Feels like all I've been doing lately is sleeping. Well, and going to class. Then coming back and taking a nap before going back to class. -_- (which doesn't leave much time for homework. Which is not good at all.) I just feel horribly drained...I'm hoping it's a time-of-the-month thing, because I'll never get anything done if I have to get 10 hours or more a day of sleep to function.

At least I've been doing well on classwork and tests, I'm just so unorganized and I feel like I haven't gotten a second to sit down and think. Plus everyone seems to IM me all at once now. XD It's not that I don't appreciate the attention, it's just a little overwhelming sometimes. I've made so many new friends and now I'm catching up with my old ones as well.

Need to go shopping. I know, what. Well, it's finally getting chilly here, and I've discovered that I go through every pair of pants in about a week somehow. Which means either I have to do laundry once a week instead of every two, which is a pain, or I need to go buy more pants. I figure I'll just get everything over with: pants, binders and folders for my papers, fabric for my AAC costume. (I'm going to do Yashiro from TWEWY. Save your surprise until I actually pull it off.) I'm debating whether to get that Graphire I've been eyeing, and also whether to ask the parents to send me the crappy old webcam and mic from home or get new ones. (because I can finally use Skype again. x.x)

I have reviews to finish for Zeff...and an email to write to someone I've owed it to for a long time now.


sekai wa shiro ka kuro,　heiwa ka arasoi
heads or tails, you and I, light and dark, ups and downs
sono mannaka de boku-tachi wa　itsuka　
deai　te o tsunagu darou ka?

I can't believe I have to clean up/organize my desk already...I'm such a spaz. Papers everywhere. Of course I brought no folders or binders for schoolwork. GAH.

Beat World Ends With You the other day. It was quite a ride. Though I didn't entirely understand the ending...did I miss something, or is it clarified by the secret reports?? (I'm working my way through the extra content slowly) Also, everyone seems to love Joshua. Personally...I don't like him that much. Shiki is adorable tho <3 and Beat and Rhyme. I appreciate Joshua's role in the story but as a person he kinda pisses me off. XD; He and Kaworu from EVA should go have a party together.

Kariya/Yashiro--"you owe me a bowl of Ramen"-shipping. XD

I fucking love my Lightning Rook pin, it's the best thing ever.


Hmmm, also. Tales of Vesperia. We really need to start listing all the epically lulzy moments in this game...it's too fantastic. (one of them being the title of this entry.) The only ones I can think of off the top of my head are that old guy in the inn telling Yuri to cut his hair because he looked like a girl, making Karol crossdress, (Estelle's sexy outfit scene was pretty funny too....Judith's was just WEIRD) Judith in general, the ghost ship, everyone in the game wanting in Yuri's pants (except Rita who wants in Estelle's pants, if she even wears any.) SephirothDuke being GAR (it's the girly face+deep voice XDDD) the board at the Coliseum with the listing of ToA characters ("Asch: Always looks angry.") CUMORE OH GOD MY EYES Raven's middle-age crisis at 35, and....man. The list just goes on. XD

yeah, if you have a 360 GET THIS GAME DAMMIT.

I wanna cosplay. T_T


Argh must finish CompSci reading so I can sleep tonight.

I still need a topic for my stupid media essay....

Whoever pulled the fire alarm at 2 am is so dead.


I was in the shower.

Have discovered the local anime store, and had to exercise extreme self-restraint not to spend all my savings all at once. I got the next volumes of Trinity Blood and Trigun Maximum. Their figurine selection is amazing--they had the 4" or so collectible Tales figurines, but unfortunately all they had in stock were the Phantasia ones. I totally would have bought the display ones (Colette and Luke) but they wouldn't let me, since they should be getting more of them in next shipment. :/ Ah well.

Got my hands on The World Ends With You. <3 God, I can see why this game is so addictive. Starting to get the hang of combat, too. It's especially easier with more pin slots. (skldsldakldas and by the way people had better start making buttons because man, next con I go to I want to see them in the artist's alley. and buy them. Lots of them.)

Also got Star Ocean 3 used, but I won't have the time for it for a while.

Classes are okay so far, I only have one textbook, thankfully, and I don't need to carry it around. Got some HW this weekend so I'm going to try to finish it off tomorrow morning, so we can have some Tales game time. We're pretty much set for this year gamewise--started 4-player Symphonia and Vesperia files, and Tim is bringing his copy of Abyss back after Thanksgiving break.

The campus store has a Graphire 6x8 for $189...*wriggles fingers*


FYI, my mailing address here is

3478, Nathaniel Rochester Hall
Rochester Institute of Technology
Rochester, NY
14623


(p.s. I'm sorry, Ion, but Sharazhad/Esther is my new OTP.)

-having classes (namely PROGRAMMING AND FRESHMAN SEMINAR) at 8am sucks.
-MyCourses has such an awful layout and is impossible to find anything on, and yet all my teachers except for Multimedia seem to rely a little too heavily on it.
-Physics teacher is incapable of explaining things in a comprehensible manner; luckily I've done this stuff before. :|
-Had my Freshman Year Enrichment at the same time as an event for scholarships for girls in the computing programs, so I had to miss that. The "teacher" assigned us homework that was due midnight of the day he assigned it in the morning. Next class isn't until next week. What? (suffice to say my course schedule hadn't updated so I couldn't access the page, so I basically missed my first HW assignment. Hopefully he won't be a jerk about it if I explain.)
-Guys hitting on me. And trying to friend me on FB. IF I DON'T KNOW YOU DON'T BOTHER. Ugh.



+Only one of my classes requires a textbook.
+I'm getting college credit for watching/writing essays on anime (Visual Arts! <3)
+TALES OF VESPERIA FUCK YEAH
+also INFINITE UNDISCOVERY FUCK YEAH (Tim has a 360 and a TV and my taste in games, w00t)
+ToS is always better with four people.
+I only have on class on Friday, in the morning, which gives me the rest of the day and the whole weekend off <3
+laundry is far more fun as a group activity
+the food kinda sucks but the pie is good.



Wish I could think of more +'s...I'm actually pretty happy, just tired. And a bit frustrated over the whole "keep track of your assignments" website setup, but hopefully I'll figure it out. It's only the first week. I'm going to try to put off video games for the next day or so (including Phantom Hourglass) and concentrate on organizing myself. (and getting more than 7 hours of sleep, which is apparently not sufficient.)

( on Tales of Vesperia )


( On guys, unfortunately. )

Hmn gotta run to Freshman Seminar. Whyyyyy. I think I'll take a nap this afternoon.

Finally found a computer lab with a scanner, in fact scanners so nice I didn't have time to get rid of all the dirt and smudges yet. >.> One of my new friends (of course his name escapes me) said he could get me Photoshop CS2, though. Whee. Doesn't solve the tablet problem, but it'll tide me over.

Classes tomorrow. Which means I should go to bed very soon since I have to get up at 7.

(yeah, we have class on Labor Day. Joy.)

Need to rearrange my schedule, too...it seems like everyone else has more classes than me--I've got six but that includes my Freshman Seminar, etc, so technically I have only 4. Also, Introduction to Ethics is four hours on Saturday so I'm going to try to change it for another Liberal Arts class, because two days off in a row would be kinda NICE. >.>

Still need to get out of Algebra + Trig, too. Apparently they didn't get my Precalc transcript.

Club fair was today, I signed up for Anime and Electronic Gaming, as well as KENDO <333 Woot. And the GSA I think...I got a rainbow pin from them, haha.

Been playing Tales of Symphonia with some of the guys I've met XD There are about 10 girls in my major. (game design and development) The whole campus is about a 70/30 male-female ratio. 's not so bad, but all the attention might get annoying.

Oh yeah--I have red hair now. XD

*waves from upstate NY*

There's no air conditioning in my dorm and it kind of sucks. Oh well. *stands in front of the fan*

So...yeah. Things have been...crazier than usual, I guess? (*dehydration headache*--lugging all my crap up three flights of stairs in hot humid weather=not fun.) I got into school, obviously, and here I am...a little exhausted and stunned, I guess. My roommate's pretty nice, too, I think we'll get along. (her major is photojournalism and she plays guitar?)

Downsides are no scanner and my tablet is still not working, so I can't post art. I'll remedy it somehow...RIT is a technical school after all, there are tons of people bound to be geekier than I am that can help. :x

Brought my sewing machine and there's a huge JoAnn's nearby which made me jump up and down a little in happiness XD There's a massive shopping centre with a Best Buy, Target etc, and tons of bookstores, so I don't think I'll be lacking in the materialism dept. XD Otherwise I expect things to be a bit awkward for a while (this week is orientation) but I spotted two people today, one wearing and Org. XIII shirt and the other a Twilight Princess shirt, and thought "oh good, already a conversation starter." I'll find people I can talk to eventually...I always do.

I miss everyone, tho...:/ this summer was...not very satisfactory at all. I really didn't accomplish anything, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I hardly got to see anyone and I feel like I gave off the "I'm not really busy I'm just avoiding people" vibe. >.< I'm hoping more structure in my life will help me focus again...I've been trying to organize myself online (got a solidified DA account, pyjamaTerra--I'm tired of managing two just because I'm afraid some of my watchers are homophobes or something) and packing all my stuff, having to prioritize what to bring helped with that irl too. Sadly I had to leave Alice (my Japanese PS2) at home because she's huge and I don't have any import games I really like to play yet....(want KH+II FM so badlyyyy) but my roommate brought a TV and I'm going to ask her if I can borrow it sometime to get my FF7 fix when I'm not busy. I'm kind of HOPING to be busy, though. After a year at home I'm kind of ready for something of a social life. XD

Also got a new DS finally (crimson Lite) and I found Phantom Hourglass so I stared a new game :> God I love that game it's so freaking adorable.

PSP is still lost/stolen idk. I still get longings for Crisis Core every now and then, so once I get a job here maybe I'll go get a used PSP or something...I want the Japanese ver. tho...the English voice acting just doesn't cut it for me x.x It's passable but eh. It kind of ruins cutscenes when I cringe at every other line. (people complaining about Gackt's overacting--that's the POINT. Genesis is the drama queen of drama queens. XD In English he's just...boring.)

My goals for this year are to uh...do homework and go to class. Yep.

Also learn how to play Guitar Hero and Halo.

Jesus CHRIST.


(just thought I'd say, I love you, man.)


Yeah uh. So here goes.


I was scheduled to work at 3pm today. Realized too late that my mom had set up a driver's lesson for me from 3 to 5. Called in and said I'd be late. Forgot to bring a check so the instructor was grumpy and annoyed at me from the start. She drove me home to get it.

THEN I got behind the wheel, and the real fun started.

She asked me how much I drove. I said a bit, with my parents, so she said she'd start out as if I were a new driver. Gave me a lecture. Keep your heel on the floor and only push the pedals with your toe. Keep your hands loose on the wheel so she can grab it if she needs to. Don't drop your hands below halfway. Don't cross your hands. Etc. Then what does she say? That since I'm in a clearly labeled Student Driver car, people are going to go out of their way to harass me. Thanks, lady. Then asks me to start.

I freeze up for a sec because it's a car, not our van, and I don't recognize where everything is. I panic and think it's a standard and not an automatic at first, even though common sense tells me otherwise. She gets exasperated, making me even more nervous, and points out the shift stick to me. I am also confused because the engine sounds different, and the parking brake isn't on, which I always do when I park, even if it's only for a few minutes and the car is still running.

I start driving. Hit the first corner and she immediately bitches at me for making too wide a turn, I try to correct myself and she snaps and grabs the wheel, saying I'm going to hit a parked car. I hit the breaks and take a second to calm down as she lectures me again. Then continue.

She tells me I need to stay at under 25 mph, slow down as soon as I see brake lights in front of me, stop far before the light or sign. Common sense, yeah, but she snaps every time I make a little mistake, and I'm already gripping the wheel nervously. I feel terrible for the girl in the backseat, observing me. Wonder if she fears for her life.

She tells me to put on my turn signal instead of actually saying "turn right" or "left". I'm having a hard time concentrating through my nervous thoughts, keeping a steady hand on the wheel and watching all three mirrors. She tells me to turn around and look before making a lane change, but I'm trying too hard to focus to be able to take my eyes off of what's in front of me. I stop in the middle of the lane at the light as she bitches at me over my mistake instead of telling me what to do next. By this time I'm basically in tears, but she either doesn't notice or doesn't care. We continue with much of the same (she hates every turn I make) and she directs me where? INTO BOSTON. DURING RUSH HOUR. Here I am trying to focus on my speed and braking exactly the way she wants me to, and she throws me at traffic, pedestrians, crazy drivers. Someone pulls out from a parking space into a two-lane street and I move to avoid them; she rants at me for not checking behind me when I barely have the peace of mind to react to what's in front of me. Tells me I'm going to crash and kill everyone, including the poor girl in the back seat. How I'm going to wreck her car and she'll be out of a job. She criticizes how I use the gas too much and then bitches at me for not speeding up fast enough. And so it goes.

May I point out that I get even worse at making snap decisions when I'm unconfident and upset?

Eventually it's over and I've been trying very hard not to cry for the past two hours. We pick up the next student and she bitches at him maybe half as much, but he's had more experience and seems a lot more confident. He drives us back to where I left my bike. By this time I'm half an hour later than I said I would be. I get to work and they're RELIEVED to see me. Apparently they thought I was dead or something, since no one passed along the message that I was coming in late, and they hadn't been able to reach me, and my away message said I was at work. They had already called someone in to cover for me, and my supervisor Alex was so enraged at my story about my lesson that he threatened to call the driving school and complain. o_o (I love that man) So they sent me home, and here I am. Still pretty stressed. I think I'll go eat something and try to unwind.

I've got two more lessons, tomorrow and Thursday, and GOD, I really don't want to go...

Iz-kun attempts to cook Teriyaki Noodle Stir-fry

Cooking failed.


...This is why I should never be allowed in the kitchen T_T

Eh. Everything in the fridge is frozen...I adjusted the temp. setting but the broccoli and tofu were frozen, maybe I shouldn't have used them...even with garlic and sauce they don't taste so great.

At least the noodles are good, and I have edamame *_*

(*in Japanese food withdrawl*)

Hng I just had to clean up the entire kitchen, my brother left dishes everywhere. I'm going to nag him to take out the trash for that. At least he fed the poor rabbit while I was away this weekend. Without my parents things are...interesting...I tried to clean out my closet, but I got bored halfway through, so my room is a mess. XD; And I need to organize my cosplay stuff downstairs.

My tablet is still not working and the lack of ability to do digital art is driving me a bit crazy. >.<

( Connecticon report )

Back from Connecticon and aughhh I spent money even tho I tried not to >.< It was inevitable...but I had fun, so I guess it was worth it?? It was great to see everyone again, and it was really a comfortable size...an actual convention center instead of a hotel and all (AND NO REGISTRATION LINE *_*)

Forgot my camera tho, so I guess I'll link other peoples pictures later...

Note to self: CALL JOE TOMORROW MORNING and remind him to bring me that PS1 memory card.

Will be starting FF7 for the 5th time or something because my only memory card went mysteriously missing, like my cellphone charger, camera cord and PSP.

I am a master of misplacing things.

Tablet still not working, as I whined about on my DA. I want a Wacom. T_T

Will see people at Connecticon this weekend.

I got a new computer, finally. Old one was ancient (not actually that bad) but got fried out. Brother still needs to get jumper cable so we can recover the data from my old harddrive.

He helped me pick this one out since I needed something with a nice graphics card and processing power to draw and render with. It's actually built for WoW players XDDDD it's really awesome and has a blue light on the inside and a transparent panel, ahah. Now I'm going to have to learn more about computers, apparently, and according to him, bring a baseball bat to beat off the nerd boys or something. Since apparently a box this nice is a status symbol. (it only cost me $700!?)

Will probably get a cheap laptop when I go off to school, which, by the way, I AM doing next year <3333 Just not sure WHERE yet, I got into RiT, waiting to hear on DigiPen before I decide. There are pros and cons for both but DigiPen is my first choice (and cheaper).

Also MapleStory so now I'm playing with Sora and Cloe ^^ And Aki is saving up for a computer of her own so she can play with us too.

Connecticon in a week!

Back. Have been since Sunday evening but I've been exhausted. Getting up at 6:30am for math class doesn't help. At least my final is tomorrow and then I'm done. Gotta cram some studying in before work tonight tho.


PortCon was pretty awesome despite some of the downsides.

( Con report~ )

Pics are here.

So uh, my computer is fried. My dad tried to explain what happened but what I got out of it was that my harddrive is fine, and the data can be recovered, the computer is just broken. It was at least 5 years old anyway, so it's all right. We're looking into a new one that'll get me through school, probably two--a desktop to handle my art and a cheap laptop I can carry around.

I probably won't be online much, since I'm preparing for Portcon next weekend, and when I do get access to my mom's computer I need it to finish up my freaking college apps.

Beh. Things are okay, I guess. I've got a lot of loose ends to tie up. Thankfully I won't be PMSing at the con. Yay for timing.


In other news, I FINALLY BEAT ODIN SPHERE. After what, a year. More.

It was pretty awesome. So I guess it was worth it.


...I want to cosplay Oswald.

I really need to stop putting things off. UGH.

What does it take to get OUT OF HERE, seriously.


*sigh* Well. My new boots. They're pretty awesome. Maybe I'll take some pictures.

PortCon in two weeks. <3

Also, after I get back from that, I'll be pretty much free for the rest of the summer, besides work. Speaking of which, I got a coupon for Six Flags that lets up to 8 people pay the kids price, which is something like $30. So it would be pretty awesome if people felt up to a Six Flags trip sometime. Possibly in cosplay. :x Since I've only been to one amusement park in my life and all.


I miss people.

Um, and. Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I've been in kind of a strange mood lately--despite the amount of time I spend online I can't seem to reply to comments in an organized/timely fashion. x.x

Happy birthday to meeeeeeee


I don't feel 19. Then again the only birthday where I really felt my age was 17, I think.

17 was a nice number.

My mom's buying me a pair of black combat boots tomorrow <3


Things are looking up for next year. Can we say 90% chance of going to school in the fall for the win.


( some more doujinshi rambling. a bit of ranting about hentai x.x )

Freakin' IRS. Apparently I forgot to sign my tax forms.

I want my return check arghhhhhhhhhh.

*headdesk*

Now I have to wait after I send the letter back for it to process. Hngh.

Sinus headaches are the worstttt. First I had a sore throat, then congestion, and now it's a cough and my head is stuffed like a freaking Thanksgiving turkey. I'm gonna go in search of some decongestant. x.x

I'd better get better by tomorrow, 'cause it's the Annual Boston Cosplay picnic (1:30 PM on the Commons, wheee) and I get to see Aki and Sora and Cloe and everyone. Next week I'm going to have to squeeze in some time with Newton ppl too. >.< I've been bad about arranging get-togethers. Maybe it's just stress, maybe I'm lazy.

...sent an email instead of a phone call, but I have one more to make. I guess I'm just frustrated because it took me so long to figure out what I wanted for myself, but now that I'm trying the process is so long and agonizing that it almost feels like it isn't worth it. I guess my parents are just at a loss for what to do, but they really don't feel supportive at all. My mom keeps saying negative things and it seems like she's given up on trying to give me any sort of positive reinforcement. The root of the problem, I know, is that I'm still at home. I'm infinitely more confident when I'm on my own, and when I know there's no one around who might take care of things for me, I step up. But with my parents around, even though I know they aren't going to make phone calls for me, I still have that feeling of complacency.

We'll see, I guess. No matter what happens it's not the end of the world, I'll deal.

...So, my iPod that I thought I lost at Miami airport in January? My mom found it in the bag with my sailing shoes. >.> So it's a bit smelly but after a charge it works just fine. On the other hand, I seem to have lost/misplaced/gotten my PSP stolen. That means system, case, memory card and Crisis Core UMD. Needless to say, I'm not happy. >.< (that's nearly $300 right there) I'm hoping that this is the usual "I put it somewhere and I'll find it in a while and think 'D'oh how did I forget it there!?'" because if it's not..ugh. I know I had it when Sora came over the other week. I almost always keep it in my bag, which means if it was stolen it was someone at work, since I don't have a locker. If so I'm going to kill someone. Ughhhhhhhh.

( and some Odin Sphere )

...off to see if I can manage to clear my head long enough to get important things done.


I close my eyes and try to see the world unbroken underneath
the farther off and already it just might make the life I lead
a little more than make-believe when all my skies are painted blue
and the clouds don't ever change the shape of who I am to you

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone

It's just a goddamn phone call. I don't know, maybe my mom is right and I should take something for anxiety, because it's always been this way. Calling people on the phone, even friends, makes me unreasonably nervous. It's better if it's their cell and I know they'll pick up, but the idea that a parent or a sibling might pick up makes me sick to the stomach. Calling strangers is even worse, sometimes I can force myself to do it and sometimes I just can't. I get horribly anxious, maybe not to the level of having a panic attack, but pretty close. So I just keep making excuses and putting them off until it's late and then I'm embarrassed to even try because it's late.

So I've basically most likely fucked up my chances for school next year and a better paying job because I can't make some freaking phone calls. What is wrong with me.

Yeah, I've...calmed down a little, but I guess that's what LJ is for. Everyone feels better after ranting.

I'll figure things out. I shouldn't jump to conclusions when I'm tired and feeling sick.