My Pencil Will Pierce Through The Heavens!

You know how some nights you just can't turn off your brain so you can sleep. I feel like that every night. And I Love sleep. I just know that when i feel like this no matter if i lay my head down nothing will happen.

I had a good opertinuty to vent with some fellow students tonight. I have tried to stay away from this trap in the past but i can't help it anymore. i am constantly feeling frustrated and alone, and it felt good to hear other people say what i have been feeling for a while. It just validated my whole perspective, unfortunately it dose not make my situation any better. I am scared i am going to graduate and have nothing to show for it. then, all my time and effort will be for nothing and i'll have to find a way for more schooling and be more in debt and away from the people i love and miss everyday.

yes, i love what i do. But do i love it enough to actually succeed.

Fuck.

This is why i can't fall asleep at night.

So I survived my first week of school. Hey, its an accomplishment!
This weekend I marked and even greater accomplishment. 5 years tighter with sonny. Its hard to imagine its even been that long. Time really flys.

We spent the weekend together laying around the house, watching movies and playing games. It may not sound like much but time together with him is like a vacation. Even better he booked us a Swedish massage. It was very enjoyable.

Oaaaaaavehhhhh what a week. My head is spinning. So I was kinda freaking out about everything before school started. Which is a normal part of my behavior.
This week was going very smoothly. My roommates seem nice. My art classes seem awesome. And my acting class looks like its going to be a lot of fun. Then I got to my one day a week anthro class. Its called Magic Sincence and Religion. I took a class similar to it at Moorpark and loved it. I can honestly say this class was a living hell.

#1. no AC in the room and it very extremely sweltering
#2 the teacher made no logical scence
#3 I had to read 3 whole books and write 3 different essays on them + one reaserch paper
#4 no multiple choice tests, no right answers
#5 I found out it doesn’t even meet the requirement I need it for

I stuck it out for the whole 3 hours. I was dieing. I haven’t felt like that in a class in ages! Torture, Fear anxiety. My chest felt tight and I wanted to cry. Normally finding another class to add into this late is way too hard. I pulled the Sheldon card. I haven’t done that in a while and he was more then happy to set me up in his class. I could also try this alternative cinema class but now I am so paranoid about being stuck in a class I can’t stand I am afraid to drop in on any more. Yikes.

I started studying with Sheldon Borenstein after I graduated high school. He teaches part time at San Jose Sate, and full time at his own school, Sheldons Art Acadmey in Oak Park, Ca.



His drawing lectures are packed full of information, funny and are easy to understand. Drawing is such a complex thing, but it is EVERYTHING. If you are considering looking for a job in the animation industry, or just want to learn how to draw this is THE GUY to study with. He has trained many of todays professionals. ( Including, David Colman. )

The good news is now anyone can have access to his instruction! I spent my summer editing and compiling theses instructional videos, and let me tell you they are AWSOME. I have started studying off of them myself. They are for sale on our website! Sheldon is a mentor who worked as a professional in animation industry for many years and is now dedicated to passing on his knowledge to students.

Check out our free preview avilble on Youtube and our Website.


Enjoy!

I really miss my tablet pen
it's not like I can't draw on a normal piece of paper, its just I also normally use a light tabe to clean up my drawings cuz i always start out supper ruff. So I don't have that either.

So Avatar is over. I am so impressed this show finally made it to the end and it just kept getting better. I am used to show slowly fizzing out and dieing, especially American cartoons. Which I admit I pretty much stopped watching.

I also turning 24 tomorrow. God help me...I am still in school and have another year to go. I feel so bad for realing on my mom for as much as i do.

Sonny is doing awesome. And our 5th year Anniversary is coming up. I do love him so much, he has become my voice of reason. I feel like we learn nd grow from each other all the time. and we can stil in front of the computer and make slash joke about Avatar characters. He gave me a paid Deviantart account for my birthday. It like wearing a really nice pair of shoes everyday. I am a nerd and i probably visit it about 4 times a day just to lurk around.

I'll be back at San Jose around the 23rd. Its gunna feel really strange. I wont have a lot of time to adjust to my new roommates, who i hope aren't evil. I have also spent a glorious amount of time at Sheldon's working and studying. Just being there makes me feel productive. although my actually work effort might vary from day to day.

We finished our Video series. Anyone interested in learning to draw should really check them out!
http://www.sheldonsartacademy.com/videoPurchase.php
and i am not just saying that cuz i worked on them. i am saying ti cuz i have free copies and even i am going to study off of them! muchahahaha

The day after Fanime was over I was rushing around my apartment trying to pack up my life for the summer. I live in school housing and unlike pervious years they forced me to pack all of my things into my tiny room for the summer. I am still paying rent, think of it like a glorified storage unit. Belongings became difficult to find once I stuffed everything in and while in a rush I left a few important items. The first of which is the pen to my drawing tablet. Ugh. It’s so tragic not to be able to use my tablet all summer! I was planning on making another flash cartoon, or even finishing my 115 animation. Since I can’t do that, there is always the old fashioned way, a pen and paper. I can live with that, Flash will have to wait. The other important thing I left behind was my portable hard drive which had a good deal of reference on it. Such as, my entire Vilpuu collection, naked models, and all my flash cartoons I made for my finals. So I can’t share any of my hard work with my friends yet, which is infuriating.

My first year at the artist alley was a complete success! Thanks you so much for anyone who dropped by my table to say ‘hello,’ or even buy one of my prints,fans, or bookmarks. What made it such a wonderful experience where the people around me! Even on the first day, waiting in line for our table we where greeted by friendly people who loved to draw! I have never had such a welcoming con experience. It was truly special. Here is the full report with pictures and awesome video!

This morning as i was devouring my first spoonful of cereal i found what i suspect was a bugs leg. I convinced myself if was harmless and continued to eat. but man....i cound't help but think where did the rest of it go?

I hear we eat a lot of bugs in cereal and we don't even know it. this was the first time i say i encountered a piece.

been getting into classic movie thanks to my Film History class. I saw Citizen Kane for the first time and it blew my mind. I also finally saw the Godfather I and II. Also good stuff!

I am havening one of those days where the universe hates me.
I went to costco on firday and on a whim i bought the Secrete of Nhim. A movie i loved as a kid and i was really looking forward to revisiting it. I open the DVD and i could only find disc 2 with the special features. Thats strange, i tought. So i deceded to take it back on sunday. I picked up the bus just fine and got off at cotco. I returned it for cash and picked up a new one, after waiting in a long line. Just to be sure i opened it up as i was leaving and it was also missing disk one. I march back to the returns guy and explain the same thing happned. He contacted the manager who opened up several more dvds to discover they all had the same problem. So, i was out of luck. Not wanting to leave empty handed, i picked up Lilo and Sticth, needless to say wasn't what i really wanted.
Then i am of to wait for the bus. 20min later it seemed strage that no bus had stopped espeially since i saw one drieving in the other direction. Sometime later i finally see one comeing towards me and it passes right by me. Enraged and confused i go after the bus but it just kept on going. Fine, fuck it i'll walk back! So i did about 2.5 miles and 40 mins later.
No where can i find on the VTA website about stops being closed on the weekends. So whats up with that. What I hate so much about public transportation is they all asume you know how it works!They don't explain anything.
Now i am feeling insulted becuase i wasted so much time for a dvd i didn't really want.

is it just me or has their been a surge of professional artists popping up on devinatart? I mean there has always been a fair amount of highquality work, but for the most part these are name i either reconsise or i know of the work.

Maybe they need to ego bost as much as I do. *shurg*

http://rufftoon.deviantart.com/ <---story board artist for Avatar
http://blacksataguni.deviantart.com/ <---- worked keyanimation, layout and design of avatar
http://lesean.deviantart.com/ <--- lead Character Designer and Co-Director of Aaron McGruder's "The Boondocks" animated series
http://j-scott-campbell.deviantart.com/ <---DC comic artists
also founf the guy who designed Fosters Homes For Imaginary friends, but i lost the bookmark =(

anyway, i found all but 1 of these in the last day or so...maybe they have just been hiding from me. But i just found it interesting since dev has this reputation for haveing only unprofessional shitty artists...

Meh, my website is dead for now. It was my boyfriends brilliant idea to host my website on his own server. It made sense since it give me unlimited space and i don't have to pay for it. But the server is located at his old work and there was a major hardrive failure. We have a backup on the site, so i still have all my data, but no place to host it. And it looks like we can't get another server going for a few weeks. Such a bummer.

Other then that I had my first good sleep in weeks. I got sick last Thursday and I actually feel a bit better, but I am not completely over it. It makes such a difference to have a solid night sleep. i forgot how good it feels. This week has been pretty crazy because i am trying my best to clear my schedules for sonny's visit. Because...you know heaven forbid i see him once and a while.

So classes have been going pretty smooth. This class i am most excited about this semester is most defiantly Falsh. Animation is a close second. I have my first instruction the other day, though it was very basic stuff, I was really amazed. Maybe too much cuz i am supper proud of my ball bounce and how easy it was to do. Bryan, said something along the line was that flash was animation feeling lifeless. Who cares, its shiny!

Yeah, since the day i have returned san jose has been cold and wet. Though i am not allowed to complain about the rain since California needs it. Anyway, i should at lest be warm when i am inside, but my roommates decided i liked the apartment to toasty for them to be comfortable. So i bought a space heater at target for my room. It turned out to be the best $13 i have ever spent.

The holiday is nearly over. It has been a good one. Its been full, thats the best way to describe it. I had days with my family, friends and boyfriend. I went to a 2 day LAN, and watched sonny play some old school Zelda. And in the time I normally spend twiddling my fingers trying to figure out what to do with myself was spent helping Sheldon producing some LOW budget adds for youtube. I also got some animation and some oil painting done. But, I am starting to get the bug again. I am itching for the semester to start. This, after all will be my animation semester! Last semesters start went so poorly I feel the universe owns me a good start.
The only thing i am not looking forward to is spending another 5 weeks away from sonny. Thats short compared to some of our 8 weeks apart. Unfortunately, i gets harder to see him each semester, and it only makes it worse. Meltdowns are never fun.
But, I get to see all my fiends soon, and I'll have enough time to make some runs down to costco and target so i don't suffer when classes get into full swing.

The amount of art i mangedged to produce this semester was rather slim. I got to start getting ready for Fanime, that is...if we get our act together and actually buy tickets and such.

In 2007 I...
Fixed Sheldon's website
Helped Sonny move into his apartment
Made my first camping trip to Yosemite
Survived my first semester in the program
Had my 4th year anniversary w/ sonny
Discovered Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Finished watching Kat play Twilight Princess
celebrated to Dawli w/ Sonny’s family
Experience my first earthquake in the Bayarea
Canceled my Wow account
Completed my Tidepool
Started drawing anime again
Lisend to all of Harry Potter on CD

Today was the first of the entire semester where i didn't need to do any HW. It was a stange feeling. So much freedom, and i didn't know what to do with it. i ended up trying to work on things to get ahead but i didn't accomplish much. But i walked around the city got some fresh air, ate some boba, which gave me a tummy ache. I did do some anime drawings. i am just so far behind where i want to be in my skill lev, but day by day I'll make progress. somehow.

I figured out, as long as i don't give up it's impossible to fail.

Finished Gurren Lagann today. It almost ended as i predicted. But its such a great show because it makes you want to defeat your obsticals, no matter how big. I think i need to make a shirt of it for Fanime with the big Laggan symbol on it!
also i can't stop listing to the sound track.
Row Row fight the power!

Now first person shooters like Halo and counter strike really don't interest me. In fact they bore me. But, Team Fortress 2 looks like it might be the exception, i can't wait to play it at the big winter Lan. The amount of work they put into the game really shows. I was lucky enough to watch the developers commentary this weekend. As if the tailors weren't awesome enough.

Yet another one of those ocashions where i was trying to hard to be productive and managed to accomplish very little. It was not out of lack of work id' say. i was a good girl as soon as i got home form the airport i had some lunch i went straight to the lab to work. Only i feel like i managed to make my animation worse rather then better. I hoping Dave can give me some feedback.

I worked on my color comp for a number of hours only to give up, and start another one which i really don't even like. I am even missing a color i need.

I also despreatly need to do laundry, but the facility was just way too full.
So what do i have to show for a day of hard work? I crappy animation, unfinsed color comp, a and a pile of dirty cloths. Not to mention everything else on my list i failed to finish.
This is the price i pay for havening such a wonderful weekend.

oh well, fuck it, it was worth it!

home for the weekend. just for 2 days, even though i have 4 days w/ no school. The amount of hw is frustrating.

Mostly flew back for Sonny, rather then to spend time catching up and resting. But party's also have their special form of catharsis. It was Dawli weekend for sonnys family. its like the Idian version of x-mass. Sorta. Lets say its more like the biggest holiday they have. Anway, over the summer Kadjil, Sonnys mom, brought me back this lovely Indian style party dress. Sonny are i where debating if you could really call it a 'dress' since it technically has pants and a long top. But its far more girly and sparkly to be called anything but a dress. Lets call it the 'really frilly sprakl pants-dress thing'. So anyway, she gave me this 'really frilly sprakl pants-dress thing' as a gift in case i ever wanted to go to a Indian celebration. Which was a really nice gesture considering i have been the 'evil white' girl for a few years now. To be quite honest i love the way it looks and it fit me perfect! Since in India, most things are made to tailor, she guessed my measurements from across a few oceans. It helps i am roughly the same size as her daughter.

I really wanted a chance to wear it, but i knew the dawli party was going to be sometime in the middle of school on a weekend where i would have too much HW to vist. I got lucky. it laneded on Vet day weekend and for the first time in may years we get monday off.

I booked a flight and here i am. Needless to say i was extermly nevus about going. After all i am so new to their culture and traditions. But with some last min help from my mom, who helped put my outfit togther, hair and make-up, I think i looked prety good. Kadjil also let me barrow some bangels and jewelry.

It seemed to go really well. i was the only white girl in the place, as far as i could tell. i not sure how much i stood out. But the outfit really helped me feel like i belonged and i received many compliments from the family. I didn't fell as much of an outsider. I also manged to eat some food and ignored the burning sensation on my mouth. The celebrating had various people of the community performing dances on stage, easily my fav part of their culture. I even saw monica, and kadjil perform. Towards the end the dance floor opened to everyone and i was able to cut a rug with sonny. It so nice to see him for a change.

Yet another disaster today! A 5.6 earth quake happened in my area. despite the number, it wasn't very big or violent. It was one of those long rolling quakes. I prefer quakes to be like this one, no major damage or power outs. It didn't even knock anything over. And yet being on the 11th floor of campus village and feeling the building sway side to side was really scary. i always hold my breath fearing it is going to be 'the big one.'

it was also Kats first quake. She came over for a bit until her nerves where settled. The good thing about quake normally is, once they are over. They are over.