|
|
|
July 16th, 2008
02:35 am - Phantasm 2
A young woman looks over her journal, which is full of drawings and sketches of a kid who grows up into a good-looking young man. The young man lived through some traumatic shit that apparently didn't happen. He talks himself out of a mental institution just in time for his friend's house to blow up with a bunch of people inside. Road trip!
An incredibly confusing movie where all of the main characters get their own voice-overs. However, there are some explosions and some really creative gore.
|
July 12th, 2008
06:08 am - Sister Streetfighter 3
Ah, Japanese exploitation flicks rival America's in just about every way..
Koryu is looking for a little girl's mother. The mother is being forced to be a mob boss's girlfriend. The boss holds a Master of the Flying Guillotine-style death match to decide who gets to kill Koryu. Then some hotshot shows up and he gets to be in the club too.
Very sleazy, lots of martial arts.
|
June 19th, 2008
05:55 am - Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror
To bring his little sister back to life, a gangbanger slits his own throat and becomes someone who ushers the souls of the dead to hell.
Three short horror stories within a frame story. The animation didn't really grab me and the middle story was kind of tedious, but there's some great gore.
|
May 29th, 2008
06:38 am - Underdog
A hapless police dog is kidnapped by an evil scientist's henchman. While trying to escape, the dog is doused by a secret formula.
Now a superdog, the hero finds a family and a girl dog to obsess over.
Okay, its stupid, but its also harmless. And it made me laugh in spots. But I feel sorry for Peter Dinklage, who had to play Simon Bar Sinister. Talk about your thankless roles.
|
May 26th, 2008
05:29 am - Steven Seagal
Into the Sun
This one is set in Japan, where the Yakuza and Tong are teaming up and doing damage. Seagal is investigating an assassination and speaking perfect Japanese. The plot doesn't make much sense, but there's a lot of gore and some pretty cool swordfights.
Under Siege
Die Hard on a boat, with Seagal as a navy SEAL who is now a chef. Unfortunately, he doesn't go around killing fuckers while wearing the hat. Apparently that would have been too cool.
This movie is actually pretty bad-ass and gory. It's a great action movie for gorehounds and people who like explosions. Also there are some boobs early on.
Tommy Lee Jones is pretty good in this, even if he is dressed like Keith Richards, and Gary Busey kills someone while dressed in drag.
|
May 4th, 2008
10:09 pm - a good weekend for movies
Iron Man
When Tony Stark is captured by terrorists and told to build them a missile, he has other ideas.
This movie was great. I'm not going to say there weren't problems (like Paltrow pretty much needed superpowers herself to run in those ridiculous heels), but I really enjoyed the whole damn thing.
For one thing, there aren't many of us who don't want to waste some terrorists.
The performances and directing were terrific, and I just hope the sequel lives up to it.
Cloverfield
Seeing this on a smaller screen helped some with my motion sickness. Damn, this is an intense movie. Still scary as hell. Some of that is the perspective.. it all seems so immediate.
A new element was added when it was stated in one of the extras that the monster is a baby. How fucking big will this thing get?
Also, the bit where it's leaning down to bite always, always gets me.
The Evil Dead
Five people go to a remote cabin in the woods. They find some weird shit, including a spooky book and a tape recorder. Long story short, the voice on the tape chants something that wakes up demons or ghosts or something, and all hell breaks loose.
This movie is really sick and incredibly gory. You'll probably like it.
|
April 26th, 2008
08:07 pm - CJ7
A poor kid is humiliated at school. One day his dad finds something a spaceship left in the junkyard. The green bouncy thing turns into a cute little CGI thing, which the kid proceeds to abuse and not feed. This, in turn, gets the kid the CGI thing's undying loyalty.
Some really funny bits, and some sad stuff toward the end.
It was neat to see a Stephen Chow movie in the theater.
|
April 11th, 2008
06:24 am - Campfire Tales
Four kids survive an accident and sit around the campfire telling each other urban legends. I bet you can't guess how it ends.
Early role for Ron Livingston.
|
01:01 am - War
Jason Statham hunts down Jet Li, and there are guns and explosions and some boobage and it's pretty good.
Could've used some more martial arts, though.
|
March 16th, 2008
05:00 am - Abre los Ojos
A masked man in a mental hospital is talking to his psychiatrist. Seems the masked guy, Cesar, was once rich and handsome. He was in the process of stealing a girl his best friend was into when.. Okay, Cesar had been sleeping with this other woman and she didn't want to give him up. So she coaxed him into her car and drove into a wall.
Now Cesar is horribly disfigured (but apparently only in the face), and this girl he met through his best friend doesn't want him anymore. And you know that if the situations were reversed, Cesar wouldn't even acknowledge her existence, but since it's him, it's different.
Cesar's luck changes quickly. One moment he's passed out on the street, the next thing you know he's in bed with his dream girl. The doctors suddenly have a way to fix his face. Of course, we all know this can't last..
Weird, eerie, creepy little mindfuck of a movie.
|
March 11th, 2008
06:00 am - violence!
Return of the Street Fighter
Sonny Chiba and his wacky sidekick take on the US mafia. With violence! And also karate. Which is violent.
Sukiyaki Western Django
A man walks into a town and winds up in the middle of a gang war. Seems both the whites and the reds think the town has a treasure, so they're squeezing it until it breaks.
The main problem with this movie is the dialogue. It's all in English, but most of the actors can't really speak it. That means it is really fucking hard to understand what is going on. You get the feeling most of the actors felt the same way.
Of course, the movie is also really fucking cool. So.. kind of uneven, there.
300
Very stylized.. very obviously CGI, pretty silly, very violent. Oh, and pretty.
Yeah, that about covers it.
|
February 21st, 2008
09:07 pm - Resident Evil: Extinction
Starts off like the first movie, but don't worry, you aren't getting ripped off. There is a lot of action in this movie, and gore. And it looks pretty damn cool.
Unfortunately, it's also pretty dumb, and the monster at the end is rather silly.
I liked it anyway.
|
February 19th, 2008
10:59 pm - Halloween (2007, unrated)
Little Michael Myers likes to kill things. He loves his mom and baby sister. On Halloween night he kills the rest of his family, plus the guy his big sister was banging. Then he goes to a mental hospital. He starts making masks. He fucks up a nurse with a fork. His mom shoots herself in the head.
15 years later, little Michael is big Michael and he doesn't talk. Michael kills his way out of the hospital and goes home.
Disturbing and fucked up. Actually scary in spots.
There are some problems with the plot, but that's consistent with the original.
Zombie really amped up the misogyny in this one, it's pretty painful to watch in spots.
Also, there are so many people I recognized in this movie that it kept throwing me out of the story. I don't think I've ever seen Malcolm McDowell, Udo Kier and Clint Howard in the same room before. Not to mention William Forsythe, Brad Dourif, Sid Haig and Micky fucking Dolenz.
|
February 17th, 2008
11:52 pm - Movies I watched this weekend:
Black Roses
A high school English teacher tries to save his students from the murderous satanic influence of a really bad hair band.
The music is extra shitty, but the monsters are pretty wicked.
Man, what a fucking stupid movie. These parents would probably shit themselves if they saw Cradle of Filth.
Django
Monstrously violent and fucked up spaghetti western. Django fights just about everybody in the movie. Also, there is a three-whore mud wrestling scene.
You probably want to see this.
|
February 11th, 2008
02:16 am - horror movies
Night of the Creeps
Slugs from outer space that lay eggs in your brain attack a college campus in this wacky comedy.
Fun movie, heavily tinged with the 1980s.
Perfect Creature
In a dystopian world where vampires are born, they are taken away from their mothers and into the Brotherhood. Apparently, all vampires are male. But the appearance of a rogue vampire threatens to upset the uneasy peace between vampires and regular people..
This movie looks terrific, the acting is good, the script doesn't suck.. the only real problem is the concept, which is corny as hell. Definitely worth seeing.
|
February 4th, 2008
03:12 am - Pulse
Thoroughly depressing and somewhat creepy movie about loneliness and ghosts. Also indirectly about reaching out to people and being rejected.
Oddly enough, I can't wait to see how much they screwed it up with the American remake.
|
January 18th, 2008
08:50 pm - Cloverfield
First of all, I have to say: do not go to see this movie when you're sick. Apparently my lunch didn't agree with me, so by the time the action started onscreen, it was started in my gut, too. The camera is all handheld, supposedly by one guy, so the way it jerks around during the important stuff started making me dizzy, which just made me feel sicker.
Still thought it was a good movie, though, and it was really scary in a few places.
I keep hearing and reading that this is a shallow movie. I just want to know how fucking deep you'd expect to get while running away from a giant monster that wants to eat you.
|
January 13th, 2008
10:56 pm - Death Race 2000
In a dystopian future, people compete in a high-speed cross-country race while racking up points by killing pedestrians.
Lots of gore and nudity, plus David Carradine and some bad jokes.
|
January 5th, 2008
04:54 am - Fight Club
A yuppie who can't sleep becomes addicted to self-help groups until a woman comes along and screws up his mojo. Then the guy meets Tyler Durden and starts a club where idiots kick the snot out of each other for kicks or something.
Then it gets weird.
Definitely better than the book.
|
December 26th, 2007
12:38 am - Brick
Brendan gets a panicked phone call from his ex-girlfriend Emily. But when he catches up with her, she tells him to forget her.
The next time Brendan sees Emily, she's dead. So he hides the body and goes looking for her killer.
This movie takes film noir conventions and lays them on a high school setting. This is sometimes hilarious. It's also pretty violent and fucked up. Good movie.
|
|
|