have decided to lock my journal. too many people reading. -_-;



my life is boring. really. but if you don't care and still want to be my friend, go ahead and leave a comment introducing yourself! i usually add people right back. :)

if you're here just because you're interested in my dolls, you should join fatalREVOLUTION instead.

because i'm so tired of reading about media writing/journalism... new layout, baby. featuring the GazettE (who else? :P) in their DISORDER image. might have to refresh the page to view though.

this is the most code-editing i've ever done in my life. ;_; i'm so proud of my new layout, header picture and everything.

dainihon itan geisha-tachi, saikou!

after n-months, i finally have a new layout! again, done as a pseudo-marathon with partner-in-crime blue_meddy, because we tend to geek out over the same things.

layout featuring lestat and louis from the interview movie, in a rather... compromising pose. i loved it when lestat er, forced himself on louis and bit him, so full of sexual tension, haha ^^b and tom cruise and brad pitt are love! antonio banderas is much love too! (although my poor dad couldn't for the life of him figure out why his daughter was going all gooey-eyed over antonio banderas, of all people, while i was watching the interview dvd in the recreation room.... XDD)

had a hell of a time tweaking the colours as they showed differently on my desktop computer and my laptop, so... hope this shows up nicely. :D

new layout, with a new icon to match as well! featuring dante of devil may cry 3, and part of a layout marathon with shu. :D hers features the smexy-as-hell vergil, and uh, since we're really into vergil/dante at the moment, we decided to kind of coordinate the words on our layout a bit. XD

...we are hopeless, yes we are.

anyway, i've finally managed to ballot for my tutorials. hehs. thank goodness. ^^

oh no i'm very flattered now! :) would kiss her if i actually could, haha! i think she just made my entire... week? month? maybe year. :)

愛死她了！她竟然會這麼想，竟然會提出這般要求，我實在非常的榮幸~
感覺還有點兒當不起呢。*苦笑*

and to plhu: thank you for your compliment on my layout! :)

new layout! changed the general look of the journal as well. :) now featuring keanu reeves as john constantine from, well, constantine. was trying to go for an atmosphere that reflected the overall feel of the show, but not sure if i succeeded or not. hehs. i like the current colour scheme though! partly inspired by a perfect circle's 'passive', which was the song played during the scene when constantine enters this bar. :)

this is part of a layout marathon with shu, because we're constantine/keanu reeves obsessed at the moment. XD go see! hers looks absolutely droolworthy. plus i can't get over how perfectly apt the lyrics she used are. :D and we more or less unconsciously arrived at similar themes for our layouts, as she pointed out over msn. muaha.

will change icons later... oh yes, and happy valentine's day! haha.
this post is not locked as i don't really see the need to. nothing terribly personal about loving keanu reeves, yep. ;)

changed my layout. it's now raito yagami, from the manga death note, which, i am sure you all know, totally owns me. i've never used this colour scheme before... but i kind of like it. heh. tweaked my userinfo slightly as well.

monday was the last day of school. surprisingly enough, i think i'm going to miss A01. although i'm admittedly not close to them, they're still undeniably nice people. so to the people of A01, thank you for being much better people than my classmates in the first 3 months. thank you for being concerned enough to always make sure that any changes to the lessons don't clash with my strange (and often screwed-up) timetable, and for not ostracising me despite the fact that i'm rarely with you guys for lessons/lunch/anything else. thank you for the times spent together preparing for funtasia and crapping/slacking in class. we'll work towards the A levels, and, like mr. dio said, "get more than what we deserve". haha.

and because this post is a semi-dedication thingy to A01, it's public.
yep. off to study some more... my mum's nagging. ._.;

changed the layout, i rather like this one actually. featuring ryutaro from plastic tree, because he always has such pretty and poignant-looking photoshoots. :) think i shall change my icons as well, later perhaps.

i so do not want school to start.
i've not really been mugging. someone shoot me now. a few more months to graduation and sweet release, woohoo.
kalimero has nice songs. i like nao!

pat: oh ok! yep sure you can link me. ^^

erm. the event, yes. some people made me realize why my parents keep on harping on the fact that i embarrass them when i cosplay/dress gothic or lolita. -_- these very same 'gothic/jrock cosplayers' make me feel glad that i have enough sense to go around in jeans and a t-shirt most of the time instead of white makeup, black eyeliner and black lipstick (to parade my 'nonconformity' amongst the singaporean sheep, of course. what else?).

suddenly i appreciate my parents' restrictions over how i can dress.

pseudo-SM on the streets to "scare" people doesn't put you among the ranks of the "nonconformist and glamorous", seriously.

the SDK team was cool though, props to ivory, shuui and min. loved their costumes! :D and yvonne was a suitably handsome/elegant toshiya! was nice meeting up with friends i've not seen around for a long time, and of course, the Obligatory Bitchfest [TM] that has to happen after every event. too bad i missed out on this one, had to meet the family for dinner.

and that's all i can say i suppose, without becoming potentially offensive and Politically Incorrect.

going to try and hit the books now.

to the anonymous person who left a comment in the previous entry: who are you? ^^ anyway the love letter i referred to isn't the movie, but a drama serial of the same name.

6 hours [well, almost] of charles dickens.
my back is killing me. take it from me, bending over a small table to scribble notes incessantly for 5++ hours does wonders for one's back. i feel like an old woman. and i feel like throwing away hard times now.
18th-century lit isn't really my thing. :/ john donne is okay because the poems remind me of andrei, so in a way it's easier to study. haha. maybe if we did gothic lit or something instead of shakespeare and dickens? am reading dracula at the moment and it's really quite interesting.
... ;P
but i'm still alive anyway, yes indeed.

managed to download the entire love letter OST from a korean ftp server. woot. >D it's what i would call mood music, and it's making me want to fic. argh. especially track 2... downloaded a japanese folksong that has been performed by both the nj choir and nj band before, called sakura. it's the shakuhachi/koto version though. very calming somehow, conjures up images of a medieval japan, lovers under a sakura tree, the light claret petals falling like early snowflakes, foreshadowing what is perhaps to come.

shall go sleep... my back is aching still.

天才 go go go is so entertaining! i love 吴宗宪's way of hosting, it's terribly funny and wacky at the same time. the part where he deliberately sang the wrong lyrics for certain songs really got me.

this line totally rocks: "怪兽不是人！" it's such a clever pun on 怪兽's name, methinks. XDDD;

五月天 got tricked into popping the cracker[?] so easily! XD 阿信 had this perpetually cool aura about him, especially during the last part. it's like... he was so unfazed while 玛莎 seemed quite cutely nervous in comparison. <3 none of them managed to win the prize money though. :(

the blue-haired guy who got into the 3rd round with 玛莎，石头，阿信 and another guy was also rather good-looking, haha. and their 保姆[?] ye peishan[?] looked a _lot_ like her. :/ kind of androgynous, bespectacled, hair dyed blonde and painted black nails.

oh wells. i still love mayday! :D

actually i'm starting to think that toro looks quite pretty. his recent image, at least. ^^ he can sing too, 暴风雨's a nice song. though i thought it was by mayday when i first heard it on UFM100.3...

so that was the highlight of my day, haha. not looking forward to tomorrow... -_-

watched anastasia on the disney channel with my brothers last night. it's such a pretty story~ if only the romanov dynasty had ended up that way, it would be so beautiful and, in a sentimental sort of way, perfect. rasputin was amusing though. he was portrayed as the archetypal 'cannot make it' kind of villain, and he was supposed to be the undead, so he would literally fall apart and contort his facial expressions/body into these really weird positions whenever his plans to kill anastasia fell through. XD

actually i think i like russian history. and german history as well, yep.

bought F.I.R's cd yesterday as well. it's money well-spent, i reckon. they have nice songs! my favourites are lydia, revolution, 我们的爱 and 后乐园. actually i've been wanting to get the cd after hearing some rather positive reviews about their music. :) *is a supporter*

edit: msn is freaking screwed.

back. i've discovered that i actually like to update. XD;
about the previous entry... it's more of an invasion of my privacy. which, i'm afraid to say, i take quite seriously. (it's not wrong to value my privacy, is it?) was quite shocked by a certain revelation. please leave a message if you read my LJ and i don't know about it, because i've discovered that a lot of people know about my blog, and it's rather disturbing/annoying [at times].

from now on i shall only post frivolous matters here. like how darkly charismatic and handsome count dracula from van helsing/richard roxburgh is. he has the aristocratic good-looks so often read about in victorian novels. *_* i loved the masquerade scene, and i think i would have taken up dracula's offer to anna, being the poor shallow person i am. haha. he has such a riveting, intense stare, and his accent is too cute~ my brother's very amused by the accent though. richard roxburgh rocks! he reached a perfect balance between campy and cool. my ideal man of the moment [XD] is count dracula. <3~

anyway. people looking to pry into my inner thoughts/discover how bitchy and whiny i am, that's reserved for friends-only.

...what the hell?
i feel so violated.
going on hiatus for an indefinite period of time.

i feel like dying now. :( still sick, and i don't want to write my essay anymore. currently unable to gather my thoughts and put them coherently in words. argh. but my essay's due tomorrow [!]... ah this is what i deserve for procrastinating. not going to sleep tonight, wahahaha.

quotes for my own personal reference later:
"all excess, as well as all renunciation, brings its own punishment."
- oscar wilde

"肉体，肉体哪里靠得住？只有艺术，只有艺术才能长存！" 所以他把我们王国里的美少年，都画成了图画。
- 白先勇，《孽子》

and the jerk from lit class likes jrock. 0_o quite surprised when he mentioned gackt and malice mizer on his blog, heh.

i like my new icon. :) picture emailed to me by sze, thanks girl. for the uninitiated, it's jo hyun-jae [aka andrei] from (advertisement!) 情书, a korean drama currently airing on channel 56 at 7PM, every thursday and friday. (/advertisment!) he's a very very shuai priest torn between his love for this girl and his aspiration to devote his life to God. and i reckon he's in love with his rival in love and half-brother youzheng as well, but sze would probably violently object to such a suggestion. XD everytime we go through donne's poetry i invariably think about andrei, because the themes in both their lives are so similar. haha.

i want to take part in this fic contest but i ultimately suck at fic-writing, so...
ok back to work.

cosfest's cancelled. i don't see why people on the forums have to work themselves up into a huge tizzy and start fighting over this. i think it says a lot about the singaporean psyche. and you know, i cannot for the life of me see why "not getting appreciated" is a valid excuse for abruptly cancelling an event that had earlier been announced and _confirmed_. sheer irresponsibility, i say. if you did that in school you would be majorly screwed. and i mean _majorly_. being the organiser is a thankless job, like several people have already mentioned on the forums. just look at the student leaders in my school. they put in effort and hard work i'm sure, in organising stuff for all of us, and what do we do? we pon the event. yes i'm guilty as charged, haha. at least people don't pon cosfest. XD; i don't think it's realistic to expect everyone to approach you after the event and go, "oh, thank you so much!" there are people who do, but the majority of the population doesn't. and anyway organising the event just to feel appreciated shows... i don't know, an inferiority complex of sorts on your part?

please, don't even get me started on the "deep pits of despair" argument. leave your personal angst out of issues concerning responsibility. that's the stupidest reason i've ever heard anyone give. if everyone started shirking responsibility due to their own emotional rollercoasters then... i cannot imagine what the world would be like.

it's the organisers' right to cancel the event, but if you were planning to cancel it in the first place then _say so_, damnit. it's the issue of responsibility here. just as you have the right to cancel the event, we have the right to know in advance.

haiyah this whole thing is simply too lame.

me, i'm just glad i have time now and one less distraction from studying for the common tests that will be unleashed upon us soon after the june holidays. nerd i shall be, yes. besides, i don't really like SCC and their president/vice-president. there. i said it. can't be bothered to be politically correct anymore. yeah i'm "ungrateful", so what? they give themselves so many excuses i'm not even faintly sympathetic anymore.

went for the choir concert today. it wasn't bad, just that the religious latin songs at the beginning reminded me of john donne. probably because the choir is headed by ms c, who teaches us 18th century writing as well. :X

down with a flu and sore throat now. i can't stop sneezing! shucks i want to fall sick on a weekday, but no... >_< ah wells.

:( why is it that the school has all these nice interesting immersion programmes only now? i want to go on the trip to taiwan! and japan [10 days argh]! but the former is for jc1s i think, and the latter, for IP1s.

this isn't fair. >:O we're the lab rats for painful things [eg. project work -_-], and whatever chances we were supposed to have to attend immersion programmes got destroyed by SARS. boo.

still, managed to go for the sarawak trip, so i should be thankful.

anyway got majorly screwed today for ponning friday's election speeches. everyone who ponned and owned up [sort of] got blasted by crap about not treasuring the chance we have to vote for a student body that will change the way things are done in the school and blahblahblah. seriously though, we may vote for people who are capable and have leadership abilities, but in the end it's all up to the school admin to decide what _actually_ gets done around here. isn't it? it's like colonial-era malaya. the facade of self-rule. window-dressing concessions. when you get down to it it's still the colonialists who have the final say.

have to write an apology letter now, or risk having our conduct grade downgraded. i would say i don't care, but for pragmatic reasons [ie getting into a decent university either here or overseas], and for the sake of not disgracing my dear dad [who happens to be an alumni of the college, haha], i have to sound like i'm truly sorry for absenting myself for such an important event.

(people who attended said the speeches were nonsense anyway.)

freak and the lit teacher wants to see everyone who missed the lecture on friday. he can't make me drop lit, because i only have 3 subjects. >:P sheesh such a bad start to the week. can't deny the fact that it's my own fault also, heh.

sorry, i'm feeling disgruntled today.

*waves hi to pat* i didn't know you read my blog~ ^^ yep i remember you lah, haha~ :) oops guess quite a lot of people saw sze and me on tv that day. ^^ the show ah... it's not really a horror serial i suppose, it's about this place where people can go and exchange their souls/abstract qualities [like talent, love etc.] for things more materialistic [fame, money etc.]. heh it's really nice! :D yeps haven't seen you for a long time! take care girl... :)

okay. also changed the layout. featuring hizumi from +D'espairsRay+, and selected sections from the requiem dies irae, essentially a mass for the dead. the requiem dies irae is also what george chants in the last act of who's afraid of virginia woolf, to exorcise the ghosts of his past. or rather, he 'kills' his son by intertwining the requiem dies irae with martha's reminicising of the son, forcing martha to accept the 'death' of a past which should never be revoked.

at least that's how i see it. ^^ was curious to know what all that latin meant, and went to check it out online, haha.

Libera me, Domine, de morte aeterna
in die illa tremenda
quando coeli movendi sunt et terra,
dum veneris judicare saeculum per ignem.

Deliver me, O Lord, from eternal death
on that dreadful day
when the heavens and earth shall be shaken
and you shall come to judge the world by fire.

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine;
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Cum sanctis tuis in aeternum:
quia pius es.

Eternal rest grant them, O Lord;
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
With your saints forever
for Thou art merciful.

Kyrie, eleision! Christe, eleision! Kyrie, eleision!

Lord, have mercy on us! Christ, have mercy on us! Lord, have mercy on us!

Lacrimosa dies illa,
Qua resurget ex favilla
Judicandus homo reus.
Huic ergo parce, Deus:
Dona eis requiem. Amen.

That day is one of weeping,
on which shall rise again from the ashes
the guilty man, to be judged.
Therefore spare this one, O God:
Give them rest. Amen

i find the entire requiem dies irae to be quite, quite beautiful.

not in school today because i can't be bothered to listen to 94 people talk about more or less the same thing for more than 3 hours. bleah. wonder if i should go back later for cca. *is lazy :(*

i'm free till 12.20. :( wonder if i should stay in school or just up and go home now, because my last lesson [at 12.20 -_-] is lit lecture and i don't think mr dio will really care anyway. haha. want to go out and loiter around, maybe buy some books from kinokuniya, but i didn't bring money. arrrrrrrrgh.

it's so strange to be taking a totally odd combination in jc. you're alone most of the time, and sometimes i don't have any lessons with a01 for the entire day. but i'm used to it, wouldn't have been the same in sngs though, where i probably would have felt totally ostracised. still, there's one good thing: you get to know quite a lot of people from other classes. ^^ nevertheless, maybe i'm becoming slightly misanthrophic.

wish i could think deep thoughts and write it all down in beautiful surrealistic language. some people's blogs are just so lyrical and fluent. hmm nevermind.

maybe i'll stay in the library and finish reading battle royale. i like the cold psychopathic kazuo kiriyama and the lovably innocent shuya nanahara. feel like cosplaying also, heh. and i want to watch the movie! think i'll try to persuade my dad to buy it... convince him it's not just about blood and gore and people being killed off like flies, but instead a satire on social violence [?]. make the show sound complex or something, haha. actually i just want to look at masanobu ando and tatsuya fujiwara. :P

went to watch mayday on sunday[at nkf] and monday[at hmv]. they were wonderful! wrote a letter to guai shou, hope he reads it~ ^^ the entire thing was simply... impossible to describe with words. have to thank sze also for putting up with me and my stupid fluctuating moods. she's a real darling. love you! ^^

just found a website which tells me where all the gay chapters of hongloumeng are, which characters in particular have homosexual relationships, and also about the nature of their love. XD actually i think the relationship between qin zhong and jia baoyu is quite tragically romantic, lah. wonder who's the seme and who's the uke though, since both seem to be androgynous and feminine in their appearance and behaviour. *ponders*

bless that website. i can go do my project on the homo/bisexuality in hongloumeng now, and how it relates to modern culture/society. though nobody in class wants to do it with me... ^^; hmm i'm feeling motivated to do my work. maybe it's because of the fact that we can do our project on any topic, as long as it's hongloumeng related? i'm very interested in the gay, haha.

think xue pan is very... 淫荡. 0_o