Is that rather than not watch them I can instead boycott them. It has the same effect ("Simon doesn't watch the rather dull sporting event") but make it look like I am a caring person and all that.

While I sit in my house full of stuff that was made in Chinese sweat shops watching a DVD on my DVD player and TV made in..... you get the idea.

As I do I was listening to Radio 4 last night and they were discussing the works of Olivier Messiaen during which the mentioned one of his symphonies Turangalîla-Symphonie.

I may have broke out laughing at this point. Score one for Matt Groening.

Do want.... it's like a Telsa but with faster charging batteries and made in the UK. I'm all in favour of the build an electric sports car plan, it's historically viable. Of course I would love to upgrade my Smart to a Smart EV, whenever that happens. Currently I figure it's costing 10-11p a mile for the car, not including the payments and insurance and stuff.

It had to be done. (Note to marrog, this is not revenge I promise.

I thought I'd posted that.... Hmmm. Well here it is now.

On another matter here is a good reason not to use Front Page. Chortle.

Which do you think sounds better?

• Unobtanium
• Handwavium
• Technobabblium
• McCoyvium

Think big. I make web applications, if someone had asked me when I was a kid "What do you want to be when you grow up" I wouldn't have said that. Not because I don't enjoy it, I do it's a great creative job that I love doing, but because it didn't exist when I was a kid.

Who knows what's going to be possible when my nieces and nephew 'grow up' (I've never been a fan of that phrase either, it implies finality, I think only by continuing to learn can you excel).

Today I shall mostly be trying to wrap my head around XS and make and other such fun stuff. The last time I did such things was... oh 15 odd years ago and I'm a bit rusty. Because of this I will be waiting on compiles and such fun stuff.

I hope things are going well with you guys.

Brothers and sisters I have seen the light. I have had the truth revealed to me and now I shall show you the way. Last night I had a vision, an angel of the lord came to me.

There I was lying in bed when I heard swearing from my from the front room. In trepidation, afraid it might be a burglar who would sue me if I was rude to him I grabbed my dressing gown and peeked my had round the door. Imagine my surprise when I saw George Carlin! He was holding up one of my shoes and cursing it. Then he looked up at me.

"Are you going to turn on the light kid? And seriously who leaves their shoes in the middle of the floor."

I turned on the light and stood there in shock and awe, he looked round wandered over to my drink cabinet and poured himself a glass of whisky. Then he sat down on the sofa and looked at me.

"What you gawping at kid? You seen a ghost of something?"

I found my voice and replied.

"Well yes actually, I thought you were dead." He grinned and took a sip of scotch.

"I am. Brace your self kiddo it gets worse." What could be worse than a dead man in my lounge I thought. "Turns out there is a God and it's got a job for you." Well yeah, that would do it. I sat on a chair looking at a dead comedian drink my whisky and felt my world collapse.

"Look kid, God is a bit pissed, apparently it's all part of being an omniversal hyper consciousness that's comprised of the interconnectedness of all things or something. I dunno, Bill tried to explain it to me before I cam down but I think he was stoned. Anyway it's tried to.."

"It?" I interrupted.

"Sure, you weren't expecting God to be a big beard in the sky were you? Even I knew that was bullshit when I was alive, and let me tell you I've learnt some weird shit since then. Anyway shut up and listen." I shut up and listened "Look, it doesn't have much time to deal with the mud ball. Heck I'm only doing this 'cause I thought it would really piss of the fundamentalists. It tried to get the message across a few times and then gave up on us. Anyway it thought it was worth another try. So here's the deal." He leaned forward.

"Stupid people are fuckwits." He leaned back.

"That's it? That's the whole religious revelation?"

"Yup. People who think they know the truth and aren't willing to learn new things are stupid. Mock them. It's fine, God says so. If you meet someone who is completely assured that they are right and they cannot be wrong. Especially if they think it's because God told them this then you can ignore them and their idiocy. It's that simple. Stupid people are fuckwits, mock them. Of course there is a catch."

I sat for a moment watching his face as he drank my whisky. My brain rushing his words through my mind. Then it dawned on me.

"In the end we are all stupid. About something."

"Yup." He grinned. "You're all fuckwits, but some of you try and make it better. Good luck kid." And then he, and my whisky, were gone.

So there you have it, I'm officially starting the "Church of the Revealed Fuckwit." I'll work out were our first service is as soon as I can be bothered. Sign up and you too can insult anyone you like and get away with it, because it's you deeply held religious belief, passed down from God too me via George Carlin, that we are all fuckwits. Would I lie to you?

Please note this is the second revision of the divine revelation as it was pointed out to me that only fuckwits call it Scotch.

Tell it like it is.

Do try thinking.

Listen to John Lennox and Richard Dawkins having a discussion. Very, very interesting.

Do you walk down the street waving your wallet full of notes in the air shouting 'Ooo look at my lovely wallet'? Drink from puddles? Shout your pin out while typing it into the cash machine? And then stick the money in your back pocket, but only half way so it's dangling out?

Do you use Internet Explorer 6?

Why do we keep asking for perfection? Why do we think that everything else in society should work perfectly despite the fact that it is made up of fallible imperfect people just like us? And why when it all goes tits up do we cry to the government to fix it?

It almost like we've not grown up. A big part of growing up is to realise that life isn't fair, sometimes shit happens and mummy can't always kiss it better. I think that as a culture we try so hard to hide this simple truth, we try to create perfection and get angry when we fail because we don't want to grow up.

I need more coffee.

I just deleted my Twitter account. Mainly because the IM client (which was my main method of using it) has been resolutely crap for a while, every once in a while I'd get messages from it but it didn't want to talk to me. So bye bye twitter, nice knowing you.

Totally unproductive weekend, as usual.

I find series of pictures of an elephant painting deeply moving. The thought that we might wipe these creatures out when we could be helping them to evolve saddens me.

Jar Jar, you're a genius.... I feel kind of dirty now.

If you don't read Darths and Droids then boy are you in for a treat.

Edit The BBC do a evil thing where if a story changes they don't acutally make it a new story just change the old one. So in this case the below link now tells you the good news that the MP's rejected the whole give our selves 4.4% payrises thing. Good for them.

Now I would write to my MP about this. But as I did yesterday to apologise for my previous emails I thought I'd let him rest (until Saturday when he's got a surgery that is) and he's not going to be at the debate anyway. But how does your MP feel about the idea for getting an above inflation pay rise? Because they might be having problems with their £60K and expenses, especially as they are apparently going to have to provide proof of expenses and such.

See, personally I think this would be a wonderful chance for them to practice what they preach, suck up a teeny tiny pay rise (or even none, £60K is really quite a lot of money) to try and make it easy for everyone else in the country to accept the below inflation pay rises they want us to take in order to fix the terrible cock up their good friends in the financial sector have created by lending money to everyone in sight...

But that's just me.

The British Government. Having a clue? Did I drop through into an alternate dimension or something?

Firstly, Lolz, it's full of lolz. Which reminds me of a little skit I thought up in the bath.

The office of the Mayor of the unfortunately named Doomsville, the Mayor sits looking at a stack of Police reports. He wipes his fevered brow and looks up as an impressive figure in a leotard and cape sweeps in.

Who the hell are you and how did you get in here? I'm busy trying to work out how to deal with 5 street gangs and some chap who calls himself Dr Revengo!

I am..... Superior Man. My card.

The, quite impressive man hands over a small white card to the slightly bemused but hopeful Mayor.

More powerful then Locomotive? Shouldn't that be 'A' locomotive?

Oh on. Locomotive's my Cat. I'm much stronger than him.

The Mayor is now more bemused and less hopeful.

And.... do you have any other pets?

Oh yes. A tortoise.

He wouldn't be called Bullet would he?

Why yes! Do you have mind reading powers Mr Mayor?

No, just a lucky guess. And what's this 'Able to leap'? Just leap? What kind of half assed power is that? Anyone can leap!

Oh no. That's because I ran out of space on the card.

Oh.

The rest is on the back.

Right, sorry, lets see this. 'really rather high'?

Oh yes. Watch.

Lovely. Yes. My my, that is rather high isn't it? Good good. Now get the f**k out of my office.

Anyway have fun folks.

For those of you who may be confused.

I do believe that stoning people to death is different to eating spare ribs.

I believe that the new legislation to reduce age discrimination is a good thing, I also think that companies publishing the gap between the wages of their men and women is a good thing. I think that if two people are at the same company, doing the same job with the same level of skill and have done it for the same length of time then they should be paid the same amount.

I believe the phrase 'All men are created equal' (and we'll ignore the use of men to mean people, that's just English) is incorrect. All people are not created equal, this is patently untrue. But all people should have equal opportunities and as a society we should try and ensure that everyone gets a decent baseline to build their life on. Food, shelter, healthcare and education should be available. But if you choose to squander your opportunities then that's your choice.

I think that revenge is really never a good motivation because where do you draw the line? As soon has you do something shitty to someone in revenge for something they did to you (or even worse something someone like them did to someone like you) then they get to do it right back at you.

I'm a hopeless idealist who tries to look on the bright side of life and see the good in people. Even those people who go out of their way to make life complicated and generally shitty. This is not always easy.

I think, having been working with computers for some time, the more complex a system the more likely it is to go horribly, horribly wrong. Often in ways that are not always apparent and never in ways the designers intended.

I do not believe there is a God. I do not find any need for one. I do not believe prayer helps except to make the person praying feel that they are doing something without having to do anything.

I don't care if you believe any of this. I think that forcing people to think the same way as you is evil, so feel free to disagree with me. Just don't get upset if I don't change my mind.

I am willing to change my mind though and find people who can't annoying and generally tedious.

Believing that tomorrow is going to be just like today and yesterday (in general) is what got the Roman Empire where is is today.

Have fun.

It's nice to see that the government has decided to bring into the law the ongoing demonisation of white men (young white men of course, once you retire you are more likely to vote and thus are A'OK). But as we know it's wrong to discriminate against someone because they don't have a willy, or because their willy isn't white, or because they like to stick their willy in other men, or because they think god has told it's not right to stick your willy in other men (note that to think it's not right to do such sticking is wrong unless it's because an invisible person told you it was OK)... where was I?

Oh yes so no willy, coloured willy, choices of willy usage or wrinkly willy are all bad things to discriminate against people. But if you happen to own a white non wrinkly willy then obviously you are either A) a knife wielding hoodie wearing drunken psychopath or B) a pedophile. And thus you should be reviled and generally looked down upon. Of course there is a thrid group of white willy owners who aren't in either group but they are too busy working or writing irrate sarcastic blog posts to do anything about the situation.