[Filter: Private]

You should not have been willing to take such pleasure in my sister's humilation, Lord Matthias. Perhaps I was the one to disappoint her, but I don't regret it. A lady of strong heart defends her sisters as well she can without actually confronting anyone, and I cannot apologize for doing just that.

... now if only I could stop the hurt being inflicting on the sisters of my heart.

[Filter: Private]

I haven't written for a long time. It truly seems as if nothing changes from day to day, now. Everyone tries not to do anything, not to cause any stir. Except Chloe, of course, but there are days when I think that nothing means as much to her as causing a stir, and when she does, I'm bound by my word as a dear friend to follow suit, in the smallest ways I can be excused for. I cannot help but think that Lady Caroline has noted my coldness, however I try to apologize with my eyes. A thief she may be, and cruel, since that day, but she is still all alone here, and I'm certain that if we were to hear her tell the story from her point of view, her actions would have been quite justified in her eyes. She is so far from her home, and always seems so lost in herself.

My days are spent, for the most part, sitting in tension while my foolish brother courts two women, neither of whom truly deserve this treatment. It seems as if he doesn't even realize how upset everyone is, how trapped and caged we feel by this net he's thrown over all of us. Even Father is beginning to grow displeased.

He is toying with you, you see. It was always clear that this was a game to him, but I can't help but think that he now goes out of his way to set them upon one another and play them against each other and make them crawl atop one another to catch his favour. They both handle it far more graciously than any woman so humiliated should be expected to.

I suspect Mother is telling Father to force a choice from Tarmon. Father would not want to agree. It would explain the tension between the two of them, of late, if I have no read them wrongly, and I do not think I have.

Even Fartgus seems sullen and moody, as embroiled in all of this as the rest. And how could he not be? It is his sister being so shamed and his ... his betrothed, forced to stand in the presence of her enemy every day. For all of Chloe's inappropriate behaviour, we must remember that she truly believes Lady Caroline's family to be responsible for the death of the elder brother she loved and cherished so very much.

Sisca says that she believes things will end soon, but she is so very optimistic. ... she says other things, as well, of late. Does she truly not know that Lord Matthias and Lady Hazel are courting? Perhaps I should say something, and she and I perhaps comiserate ...

But they're leaving so very soon. Surely she won't pursue the thought once he's out of her sight.

Now, would you look and see how much I've written? I suppose I did have something to say after all.

It is lovely to be back home again, no matter how wonderful being away was. And travel is always so exhausting. I feel as if I could sleep in my own bed for a week or more.

[Filter: Private]

I hate acting cold and rude like this. I wish she would just go back to Nallen forever and leave us all alone. That's so unkind of me, but I can't stand her ruining everything any longer. Chloe simply can't stay in Emeron forever, and I want to enjoy the time that I have with my dear friend, not constantly be fretting that I'm not angry enough or harsh enough. Isanae deserves her dignity. She has already lost so much in this match with my brother, and while she still holds herself like a queen, her spirit must be getting downtrodden.

... And Lady Caroline, as well. Thief though she may be, she does not deserve this anymore than Isanae does. Surely she must know that it's all useless, and that is why she directed her attentions upon Lord Nicolas at the faire. She deserves release.

Please, brother, please just end this torture.

[Filter: Public]

I am glad that we could stop in Tersel for the holiday. Lady Mariana, you will be pleased to know that although you were not there, whoever is managing your household in your absence did a splendid job.

[Filter: Private]

Being allowed to come was such a pleasant surprise, but my role seems so unpleasantly underhanded, truly. To placate and distract Chloe is a valid concern, yes, but I feel so devious. I suppose I should simply count my blessings that I am here at all. I do want to see Lord Nicolas' tourney, and I so love to travel.

It all makes me quite nervous, however, and the tone is no more pleasant than it was in Emeron. Perhaps even worse so, with the assumption that Lady Caroline took Chloe's things. And how could she not have? It does seem the only valid conclusion. I could not believe that her servants would do it. It is so difficult being ... cold to her, however. Perhaps I should just watch Fartgus's actions when we're all togetger.

Thank the Dragons Light and Dark that Father chose several different carriages. I was worried he would simply listen to Tarmon. He does want to see Isanae and Caroline fight over him so much, and a single carriage would have been a cramped and perfect manner in which to see such a thing up close. I think he even enjoyed Chloe and Caroline's fighting. He takes such joy in such petty, childish things. We should all be relieved that Father is capable of saying no to him occassionally.

[Filter: Public]

Is everyone quite sure it's safe? With such a company of soliders and knights, I suppose the most intelligent of the bandits will all be afraid to attack us, but we do make such a procession. I fear something terrible might happen, with no disrespect to our protectors' skill. Perhaps I am simply being silly.

[Filter: Private]

Oh, why did this have to happen? There's no question that she did it, and her behaviour when Chloe attacked her makes it very clear that she is not the gentlewoman I thought she was. A promise is a promise, however ...

... but perhaps it is only understandable for me to change my tone towards her. Fartgus certainly has, and he is the very polished soul of courtly courtesy. In fact, the only one who does not seem cold is Tarmon, and that is hardly unexpected. Even Fransisca turned up her nose to her, yesterday. However rudely Chloe has acted, theft is such an unthinkable response. Truly, Lady Caroline, I was so impressed with your restraint and grace ...

I simply suppose I cannot see how I should comport myself. Chloe's methods are far beyond my capabilities, of course, but what else can I do? Refuse her ... simple requests? Ignore her when she speaks? Glare across the table? That seems so very juvenile.

Father says that with Chloe having calmed somewhat, he will permit her to move around the castle with an escort tomorrow. I suppose it is well-timed, with everyone leaving for Conare, so soon. I should decide how to act by then, or she will see me breaking a promise made within the sacred bonds of friendship.

... I do wonder if I should ask to go. A real tourney, and in Conare, at the estate of Lord Nicolas. I still remember when we visited there with Mother on the way to Megam. I was only a girl ... He truly was gallant and wonderful. I wouldn't want to intrude by asking, however, and I am quite sure Tarmon does not want any of his little sisters present.

[Filter: Private]

This has continued for far too long and I fear it has become nothing more than silly. But I know not what to do about it. I am at an impasse. Chloe will accept nothing but a venomous, full-out attack on Lady Caroline and that would be devastating to me. And so I decline to write on the matter.

Instead, I will comment on

Oh, what is the use? Chloe, why can we not resolve this, please?

Perhaps I should simply ...

But no, she would never listen to reason should I simply approach her and explain. Perhaps if I went through Isanae or ... Fartgus ... to acheive some sort of meeting.

This is a strain on me.

It is so wonderful to have guests. I cannot ever remember a time in the past when we have had so many honoured, deserved people within our walls.

I hope everything has been satisfactory in your stay so far, and that it continues to be so in the future.

[Filter: Private]

This has all passed firmly from the realm of the infuriating into the truly ludicrous. Lady Chloe actually attended dinner today, and I had thought that, perhaps, it was so that she may attempt to show some grace worthy of her station. This thought was quickly dashed upon the rocks when she actually asked Lord Fartgus to ask me to pass her the dish of butter.

I am mortified that this has come to this point. What would Lord Fartgus think of such a thing. I won't have him seeing me as some sort of silly little combatant, as Lady Chloe is. And he had this little smile on his lips, as though he were laughing at me. He told Chloe that she should ask me herself, so I suppose I should be grateful that he was enough of a gentleman not to play into her game. Though I am not surprised. Fartgus is always such a perfect gentleman ...

I nearly snapped at her for being such a foolush little child, but I did manage to stop myself. What would Fartgus think, after all? I ground my teeth and ate my meal in silence. I'm certain that was the entire reason she even came to dinner, to complain about Lady Caroline smelling poorly, which she certainly does not, and to attempt to bait me into some sort of fight. She wants to see me sink down to her level, I am quite sure. I will not allow any such thing to happen.

There must be some way I can end this.

I hate fighting. It's truly awful. It draws so much attention, and there is simply no polite way to handle all of it without looking as if you're trying to be smart. I'm not trying to be smart, nothing of the sort. I just want to end this so things can get back to normal.

Why can Chloe not be an adult in this manner? She's making me look just awful, and with Fartgus here ...

I cannot understand why he proposed to her. Certainly he could have opted to find another bride when it became clear how ... how insufferable she truly is. He must know. He must.

[Filter: Isanae]

Hello, Isanae. How are you this fine evening?

Do allow me to simply say that anything Chloe should say about me is to be taken with a grain of salt, at the point in time. Or perhaps an entire shaker of salt. Or a mine. I wish to cause no dischord between you and her, so please don't think anything of the sort, but I would hate for anything she says in anger to affect our friendship in any way. I do hope this doesn't overstep and bounds.

[Filter: Private]

I so hate fighting like this. Ever since our argument on the journal, Chloe hasn't said a word to me. I have tried to approach her, politely, to gauge whether or not she is at all open to making amends. But it would seem she is far too angry, still. I do suspect that the only thing that would assuage her is for me to be just as awful as she is to Lady Caroline, and that is unthinkable. I cannot understand where she sees such value in her impoliteness. And to be entirely candid, diary, I find Chloe's behaviour to be far worse than Lady Caroline's. I expect Lady Caroline is every bit as dissatisfied with this close proximity, yet she is consistantly polite regardless. She shows admirable restraint.

... does Lord Fartgus see something in Chloe? Of course, I am aware that the marriage it mostly political, but surely he must be appalled by her conduct in this situation, even as I am. I have never been anything but fully courteous to he and anyone else I have met, but I often believe he doesn't even see her here. And perhaps that is a foolish thought to have, when it is my goal, to be unnoticed, is it not? But every young girl would like to see eyes that green turn to look her way. But he does have Chloe ...

Chloe, we are not friends until you choose to be civil about all of this! Until that should happen, I am resolving to be somewhat cold to you. Yes.

It's come to my attention that it is your birthday, Lady Caroline. Allow me to wish you a very happy birthday, if that is the case.

[Filter: Private]

It certainly does seem reliable. Surely at least one person would have said something, were my words exposed to the world. It seems quite impossible that this could work, but it seems just as much as that it could not, and so.

Chloe hates our guest so very much. I cannot understand such rage. Of course I have heard the suspicions that Lord Byron of Rowan was slain by Lord Thomas of Nallen, there are few who have not, but there is no proof and surely if the claim were true, Lady Eliza would never have allowed her investigation to conclude. Dentoria's system of judgement is flawless, after all.

But I seem to have distracted myself. I do hate seeing poor Chloe like this, but I haven't an idea of what comfort I could bring to her. She frightens me, I'm sorry to say, and how do I show love to something that makes me juts want to run away? I'm a terrible friend, I'm quite sure ...

But Lady Caroline has truly been only gracious to Chloe. I can't help but wonder if she's gritting her teeth, or merely impervious to the claims. In either case, she certainly seems the bigger person of the two. I almost wish she would say something untoward, so I would feel less terrible for considering her far more ladylike than my own friend.

Isanae ... it is difficult to know, with her. I'm sure she's merely hiding all of her pain beneath the surface, and I cannot help but hate Tarmon for it. How could she not be hurt by all of this? I imagine she cries when she thinks no one is looking. But only then, of course. Isanae is so strong. She puts all of us to shame.

I just wish all of this could end. Lady Caroline is a gracious guest and I find myself enjoying her company, but her presence brings so much anger and tension to my home. Why can Tarmon simply not troth himself to Isanae now? They could be married on her eighteenth birthday. It would all be perfect.

I know it seems as if this is all I write, lately, but it is such an ever present issue in my mind. The weight of the air is so suffocating. It's

Ah, but it's time for my lesson. I'll walk past Lord Fartgus' room, and hope I see him. If I do, I'll write with what he was wearing today, and how he looked.

I'm so very relieved that this seems to work.

[... Filter: Private?]

Does this truly work? So many of you seem so kind. Could you please respond, if you see this writing? Thank you very much for your kindness.








I suppose that's confirmation enough. I'm certain no one would allow me to embarrass myself quite so utterly. ... but what if no one was looking? Or not one helpful, at the least. Despite the numbers in these pages, it does seem possible. Perhaps I should give it a day or more.

Yes, that does seem wise.



Anyone? Please, spare me the embarrassment of sharing my girlish thoughts with my elder brother.

It's so tense around here, lately. Brother is enjoying himself, I cannot help but think, as embarrasing as that is for all of us. Father will not question him, however; truly, how could he? Has he not always been so firmly rooted in his stance that Tarmon is special, blessed?

Has Lady Caroline tired of us, already? Whatever she is about, it seems to infuriate Tarmon. He certainly is showering her with attention to make her change her mind, though it doesn't seem to be working, exactly. I do wish she'd just leave, if she doesn't want to be here. I

For my part, I'm ashamed that I cannot do more to comfort Isanae. What an offense this is to her. I know that my role is the support the decision of my family, and I shall endeavour to do so the best of my ability, but Isanae is my friend. What a traitor I feel like, to have left her to confront all of this without a warning, and without any support.

But I cannot offer her anything. I do hope Chloe is good enough, as ... as doubtful as that is. And perhaps she could find support from home, or from Far Lord Fartgus.

Ah, Lord Fartgus was so handsome at dinner tonight. He was wearing green, which is really his best colour. It brings out all the depths of his eyes. Chloe really is so fortunate ...

All of this makes me so embarrassed and angry. Why can't father simply scold Tarmon, and suggest, directly, that he troth himself to Isanae? The outcome is al

Ah! I beg pardons for all of that. I wasn't aware --

My journal is magic, then, now, as well? I'm blessed ...

I am Lady Canti of House Emeron in Dentoria. It's a pleasure to make all of your acquaintances.