....thanks to the fact that his lordship and I blagged our way into a VIP tasting at the Royal Adelaide Wine Show this morning. Well, I say blagged.....a guy at his old work gave us the tickets as a going away present. But, considering that it was full of industry types and ever so serious journalists and critics who actually use words like "capricious", "effervescent" and "perspacity" and probably do not have thought processes that begin and end with goodeeeeeeee wine! - we may have been just a smidge out of place.

But, to my credit, I tried to at least look like I knew what I was doing. Which meant all the sniffing and swishing and swilling bullshit. Until, that is, I got to the sparkling wines. Then, I'm ashamed to say, it was goodbye pro-fesh-unal wine buff and hello *gluggluggluglug*

Well, hello! Dracula? Bloodbank? Do these words mean anything to anyone....?

Adelaide is officially awesome. And a bit blurry.

So I'm starting to get to the real crux of the wedding details now. It's been thrown up what we want to do about presents and to be honest I'm really not fussed (even though everybody knows that free stuff is one of the best reasons ever to get married). After all, FW and I have been living together for seven years and we pretty much have everything we need.

Then I found this website, and to be honest, I think I'd use them regardless because the name is so cool - http://www.notanothertoaster.com.au. How cool is that?? And what it lets you do is set up not just a bridal register, but a honeymoon register, which I am totally going to do and henceforth name it the "Get Qweenie and FW to the UK So They Can Have Lots of Sex and Get Knocked Up" fund. Do any of you guys know anybody who's done this? Does it tend to go over well or what? I just figured it would be easier for all our friends and relatives overseas, rather than going to all the bother of sending a present they can just go through this website and make a donation to the shagfest honeymoon fund.

Hey! If we do get knocked up, we'll name our baby after the person who makes the biggest donation! There's incentive!

26th January 1925 - 26th September 2008



What else can be said? Today the world is a poorer place.

Ever have one of those days where it seems like the only reason the rest of the world exists is to annoy the ever living shit out of you?

And by the rest of the world I am mostly referring to my darling future intended, who at the moment is in one of his 'ADD kid with tourettes and the volume turned up to eleven' moods, which mostly involves giving inane/idiotic/loud commentary on whatever's on TV. Mostly focused on whatever any females who are on the screen at the time may or may not be wearing. With emphasis on the not. Because, yah know, I really want to hear that.

But that's the thing about men, isn't it? They don't ever really grow up. They're born, they discover all the amusing and pleasurable things they can do with their bodies, and they get taller.

That's about it.

We've recently been adopted by a cat that is, no two ways about it, as thick as pigshit. As illustrated by this episode, which unfortunately took place at about six am this morning. I've given what I believe to be the correct translation of the cat's yowling, except for the sections in italics which were what I imagined him saying to avoid hurling his fluffy ass over the back fence.

Cat: Biscuits please.

Me: ZZZZZZZ

Cat: BISCUITS! BISCUITS! BIIIIIISCUITS!!!

Me: *incoherrent gurgling, flumps with pillow over head*

Cat: Biscuits, bitch!

Me: G'way

Cat: Give me biscuits, or witness my furry prickly clawed rage!

Me: *resigned sigh, drags sorry carcass outa bed*

Cat: *gleeful bounce*

Me: *looking in cat bowl* What are those?

Cat: Eh what?

Me: In your bowl. What are those?

Cat: Why....they appear to be bicuits.

Me: You dumb shit.

Cat: *cute face* My bad?

Me: *sigh*

Cat: NOM NOM NOM!

Me: *quiet rage*

Cat: Oh, look, I do feel rather dreadful about getting you out of bed at such an obscene hour, why don't you go get another couple of hours of shut eye, then I'll bring you a cup of tea and some toast, eh what?

Me: That would be nice.

Me: *stompily back to bed*

Cat: Hmmm, what shall I do until then? Oh I know! I'll play with the blinds! Loudly!

Gaaaahhh!

In other news, I still haven't started packing. We're moving in less than three weeks, so I'm thinking I should probably get onto that. Or maybe I'll just wait for FW the moving fairies to do it for me. Yeah.

"You are without doubt the wierdest audience I've ever had!"

Thus spoketh Bill Bailey*! Perth rocks!

( Read more... )

* - after his mention of the Large Hadron Collider machine was loudly cheered by a group of presumably inebriated young men near the front of the stage.

I haven't decided yet what I think of it.....methinks it shall grow on me....



True hilarity, however, is in the comments. Namely the idiot who responded to the video with this clanger...

"Nick Hodgson/Peanut the keyboard player is my cousin so ive met them all and they're all really nice!"

Riiiiiight. I think if she was really his cousin she'd know that that his name is actually Nick Baines. Nick Hodgson is the drummer.

To paraphase another great KC lyric - learn your lesson well, kiddies. If you're going to run around on the internet telling great big porky pies, check your facts first. Otherwise you wind up looking like a prize pillock.

Which, granted, is far more entertaining for everybody else so let hope these morons never learn *snort*

I've chosen the music I want to be playing for the ceremony, and it delights my inner nerd - Pachelbel's Canon.



This version is quite a bit slower than the one I have on CD, which I suppose is all to the good because if I used this one I'd have to, I dunno, do a couple of bog laps of my mum's backyard before I got to the altar. Hehehe. I do love this music, though. Spring water for the soul, yessir.

Other wedding plans are bowling along, my mother has taken over most of them so that's pretty awesome. She says she isn't going to interfere but somehow she's wound up in charge of the decorations, the catering, and is also the chairwoman of the We're Going to Wear Extremely Ostentatious Hats committee, of which my grandmother is currently the only other member. They are confident, however, the FW's mother will be readily recruited.

FW has already perfected his 'what the hell have I gotten myself into' face. Which I'm mostly choosing to find intensely amusing.

Stephanie Meyer hissyfits over Midnight Sun leakage

Of course, being that its an ohnotheydidnt entry, the comments are far more entertaining than the post itself.

My thoughts....I'm not a Twilighter. I'm never gonna be a Twilighter. But I still think it's a really shitty way for her to treat her fans. When Deathly Hallows was leaked, JK Rowling took in her stride and just asked that those who'd read ahead didn't spoil it for everybody else.

And how much do you want to bet that Smeyer does a miraculous backflip at some point in the very near future and agrees to stoically continue. An event that shall, I suspect, be mysteriously concurrent with a gigantic swelling of her bank account.

Or am I just cynical?

It doesn't matter, though. It's Friday night. And I'm just about to settle in with a bottle of wine and the special 40th anniversary edition of Dr Strangelove I got from Amazon. The simple pleasures of a film nerd....

Obama/Biden. Obama/Biden. Obama/Biden.

That is, like, four letters away from Osama Bin Laden. Am I the only person out there who finds that intensely amusing?

Is was funny enough when FW said he wanted Obama to win because then the war on terror would be Obama vs Osama. Me thinks I forsee some interesting campaign slogans ahead....

I posted a little while back about how my grandfather fell over in a carpark and almost face smooshed himself into obvlivion. What I didn't realise until my grandmother told me yesterday was that when he fell, he was still a good five minute walk from the maritime museum where he volunteers.

And even though he was bleeding and obviously hurt not one single person stopped. Nobody offered to help, or even asked him if he was okay. Not. One. Person.

Now, I know we live in a mad, bad, dangerous world where any random stranger could be a mugger or a pedophile or axe murderer, and no ruse is too elaborate. Ted Bundy played a cripple with car trouble to lure his unsuspecting victims, after all. But I would think that in broad daylight on a Sunday, a smartly dressed 73yo man who also happens to be, yah know, pissing blood from a big ass cut on his forehead that he's trying to stop with his handkerchief, would be safe enough to approach.

I wish I could sit down with one of the arseholes who just walked past him, and ask them how the hell they'd feel if it was their grandfather in that situation and nobody tried to help him.

Seriously, it makes me so mad I could spit. Do we honestly live in a world where we're so isolated from each other that we've lost sight of something as basic as human compassion?

On Sunday afternoon, FW watched Wanted.

Twenty six hours have elapsed. We're making sandwiches preparing dinner on Monday evening.

FW: Hey....was that Mr Tumnus?

I went to see my mum today. She's been in Bali for the past two weeks, along with my stepfather, my aunt and my grandmother. All of them, except for said grandmother, were hit with the worst kind of flu, which basically spoiled their holiday, and they're still getting over it.

But I went around there because I wanted to tell her that whatshisname and I are getting married. She cried. Because....she does that. My mum seriously cries at the drop of a hat, so I was prepared for it, but I still felt kind of bad. She said she wants to wear a nice hat. I told her that it's likely to only be a very small registry office ceremony. She said she doesn't give a shit, she's the mother of the bride and she's wearing a hat. Ooooookay.

Then she asked me if I'm sure. Hah! After seven years....if I'm not sure now I'm never gonna be.

But it's all good. She brought me seasons 1-5 of Family Guy back from Bali. And Kung Fu Panda. And Wanted! I haven't checked it out yet so I don't know what sort of a copy it is, but if it's good enough, livila, screen caps may follow at some point.

Then I went to see my grandparents, because my grandad tripped over a pot hole and did a big faceplant in a carpark today - he fractured his cheekbone, bruised his jaw, needed stitches in his forehead and its really likely that he won't be able to see out of his left eye tomorrow because he's already sporting a rather impressive shiner that is only going to get bigger. So....I'm basically about the only healthy person in my family right now. Naturally, I'm celebrating this by killing my liver with more wine.

( Would you eat this birthday cake? )

It's disgusting. But....oddly brilliant. Disgustilliant?

One of the parcels that came in the mail this morning had bubble wrap, and it has completely made my day.

I cannot be the only one who derives a huge amount of amusement from bubble wrap, can I?

So yeah. That last entry was always going to be a tough act to follow. So why bother trying? Lets return instead to our regularly scheduled programming of inanity...

( One of these actresses is Dutch sexpot Carice Van Houten. The other is English rose Emily Mortimer. But who can tell me which is which? )

Okay, so I mostly use my LiveJournal for complete inanity. But tonight I come bearing good news! And that is that, barring incident, tragedy, act of God, or FW simply changing his mind, we will be getting married on April 8th next year. Don't ask me what's brought about this change of heart, because I have no idea. But he insists that he's serious - he's even talking about what sort of rings we should get. Like, fo shizz.

If anybody needs me, I'll be outside checking the sky for flying pigs. Huzzah!

(to put it in perspective for anybody unaware, our wedding day will also be our eighth anniversary. yeah. patience, thy name is qweenie.)

All this kerfuffle about Twilight has gotten me pondering about my favorite vampire books. I've read good, I've read bad. But if my reading has taught me anything, its that there's absolutely huge diversity in this genre.

So here's my collection....

Let The Right One In - John Alvide Lindqvist (my current favorite vampire novel, hands down. The copy I have was my mum's - she gave it to me because it was too strange for her. Hehehehe. The title, FYI, is a reference to the piece of vampire lore stating that vampires can only enter a house when they're invited.)

Interview With the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, Tale of the Body Thief - Anne Rice (later books in this series disappointed me, and TOTBT dragged on like all get out, but there's no denying that most vampire writers owe a debt to this lady)

Dracula - Bram Stoker (note for nerds - this is an epistolary novel, which means its written as a collection letters, diary entries etc by the characters. A nice piece of pointless trivia for your next dinner party)

The Vampyre: A Tale - John William Polidori (more nerdery - Stoker is often creditted as being the grandfather of vampire fiction, but this short story was actually predates it by some eighty years, originally published in 1819. And it's pretty obvious that Bram Stoker read it. Just sayin.)

Blood Ties - Jennifer Armintrout (vampire fiction the way I like it - with lots of sex and death. UST between heroine and main nasty vamp is absolutely off the chart. Plus there's another character based on Gerard Butler. No arguing with that, really. Technically a trilogy, with two other novels following it, but this is the only one that's good. The third was so shithouse I didn't even finish it. Bummer.)

The Historian - Elizabeth Kostova (aka "The Dracula Code" thanks to similaries with a certain Dan Brown novel. Personally, I think it's better. Unlike Dan Brown, Kostova can actually write. And if there's a film adaptation, hopefully it will not star Tom Hanks.)

Fledging - Octavia Butler (intersting take on vampire lore - like most of my favorite vampire novels it falls more into the literary catagory, with wider themes of identity, community and family. I found her style a little florid, though. I tend to find first person novels a bit tricky. If you don't identify with the protagonist, you're pretty much shot aren't you?)

Vampyre - Tom Holland (a riff on Polidori with the premise that Lord Byron was a vampire. Interesting idea, but this is just a total snooze. Recommended only for insomniacs.)

I also have a couple of random things - the first book in the Anita Blake series, which I didn't persist with because I just found Anita too unlikeable to want to continue. Maybe I'll go back to it. Also have a cute little chick lit called Undead and Unemployed that somebody sent me as a present. Who says vamps all have to be gloom and doom? ^_^

So there it is. If anybody on my f-list has any recommendations, feel free to chuck them at me. Just don't tell me to read the Twilight series. Because I'm not going to. M'kay?

Oh goody. The Olympics are starting.

Please excuse me while I phone the proprietor of my local liquor store and tell him he's finally going to be able to put his kids through grad school.

Underwhelmed? Me? No. Why do you ask?

If you're looking to live out the remainder of your days without taking in the sight of Jack Black's naked ass, do not under any circumstances watch Margot At the Wedding.

Seriously. I like Jack Black and everything, but that was more of him than I needed to see.

Also watched Juno. I'd already seen it at the cinema but I figured FW being a babyphobe and everything, plus the fact that there's no nudity or violence, it would be a pretty good movie to annoy him with. As it turned out he thought it was too 'cutesy.'

I'm just hanging out until I can rent There Will Be Blood for him. I'm anticipating his reaction to that one will be pitched somewhere between "WTF?" and "Hnggggghhhh???"

Sometimes I wish we had movie tastes that were more in sync. But, hey. It's still entertaining this way.

And on second viewing? He's kinda right about Juno.

TGIF, everybody!