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[02 Apr 2005|02:03am] |
um... april fools.
sorry if i made you cry.
woah.
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[31 Mar 2005|07:01am] |
well, i guess i won't be seeing you.
hooray for dads who trick you into going to pakistan but don't tell you you'll never be coming back.
haha, i love my life.
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[25 Mar 2005|06:47am] |
FUCK, YOU GUYS.
I'M HERE FOR TWO MORE FUCKING WEEKS.
I GUESS I WON'T BE SEEING YOU UNTIL APRIL 11TH, WTF.
SOMEONE, PLEASE, JUST. FUCKING GO SHOOT MY DAD, PLEASE.
PLEASE.
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[27 Feb 2005|12:34am] |
btw if anyone has a fish tank and would like four free tropical fish, let me know. i don't feel like flushing them.
k thx.
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[02 Feb 2005|07:35pm] |
you know what's disgusting?
humans try so hard to be sad.
no, really, think about it. whenever we want to cry we think of the saddest things so we can cry. we make our situation seem worse than it really is so we can cry. like, if we lose someone we say over and over to ourselves that they're gone and they're never coming back and how much you miss them. you say it over and over to force yourself to cry. when something saddens you you think of worse things so that you'll me moved to tears.
it's the most pathetic thing in the world.
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[22 Dec 2004|12:55am] |
a series of unfortunate events was cute.
go watch it.
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[18 Dec 2004|12:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
yeah so i'm leaving tomorrow today at 12pm.
i'll see you guys on the 4th or 5th.
merry early christmas and all that fun stuff.
aaand i'll give you your presents when i come back.
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[14 Dec 2004|10:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
mystical z o a: I am teh Mark. I pwn you.
joethemarxist: omfg im mean
joethemarxist: im going to cry
mystical z o a: Look at me. I am like Jekyll and Hyde.
joethemarxist: because other people are being mean to mean person
mystical z o a: Hyde is in the closet right now.
joethemarxist: ommmmg i like HAMBUGERS
mystical z o a: I want to take over the world.
mystical z o a: Politics blah blah blah blah blah.
joethemarxist: dad blah blah balh blah
mystical z o a: Blah blah blah blah Bush blah blah blah.
mystical z o a: Blah blah blah pr0n blah.
joethemarxist: blah balh blah i live in the desert
mystical z o a: No I will not tell you what kind of pr0n I watch.
mystical z o a: You are annoying.
mystical z o a: I am better than you.
mystical z o a: I like writing pointless shit.
mystical z o a: Blah.
joethemarxist: im fat
joethemarxist: and stupid
joethemarxist: and mean
joethemarxist: and like skinny white boys
mystical z o a: I wish to be a skinnywhiteboy, but i lack sexuality.
joethemarxist: i wish i didnt have to leave because mark is so fucking cool but i dont want to fail all my classes
mystical z o a: I masturbate all the time, but I am afraid to admit this because it would be giving into my more "human" desires.
mystical z o a: And I don't want people to know that I am in fact, human.
joethemarxist: actually i dont that often
mystical z o a: Zumar, go masturbate.
joethemarxist: i constantly talk about sex because all the cool kids do
mystical z o a: Once again Zumar, go masturbate.
mystical z o a: I use punctuation and grammar check on IMs.
joethemarxist: i have weird dreams about friends
joethemarxist: my grammar and syntax is poor as shit
mystical z o a: [ nicely done ]
mystical z o a: Sucky sucky five dolla.
joethemarxist: me lv u l0ng time
mystical z o a: Bust a chicken.
mystical z o a: My art sucks.
mystical z o a: No, you cannot see my art.
mystical z o a: You are inferior.
mystical z o a: Everyone copies me.
mystical z o a: Look at my emo glasses.
mystical z o a: Stop copying me, people.
joethemarxist: i wish i had bad vision
joethemarxist: so i could get classes like me
joethemarxist: err mark
joethemarxist: because he is so damn cool
mystical z o a: I am cool.
joethemarxist: and wants to take over the world
joethemarxist: i wish i had a goal in my life
joethemarxist: other than having sex and shooting out a bunch of litttle shits
mystical z o a: I want to destroy the world, but it hasn't yet hit me that this would be suicide.
joethemarxist:[actually i know its suicide]
mystical z o a: [ fuck you ]
mystical z o a: My english teacher worships me.
joethemarxist: [whats the point of being the only one alive?]
mystical z o a: Because I am serious pwnage.
joethemarxist: my teachers think im stupid and dumb
joethemarxist: and im a fob
mystical z o a: [ i am NOT fob ]
mystical z o a: I am a fat skinnywhiteboy.
joethemarxist: [accept it]
joethemarxist: omg mark has cheekbones
mystical z o a: [JAWBONES]
mystical z o a: [IT'S JAWBONES MOTHERFUCKER]
mystical z o a: Zumar, you shouldn't skip class.
joethemarxist: i wish i would go to school
mystical z o a: I wish I had the guts to skip class, but all I do is rant about how much school sucks.
joethemarxist:then maybe i could see mark, but i dont like schoo
mystical z o a: And how much authority sucks, yet I am afraid to go against it.
mystical z o a: Big word Big word Big word Big word.
joethemarxist: im dumb im dumb im dumb
mystical z o a: Jennifer Van is cool.
joethemarxist: mark is awesome
joethemarxist: i wish i was like him
mystical z o a: [*were]
joethemarxist: [wrong tense njub]
mystical z o a: I hate Alicia Grant, but I still stick my face into her livejournal occasionally to make peace, but end up makin a fool of myself because I get pwned by the master of clonage.
joethemarxist: [and conjugation of the being verb]
mystical z o a: [stfu]
joethemarxist: [heh i was cleaning up your fucking mess and you pointed out half the shit there to me]
mystical z o a: [ you didn't have to do shit and you fucking put yourself into it]
joethemarxist: [meh whatever. she showed herself as even more of a bitch then normal so whatever]
mystical z o a: Dreams? Ambitions? They're no reason to live. Zumar, you need better reasons to live.
mystical z o a: put zumar down put zumar down put zumar down.
joethemarxist: [damn straight]
mystical z o a: [!!]
joethemarxist: mark is awesome
mystical z o a: Yes, I am.
joethemarxist: [:P]
mystical z o a: [ you are not cute ]
joethemarxist: i wish i was as great as mark
mystical z o a: I secretly wish I had a girlfriend, but wait, I don't believe in human emotion.
mystical z o a: But, I am "emo'
mystical z o a: This does not make sense.
joethemarxist: i am zumar and im not sure about my sexuality
mystical z o a: I should go kill myself.
joethemarxist: so i constantly talk about it
joethemarxist: and get into all my friends personal lives becuz i dont have one
mystical z o a: Yes, because I am someone to talk.
mystical z o a: I stay in my basement all the time.
mystical z o a: And download pr0n.
joethemarxist: mark is someone to talk
joethemarxist: i have to stay in my basement all the time because of my dad
mystical z o a: [ omg you're right... ]
joethemarxist: [pwnt]
mystical z o a: I am allowed to go out, I'm just too omfgemo to do it.
joethemarxist: i have no life so i barge into all my friends lives
mystical z o a: I am asexual, apathetic, and a loner.
mystical z o a: I don't have friends.
joethemarxist: [i never actually said the first one for the record]
joethemarxist: i have friends but i always feel left out
mystical z o a: I make myself feel left out just to be cool. Because it is cool to have problems.
mystical z o a: I am so cool.
mystical z o a: You all wish you could touch dis.
mystical z o a: Yo.
joethemarxist: [lol, using my master of eubonics skill now?]
mystical z o a: [ yes.]
mystical z o a: I fucked up my brain, it was fun.
mystical z o a: I am going to do my homework, but fuck authority.
mystical z o a: Bush is not my president.
joethemarxist: [why take the same class over again?]
joethemarxist: i have a green card
joethemarxist: i cant vote
joethemarxist: im a terrorist
joethemarxist: my dad is middle eastern and drives a fucking taxi
joethemarxist: i should work at 7-11
mystical z o a: ( Insert random teacher's name here) is a fucking fascist bitch moron.
joethemarxist: (insert persons name) is a fucking fascist bitch moron
mystical z o a: I comment on people's journals and never get replies. I guess I don't realize they don't fucking like me.
mystical z o a: [ i don't even know what fascist means, ok ]
mystical z o a: I don't think anyone understands but me.
mystical z o a: Which doesn't surprise me.
joethemarxist: [actually ive been told they dont understand or arent sure what to say, or they just ask me on aim]
joethemarxist: i dont understand mark
joethemarxist: i guess im too stupid
joethemarxist: which is why he is the greatest
mystical z o a: Nihilism blah blah big word existiantialism blah blah.
joethemarxist: i think we should have a big party when we blow up the world
mystical z o a: [ I NEVER SAID THAT, EVER ]
joethemarxist: [so? LIBEL SLANDER OOHH!]
mystical z o a: [ wtf ]
mystical z o a: It's like part of me thinks one thing and then the other part thinks the exact opposite.
mystical z o a: I'm two different people.
joethemarxist: [i think i ran out of things...]
mystical z o a: Feel sorry for me because I make no sense.
joethemarxist: im zumar
joethemarxist: and im not that interesting
joethemarxist: so i just say
mystical z o a: Blah blah things that don't matter blah blah big word I am better than you.
joethemarxist: mark <3
mystical z o a: [ <3 pwns you ]
mystical z o a: Justin is my best friend.
mystical z o a: I have wet dreams about him.
mystical z o a: He's the only one the understand me.
joethemarxist: [lol]
joethemarxist: i want to do drugs just to piss of my family
joethemarxist: but i dont know where yo start
mystical z o a: I would never do drugs because I barely make sense anyway.
mystical z o a: Zumar you're too cool to go to Pakistan.
joethemarxist: [and everything thinks im on lsd to start with]
mystical z o a: I am a waste of space, and I fucking know it, but I post long, winding entries that no one ever reads.
mystical z o a: Zumar, can't you come up with something better to comment to my entries? Don't just say "get of the drugs mark."
mystical z o a: I'm not going to tell you which one you were on the fifteen random people I chose to say something about.
mystical z o a: I'm going to sit here in and hide in a dark corner and listen to Cursive, Muse, and Placebo.
joethemarxist: [thats the genius of it. dont you see the hyperbolic irony? im a waste of space and yet i take up space with long entries, which are in fact wasted, its beautiful]
joethemarxist: [so yeah im out of things to say now]
mystical z o a: [ IM NOT DONE SLUT ]
mystical z o a: Zumar, why don't you just fail. That's the obvious answer. Too bad I don't realize that you will permanently fuck up your future in any country if you fail.
mystical z o a: I work at the library.
mystical z o a: I want to rule the world.
joethemarxist: [community college silly]
mystical z o a: [ because i really want to end up with you ]
joethemarxist: [better than the grocery store]
mystical z o a: I think I have Scarlet Fever.
mystical z o a: [next day] I think I have mono.
mystical z o a: I'm going to die.
mystical z o a: I'm moving to Texas[?]
mystical z o a: No, wait, never mind.
joethemarxist: [they still dont know what i had. i was just saying what they thought]
joethemarxist: [and i was, but then my dad decided to go alone]
mystical z o a: I'm writing a book that's getting nowhere.
joethemarxist: [yep just like my life]
mystical z o a: No, you can't see it. You wouldn't understand.
mystical z o a: Dun make me get ma pimp ass mofo ride with $7k rims that I lifted off some white prick and drive by your Pakistani ass.
joethemarxist: [because you wouldnt and i dont feel like answering]
joethemarxist: damn straight nigga
mystical z o a: k i'm done.
mystical z o a: OH! ONE MROE.
mystical z o a: *MORE
mystical z o a: I am in a band. Melvin and Justin and I are going to have band practice soon.
mystical z o a: The purpose of a human is to strengthen its species.
joethemarxist: it is
joethemarxist: what other purpose is there?
mystical z o a: Blah Blah Hitler Stalin Blah Blah WWII Blah. I want to be like Hitler.
joethemarxist signed off at 10:11:25 PM.
joethemarxist signed on at 10:11:32 PM.
joethemarxist: oops
mystical z o a: mhmm
mystical z o a: well this was fun.
joethemarxist: yeah
joethemarxist: im hungry
joethemarxist: what should i eat?
joethemarxist: HAMBUGER!!!!11
mystical z o a: ... i thought you were done?
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[02 Dec 2004|07:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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clocks - coldplay |
] |
- i'm sick.
- lj sucks right now.
+ kelsey is awesome.
- ines and jill need to stop iming me when they're high.
+ i love this icon.
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| man crushes. |
[30 Nov 2004|12:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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k. |
] |
so dear jack and i were playing do, date, or dump, the homosexual version:
me: okso dan, ryan, and... uh, mark.
jack: i hate you. uhhhhhh i'd dump ryan... and uh, i'd do the jew...
lmfao.
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[29 Nov 2004|12:35am] |
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i'm definitely bored.
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[25 Nov 2004|06:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
thank you, god, for:
+ my car
+ recently acquired high speed internet
+ new computer
+ new lcd monitor
+ friends
+ skinnywhiteboys
- my dad
- my mom's death
it evens out, i guess. fuck you anyway though.
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[24 Nov 2004|08:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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muse // stockholm syndrome |
] |
yeah, today was fun.
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[30 Oct 2004|07:38pm] |
i just had another bitchfight with my dad.
turns out he knew all along that i lied about the one acts.
see, i went to ines' house after school on thursday to watch movies with danika and caroline and dan. he didn't know i was there, and he called at 5:30 to ask where i was, but i couldn't tell him i was at home because he heard voices in the background. i told him i was in the car with caroline heading to school for the one acts. i told him the play started at 6 so the car ride made sense.
the next day, friday, after the one acts, the plan was to go to silver diner. i told him the play ended at 10 so i would be home maybe half an hour after that, since i thought we would be at silver diner for an hour or something. and plus, he had told me before that he was going to be at work and he wouldn’t be home until 4 am. liar.
he called me as soon as we had sat down at the diner and asked where i was. i told him i was still at school and that people were making a plan to go to mcdonald's [because silver diner was definitely out of the question], and whether i could go. he told me no and to come home at once, and i said i couldn't because caroline was planning to go to "mcdonald's" and since she was my ride, i had to go with her. he said he was picking me up in 10 minutes. after hanging up i begged caroline to drive me to school right then.
she did, and as soon as i got there, my dad confronted me saying he knew all along what time the play started [he had called the school thursday morning and had gotten all the details] and what time the play ended. and also that he knew i was at silver diner because he had followed me there, and followed me back. he now knows i lie to him about where i go. and i'm so glad he knows i lie so i don't have to feel guilty about doing things that aren't even wrong.
so the question lies in whose fault it is that i lie.
is it mine, the girl who wants to have fun but can't because her father thinks that all white people or any other person, in fact, is a horny drunk piece of shit who will go after every opportunity he gets to rape me?
or is it my dad's fault? if he didn't let me do what i want, i wouldn't have to lie to him in the first place. if i would have asked about going to ines' house thursday after school, he would have said no. i know this because he has said no to it before. he hates it when i go to people's houses, because for some reason, it's easier to get raped there. and i didn't ask him about silver diner because he would have never let me go there either. and both of those places aren't strip clubs. they aren't bars, and they're not even remotely dangerous. not every girl that goes into a bathroom alone, or walks into a diner alone gets raped. why can't he understand that? why can't he just fucking let me go?
my dad thinks that every other person beside us is trash. he works as a cab driver late night to drive drunk and high college kids home. he sees the shittiest part of american culture, and he automatically assumes that all american people are like that: without morals, ethics, manners, or shame.
i don't believe that at all. i think that americans are so fucking awesome. they're so much better than pakistanis in that they don't have a fucking culture to follow. they don't have stupid traditions. american people are independent and open-minded and not scared all the time. they can choose to follow their religion or not follow their religions and not have to worry about what other americans will think. god i wish i was a part of that. i wish i was born here or that my dad had the least bit of open-mindedness in him so that he could see that traditions are a fucking waste of time.
"do you see other pakistani girls who do this? i don’t. why do you want to do it?" so what if "other pakistani girls" don't want to go to silver diner? what if they're not interested in movies and school plays? wtf is wrong with "other pakistani girls" for making this sort of standard anyway. it's probably because they've been so sheltered all their lives that they've never been to silver diner, like me, or maybe they've never experienced going to a movie with friends. what is so wrong with me not being like "other pakistani girls" that stay at home and don't argue with their dads.
i've told my dad over and over that there are four things i will never do in my life. 1. drink alcohol, 2. do drugs, 3. smoke, and 4. have sex before marriage. he doesn't seem to believe me. he thinks i'm fucking stupid or really gullible. i'm not going to put myself in a situation to get trapped. i'm not going to walk into a dark alley at 4 in the morning. god, i just want to hang out with friends. it's not that fucking serious.
i just wish me dad wouldn’t be so paranoid all the time. i realize that he is a single parent and everything, but just because i don't have a mother doesn't mean i can't have a life. i mean i get the whole "you have to respect your father - daughter never talks back to father" thing, but when you don't have a mom, that rule sort of breaks. can't he see that? when you have a mother, you have someone to go to and complain, and she usually goes to your dad and tells him what's going on. but with me, i don't have that bridge. i have to tell dad myself what i think is wrong with him, and what i want to do and argue with him myself. it's so hard though, because my dad seems to take everything i say and twist it for the worse and with me, when i argue with him, he says "you're going to do this with your husband, and he's going to fucking beat you." he thinks my ideas are too american and they they're wrong.
and i say "maybe my husband's not going to be like you. maybe he'll be open minded and understanding of me and not be such a prick all the time." he says all men are the same and "good luck finding that, no one will ever marry a strong-minded woman, all men want one thing: obedience." my ass.
i swear i need to find the perfect mix of pakistani and liberal. i'm so sick of hearing all guys want is a girls that will shut up and suck their dick. i will show my dad that not all guys are like him. i have so many good guy friends. but i just don't know about pakistani guys. if they are all like him i'm never going to get married.
i'm sure i'm not wrong. i need a good point of view. guys don't just want a dick sucker... do they?!
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[23 Oct 2004|02:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ehh |
] |
omg. i am so bored.
someone please come online wtf it's only 2:30.
i redid my layout sort of.
is this weird?!! --
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[18 Oct 2004|07:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
swamped - lacuna coil |
] |
wtf. why does everyone automatically assume that i want to talk about hot people all the time? i am not incapable of talking about anything else. ANYTHING besides hot people, PLEASE. yes, people are hot, but life is not all about hot people.
sorry i guess i just need some fucking conversation that does not involve "omg that girl is so hot" or "omfg that guy is so hot." i know i may talk about it all the time and i'm really open towards declaring both sexes hot, and that totally makes it ok for you to talk to me about them, but please don't treat me as the object for only that. i can talk about other things. i am not shallow, though it may seem like i am from my countless entries of skinnywhiteboyhotness.
i think maybe i've just become boring and pissy.
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