes. But mom, can it just be a pretend baby this time?"

and then like 2 minutes later,

"Well, maybe one pretend and one regular. Plobably just pretend, though."

------------------

Frank spent a good few minutes staring at Mimi's elmo shirt the other day. He was concentrating, and his finger broke out in a point. He took a deep breath, and his eyes got really wide, and he announced loudly, "BOBO!" And then grinned at me. He's so proud of himself when he communicates.

-----------------

This is week two of no diapers for Mimi, and Frank finally got his last dose of antibiotics for this ear infection. You would not believe the volume of laundry I've been doing. Wouldn't believe. Between her peeing everywhere and Frank getting the trots from the antibiotic, it is just insane. INSANE. Cory asked, "Can you believe that there will come a day when the only asses we will wipe will be our own?"

03:33 pm: War Paint

04:28 pm: And for posterity
I forgot to mention that both kids started getting sick on Tuesday/Wednesday and are now totally congested and coughing all night. Wheeeeeeee!

01:20 pm: On Plans and Progress
I've been thinking about the process by which most of my crazy plans are formed. Generally, I think, "My life will be significantly improved if I can just make XYZ major change."

Cases in point are: law school, changing from resources law to family law career, getting married, having a baby, getting into university daycare, working for myself, and, finally, moving to Greece.

With the exceptions of getting married and having a baby, none of those things have significantly improved my life directly, although I suspect indirectly they've contributed, as every choice does, to the joys that I enjoy today.

But during the process, I find more and more ways to justify my choice and become less and less concerned with the disadvantages. I evolve into surety. I know I've made the right choice and I move on.

This time though, with the tickets bought and Plan A underway, I am scared. While I believe my marriage is rock solid, I am worried about my kids being away from their dad. I love watching them all together, and I feel like we are going to miss out on something very tangible and very wonderful.

I do believe, though, that it is in furtherance of a better life for our family over the long-term. It is a sacrifice, but, as sacrifices go, it is probably counterbalanced by a lot of positives by being not that bad.

I hope I will be strong enough to mother these two well by myself (with my extended family). It is SO HARD. If I didn't have a million other things to do all the time, that would be one thing, but just being constantly needed, whined at, and pulled on is starting to piss me off. The whining, which Mimi turns around after being told to stop and having the difference between telling and whining for the umpteenth thousandth time, drives me out of my mind.

I don't think I'm depressed to the point that a little exercise and some sunshine wouldn't cure, but exercise and sunshine aren't really in my cards right now, and I'm thinking something from the pharmacy at this point might be a better alternative than something from Breyers or Hostess or Entemanns.

Progress in our house is evident. Frank is cruising around and constantly challenging Mimi to share everything. He wants to be right there with her doing what she's doing. I am humbled by their friendship. They were playing in the car as we were driving somewhere last week, cracking each other up, and Mimi said spontaneously to Frank, "I love you, buddy." I am so profoundly grateful for the delight that they clearly take in each other when they are not beating the living shit out of each other.

What a difference it makes, too, as Frank's needs become more pressing due to his temper and expression of his dissatisfaction, that Mimi is washing her own hands, dressing herself, listening better, and: USING THE POTTY. Mimi still needs a lot of attention, but it is nice to come inside and tell Mimi to wash her hands and have it actually happen without having to plead and yell and pull and push.

I love talking to her and listening to her sing. Her favorite thing to say when I piss her off or get short or impatient with her is, "I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND MOMMY! DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT." She tells Cory the same thing.

Cory relays though that Mimi told him yesterday that he is her friend, and even though she says that he's not her friend, he will always be her friend.

Well, I need to get back to filing away paperwork and stuff. Time is really running out on getting this all to come together. And of course, both babysitters I tried to put together for today over the last 2.5 weeks backed out today. What the fuck is it about my luck with babysitterS? Just not meant to be?

09:51 am: Taking Frank for a Ride

Can't you just picture him on a Harley in 16 years? I love that sneer.

12:39 am: Hug Me

12:01 am: Sick, sleepy shower boy

11:59 pm: Soccer

10:21 pm: Me on a good day.

08:32 am: Frantic
Frank was so miserable yesterday that I kept him home, which was really selfless and horribly miserable.

I "forgot" to give him his antibiotic last night. And he was so mad with his diet of chicken, applesauce, banana, melba toast, and saltines. He just wanted delicious dinner, and he was SCREAMING. But he was better by this morning. He has a wretched candida diaper rash. It is those kinds of things that make me want to be a stay at home mom. I am patient enough to combat his wriggling and angry attempts to escape while I wait for the anti-fungal creme to dry on his bottom before applying the aquaphor, but school would require a note for the anti-fungal creme and I bet they don't dry his bottom before the aquaphor despite our requests for same.

Work, and calling in sick is . . . complicated. I am kind of living a lie right now. And that's one thing that made me glad for this trip is that I don't have to keep taking jobs pretending that they are forever jobs. I've known for the last few years that Los Angeles is not our final stop, and I hate having to pretend it is when I'm working for people.

I am so overwhelmed by all I have to do, in addition to maintaining the regular stuff, which I already sucked at. I'm trying to come up for a strategy for packing. And crossing other things off my to-do list, like trip/health insurance, scheduling storage container, party preparations, etc.

Mimi's monster costume came in the mail 2 days ago and she is so tickled with it. "I am going to put this on and come scare you when you're sleeping." "Actually, I am really scary." And it's such the least scary thing you've ever seen. I wish they made uglydoll costumes, because that would be perfect.

And the best for last: Mimi pooped in the potty! She swears up and down she did it at school yesterday, although there were no witnesses who could attest. She did it again last night - Cory had offered to put a diaper in the bottom of the potty to catch the poops. I shut him down and counteroffered T.P. She declined, so I offered a Kleenex, and we were on. She did it. She pooped on a kleenex at the bottom of the baby potty.

I painted her nails a bright pink color that was reserved for that occasion (next there's bright purple), and she is just over the moon with her bad self. She peed through 3 outfits, 2 pajamas, and the sheets, though, so I'd better get the laundry in before I have to go to work.

06:28 pm: Fussy, Dry, and Decided
Fussy - I took Frank for an ear re-check this morning and his ear infections are clearing nicely. You just can't imagine how miserable my sweet boy is. Even at school the teachers were saying he's not his usual happy self. All day, all night: fussy. Clingy. Miserable. Needy. Whining. Crying. Unhappy. I would really like to fix it for him. The pediatrician's best guess, to go along with day 5 of diarrhea, is that Frank is having stomach cramps from the antibiotics. When I hold him after he has miserably passed out in my arms sleeping, his whole body just jerks, and sometimes he whimpers this high-pitched noise. She told us that we can probably end the antibiotics on Wednesday instead of Saturday if he doesn't pick up Mimi's runny nose.

It is wearing having such a miserable, clingy baby that you can't help. I would like to say that I am a gracious and understanding mother. But, truthfully, I find myself clenching my teeth so hard that it's a wonder they don't just snap off. And the yelling of, "STOP. CRYING. YOU'RE OK." And he just can't stop touching me at night. When I put him in his crib he fusses within minutes. He's been sleeping on my arm for several nights now and it is wearing having someone hanging on you and touching you all the time. Or at least it is for me.

Dry - for the second time, unbeknownst to us, Mimi changed out of her diaper before school into underwear, and wore underwear all day and went potty by herself at school. But the missing piece is still missing - she is withholding her poop. I got a stern talking to at school that letting her wear a diaper just to poop is a "mixed message", and so when she started crying that her bottom hurt, they told her to sit on the potty until the poop came out. But she didn't. Poor kid has been pooping in her sleep, if at all. I worry about this, but I'm so proud! And what a wonderful day it would be if we were only buying diapers for one and not two.

Decided - I bought the tickets. It's done. We're going.

09:52 pm: All Across the Limbo Land
My deadline in my head for buying tickets is tomorrow. We are proceeding as though the kids and I will be leaving the country in November, but it's still not 100%.

One of the problems, of course, is my paperwork. I can't believe that after all this time I'm still hemming and hawing about whether it's possible to be legal. There appears to be no shortage of lawyers who want to take my money to maybe do this or maybe not. I am a little hesitant to pay a lawyer because I know how quickly lawyers fees can run out of hand when your lawyer isn't vigilant about this. I did find a lawyer with offices in the US and Greece, but he is slow to call me back, which I think is a very bad sign when you are looking for a lawyer. If they don't give a shit about you when they are trying to get your business, it doesn't bode well for when they have it.

Another problem is the kids being so far away from Cory for so long. Mimi just wants her dad. When she was so sick on Thursday, she kept demanding, "I NEED him." She's going to be devastated. And Frank is really attached to me. He's just starting to notice that he has a dad. He looks around sometimes and asks, "Da-da?" It's going to be excruciatingly difficult on the one hand.

On the other hand, it seems to solve all of our problems. Oh, hell, what do I know?

I keep thinking about things that seemed like good ideas that were busts, like that week I signed up to do transects for endangered species in Ward Valley where I was essentially the only girl, and they forbade us to pee in the wilderness because of its impact on the tortoise, and there was just a smelly port-a-john, and I got a really awful visit from my monthly visitor. Oh how I cried that week, camping out in the desert in the scorching sun, wilting from cramps and trying to stay as clean and unsmelly as possible. That really sucked.

Mimi is better. She is getting a cold. I guess it was just a virus, but I suspect the flu shot made it much worse than it would have been. Not meningitis. She really scared me Friday morning when she kept trying to sit up and couldn't. I felt like I couldn't really breathe in, I was so scared. And she was a rag doll all the way to the doctor's office. But then the pediatrician asked her if she wanted a lollipop, and Mimi followed her, running, for a sucker. I'm just glad she's better. That was pretty scary.

Frank had an ear infection and is taking omnicef. I don't think it's working. He started out with an ear infection in one ear, and is now pulling on both ears and screaming. He swishes his jaw from side to side to try to give himself some relief.

The omnicef, while not clearing up his ear infection, has apparently annihilated his intestinal flora as he is having horrific watery diarrhea. Which I'm relatively sure will get him ejected from daycare tomorrow. See - the endless cycle.

Anyway, he is really irritable and whiny. We have a follow-up appointment on Wednesday for his ears, but I don't think I'll wait til then. Probably tomorrow morning when I should be wrapping up the immigration stuff. I know we would spend the entire fall this way, just like we spent the last fall, with appointments and follow-up appointments.

10:20 pm: And . . .
Cue the puking.

And Frank, cue diarrhea.

Awesome.

Sweet, cue the call to work that you won't be in tomorrow, either. Not even after Cory gets home.

I know I'm doing the right thing. My career can't handle this. And I need to focus on my kids who need me, not a boss who had no idea what this is like.

03:18 pm: The Universe Laughs at Us
less than an hour after I posted that things were looking up, school called and said Mimi had a fever of 104. I had kissed her goodbye and she was fine (I am in the habit of checking like 3 times a day. Is it just me?) By the time I grabbed my stuff and got there, her temp was 104.4 and she was totally out and breathing really shallow. I couldn't even wake her up to get her to the car. She opened her eyes in the car a little and I took off for the pediatrician's office because I was freaking out. She wouldn't talk. They took her temperature and the pediatrician magically materialized from "lunch". They gave her motrin, and about an hour later, she saw a kid who was about her age that she thought was Frankie. She was totally delirious.

1.5 hours later still at the pediatrician, her temp came down to 102-103. Our ped warned us about febrile seizures and sent us home thinking it was a virus - she just was at the doctor's office yesterday getting her flu shot. (And no, they said it's not a reaction to the flu shot - too delayed and too high a fever). She ate a really good breakfast, although she has told me for the last couple days that her leg hurts, and then said this morning shortly after waking up that she wanted to go to sleep. Cory said when he put her in the car her neck hurt.

By the time she started to talk again, it was "my neck hurts. my eyes hurt. my head hurts. my leg hurts." Mimi's had fevers before, and she's had fevers this high before for sure, but I've never seen her so completely out of it before and hope I never do again.

She's currently convalescing on the sofa watching Diego.

I am totally shocked they haven't called me to come get Frank. Cory and I are kind of paralyzed - both of us home from work with her - and scared. She is whimpering "my neck hurts, my neck hurts" over and over again. I guess I will go get Frank and try to keep him out of Cory's and Mimi's hair.

We'll call the pediatrician tomorrow if her fever doesn't come down to get blood work done for meningitis. Get better kiddo - we don't like this.

09:56 am: More Antibiotics
Frank had a bad ear infection and a sinus infection that was creating a ton of snot, making him have that gurgly cough. No "asthma" discussion per Cory, who went to the doctor's appointment because I was at work.

We started him on Carnation Good Start with Active Cultures yesterday and he got an antibiotic, and something gave him the messy "trots" as Julie would say. So. Gross. Back to Alimentum. We are almost done with formula, and I am curious what he will move on to. I don't know how available soy and rice milk are in Greece. When I was a kid and I'd go visit there, I always drank chocolate goat's milk. Superyuck. But they're very much more international now, so who knows what we'll find for these two. Frank is still nursing, and I don't think I can really wean him until after we're settled in Greece. Right? Because now with the antibiotics and the constant battle with thrush, I'm totally open to it. Not to mention that he's still waking up every 2-3 hours and I'M LOSING MY MIND FROM IT. I can't really let him cry it out, either, because when I've tried he can go a good 45 minutes before I give up plus he's got this Reactive Airways thing where it sounds like he can't breathe when he really gets on a good crying jag.

His one year appointment is in about a month, and I'll talk to her about it then.

He is such a sweet boy, and so very attached to me. I would be worried about him not walking (mimi was running around at this point) and not talking much, but we clearly don't put the effort into it that we did with Mimi, which is good and bad. I was always trying to grow Mimi up faster - on to the next thing - and we just enjoy Frank for who he is.

On a positive note, I do believe it has been at least 2.5 months - a record for us - since someone in this house was on antibiotics. Things are definitely looking up!

11:07 am: Eye Contact
I am getting a barrage of official documents right now in preparation for my final run at the consulate.

I saw the postal truck pull up, hoping it was my mom's express mail package, and then a knock at the door.

It was UPS, and the same guy who was there the day shortly after Frank was born when I answered the door in my nightgown with one of my saggy bazoombas and saggier belly hanging out.

I totally couldn't make eye contact with him, although, for the record, I am fully dressed with hair and makeup done and shoes on, even! It will be a relief to move from here just to have a UPS guy who hasn't seen me essentially naked.