haha kevin "nudged" me because i haven't updated in awhile. Thanks kev <3


Well, summer is meh. I work with meat again. I sweat my ass off... again. I have no car, so i bus & walk to work. My ten minute commute by car takes me thirty minutes by bus/foot.... not including the time i wait for the bus (in some instances, it can be forty five minutes to an hour).

I'm sick of my homelife. It's very difficult to live with five people, especially when the matriarch has borderline dementia & is just difficult to deal with in a calm manner. I feel both needed & unwanted on a daily basis... at the same time (if thats possible).

I actually miss Binghamton. The only plus sides of being on Long Island seem to be seeing my sister every day & being able to see Ben... but I only get to see him once a week if i'm lucky. Did I mention he's absolutely amazing?

When i'm at work, i drink 4 - 6 cups of tea/herbal tea. I don't know what day i decided to like tea, but it's pretty amazing. It helps my stomach not feel so achy & ugh all the time. Especially the peppermint ones.

I'm going back to school a week earlier than everyone. it sounds awesome & i hope it is. I also hope that my schedule officially change to the hours i want like one boss says, yet another one of my bosses disagree.



p.s. my hair is long. longer than anyone has seen since i was like... ten years old. ( pics of my hair )

So yeah.

Grades improved after a slip I had (Hard Classes + Emotional stress = no deal). Unfortunately, on one of my Finals, I must have bombed the final because my final grade did not add up to a C (which i need to qualify for my major)...but I didn't fail (so you know what grade i got =/). It sucks, but you know... shit happens.


I just got WiiFit on the day it came out. Let me tell you... it's everything I wanted & more. So much fun & eye opening. I think the best part is it takes your mii & shows you realistically what it looks like (instead of the basic standards). I'm just paranoid about getting my WiiFit board dirty.


I'm looking for a car. Preferably cheap (duh). I just want to find one so i don't have to walk to work (which I actually can't because its just a little too far & no bus stop is close) So yeah... know anyone who wants to get rid of a somewhat decent car? Heh... let me know.

Since when did livejournal not let you see more than forty of the last posted entries of your dearest pals? Sheesh, what a rip.

I kind of forgot livejournal existed. I have so much crapola going on as usual. Can anyone say six years of undergrad? Oh yes. This'll be a fun ride.

I hate being away from Ben. Its totally suckola. Sometimes talking on the phone is just not enough. I just really enjoy his company. wah.

Two essay style midterms. Back to Back. I just have this overwhelming feeling that i'm fucked. I hope I'm wrong.


I can't stop cleaning. I find something that's messy in my room & I must organize it. I feel like if I dont do this I can't function properly.

I think I might be developing GERD. No matter what I eat nowadays I get heartburn that just won't quit. Ugh its annoying & painful too at times. I have too many health problems. meh.

I can't seem to fall asleep before three a.m. Even if I cut out caffeine & everything. When I have class its a definite pain in the ass. I guess it's just something I have to deal with.


I'm bored...

CHRIST

I'm terribly addicted to reading my personal archives.
I've had this journal for about seven years. Thats ridiculous.
I got sucked into Oct 2002 - April 2003. What a time. So much happened & that was definitely a huge part of my life where a lot of shit went down. I didn't even realize what happened to me in the course of six months.

It makes me smile, but mostly it makes my stomach turn reading it. FUCK i have a test tomorrow =/.

Twelve days until I see my love. I couldn't be happier.

meme swiped from kawaiikitty


The rules:
1) Answer questions and type into Google image search
2) Post pictures from results


( Read more... )

I am alive.

I've been busy doing... stuff.

I've been sick since a little before Halloween. I had a sinus infection (really bad... basically a migraine for a week straight) & oh yes... Pink eye which i haven't had since I was in Second grade (about 13 years ago) Right now it's just a minor annoying tickle in the back of my throat which keeps me up at night. I'm going home next week. I don't want to be sick when I see my family... or when I go to Jordan's Wedding (the first wedding I've ever been to).

I don't ever remember being so busy. I have no time for anything. I feel bad because Ben & I have hardly any time for each other, even if its a quick hello. It leaves me very uneasy because the last thing I want is distance between us... it would crush me. He's been there for me over the past two years (two years! longest relationship ever...) above & beyond when I needed someone. Between my parents split, moving, changing schools & severe internal conflicts... he's been there. Now that I'm floating & okay... I just don't have enough time which just isn't fair to him.

Have I told you I've change my mind on the route of medicine? Yeah, coming to Binghamton has made me not want to stick to this route. I do feel like tweaking it. Instead of becoming an OB/GYN, I think I would prefer the route of becoming an RN who is also a Midwife. Yeah, I know I picked an awesome time to make this decision... when I should be nearing my graduation, but being the lazy schmuck I am, graduation is just a distant dream. Unfortunately at this point, my sister will graduate from High school before I finish college. Whatever, I did this to myself, I can get myself out of this, right? I hope so.

Four more weeks. That's it.

so the first week back... how was it for you?

Well, it was relatively hellish. My Grandma is in the hospital. It seems she had a stroke. She was in ICU until yesterday & it seems she might be coming out tomorrow (she has been there since last Thursday). I was just really upset because no one in my family told me until the next day... which my mom said "yeah when you're away we just forget about you." Ouch.

I saw Superbad & at first I didn't think I was going to enjoy it. After I saw it, I thought it was hilarious. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much at one movie. I recommend it to anyone.

At the end of the week, I got very sick... I believe it was some sort of food poisoning. I kept throwing up for an entire night & it really sucked (I had to leave work early because of it). Now it's been two days later & my body is still so sore. It feels like i ran a marathon from the amount of strain my body went through.

I still haven't purchased all my books. I just don't have the money for it. I got for two classes so far & i need to buy just about $350.00 more (for my other two classes). It's so aggravating. One of these years I will be able to get through the first month of school worry free.

Now, it's time for more stress. I get to go to class until eight & then work from 8 - 2a.m. I guess it's my own fault that I do it to myself.

So, My summer has come & went. All i really did was work. I wish i could even think of other things I did besides work. My final day is Sunday & I couldn't be happier. I finally get a week to do things where I don't have to worry about being competent at seven thirty in the morning. It amuses me that they started to give me more senority than those who have been there for a year. I love that I was paid to shuck corn... & then we didn't even use it.


I really am starting to like roast beef. I don't know where it came from... but once in a while it starts to hit the spot. I never eat it regularly, but on a sammich it's yummy.

I still haven't had salami, capicola, or prosuitto. Well, that's just how it is.

so yeah.

i have to stop drooling over hot Asian men who wear makeup.


...maybe.

Sooo.... yeah.

I started to work again. I work at ShopRite.... again. But I'm working in the deli department. Right now I'm working about 40 - 45 hours a week... yet I'm part time? Well, I know they are short handed & they said they needed as much help as possible.

It's positive & negative I guess. I'm getting a lot more money than Before. As an added bonus, I'm also developing guns. Seriously. It must be the the monotony of slicing & the relatively heavy lifting. Wooo.

I'm going to six flags in two weeks & i'm so excited. I miss going on roller coasters once a year for a whole day. Next week is Ben's birthday & I don't even know where to start. Urgh... last year all I did was make cakes & gave him little presents... But I wanted to do something really special for him this time. Whatevs..

So, I have a real computer dilemma. Please help me if you can.


Well, I am the administrator on this computer. I have been the only account on here for...ever (since 2004... when I got it). I must have done something but now I can't access a few of my folders. The error message I keep getting is


"C:/(wherefileis) is not accessible. Access is denied."



That's okay, but how is my access denied when I am the administrator? It's random things too like pictures that i've collected over the past three years, my gaming stuff & some other files (essays I wrote, some misplaced songs, my AIM logs). I've even tried going into safe mode as the admin & access is still denied.


Can anyone help me? Comment. Email me (iamtheniko@gmail). Find me on aim(mydiskobloodbath). Call me(if you already know it). Whatever.

So i have successfully made it home, even though it was during a downpour :)

There are a few things that I want to buy.

- A bicycle
- Some sort of workout tape/gym membership.
- Sneakers that are not falling apart.
- Aveeno sunscreen (SPF 55 & continuously working... it sounds awesome :D)

But... my money has been going towards food for people & surprizes for ben. I mean it's not the worst thing in the world, but it is what i did last year too. I have a spending problem ):

Today I got to see Heather & Amanda for a few minutes. I also got to see Jerry <3. I haven't seen him in about a year & he looks so good. Still quiet but he looks so healthy & happy. (p.s. Jerry used to be my kitty <3)

Ben dusted out my computer. It makes me very happy. Then i decided to dust out my fan & that was a bad idea. Now all the dust is in my room & i feel sick.

It's so hard to get my room clean. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble with this. i guess im just trying to keep all my stuff together (now that i have twice as much of it) & it's just so hard to keep it all neat.

I'm going to try to reshape my eating habits starting on Monday. This is especially because everything i'm eating so far at home is making me sick. I also feel incredibly sluggish & need to change that.

I need to sleep... another thing i haven't been doing well.

every twenty minutes i have to pee. It's rather distracting.

I have three or so days left. I'm leaving Wednesday morning. I'm THRILLED because i miss Ben a lot. I'm going crazy without constant hugs. They are... addicting.

I went to a Hookah Bar last night & smoked some interesting tobacco. One was so sweet i couldn't even hold it in. it was so weird. But a dollar for a lot of tobacco was worth it. It was my last final hoorah because I don't know when I'll be hanging out with my suitemate again. Oh well.

Studying. As most people know I'm usually on top of it like flies are on honey... but ugh... no desire to do anything. I just want to play tetris. & like... clean. Nothing else. I also have a good deal of energy so i don't have too much of an excuse not to. I just... don't wana.


But in other news, I went up a rank in Tae Kwon Do. I passed my promotion test on Friday & now I'm a yellow belt. I also got to keep the board I broke ^_^


Work in two hours. Thank god It's only one of two more shifts this semester or I would go nuts.

So a month has passed & things did occur.

I finally kept my promise & went up to Buffalo. Things have changed, but not as much as I thought. The people who I was around let me feel at home once again. It was the best feeling i've had all year thus far. When I left I was a broken mess. I couldn't sleep because I was so upset. Not for what I left, but what I was going to return to.

The following Thursday I started to feel a tickle in my thoat. That tickle turned into soreness. The soreness turned into nausea, sweats, dizziness & horrible sneezing & coughing. It was my first time getting sick & no... I was not grateful. I had so much work to accomplish but I couldn't because it was hard for me to even sit up for extended period of time. Needless to say, it sucked.

Everyday in Binghamton is now painful. I can taste my freedom, but it's just ten days out of reach. I can't even explain how bad I want out. I have never felt like this in school. I'm angry every day & sad every night. I miss my family. Above all, I really miss Ben.

Walking back from the gym today I realized what Ben was talking about when he said that distance can force couples to break up. For the first time since we got together, I thought about how it could just be easier to not have a relationship at all then struggle with distance. Even though it was a fleeing thought... it scared me. Is it worth "throwing" away everything that you have with someone just because it's so hard when you're not together? Or is the reward of the moments spending with them greater? Sometimes... I don't even know anymore. I hate thinking this. I really do... but it happens.

I just crave change. I need a makeover of everything: my outside, my inside, my surroundings. Will it make things better? One can only hope.

So things have been going on.

I work out like whoa. I love love love it. My ass went numb yesterday somehow during my workout. It was awkward.

Of all the times in my life, my boobs decide to grow now.

I have two tests a week from today. That's also when I register for my classes. There are so many good ones I want to take that have absolutely nothing to do with what I'm pursuing such as literature of the middle ages.


I'm going to Buffalo next Friday. If this falls through I'm going to be incredibly depressed. It better not.


I've been having a lot of strange feelings & urges. Many not so good. I could say what, but Why do that? It's more fun to leave things a mystery.


My hair is much longer than it has been. Why did I just discover this? It's about an inch or so passed my shoulders.

I have a random bruise on the back of my hand. I don't know where it came from. It's a little bit bigger than my thumb. My pinky hurts.

everytime I come home, I want to leave again.

I don't mean long island, i mean the house i currently reside in.

People don't understand why & if I were to tell them I would sound incredibly insensitive, but it happens I suppose. Just that time in my life when I'm ready to move onto the next level. It's not like I won't come back ever. I just want more independence (oh so cliché i know).

I'm always between moods when I come home. I want to help everyone... or i want to crawl into bed & be completely ignored. I want to go out & run (even though I know I can't) or I want to stuff my face & feel like shit. I finally appreciate Binghamton. My independence again & my ability to control nearly every aspect of my life... including my eating habits & working out as often as I would like. Here I have hardly if any control of what I can eat when & my healthy options are much further & fewer in between. It makes me feel sick.

People put too much guilt on me. Not everyone, just some. Those who make plans & don't tell me that i'm involved. Then I feel bad when I say that someone already asked me to do something with them & then I get the "What about me?" speech. I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted to do something nearly two hours before I was about to head out. By now most people know I like to plan very far in advanced Just incase of situations... especially like this.

Ben's Laptop makes so many strange noises. I hope this is completely normal =x

Well, ive been sick since Sunday... but i think it's because of dehydration/exhaustion. Yeah yeah, i better check myself into a hospital like all those celebrities but believe me when i tell you... I'm going to be just fine.

I've been working out like crazy. Seriously. I got to Tae Kwon Do class twice a week, then the gym for at least three more times on top of that. I think because I fat its okay & I don't have to worry as much because I'm considered in the "danger zone" so I need to lose weight anyway. I still eat of course. I'm just being more active.

I'm leaving to go home soon. I just can't wait. I miss my family & my bear. My sister has off the same week I do so we're going to do some fun stuff. I'm excited even though I know that I have to get quite a bit of work done (i have two tests right when I get back).

When I return from break there is only four weeks until i leave for the year. Oh mannnnn. One of those weekends I have to figure out when I get my arse up to Buffalo. I think it'll probably be the weekend of the 21st. It'll be good.

Time for some Tae Kwon Do. My teacher wants to take us outside. It's been raining. I'm not excited.

so after a week of playing girlfriend, I'm back in binghamton. It was rocky at first but by the end, It was amazing. I played the Sims for way too long, but I was incredibly entertained. I didn't know you can make people die from food poisioning & pregnancy... then have everyone depressed every time they eat. Oh wonderful.

This week really let me realize how I need to prioritize my life again. I have been putting some things before others which have made me fall behind in other things. My top two priorities now are Academics & my personal health. I want to try to lose about twenty five more pounds by the end of this semester, which is quite possible If i stick to it. I also want to raise my GPA, which is absolutely possible if I try.

I applied to become a student manager next semester. My name was top of the list & that makes me happy. I also applied for a scholarship especially for students who work for Sodexho. They take into account financial need & Academic performance. I might have a chance.


Today's word of the day is comestible. It is just a fancy word for "edible." I'm so excited. This word of the day calendar is actually one of the best i have had.

It's fifty degrees out. I can't believe how georgous it is. I can walk outside In a sweatshirt & be just fine.