I was discussing this story with a very good friend, and she told me she could never write anything like that horrible with crazy twists, so in a span of 3 minutes I wrote this to her on msn: (murderous grammar intentional)
And then, Pierre from Simple Plan laid you down in his bunk on the tour bus, you giggled softly, and the Chuck shushed you from the bunk below. Then Galadriel came and told you you had to go with Frodo and the ring, and you said "What? Isn't that a book?" And she said in her ethereal form, "No, my child, you are my child, and you have to protect the ring." Then her face disappeared, and you were shrouded in bright light, Pierre got off of you as he watched you grow elf ears and your hair went from a pixie cut to long and blonde. You looked at him with your cerulean orbs, "What?" "Holy shit you are from Lord of the Rings!" "I know! And I'm an elf! Wanna come save Frodo?" "Sure" said Pierre and you two jumped through the vortex in time that Galadriel made. When you landed in Rivendale, you saw that Chuck had grabbed a hold of your new elf dress (it was long and soft and made of flower petals sewn together by angels). He brushed himself off and went "Hey, I felt like having an adventure too!" Then Harry Potter showed up cause all of the heroes in the word had to help Frodo and Chuck was mesmerized by his Quidditch-toned muscles. They ran off to the forest where Harry gave him a ring made by Goblins and they made love for hours.My friend likes the elf dress.
Anyways, onto today's monstrosity.
TITLE: Hermione's New ChangePERPETRATOR: Slytherin Mistress 1SUE-O-METER: 
(toxic)
FULL NAME: Hermione Granger aka Christina "Chrissie" Abegaila Cades aka sis Lily Saldis Riddle
SPECIES: Vampire
HAIR: "long knee length hair that was black but looked dark green in the light"
EYES: "a rare indigo blue like her mothers". They change colour with her mood.
MARKINGS: "she now had a lot more curves, and she had an hour glass figure". She has a "Dark Heir's mark" oh her shoulder blade.
POSSESSIONS: "knee high boots with a fairly high heel, a black mini skirt with red stripes through it, and a black and red tee, with a red hoodie", "he was wearing the most beautiful thing, her knee high boots, and a mini dark green dress with silver lining", a necklace and earrings "pure gold with and emerald in the middle of diamonds", a new wand made of Yew, shaved basilisk fangs, and several other cores.
ORIGIN: Hermione finds out that the Grangers are not her real parents so she instantly hates them and love her "real parents. Eventually Voldemort, who was just pretending to be a friend of her parents (and super sweet guyzz!) confesses to her that she is actually his child. Also, she becomes Queen of the Vampires on her fifteenth birthday.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is Voldemort and Bellatrix's daughter, is Draco's one true love. I love how she would be ok with a comment like this: "Well honey your aunts and uncles are Laura Zambini, Naracissa Malfoy, Lucious Malfoy, and you have another uncle but that will be a surprise along with who your godparents are". She, Draco and Blaise save Ginny from abusive!Ron. Ron beats Ginny and "Chrissie" with a steel-tipped whip. Why didn't he use magic? Anyways, it turns out that Harry is evil and Ron was "under sensitimperio, one of Voldemort’s own discoveries, because it is like Imperious, but harder to throw off, and it is harder for people to know someone is under it because the person controlling them thinks of what they do and telepathically tells them." Harry also does some pretty sadistic things to Arthur and Molly Weasly and uses BDSM against Ron. Anyways, when Hermione/Chrissie/Isis returns to Hogwarts she has Alberto, the Sorting Hat, put her in Slytherin. Then Draco proposes to her and she accepts. Then at their engagement party she learns that Draco is 3/4 vampire and 1/4 Veela.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: "I love to sit in the park and play my flute, violin and I also dance to". She is a phoenix animagus. She and Draco can speak telepathically to each other. "She had now mastered Legilmency, Occulmency, Animagus in two forms, apparation, disapparation, wandless and non-verbal magic, and she can produce two types of patronous. She is an expert in the unforgivable, and many other dark spells. She is also a fluent Parselmouth." In 90 minutes she learns Italian, French and Spanish and Dutch. And then Vampire Bellatrix goes into a trance and finds out that Harry Potter is James Thomas Riddle, but Dumbledore has put him under so many spells he doesn't even know.
NOTES: This is, quite possibly, one of the worst stories I have ever read.
( There are two parts to the sample. It's just that bad, and not a troll. )
(awful)
sleepy
annoyed![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cold
(bad)
tired
scared
busy
hungry
drunk
amused
shocked
awake
