Jesus fucking Christ, are my mom and stepdad plotting to kill me or what? I swear, they want me to go to college and kill myself with fucking honors programs and accelerated degree programs. GOD FORBID IT TAKE ME MORE THAN 4 YEARS TO EARN A MASTERS OR DOCTORATE. I'm not even thinking about doctorate degrees right now. I'm just thinking about fucking getting admitted and how I'm going to pay for it. ARGH they are so frustrating I can hardly stand it!!!!

My little mini-issue feels so complicated today. Ring, blasted phone! Ring, I say!

I got to see pedophille Josh on Saturday. Rocking good time that was. Har. I was literally standing there fighting a fire with him backing me up and he still couldn't shut his mouth. Thank God I only have to deal with him occassionally.

But yeah, if the phone would ring that would be great.

At romance your...DANGEROUS! man your the ear
piecring, tattoo loving kinky sex machine! lol,
you love danger, and demand it with your
partner!


What romance are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

lol!

my long weekend = shittiest weekend ever

Nobody leads a stranger life than I.

And how is it possible that Steven is managing to smother me all the way from fucking Wichita Falls? wtf?!?! He obviously does not get it, and he's starting to give me the creeps.

I don't know if this is just a post-Joe liberation phase, but I am so not in the mood for any drama right now. I am in the mood...to go to the club. Only 2 more months!!!! I can't wait!

Except that Steven said he wanted to take me out for my birthday. Ugh =\ Oh well, I'll just tell him I'm engaged to Josh Groban xD

Josh Groban, will you marry me? <3

I went to the par-tay at Olivia's, and I swear Olivia does not live in this world. She lives on a different plane of existance where suddenly it feels like fall, Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 is playing, and yellow leaves are cascading out of the trees in the sun and as he hands you his phone you suddenly feel like there really is a deeper connection, like you have a wonderful secret.

And then duh. You are at Olivia's house and it's just your best guy bud handing you his phone because he doesn't want to get it wet. But it really did look like that, and that song really was playing...It was a movie moment. I swear, she lives in a fourth dimension because moments like that don't happen in real life.

And I fucking hate Joe because he makes me so happy when I'm with him then he just turns around and hurts me.

I think I'm gonna go mum shopping. Only 2 weeks 'till homecoming. I would love nothing more than for Joe to come down for homecoming and I could have a garter for Charlie and NOTHING FOR HIM!!! Ah, vengence. Like he is even going to care.

I just read some of my more recent posts and damn I am stupid.

Dammit I hate Joe right now!! >_< I don't remember ever crying this much about a guy, and to me that indicates that I care more than I expected to when he obviously does not give a shit. Stupid fucker.

Kelly Clarkson = good

Spongemonkeys = effing funny (We Like the Moon!!! Even though we've all seen that a million times already)

Joe = stupid and evil

Okay, again with the Joe issues. He called me tonight just like he calls me every night, and earlier I had been thinking about how maybe I wanted to be free, but just hearing his voice again threw me into a state of, "What was I thinking? He makes me so happy!" But of course he wasted no time bursting my bubble. He told me right off the bat that he had started talking to this girl Tiffany, one of his "old friends." He admitted that they used to like eachother, and he's a little into her. He just wanted to let me know, and that's only fair. I know what you're thinking..."At least he's honest." Well you know what? I never asked for honesty. I feel a little selfish because long distance sucks and it's really not fair to either of us, but it isn't any consolation to me that I could have someone else if I wanted because right now I don't want anyone else. I care about him a lot, and I don't want to be let go. So please, by all means, tell me lies. Ignorance is bliss. Fuck honesty.

Pieter at least is on my side, and he's never even met me. He thinks what Joe is doing is fucked up, but it's so convenient to play the "understanding" card right now that how can I openly agree?

Today is probably hands down the most unproductive day of my entire life...and I love it! >:D

I've got a busy week ahead of me. I work from 8-2 then 4-8 tomorrow, ugh x_x Tuesday I'm going to Corpus with Deena (Joe's sister) and hopefully I'll be able to get a haircut while I'm there. I need mom to dye my roots, I'd like to get a pedicure and maybe get my nails done (I haven't decided if I want to spend that much yet...), and I need to finish the Inferno before school Monday! But amazingly enough, I'm hoping this week will fly by, because this weekend I'm going up to Waco to see Joe :D!!! I'm so excited I could explode. His mom is taking his bed and all his other stuff up there for his apartment, and she agreed to let me go up with her. Yay n_n

Well, Joe left for Waco today and I miss him terribly. Normally I would be with him =\ I've been a wreck all day, but of course I can't tell him that. I don't want to seem pathetic. I'm seriously considering going out for something chocolate and giving Autumn a call.

"I know exactly what he (Joe) thinks about you, but I can't share that information." - Jesse

Argh argh argh!

Well, I just got back from the gym. I've been mysteriously tired lately, but I think it's because I haven't been taking my iron. In spite of said tiredness, however, I've been forcing myself to work out and I think it's doing me good. As much as I may cringe at the thought of exercise, I can't deny that I feel better afterwards, not to mention my alterior motive. I'm kinda testing myself, trying to prove to myself that I really do want to be a firefighter. I want to get in top physical form so I can make it through school, and when I think about it that way, I guess getting a little sweaty isn't so bad afterall.

I've been looking at colleges in Texas that offer fire science degrees, and I keep coming up with Del Mar College. It's killing me. I should probably major in chemistry instead so I can go to a better school...or maybe I could do both? I don't know. College planning can be so complicated.

Blardy blardy blar.

Don't ask me what that means, I just say it sometimes when I don't have anything else to say. It actually looks more goofy written out than it sounds when I say it. Weird.

I am going to bed in a minute. I'm not waiting around until 2:30 again, eff that. If you're sensing a little resentment, you sense correctly.