| bye to this |
[25 Jul 2004|07:11pm] |
I'm moving to a new journal ::shrugg:: add if you want
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) vizible_scarz
peace
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[17 Jun 2004|12:02am] |
I got a futon to replace my horrid bed lmao...so heres Before...and after
Before
After
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| rofl |
[13 May 2004|02:09pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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4 Strings - Diving |
] |
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[22 Apr 2004|12:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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DJ Irene - Acid Eaterz |
] |
I don't type in this shit anymore...
I want to know why...
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[09 Apr 2004|03:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Finger 11 - Stay and Drown |
] |
The ultimate rant….
I have been very patient for the past 3 weeks. I’ve been very stressed for the past 3 weeks. I’ve been loosing my mind for the past 3 weeks. Let me just start by saying since the past 3 weeks I’ve been someone else. I’ve been at Ree’s house most of the time just chilling and just keeping me company. She’s been really good about it and so I love her for that. Smoking me up everyday and I’m starting to smoke more than what I normally do since spring break (pos)
I’m getting hours that are killing me at work. I rather fucking live there now then be there early in the fucking morning. I’ve been going to Lillian’s grave every chance that I get and every time that I go there to visit her she’s talking to me and its freaking me out. She’s telling me things to do, what to do, how to do, and this isn’t my mind I can actually hear her voice telling me these things.
I’ve been avoiding school contemplating on the thought of dropping out. Until then Stephanie tweaked out on me tonight threatening me if I dropped out. For one, I’m avoiding Lillian’s ex. Since the pigs don’t want to help me, I’m all alone on this one. Something about sticking up for myself or some shit like that. I got pissed off. Haven’t been to class since last week.
I have a great animosity towards people lately. I wish people who I love would just die and kill themselves. I have someone in mind who I would just like to repeatedly stick a butcher knife and stab the shit out of them. And I’m told the hate I’m feeling is normal. Well, killing someone to me every night in my dreams isn’t normal. But it would make me happy if they would just die.
I sent my application to UMass in hopes that perhaps I will get in…well who knows, its been a week since I passed it in and it takes all good time for me to know. I’m failing biology and probably have to take it again which means I have to go to summer school for a science credit to get into UMass.
This girl I met online is cool. She’s a very nice girl, and I hope she comes to over night laser tag with me Ree, and Steph. Obviously were going to do more than just play laser tag. I got a hotel room for four people so we could rink and smoke…and so I could rant my drunkenness. I wish Lillian were here to ease my pain.
I realized I don’t have a best friend. I can never have a best friend. Nor even a close friend. Just friends. Nothing more, and if your one of those people who are reading this, fuck off, the balls in your court.
I have nothing else to say except taken from a friend
I am my own best friend.
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[01 Apr 2004|12:09pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed and pissed |
] |
All you need to know right now is that I'm stressed the fuck out of my mind.
ROOOOOAR
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| today is gonna be the day.... |
[29 Mar 2004|10:50pm] |
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music |
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Oasis - Wonderwall; The Used - The Taste of Ink |
] |
Well...I'm stressed to no end.
I think I'm gonna visit Lillian tomorrow.
Ree Steph and I are going to a rave in May for Ree's birthday. I need to start looking into the sites and pray to God we don't see that trash there. I won't touch her, neither will Steph, only Ree, whutever.
Work work work...I get hours and wow...yay money.
Met some nice girls and well, she lives in New Hampshire but nontheless is friendly and also a freelance writer. Just as a friend of course. Met her in Girlz clan and all. So I dunno.
I just finished my American Lit mid-term. Well half of it anyways. I got school tomorrow and all and Texas Chainsaw Massacre comes out so I'll be buying that.
Steph, Tony and I went out Friday and Saturday. Saturday was crazy...I wanna do it again...lol...gotta go...sleep or something.
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| shit on me |
[25 Mar 2004|12:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tool - Pushit |
] |
So I went to Ree's and smoked...
We were so high...
We went to Wendys since we got some munchies, watched the OC which I couldn't even understand because I was so high. Tony got home at 9:30. That bastard walked 5 miles from Chuckie Cheese to Woburn...so from Burlington to Woburn...ewww....Anyways, we smoked some more and I was so retarded. We went to my house to get Gothika and buy cigarettes for Ree. I went in the shit mart and they were giving Tony shit about his ID. He called him Pierre or some France shit with his huge ass ass cheek covering the whole chair, and thats just one...I dunno it was something you had to be there for...heh. One of those moments. Then Ree was going on how she has a nigga gorilla as a bus driver...and Tony got a tattoo that says ALN so I'm like whoa...Anthony Loves N******. No he was fucking with me but still...anyways, I'm still high. Ree's computer would load a page in 5 minutes. My grandmother could do more shit in 5 minutes then this computer. Then we noticed it had some porno background in it...so we just shut it off lmao.
Anyways, I just got home now...I took a shower.
Ree explained to me what happened to me last night was because weed makes you think alot especially when you're alone. Smoking with someone was good, especially when we were acting all retarded. I was acting retarded...I dunno it was funny...
:/
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| What sucks... |
[24 Mar 2004|07:03pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
I had work until 1:30 today.
I'm back home since me and the person I was living with got in this huge fight which aggravated the shit out of me...
It got so bad that I left and drove around for an hour...I just didn't wanna be bothered. I smoked so much everything was distorting my vision to see what was real. Usually when I smoke every hour, which this kid was doing it made me see things in the more "it can never happen" view. So yeah. The weed was making me wicked depressed.
So after work I came home. My dad had a talk with me last night...not sure what to say except I just live at home...I dunno. I took the car to get fixed and everything was fine...I have to pay 200 something for the part which is gay. I was upset when I came home...
So after I visited Lillians grave...
I cried, and I talked to her and it was like she had no opinion to anything, like Chic, but it was like talking to air. The only thing that freaked me out was I swore I heard her saying things to me that freaked the hell outta me. I am beyond confused but I think everything will be OK...sorta speak. So she said.
After that I went to the therapist. She suggested that I NOT go on depressants, and that what I'm feeling right now is normal. Which confuses me because well WTF?
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[22 Mar 2004|10:58pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lost Prophets - Last Train Home |
] |
I dunno what to say...
My ex girlfriend is dead
I get hours at work
and I'm hanging by a thread
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[19 Mar 2004|06:20pm] |
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mood |
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 in pain |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras |
] |
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[19 Mar 2004|01:24am] |
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mood |
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numb |
] |
I feel so numb...
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[16 Mar 2004|07:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 horny |
] |
| [ |
music |
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G-Unit - Wanna Get to Know You |
] |
I hate having mood swings...
Anyways...I'm horny...
::wonders if she reads this and bounces:: lmao
>_< that or I can go downstairs...hmmm...
I hate being shy.
love ya
;)
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| The Computer church is cold... |
[11 Mar 2004|09:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
ahh yes,
So my computer is unplugged packed ready to go at my house after I come back from my hair cut. My suitcase bag thingy majigy whutever you wanna call it is in the back of my trunk all set. My non-chalant crap that I just threw in for fuck sakes just in case of an emergency "lets go to a rave" I have that shit and some hats for when my hair gets straightened which is today. I only have to get a couple of things from home like my beanie, my computer and I think just to look around at my room just to make sure I'm not missing anything then I'm off for 7 hours of driving and listening to music. i bet that I will be there by 11pm. I predict I will be in Massachusetts for a full hour on the road. Seeing that it takes me 10 minutes on 95 and 45 minutes on the Mass Pike...then yeah just about. Of course I assure you that once I hit Connecticut, you're damn right I'm gonna go the speed limit. Those stateys are Nazis...
Well...PEACE OUT HOESSS...for like 2 days then perhaps I'll update.
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[10 Mar 2004|12:56am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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702 - Steelo |
] |
Poll #260664
Open to: All, results viewable to: All Who would/will be voting in November 2004?
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[07 Mar 2004|01:01am] |
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mood |
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 high |
] |
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music |
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311 - All Mixed Up |
] |
Steph, Tony and I went to Silver Cue to play pool. We also smoked...
I saw Steph mice. One of them took a pellet shit on my hand. As long as its not wet and slimy I'm all set. The one I had was good. He was just walking on my hand and he had a soft tail. teeheee. We smoked some weed. mmm weed. Then we went to Friendlys to get ice cream. We saw a lady with an enormous ass who had no underwear or atleast wearing a thong. You could actually see the craters...can we say moon?? I dunno Tony pointed it out and thought it was funny lol.
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| stolen from Steph |
[06 Mar 2004|01:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
Your Energy is Red. You are strong in character and
love to be active and competitive. Driven and
goal oriented, you know what you want and what
it takes to get it. Courageous, strong, and
fair, you like to see equal justice for all.
You prefer the material world and all things
tangible.
You would make an ideal surgeon, emergency medical
technician, weight lifter, athlete,
chiropractor, or pioneer in some field.
What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla
YOU ARE A DRUGGIE
eh, and whats wrong with that? You have fun and
enojoy yourslef, who cares if you wont ever
graduate, you can be a musician!
Are you a druggie or sXe?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| So... |
[06 Mar 2004|12:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hoobastank - The Reason |
] |
I haven't updated in awhile...hmmmmm. Yes, so I've gotten more hours since the months roll by. I've been kind of distant from friends. Especially Steph...I miss people, but I feel the need that the things I'm doing now are important. I'm saving up for the trip to Maryland which I leave this coming Thursday. I'll have $400 with me. I'm not so sure if thats enough, but I also brought my credit card for gas and shit, I'm not worried, things take time, can't be in this huge stress ball of rush. I think I'm starting to grow on the Southern mentality of not giving a fuck and random shit, not being in a rush. The only thing I refuse to do is acting all bubbly to the toll collecting people (yes you chic) Although my attitude is still there. Whutever. I'm still not sure about moving down to the south when I'm out of school. I'm thinking I'll do it for 2 months and find a job and live it out with chic and pay something while I'm there. Then during August I come back up to get ready for UMass. Not sure yet though it's not that far, but I still have time to decide.
On a lighter note, the director of our store left. She resigned from the company. That kind of sucks since I hate new management. Oh well, perhaps it's for the best.
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[04 Mar 2004|01:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras |
] |
I'm angry and upset...
All I can say is now you're fully out of my system.
Don't bother calling me when you need a favor Lillian.
And don't call me to say I love you out of the blue because you don't feel love...in fact you feel nothing at all.
Goodbye...you're a lost angel.
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[03 Mar 2004|05:47pm] |
I made a journal for poems and I'm willing to add people if they wanna read...
the name is vizible_scarz
comment to be added
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