I am fully aware that I am not posting as much as usual. I just haven’t felt like dealing with it lately. I am spending more and more time watching TV, reading and working on my art projects than on the computer these days. Plus, of course, I have the new job going on and trying to maintain my sanity while getting back into lab work and feeling comfortable with it again. I move a lot slower than the younger girls that are in the lab and suddenly, I am seeing my age….lol…young, little things with needles in their hands attempting to teach me something I am have been since before they were even born. I think they are taking my slowness as not being able to do my job but, it is only trying to get back into the swing and hell, who knows…I may never get back up to the speed I had back years ago. A couple of my patients today told me that they were there getting lab work done because they were taking medication that needed to be monitored but, that they did not have mental health issues. I listened to the first two and nodded my head but, when the third one came along I said back to them, “Does it matter if you do have mental health issues? It doesn’t matter to me; I’m still going to be your friend whether you do or not! In fact, I am a patient of Dr. *************, myself; does it matter to you that I have mental health issues?” Then, the guy sort of looked at me and smiled and said, “No. No, it doesn’t matter; we can still be friends!” and with that I drew his blood and got him on his way. When I left to head back to the laboratory, they were all out in front of the building and waved goodbye to me and yelled, “Goodbye Lee Ann!! See you next week!” and, it made me feel good for once. Maybe I said the right thing for one time in my life, I don’t know. It, also, made me feel extreme anger that these people felt it was something to be ashamed and guilty of that they do have mental health issues. They felt they had to lie to be accepted. They have shame over something they have no more control over than their eye color or, their height!! WHY should these people feel shame and the need to lie about the reality of their lives? It’s because people are fucking scared that it might happen to them and they do not want to have to deal with it when they come in contact with it….fear of themselves…pussies…other people treat those with admitted mental health issues like some sort of dreaded fatalistic disease and, honestly, the only time it becomes fatalistic is when the assholes that won’t admit their own mental hang-ups shun and ostracize those that do obviously have mental health problems. Makes you want to run around with t-shirts and bumper stickers that say “STOP THE FEAR!!!!” Anyway, now that I have done my complaining…as I have been rightfully accused…I better try and get some more sleep…have a great Wednesday….

****I like writing on Sunday mornings. It’s usually very quiet and Mom is occupied with the Sunday newspaper. I made the serious mistake of lighting up a cigar (Preston bought me some of my favorite cigars last night!) while writing instead of my usual cigarette and then, while thinking about what I was writing I began to inhale the cigar smoke. Like I said, big mistake. It got about to my epiglottis and my throat reminded me that cigars are not to be inhaled and well…you guessed it…coughing binge. Being over 40 and a mother of two children means that when you cough like that, you, also, pee on yourself. So, I go running to the bathroom until my lungs forgive me.
****Still downloading and printing out all articles on Landmark and familiarizing myself with its history from various sources. I found an article from 2006 regarding a teacher that was/is involved with Landmark and was attempting to start a charter school fashioned after Landmark curriculum. Not sure what the outcome of that attempt yet but, I am going to look into it…also, downloaded and read a British Psychological Society report on a study of Forum participants and compared to participants in psychotherapy and participants involved in both and then, a control group, as well. Most people going to the Forum have the same makeup and difficulties as those going into psychotherapy with the same, if not worse results than the psychotherapy group. Participants in psychotherapy were; of course, free to move on after therapy while, of course, Forum participants were encouraged to enroll in many other “courses” for more behavior modification. It was interesting to see the participants reasoning for either of the ways to change behavior while, The Forum relied on typical means of cognitive therapy such as exercises and the use of semantics. I am pulling facts from this article to include in my “report”…..whether this report gets published anywhere I don’t know but, I *am* a published and known writer around this area so, maybe it will be picked up….who knows??
****Just got a call from my new boss reminding me where I am supposed to be in the morning and making sure I had the address and all….scary….going back to work…hopefully, it will not stress me out this time…I have to be careful about everything these days since my mess in May…but, I am willing to stand back up and try again…no matter how much I do NOT want to do it….

****Ok, so I am on this giant witch hunt; I am looking to remove the idea in a loved one's head that this whole Landmark Forum gig is nothing but a humanistic organization setting out to relieve a lot of people of a lot of money and; in the process is ruining those people's lives and the people that loves them and their lives. In order to make this logical we have to become aware of certain things involving accounting. Now, this is not necessarily accounting but, the definition of two types of accounting. There are two different main areas of accounting...for profit and "not-for-profit." For profit accounting involves all entities that operate to earn money as "for profit." Not for profit organizations use an entirely different system of accounting and use budgets rather than gains/income and/or losses/liabilities (not paying attention to semantics in this post but, I am hoping you get the idea here). In not for profit organizations (such as churches, governmental accounting and things like the American Heart Association, et al) an annual budget is set and the organization operates within that budget within the next year and does not move away from those numbers at all. The budgets for the next year are usually set up in the month of October (or thereabouts) and that's what the organization has to operate with over the next year. In for profit organizations, things are recorded as income and losses...and is usually reported on a quarterly basis. For profits are in the business to gain more money. Not for profits are in the business of providing services within the budget mentioned earlier and therefore, are tax exempted. Landmark's accounting system and Harry Margolis, who twisted many tax laws for Werner Erhard, are neither of these things and therefore, it causes a lot of litigation on the courts regarding taxes and how they are to be paid. Landmark Education is supposedly a for profit organization but, it uses it's "human capital" (volunteers) to work the company and make profits which would seem to fall into the category of a not for profit...in other words, you cannot feasibly account for human capital in your accounting records, especially if you can't prove how much they have worked and whether or not the company is exploiting these volunteers by the hours they are giving to Landmark free of charge (ie, without a paycheck). Landmark "employs" thousands of volunteers with no pay and only has around 400 paid employees. (Including Erhard's brother and sister) This entire setup leads to confusion and supposed misunderstandings in the tax laws regarding not for profits and for profits. It would be too long to sit here and type out everything that has taken place within Landmark, with Margolis and involving Werner Erhard but, the IRS legal papers regarding Landmark are available online if you want to delve further. In short, in the beginning of est (later called Landmark Education) Margolis set up a system of fake corporations outside the United States to funnel money into the project at Landmark. As it is now, as far as I know...Erhard is still living in the Cayman Islands evading taxes that he owes in excess of 14 million. Another reason to be suspicious...heck the Mormon Church and even the Scientologists handle their taxes fairly and above board (haven't seen or heard anything regarding taxes there but, if you know of some please....correct me if I am wrong). In other words, Landmark is making money hand over fist but, most of it's capital is setup in human capital of people volunteering and not being paid. Most of the money goes into paying the "employed staff" and it is reported that some of the money goes back into supporting the program but, the money Landmark saves on not paying these thousands of volunteers is astronomical. The IRS finally caught up with Margolis but, Erhard let him take the brunt of the punishment and Erhard is now living high on the hog. HOW can people be so gullible and buy into this shit and not see the racket that LANDMARK is....Landmark is so quick to accuse people living a 'racket' but, it appears to me that Landmark is the true racket itself. If you're willing to open your general ledger and journals to me to let me see the flow of the cash in and cash out and, prove to myself that you are above board then, fine and dandy but, I, immediately become suspicious when an organization is secretive about allowing audits and outsiders to see their accounting records, especially regarding the payment of taxes. I, personally, walked away from a church I was attending because, I smelled a rat in seeing the expansion of buildings and programs within the church that, I am sure, cost in the millions and they did NOT support the people of their congregation that are in need of even the basics in life. I'm not a hard ass but, I want to see proof...that's just who I am...plus, the entire change of JT into this automaton spewing Landmark and Power of Now bullshit proves to me just how evil Landmark must be...when a person moves from one beautiful person into someone that is willing to step on people and has no regard for any pain and hurt they may cause, I get REAL suspicious...if Landmark believes the people that go through their courses become better people because of it then, they are sadly, sadly mistaken...I have yet to see good come from that organization...all I have seen is someone I loved turn into a self absorbed asshole that gives not a rat's ass of whom he hurts....no apologies, no remorse for causing the pain...automaton...Stepford Wife...an Erhard robot hellbent on destruction for his own desires...I lost that loved one....gone...

****It’s coming up on six months since I had my breakdown…I think I have recovered rather quickly compared to some others with bipolar. JT kept telling Tristan (according to Tristan) that he was “not responsible for your mothers mental state” but, I’m telling all of you now, that he certainly didn’t do anything to hinder the fall and yes, he damn well did contribute to it by his words and actions when I was working my ass off for him. Anyway, I am done and things have moved forward….
***I start a new job on Monday; back to the laboratory where I always end up anyway. Lab was my first love and I suppose I should just accept that fact. I love knowing I am helping someone and knowing that the lab is a HUGE part of diagnostic treatment for the ill I have that assurance. The job is only 14 hours a week but, it’s something to help us out a bit on the money situation and it will give me time away from the house. One of my draw locations is my doctor’s office and when I saw her this morning she was elated that I will be the one in the lab for them. Apparently, they haven’t had much luck with the past few phlebotomists and they all know there that I have been drawing since I was 17 years old so, they feel safe now….lol….I know that I want to go to U of Tampa to finish my degree in English but, now I am wondering if I should just screw it (because of the loan situation) and just finish my Med Tech at SPC…who knows which way I will go..all I know is that now I will have a little money to buy Christmas for everyone.
**** I have been interviewing all week so there hasn’t been much excitement (except for the arrival of Abby!) and I guess I’ll leave it at that…Mom is still reading Outrageous Betrayal and it’s boggling her mind at how stupid certain people are, as well….gullible is my term for it all….naive and gullible….

I HAVE A NEW NIECE!!! Here name is Abigail Ruth Kuhns, daughter of my little sister, Nancy and her husband, Joe and of course, her big brother, Joey! Can't forget BlackJack, as well!! She is sooooooooooooooo beautiful, too! Mommy and Daddy are so proud and rightly so...also, it's a great thing when a girl arrives in this family because, we have so few females on the younger end of the family! She was born on Saturday, November 2nd, at 6:43 am, 7 pounds, 7 ounces and 21 inches long. Take a look for yourself:




We all may be crazy as hell...with the exception of Nancy, who is so normal it's mind boggling....but, we make pretty, beautiful babies...woot!

****For some odd reason, I had two job offers come in for me yesterday, which means...I have two interviews starting with one today at 2 p.m. with a company that makes software involving accounting that is Oracle based. Not exactly sure what this job involves (whether it is helping people who use the program OR working in the program handling the company's clients) but, I'm going for the interview anyway. Not ready to take on another 40 hour week at this point but, it's worth looking into, at least. The second job is more along the lines of what I am looking for and it involves phlebotomy, which I can perform in my sleep almost since I have done this work since I was 17 years old (if not younger!). It's only a few hours a week and then, being on call for stats and requests for draws that no one else can get to at that time. Sort of part time/PRN stuff. That one sounds best to me of the two for what I want to do at the moment.
****I'm sure the first job will pay more and involve more responsibility but, I am not sure I am ready for that yet. Glad I held onto my Birkenstock nursing shoes, I guess...lol...we are still throwing out and cleaning the house....so much crap to get rid of...I took all my "skinny clothes" and put them in clothes storage bags and also, stored some of our lesser used bed linens...we've all got 1000 count thread sheets now and don't ever want to use the others we have so, I stored them up, as well, just in case we need linens for something in the future. Tackled some of the older photo albums to put the photos into storage boxes...then, I am going to seal the boxes in water tight containers for easy grabbing in case of a hurricane. I am going to try to scan them all and get them on disks, as well...plus the thousands of negatives and slides I need to get onto disks...don't want to lose my family memories in a hurricane and we needed a system to just "grab and go" in case of an evacuation.
****Made some new friends on MySpace and even left a blog there explaining my reason for subscribing again...my research on Landmark...I need to answer emails over there, as well, so, I need to close this thing out and get to my emails before I have to get ready for the firsy interview...so, over and out...have a great Tuesday...

****Mom is reading "Outrageous Betrayal" now that I have finished it; we were just now sitting on the lanai and discussing it's influence on JT's life and behavior. What is becoming difficult for us to understand is that JT, DT and JoT are all anti-Mormon and anti-Latter Day Saint but, this whole Landmark Education is just another version of the Church with some guy's (Werner Erhard) half assed philosophy as it's very unstable and powerless foundations of his own fictional "church", as it were..ugh...except in this case, Erhard thinks he IS God...what a bozo...just does not make sense that JT and others do it see it and, have been sucked into the fathomless journey to the pits of humanistic hell that waits with it's putrid jaws slobbering and bleeding for their lost souls...scares me...don't know about you but, it's all "evil" (as JT claims I feel he is at the momnent)....well, HELL YEAH, I think he's evil...he's mixed up in something evil...kinda' hard not to feel that way. Werner Erhard is another Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, David Koresh, Jim Jones, L. Ron Hubbard....name them all that have taken a stand against man's personal relationship with God and bastardized them into humanism...all evil and all lost in their own self righteousness....and all of them have millstones hanging from their necks at the bottom of the sea just waiting for the Abyss that is coming for them all. Losers. Fakes. Demons in their own kingdoms. I may sound fatalistic but, take a couple of days and read "Outrageous Betrayal" and see if this is the man, Werner Erhard, that you want to put your eternal life up for and follow his footsteps...he's no angel OR savior...he's just a lying loser..
****Tristan and I went up to the Sponge Docks today..we've been spending a lot of time up there lately. I found this shop there with skirts and dresses that I LOVE and I am going to try and get one a pay period until I have quite few..I prefer dresses and skirts to pants so, now that I have found some I really love, it's good to have my legs "free" again...LOL...we planted some flowers, took returns on shirts I got for Tristan in the wrong size back for an exchange and a game that he bought that was for the wrong system for an exchange, as well....busy day for a Sunday...Grandma and MJo brought in fresh cinnamon rolls, son we had dessert after we all came back in from our errands...Preston and Tristan both are having asthma issues so, I need to run for albuterol inhalers and vials for the nebulizer tomorrow some time...back to cleaning as well....that's about it for us...hope all is well with everyone reading...

****Wow, yesterday was replete with activity...we manage to get up a large portion of the carpeting back in the office but, discovered a large crack in the foundation...ugh...Tristan and I managed ton get the bookshelves moved around and that meant loading and unloading massive amounts of books to and from the back of the house to the front...we're cleaning out the bookcases and getting rid of a lot of books including, most of my textbooks. I didn't want to get rid of them but, we just don;t have the room to be packing down book cases with all these books so, unfortunately they have to go. Mom and I have a bookstore that we love down on Madeira Beach where we have always gone to do book swaps so, sometime in the next few days we'll head down to the beach to take 3 large bins of books we're trading in. In between working, we took our "breaks" on the lanai since it was so nice out yesterday..it's finally getting cooler, thank God!
****Tristan showed back up over here about 7:30 last night with Evan...









They were trying to get together with some friends when Matt called and was upset because, this 16 year old girl has been, basically, stalking Tristan through Matt and Matt was upset because Michelle (girl after Tristan) chewed Matt out for not telling her that Evan was hanging out with Tristan....WHATEVER!!!!....Tristan has told this girl time and time again that she is too young to date plus, frankly, he's not interested at all. Anyway, it was a major uproar as the kiddies did their trick or treating around the neighborhood.
****One more day and our money comes in so, we just have to make it through today until midnight...the money just does not last us throughout the month at all. My little "firecracker" as Tristan calls her, is seriously lacking so, it will be good to have some money come in. Tomorrow is Tristan's first day with the new doctor (she already treats Preston and I) so, hopefully things will clam down soon. That's it from here...

My Clipmarks

****The Pressman book on Landmark Forum finally arrived from the Main Library in Saint Pete to the Countryside library so, I went by and picked it up this morning. Werner Erhard was a serious psycho people...I know some of you would argue otherwise but, after having completed almost 3/4 of the book "Outrageous Betrayal" I am convinced of it...read it yourself, is all I can say! Now, trust me on this...everything I have read in the book is subject to my own personal investigation for proof...I don't believe everything I read by a long shot but, I had already gathered many documents before the book even arrived and I had started reading it so, what I am reading now is only backing up the documents I already have in my notebook on Landmark Forum. Speaking of Erhard...not by any chance of paralleling, I find that my former "boss", LJ, is quite a lot like Erhard in his manipulation and deception...then again, I can see Landmark's (and therefore Erhard's) influence on JT....JT said it was his brother that got him involved in Landmark but, in looking back while reading this book, I have a sneaky suspicion it was LJ that recruited him into the crap. The entire personality change runs exactly as Erhard wanted it to affect people. Even down to the divorcing of his wife of 21 years, LJ is following the same pattern and relationship failures that Erhard has brought upon himself. LJ does not have my care and concern but, JT does....as far as LJ is concerned whatever comes to him in the way of karma is his just reward...JT has been hog-tied and deceived by LJ to do his bidding at the will of LJ and therefore, is at the control of the mind that LJ has upon him. Makes me sick to my stomach. Enough of that crapload of nonsense....
****We're broke as usual because it's the end of the month so, time is being spent cleaning and moving the house stuff around. I started walking again today...my calves decided to protest the fact that I am walking again by cramping up on me about 1/3 of a mile into it...guess I'll have to add to it every day until I get back up to three miles a day again...ugh...
****Not much else...just playing with my new laptop and reading...I read way too much...lol...

****I have a new laptop!!! My gorgeous and wonderful son (Preston) bought me a HP laptop that is too sweet! 240G hard drive, 2G RAM and a 17.3 inch monitor...it's so different than working on a desktop that I am having to get used to it but, once I have it down I am sure this will be excellent so, I can leave home to write whenever I choose, plus, of course, school. Playing Warcraft has been a challenge because the video card needs to be upgraded...having a lot of what I call "stuttering" while in game play which, makes it more difficult...I tend to get two or three hits off before I realize the damn mob is dead already..lol..
****It HAS helped in my personal quest to STOP going to certain web sites and such because, I no longer have the links available to me at a glance...I gave my computer to Tristan, who has needed an upgrade for quite a while now. Michelle and I discussed his issues yesterday and even she cried at the strain of dealing with bipolar disorder...now, that's a doctor who cares, folks...when your doctor cries over YOUR problems, they are real...I know she will work well with Tristan and help us all so much more since we are all under her care and she knows all of us...it will help in correcting family issues in dealing with bipolar...it's hard to deal with one person alone but, when there are three of us, it is almost impossible.
****Preston and I are going for lab work this morning so, we're fasting at the moment and I need coffee very badly...lol...a morning with no coffee is serious disaster for me!! Right now, french toast is sounding extra awesome..lol..more later....

**** Lab work completed by 9:30 this morning but, not without phlebotomy error...lol...by the time this woman had the needle in his arm for the second time, he was screaming for me to come into the room and show the phleb where his vein was located...she still had the second needle in his arm but, was off by about 2 inches so, with the needle still in his arm, I showed her where the vein was located and told her that she needed to pull out of his arm and re-stick...and when she stuck him where I told her to stick him, she finally got the blood in the tube...geesh...we went for breakfast after at First Watch and had our favorite french toast and coffee. Later in the day I went over to stay with Tristan a bit but, he left soon after with Lima and Ohni to go to the park. MJo ended up driving me home when she got in from work and then, we had dinner that Mom cooked of swiss steak and potatoes....then, we watched The Next Great American Band...honestly, none of them blew my skirt up and I would probably have to write negative reviews of them if I were still doing that sort of thing. I make Dicko and Simon look like the nice guys when it comes to critique of artists because, I expect perfection in music and there are few bands that really fry my chicken or mow my lawn, ya' know? I can always find something that pisses me off but, the ONE thing that pisses me off the most is seeing a decent band make it and then, having the record label step in to attempt to improve their "image"....image hell!...image has nothing to do with music..music is music and if you can't get up and play an original in your street clothes then don't bother me with wanting me to see you play. I want to hear and see musicians not a stage play, or theatrics, or a gimmick...Atlantic RUINED Collective Soul in their Dosage CD with the makeup and made up situations that some freakish photographer wanted them to look like...it was a disaster in my opinion...just play the damned music and let me decide...I don't need entertainment...I need music... pure, let me see the hands moving and the new sound emerging...get me excited and please, please, please...make sure your vocalist can really SING and not just "look pretty"...blah, I hate that....anyway, that's what we were doing before I came back to finish today's blog before bed. Not much else...hoping we can have some sort of fun this weekend...not likely because, it's not started off well at all....

****Holy cow...the week did not stop or settle after MJo came home from Oklahoma. In fact, it got a lot crazier. Lima came home to the Tampa Bay area from school in DeLand at Stetson and stayed with us for 3 days. Tristan and she went to Universal Studios Thursday night for their Halloween thing (never can figure out if it is called Halloween Horror Night or Howl-O-Scream or whatever!) and then, they came back in about 2-3 a.m. and crashed in my bed. Friday, we ran up to Sweet Bay liquor store and bought Jaegar and tequila plus, the "mixings". I made margarita's for Lima and I and Tristan made Jaegar Bombs for himself with Red Bull. Saturday, of course, we watched the Bama Tennessee game (ROLL TIDE!!!!!), which put the whole scene into a rather festive mood for us all. I had a pretty bad crash on Friday and cried a great deal...seems like when there is even a minor upheaval I still breakdown and have problems. I don't think the Invega is working for me because, when I was on the Seroquel I was advancing on getting better but, now I seem to be going backwards again. I've had to take Seroquel a lot more during the day than when I was having to and when I was only on the Seroquel in larger doses and not the Invega. So, I think I will have to put a call into Scargle to see how to switch back to the Seroquel since I don't have another appointment with her until mid-November. I can't keep having these breakdowns (although small at times) and expect to move forward...I have to get my meds corrected and right. Tristan went for intake on Friday morning and we both ended up sobbing and crying all the way home because, the intake person told him that he had deeply serious mental issues...well duh, Ms. Intake Person...we're frigging bipolar!!! Tristan hasn't taken his meds in over 8 months so that may well explain his problems you, nincompoop!! He got into the rhetoric that marijuana would cure the whole problem he has and well...we know it doesn't...he can get his bipolar meds for free since he is officially disabled and is on Medicare but, he has to fork out serious bucks to get the Mary Jane he so depends on now...so, he's decided he needs the medical help now, finally. I have a lot of trust in Scargle so, I am praying she doesn't let me down on this. Tristan is extremely difficult to deal with when not medicated which, is what caused my breakdown on Friday...just the whole process of getting back under psychiatric care is difficult...having to hear things you just don't want to hear. I'm glad Lima was here on Friday to help hold him up with the rest of us...she seems to calm him down quite a bit. We grilled steaks and I made my fabulous cocktail sauce (LOL) for the shrimp, a big salad, baked potatoes, fresh steamed asparagus and the works. This was all created to watch the Alabama game...and we yelled and screamed at the TV and Lima was in awe at our behavior...her ex-boyfriend (from years ago before Tristan came along) goes to Tennessee, so she made a call to Nashville to say ROLL TIDE!!! LOL I think we have her hooked because, now she is considering going to law school at Bama instead of Stetson...we lured her into our ROLL TIDE plot of world domination...*evil laugh*. Saturday night they (Tristan and Lima) left and went over to the condo for the night and then, Sunday morning we headed to DeLand to take her back to school.
****The drive over there was wonderful and I saw Lake Monroe for the first time and thought it was beautiful!! The campus at Stetson is small but, the place is beautiful, as well, and I had a blast roaming through her dorm hall since it was a rather old building. Pier and beam foundation with hard wood floors and pretty, delicate, carvings on the banisters of the stairways. The drive home was another story...I swear the rain cloud we were under must have stretched across the entire State of Florida because, we drove in a massive storm on the way home that poured and poured heavy rain on us for the entire trip home. It was terrible...my eyes are still aching from straining my eyes trying to see the road. We tried to come home on I-4 but, the rain was so heavy and everyone was driving like complete idiots so, we took the John Young Parkway exit (near the entrances to Universal, Disney etc) and headed back to State Road 50 for the rest of the trip home...we made a stop in Clermont for gas and a drink and finally got back home about 6 p.m.
****Evan came over as soon as we were home and he agreed to take Tristan back to the condo if I gave him 2-3 bucks for gas and I did give it to him because, I was too tired to go back out again. Mom had cooked a turkey breast and dressing for Sunday dinner so, after the boys left I ate a massive plate of it all and then crashed into bed. Slept very well for the first time in days and was up this morning by 7 a.m. Right now, Preston is on the phone making plans for Busch Gardens today and Mom and I are planning on cleaning the house since there are no appointments for the day. woot!! I have sooooo much to do in cleaning....don't think we will ever get to it all....Happy Monday all, may your week be blessed!

****It's good to be home. If you've been keeping up then, you'll know that I stayed last week at the condo over in Safety Harbor with the largest of our menagerie of fur and fauna, Betsy. The dog is HUGE--like being hit by a semi sometimes and she manages to get me every time because, apparently, I am her favorite person in the entire world. lol She won't sleep with or play much with MJo but, she sleeps with me (like a big, hairy, dog stinky man...lol) on a queen sized bed...trust me on this one...in that case, SHE is the queen of the bed. So, I just wrap myself around her and go to sleep. I stayed all week with her and then, MJo came home last night and I got to come home but, the minute I was back over there, she acted like I had been gone forever. Anyway, I am back in my usual surroundings with my "things" at hand again and it's just good to be here. Lima is staying with us a few days before going back to school at Stetson in DeLand. She and Tristan went to one of the Halloween digs at Universal Studios last night with Vickie and her boyfriend. They just came in at about 3 a.m. I had a minor falling apart yesterday with all the commotion of airports, running back and forth across the bridges, guests in the house, and Tristan trying to be a man but, having obstacles thrown down by Mom and MJo...I'm his mother and I think at 20 years old he should be given the same respect as any adult with all the adult privileges but, apparently I am wrong and my mom and sister have overridden my parental authority these days. As I refer to them, "God rules" are being enforced to the extreme and all I can see happening is Tristan rebelling from them...that's no way to lead someone to faith in God, in my opinion but, that's the way it is these days. "God rules" never brought one person to Christ and I wish they would see this...God's grace and mercy when we have screwed up is what brings people to Him...not the enforcement of His laws...and what gets me, is that people believe I am this stubborn just because I profess faith and they do not observe by how I treat them. If it were a case of my living by the law, I'd REALLY have no friends...lol...
****I have a lot to do to get myself back in school...I had decided on University of Tampa and I will go back to talk to the people in admissions and financial aid but, I think I am going to talk face to face with University of South Florida and Eckerd College, as well, but I think Eckerd is mostly a business achool and the area I am going into is an Arts and Letters field..which, of course, in English and linguistics...creative writing, as well. I've checked into the University of Florida and I am REALLY impressed with what I see there but, that would involve a move to Gainesville (which is not a bad idea..lol).
**** There's not much else going on here so, I won't bore you with details of making a good pot of coffee or cleaning tables for my art supplies but, that's been going on, too...later Gators...

****Well, the bubble tea (while a great deal the day we got them when two girls sacrificed theirs to us!) turned out to be a disaster because, I unknowingly dumped them in the condo sink thinking the disposal would handle it and then, remembering....there is no disposal at the condo....ugh...so, I spent a great deal of time digging boba from the kitchen sink with a tablespoon amid curdled milk...gag...I am not domestically inclined anymore since my marriage sort of disappeared...I was all gung-ho wife and mother deal before that. I even baked my own bread, cooked homemade, from scratch chicken soup on snow days, my babies NEVER wore Pampers (we had cloth diapers thank you) except on outside the house errnads or visits, and I taught Joy School with six other mothers. I was disgusting, I suppose, but that was what I wanted to be my entire life. Anyway, the whole cleaning out the sink nearly made me vomit....
****I've been chastised twice today for slamming the garage door...I feel like a naughty teenager because, I am treated like one it seems. Sat down and wrote another poem last night for you approval...it's called Our Address..anyway, here it is:



Our Address

Yo, ho, ho and, a bottle of rum
Raisin Hagaan Daz
Ice cream in a gold and white cup
Of sorrow that started with your
Golden crushed green pot
Leaf turning in the news of baby
Blues that led you down the
Path of no return
Address to call your own for the parents
Had the green that mattered.
The stitching in your
Golden dreams unraveled and the baby wore
Moccasins with little feathered rattles
In her golden haired
Diaper days where we dug
from her baby slobber mouth
Green glass from the broken
Bottle pieces lost in the dark green
Cushions of the home that was not yours
But hers and the generals and the general mother.
The Oriental screen glowed soft
On the cream, fuzzy carpeting
Where we lay and hashed over
Our stupid mistakes
and how we could
Escape the webs of eight legged spiders
Tangled in percale and Egyptian cotton
Balls of Dixie and Jerry Garcia
Kurt Cobain
And
John Lennon smiled down
In hand drawn legacy from
Above our heads.
Chocolate dripped down
Your face and onto my shoulders
With sprinkles from your eyes
Clinging to my neck
Soft gasps in my ears of
Confusion, pain and deep hurt
Staying there with you
While the home owner cared more
For the green that made her genes
Cold and indifferent to your needs.
Dreams, desires bundled up
In your heart with the chain
Of responsibility you never asked for but
Willingly maintain and still do
To this day of bitterness to
The entire world that points to
The thorn of regrets
That past pain came from the
Deception in the beginning.
Deception passed onto me
In your own world
Of heartbreak where
Our address is still
Regret and pain.


October 15, 2007

Staying this week at the condo so, my internet accessibility in limited....which could be a good thing. I promised to color and braid Tristan's hair for him while I was at the condo so, Lima and I have been working on that project. He had a bunch of guys in Friday night and I couldn't sleep so,  I put Betsy in the car and took a long drive...on to Indian Rocks Beach where I left my apologies to JS with the doorman and then came home. Betsy enjoyed the ride at least. Tristan and I headed over to the University of Tampa today for orientation and an open house but, I got in there and they started speaking and I couldn't hear a word they were saying so, it's quite obvious that I am going to have to have hearing aids before I go back to school in January. Because I couldn't hear anything, Tristan and I left out early and drove over to Waters for some bubble tea from Got Tea? There were two girls in there that were trying it for the first time and they were gagging on the boba and we were laughing at them; after two or three attempts with the boba and they gave up and they gave their teas to us...lol...we had a good laugh over it and a good long talk on the way home. That's about it from here....babysitting Betsy, watching football games, doing Tristan's hair





      and attending orientations that I cannot hear....I think I need to break down and take some sign language classes, my hearing is getting much, much worse.....later days, people.....later days!!! 

 

****It's been a busy day so, that's kept me from having the constant melancholy wheels turning. Usually, if I can find something to keep my swirling brain active, I won't fall into a depressive pig slop but, today was different. Maybe it was because, we had to sit in Starbuck's for an hour waiting on a refund for a hundred dollar coffee maker that never worked that set it in motion. I don't know. Maybe it's because I have been reading contemporary American poets and they're somewhat emo from the late 1800's forward...lol...I was reading Ginsberg's "Howl" (in respect to JS the only way I have) and, it suddenly hit me that Ginsberg was so, so very involved with the movement to normalize and remove the stigma from mental illness yet, the very people the hold him up on a pedestal run away when the very mention of a mental "episode" takes place...these people adore Ginsberg and his work and the very artsy-fartsy things that they surround themselves with yet...I have been pushed from the "Inner Ring" (as C.S. Lewis refers to this social phenomena) because, have had ONE major breakdown in my entire life. And, what's even more rich is that, I openly TOLD, CONFESSED, WARNED, AVERED, SHOUTED to them the FACT that I was bipolar yet, when the real dragon of the bipolar bear came around the corner for me...who was sitting by my bed holding my hand? Not ONE of my "friends"...not one...my family FEARED people finding out...frankly, I think it should have been shouted from the rooftops...


*****"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for this brief lapse in service from Lee Ann. Technicians are working hard to bring the connections back in order and we hope to have her back working shortly. We thank you kindly for your patience! *ahem* IN OTHER WORDS SHE IS HAVING A SEVERE MANIC SWING WHICH OCCURS IN THE BIPOLAR DISORDER SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT YEARS AGO, OK?"


****As you can tell, the hurt I was feeling has led to that always faithful fellow, ANGER...that's another thing people need to understand --- the progression of emotions...1) when you get injured (emotionally, mentally or physically) you feel HURT FIRST...2) the second emotion after the pain of hurt is ANGER...hurt then anger...anger is not something that is created internally 98% of the time...


****Checking my hits...who the frick in Moose Jaw, SASK. is hitting my journal?? And, Moscow? Am I THAT interesting to read? GOOOD!! Now, pay for my college so I can finish my linguistics degree or better yet, recommend me to Oxford so I can go there for the full degree....lol...sometimes I just sit here and scratch my head...

***Spent a lot of time yesterday just trying to function with my annual sinuses and inner ear issues that pop up every October. My head feels like it is trapped in a net made of window screens with speakers blaring a buzzing noise that is continuous. Inner ear issues have affected me for years and I get so loopy from it. It makes me severely nauseated, as well. Between, the medications for the bipolar that I take and the inner ear vertigo, I tend to stay in a position close to somewhere that is acceptable for puking, should it get that bad. LOL
***I'm leaving for the condo until next Wednesday because, MJo will be going to Oklahoma at about 5AM tomorrow morning so, I need to run to the library this afternoon to get some reading material to keep my frustrated, little brain happy and entertained. The American Lit book is getting a workout so, I am planning on picking out my favorites and then absconding with those authors from the Countryside library for the week...Tristan wants movies so, I'll have him come along, too and pick some out for us. We are planning on getting his hair trimmed and then coloring it just a shade darker and then, he wants me to put his hair in little braids all over like Gaines used to wear his hair...this will take a majority of the week to complete considering Tristan has a LOT of hair...oh well, we'll have the time to play around and get it done.
***I want to share my latest in writing of poetry but, I am afraid that Live Journal will foul up the "lay out" of the poem if I post it....it's in the beginning stages so, be gentle with me...LOL...remember that I have it laid out a certain way and it may not come out that way once this is published but, here it goes:

*********************************************************************************************

I painted in black
Because
Tennessee Williams failed to
Entertain the boredom of my over active
mind in twisting
tornado of words and emotion
The black clung hesitantly on the
canvas of my life
and colored my tears of
soot and ash from
the inferno charring my
soul and love for you
Gone, it seems, for
the eternity I was promised.
Hydrangea balls hang about in
an attempt to cause me
to smile from the resemblance of
the color of the eyes
that cheat me and demand
Usury of the borrowed
moments, though precious few
I was allowed to have
Sweet cream butter fills my
nose for Scottish
Highland pots of tea
warm
Sitting on a Batten-burg doily
accompanied royally
Between the neurons that
Fail to fail where
they need to fail!
Memory bubbles race
in circles with
hippie flying hair blond and black
Young and old needing
One another and I
Both of them.


That's it for now...praying this thing publishes right so the damn poem makes sense...LOL...later days!!!

***I've been trying to pull things off of 3.5 floppies from the "days of old" with JT and the many bands I did photography for that JT was involved with over the years but, I have, also, discovered that it is causing a great deal of sadness and awe at how much we have been through and now his total rejection of even a friendship. I've been crying all morning and talking to mom about it and she suggested that I put away my archival work and leave it aloe for a while. Still, I have a bunch of SC that I think Leah would love to have (maybe not!! lol) and I am trying to archive those from them, as well. I love Leah; she tried so hard to maintain normalcy for her daughters while living in an abnormal relationship filled with her "beloved" working against her. Maybe, it's just the whole man/woman conflict that has plagued us all since the Garden of Eden, I don't know. Anyway, I had to put it all away just to steady my own sanity but, I have a helluva lost of images of JT, Men From Earth, Universal Baby, Atomic Karma (short lived name but, I have a CD with that name on it..lol) and of course, Basic Rock Outfit. He can run around and say we never were very close but, my archives of images prove otherwise. I should make this whole big assed web site of all these images of him and ask one question in huge letters..."Do you think I didn't know this man intimately?" It's just sad. Makes me even sadder than the whole experience looks from the outside.
***I talked to Blackie on Monday night...she said to me, "Lee Ann, he has always been a prick. He has always treated you like shit when you have been willing to lay down your life for him at any given second if needed. If he is foolish enough to throw away the kind of love you have offered him for close to 20 years now then, let him wallow in the misery that is headed his way. I believe in karma and, everything he has handed out to you in bad karma while you have been giving him nothing but good karma is going to land on his doorstep one day and he's going to be extremely confused by why bad shit is happening because, he still refuses to see what he has done to you." It made me feel a little better but, the hurt and the cuts are so, so deep in my soul. Then, yesterday I talked to Tish and well, I basically got the same story from her, albeit with a little more of a Biblical stance, as is normal for Tish. I don't know. I am so confused again and the hurt has come back full force. I saw a bubble gun yesterday while waiting on my doctor's appointment and I stood there and cried like a baby again. I can see him and Tristan laughing and shooting the bubbles out the car window in Orlando and I can see them laughing and having such a good time on the go-carts. Tristan with a smile a mile wide with joy in a grown man finally loving him; both of their hippie long hair flying in the wind as they sped around the race track which was all their own in the early morning hours just after a big breakfast and funny talk on bodily functions amid tourist from all over the world. One of my happiest memories. Seeing little Tristan so happy in JT's company and love. DAMNIT!!! What the hell happened????? I have a 20 year old now that is angry and hurt and disillusioned at ALL relationships because of the lost love from the man that he thought (and I thought) loved him all these years. It's just too much for my heart to lose Rob and now JT....I will never love anyone again...I'm empty and have no more to give. When, when, when will the pain stop? Will I ever have joy in this life? So far, there has been none....

I started thinking (again...I do it too much to my own disadvantage, I believe!) about how as humans we react to the death of one we know and/or love. Be it a friend or family member, it does not matter; we tend to gravitate to the side of ourselves that is most inwardly attentive. Just in my own post from yesterday, I could see it in myself quite clearly in how I reacted at the news of JN dying on Friday and, it all began with thinking of how JS must be feeling at this time. Suddenly, without even trying, I was wrapped up in my own past emotions on the death of my husband many years ago. I became angry at the person I love most now and, his total rejection of who I am personally and, how he used my weakness to his advantage during those dark days of overcoming Rob's death and, my hope being abandoned with his death. I talked with Mom on the lanai last night as we enjoyed the evening breeze and, stated how selfishness has taken this young, beautiful girl's death and used it to all of our own advantage. None of us have been physically damaged by this occurance, only JN who lost her life was physically harmed, but all of us are retreating and licking our wounds, past and present, like we were the ones harmed by it all. Honestly in my own beliefs, JN is much, much better off than all of us. She has been released from the constraints of time, a physical imperfect body (as beautiful as she was, that body was eventually going to give out anyway!), the horrors and injustice of this world and this life and, the agony of a body that deteriorates slowly and a death that comes on with suffering. JN is a peace now and we are left here to face all of those things. Maybe that's where the selfishness comes into play; I don't know. Still, JN has passed away into peace and she did so with a quick, albeit horrific and abrupt, ending. Out with a awe-inspiring finale.
***So, why do we revert to feeling sad and having these thoughts of remorse and anger and pain at her death? It is for ourselves that we grieve. We have lost something that meant a lot to us. Just like when I returned home from the hospital in June and found that my family had destroyed many of the things that I held dear to me. Yes, they were physical things- photos, shirts, jewelry and gifts and cards from this person that I still, to this day, love but, the person that has abandoned me. I had lost something else in their anger and pain to defend me from this person. So, I grieved the loss for myself. When Rob died, I grieved for myself; and when Frank died, MJo grieved for her own loss...we do it automatically because, as I mentioned earlier, death and loss causes us to retreat into ourselves in what our physical, fleshly, carnal bodies do automatically--feel pain for ourselves.
***Our bodies are naturally, "natural" (or carnal, selfish) because, that is the "original sin" of man...selfishness. Adam and Eve, (or original man and woman) gave into the "serpent" because they desired to have their Creator's power for themselves...selfishness...but, the "original sin" (I believe) was when Lucifer (the highest and most beautiful of all angels created) decided that he wanted God's power for himself...pride of himself caused this desire and then, he attempted to take his Creator's power for himself. Not possible but, he thought so in acting towards it. It was when orignal man (Adam and Eve) fell into the deceptive proddings of Lucifer to gain the power of the knowledge of good and evil that human life became selfish...we took on Lucifer's pride and it has infested human life ever since that time. We can't help being selfish because our genetic makeup goes back to the beginning of time (which we are still trapped in). I'm not going to give a detailed account of how we can escape this trap of our bodies and souls because, all of you know where I am leading and that is to The Cross and Jesus Christ - God Incarnate. Anyway, I have resolved the selfishness that arises from the death of loved ones in this way...just to accept the fact that we are carnal and natural and therefore, selfish and the only way around it all is to admit guilt in confession to God and rely on the hope of The Cross and the saving grace of the blood of Christ to overrule my own sin of selfishness...admit my selfishness to all who read my journal and leave it at that....we are all guilty of this sin no matter what situation arises...when we admit this original sin in ourselves, we are well on the way to where JN resides now...at peace, free from the restraints of time, free from physical and emotional pain and, free from loss herself. If we could only realize that truth and, hang onto the hope for ourselves, maybe we could feel joy for JN and for ourselves in the future.

***I learned through the grapevine (ie, my son, Tristan via a mypsace email from JT), that JS lost his finance' in a traffic accident Friday night while her father (who was driving) was attempting a left hand turn into Ruth Eckerd Hall and some kid ran the red light and obviously broad sided them. I hated to hear this news for JS....but, attempts to send support and to let him know that we are here for him for anything he needs seems to be going ignored by the one we are sending these messages if support through to him (JT). Honestly, if JT thinks it is appropriate to continue to hold grudges, even in a time of loss and devastation to his friend (JS), then that's a pretty sad statement on his character and ability to feel empathy. JS will need people in the next few weeks and months to help him even with the stupid things, like doing laundry, cleaning the house, running stupid errands that we all detest and simple things we do daily that tax our well being. This is not a time when people will even understand in JS's life and heart...I know, I went through it 15+ years ago when Rob died. I was sitting here thinking yesterday morning about JS and, what he is feeling right now. All those emotions and feelings that coursed through my mind, heart and soul when Rob was killed in the same way (traffic accident-died instantly) and the shock and horror of it all came rushing back to me and I suppose those were feelings of empathy for JS but, then I had the thought that maybe this was selfishness on my part. Suddenly, I was having a pity party for myself and, what I lost in my husband and the father of my children (who desperately needed a father all these years). It was JT that scolded me and made me feel shame and guilt when I told him of Rob's death and, how I dealt with the Preston and Tristan concerning Rob's memory to them. He told me that I should not be telling them the bad things about their father but, to create a good memory for them with kind words about Rob. Frankly, as a parent, I feel that I needed to be honest with them about our marriage, the abuse and the final breaking up of our little family because of Rob's inability to understand love, marriage and family. Anyway, Preston was old enough to remember the abuse he went through and to tell him that his father was this great and awesome guy would be an obvious lie to him....he knew better because, he experienced it. I am not saying here that I did not love Rob...that's ludicrous...I loved him more than anything and, like I have been trying to relate to JS, when that person dies, you feel like you have had half your soul ripped away from you. As for Rob, for anyone, and I mean ANYONE, to pass judgment on me and how I deal with my children is wrong. Preston and Tristan know how much I loved their father; they know that it was NOT my decision to leave the marriage; they know that I was forced from the marriage by order of the State of Texas with the threat that if I did NOT leave the marriage, my sons would be taken into protective custody and into foster care. I could not allow my sons to have that happen to them. I had to leave and take them out of the abuse. I left with a laundry basket full of clothes, Tristan barefoot and with no bottles or formula, and half a tank of gas...that's it. That was all I had when I had to get out. Fortunately, the doctor that reported the abuse to the State was a member of the Mormon Church we attended at that time and, the Church stepped in to take care of us by providing an apartment and some furniture and food. If they had not, we would have been living on the street with no money (I lost my job because of it all) and nowhere to live or food to eat. I am thankful to the Mormon Church for that support in my life and will (as JT loves to say) "go to my grave" thankful for that help and love. When Rob died a few months later it nearly sent me over the edge. I did not love Rob for his past; I tried to look past his life as he was growing up and see the man on the inside that I knew he could be if taught the right way to live.

***Why am I so critical to his childhood and teen age years?, you may be asking...Rob was born to a 12 year old girl that had been impregnated by a 42 year old man...pedophilia to the max. When he was born, he was taken into a Los Angeles whore house where his grandmother was a madame. Then, when the 42 year old father, WALKED OUT on his wife and daughter, he married the 12 year old mother of Rob and they had another daughter by the time his mother was 15 years old. When his sister was a baby, Rob's father had two massive coronaries, the second killed him while his mother stood and watched holding the nitroglycerine in her hand that could have saved his life. ONE MONTH after Rob's father died, his 15 year old mother married another 35-something year old man who, sexually and physically abused him in conjunction with his mother, who considered it OK to sexually abuse her son until age 16 by forcing enema's on him while laying across his mother's lap. This is not taking into consideration that they (his mother and step-father) encouraged Rob in sexual relations with his own flesh and blood sister. Other instances of abuse in Rob's life included, having the skin of his knuckles shaved off with a power saw; being locked in a closet for days on end while being fed only cayenne pepper and regular beatings. Trust me, I knew it all by the time we were married. I overlooked his cheating on me with other women because, I took into consideration the life he had in his youth and his total ignorance to "normal family life" and the commitment made in the marriage vows. I overlooked the physical and mental abuse he handed out to me from his own inner pain and frustration of how he was raised. I could not overlook the abuse to our children...they were babies...they were being hurt. It was NOT because of "no love" that I had to leave him....IT WAS NOT...Rob died at 29 years old in the company of his 13 year old girlfriend...following his father's footsteps in pedophilia. Does this make me a nasty woman and a bad mother because of these things? I don't think so...I loved my husband despite his mental awkwardness and lack of normalcy in his life before I met him. I still love him desperately and wanted more than anything for us to have a lifetime of joy and love in our family...it all died and was washed away when that truck came barreling down Central Expressway in Dallas on February 9th, 1992. All hope of my lifetime dream of being a loving wife and mother went flying 200 yards down that freeway in the death of my husband. DON'T YOU SIT THERE AND FEEL YOU HAVE THE RIGHTS TO JUDGE ME IN MY DECISIONS FOR THE WELFARE OF MY CHILDREN!!

***These were the things that came rushing at me yesterday when I heard the news...I want to let JS know that I do understand the pain and that I want to be there for him if he needs anything in this time in his life...I've been there and know full well the feelings of emptiness and loneliness in the time of the death of your most loved. But, because of my mistakes in a time when I was seriously sick with the worst bipolar collapse in my entire life, JT denies me the opportunity to be there for another friend simply by not passing my messages onto JS. For something that has NOTHING to do with JS's loss, JT continues to hold me accountable for things I could not help even if I wanted to do so. In my opinion, that's just sad and a pretty good example of the character of JT this time, not of my own character. Forgiveness is not in JT's Handbook of Life.

*** I’ve finally managed to get a day at home with no running around on errands and appointments. I have to be up early in the morning as, there is a sale from a shop down on 8th Avenue North of ceramic and clay molds for $1.00 each and I WANT some of those molds!! Got a little creative on finding some curtains for the house that are easily cleaned (because of allergies and pet hair all over the place!). I decided to try to construct some curtains out of a vinyl table cloth so they would be easier to clean simply with a sponge and some concentrated Lysol disinfectant. I have been told in the past by allergy and ENT doctors, to sew some curtains out of shower curtains (also, plastic and easily sponged down to remove dust and dirt) but, I didn’t care to have a bathroom design in my bedroom so, I went over and looked at the table cloths and found a lovely hydrangea pattern that matches the “shabby chic” look I have been building in my room and it looks wonderful!! After cutting the table cloth down, I found I have enough left over to create sort of a valance on each window, as well….so, that is one thing I will work on today.
*** Tristan just called and said he thinks he broke his foot in the Whattaburger (sp???) parking lot last night so, I may end up taking him to the emergency room once he gets over here. I need to look at it and decide if he needs to go but, he is walking on it a little and I don’t think it’s broken (maybe sprained) if he can out any weight on it at all.
*** Back to the plans…Once I get the curtain situation taken care of then, I need to do some serious cleaning and organizing around here. I have been working a lot of preserving most of the magazines that I have written for by scanning the stories and putting them on CDs and then, vacuum sealing the magazines with the Food Sealer we usually use to freeze food in. I wanted something air tight to avoid the deterioration of the newsprint and considered zip lock bags but, I remembered the Food Sealer and decided to use that instead. It worked out great because all of the magazines fit in the larger bags and I can select how long they need to be for the various sizes of the publications. I have scads of publicity and press releases I worked on for Brother Cane and Collective Soul with Susan Crane agency and Levine Schneider out in Los Angeles and then, I haven’t even begun to work on the Trixter things that I did with Chip. The amount of papers and correspondence alone will be a huge bag on all of Chip’s artists that I have helped him with “back in the day.” Then, there are the personal letters to me from the band’s, as well as, letters from their management firms and of course, the personal things from the band’s families, especially from Mary Childress, Ross’ mom. I am keeping all these things for “historical” purposes for the boys so, they can prove to others of my work when I am dead and gone…lol…the negatives from all the photos of concerts and hanging out with the bands alone will be worth quite a bit for them when they are older. Anyway, all the filing and organizing has been set aside for a couple of days while we do a deep cleaning of the house before the holidays and cold weather sets in in the next few months. We need to give the dogs a good bath, as well…Chuja is white and every little speck of dust shows up as a huge dirty spot on him and he’s (somehow) gotten ketchup or tomato sauce all in his coat. He needs a bath, badly, in other words.
*** Tristan just arrived….foot is not broken but, he does have some ugly cuts on the sole of his foot and a bruise to his instep. I’m putting him on the sofa with his foot raised on the recliner…should be better by at least tomorrow….
*** Not much else…just keeping myself busy cleaning, constructing, and reading up for school in January…once again, I cannot wait to get back into school…I may get a small apartment near the campus if we can, at all, afford it….driving back and forth to Tampa is going to be a serious hassle so, it’s worth a thought….have a great weekend to all those I love and care for (again) and as I said before…you know who you are….love you lots and lots…