"Words · are · loaded · pistols" · ~Sartre

The five day prepro countdown has officially begun.

My actors JUST told me that he's not available at night. The only scene he's in takes place at night.

Im hungry but too tired to make food.

Dont know what to focus on.

Did I write a script thats too difficult to shoot?

I hate thinking about coverage...its the hardest damn part.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck I have no money and I dont know how to ask my parents for more and only MORE bills are coming up with my movie. I have to not cry, not get depressed and direct a movie. Im right on the edge lets hope that my ATL can hold me up.

So my movie is coming up real soon. I finished cine for Nicole. It was an arduous 7 days of spending time with Nicole. V. nice test of my patience. Coming up next: an extremely hard week. I gaff for Nick in the hot ass balls sun. The set is the train station at RR square, theres no inside to cool off in and theres also no bathrooms aparently. Then I have check in/out on Wednesday and I check in for gaffing (lights etc.) and check out for key grip(everything on the truck). It sucks! I also HAVE to make my second dentist appointment to get the actual crown put in because otherwise I wont have any opportunity to do it afterwards because I ATL every week.

After this week I direct, then the next week production design, then produce. And then we're done! Editing..

I really want to see Nicole's dailies. I hope to God that what I did comes out looking good. I certainly tried my hardest.

I am going to pown this cine gig. Fuck all of my insecurities about lighting and coverage. I've been working my butt off and God damnit I WILL get Nicole an amazing fucking movie that looks cool to boot. Granted its been hard and more patience on my part than I ever knew I had but this will ROCK!

Had a good time 2nd ACing today! Im pleasantly surprised, usually I worry about loading mags but things went v. smoothly today. Eish forcing call= no sleep. Time for bed!

Yesterday while onset and eating a taco my back tooth crumbled(the one from the fucking root canal). Im officially terrified that on this wednesday I will find out that it will have to be pulled. For two reasons I am terrified: 1) its the dentist and they will be doing something Ive never had done 2) this is gonna cost me a small fortune.

Also, earlier this week I found out Uncle Sam took away over 2 grand of money I was getting in a graduate tuition waiver. Of course noone was going to tell me I wasnt going to get this money anymore but I had to realize and then ask about why I wasnt getting it myself. I blame the war. Fuck you Bush and thanks--the poor people are doing just fine.

Hey so, not only did I loose money, now I get to loose even more! My estimate for tooth pulling/crowning? Close to 2 grand. So I get to be shit scared and poorer now. Not to mention the fact that this couldnt have happened at a worse time.

On a good note, 1st ACing was a lot of fun.

Tomorrow is the first day on set. Im gonna bring it as 1st AC. I got as much done before the cycle starts as possible now its gonna be a scramble.

I had this dream that I went to some deserted part of a town (Tally?) and I basically walked onto some movie studio--but it was deserted too, kind of. There were people living in houses but noone doing work. I snooped around in their houses and then ran into Cynthia from Film School...she was pissed that I was there. Odd.

I've decided to change up the userpics. I chose women who I sort of looked upon as role models/admired/see something of myself in them. Enjoy.

Here it is!

Good lord Im exhausted!!!

It's the last week of our classes and there's definitely some scrambling going on.

On the plate for this week:
- Final draft of script is due on FRIDAY night!!! ACK! Holy shit!!!!
- Rockstar performance tomorrow night (kind of nervous....)
- Scheduling casting for Sunday (this means not only looking through the books and finding actors but also calling and scheduling them)

All this really needs to be done tomorrow because Friday is BOOKED with classes. And I mean booked from 9 to 10:30 at night... and tomorrow really isnt all that much better either.

So tomm morning I have to fucking work on my script, look through the books at school, call up and schedule ppl and hopefully rehearse again.

Im tired and I feel like my brain is going to explode.

Please dear God let the actresses Chip recommended for me be good for my parts, that will help SO MUCH.

After doing some writing today and Kellen going to bed before me because he's exhausted from being on set, I decided to do some browsing around lj. I thought it was high time that I upgraded to the new system and, therein, I found a whole new layout for my journal! I absolutely love this one. Its like what I had last time only classier.

Script is moving right along. I cant write dialogue worth shit.

Last week of "classes" and then the so called break that I will use to do as much work for my ATL jobs and my own movie (i.e not really a break at all).

Might be getting sick.

Discovered that if you burn lentils it kind of smells like pot.

Its amazing what a difference having a script you genuinely care about makes. Now that its in a place Im happy with I get ideas, the dialogue flows somewhat easily, I can play with it and actually have some fun. We have another draft due tomm at midnight and Ive been working out some kinks today. Still needs a lot of tweaking. Also, since I hadnt ever seen an episode of Desperate Housewives I was so freakin surprised when I watched an episode of it per Laurie and Derek's suggestion, and discovered that my script is very similar to the show. SO if my movie comes out and you think I ripped the show off its not true!!! It happened on its own!!!

I was just reading this Sidney Lumet article and I love what he said about making movies!

"I dont know how to choose work that illuminates what my life is about. I don't know what my life is about and I dont examine it. My life will define itself as I live it. The movies will define themselves as I make them. As long as the theme is something I care about at the moment, its enough for me to start work. Maybe work itself is what my life is about."

So for our acting class we're doing this "project" called Rockstar. The premise is that we have to find the essence of a famous musician who is the opposite of who we are. In class we talk a lot about ppls opposites and then everyone picks someone that they feel comfortable becoming. While we're told to pick our opposite we're also told to not pick something we would hate being because in the end we have to first, do an interview as the person and second, perform one of their songs in front of the rest of the class (i.e. lipsinc) while dressed as the other person.

So after all the talks of what my opposite would be (some ppl listed included: Britney Spears, Hanson, Jackson 5, Avril Lavigne, Jessica Simpson) I chose to do Beyonce. Jessica Simpson seemed like the most opposite but I really would have hated becoming her, watching videos of her and performing as her. So hell no to that.

Tomorrow is the interview and we have to bring a prop. SO I decided that my prop should be some awesome Beyonce hair and have spent the day trying to combine some hair extension stuff with a shitty wig that I got for free. Here are the results of my work AND how Im going to school tomorrow:

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Included in my fabulous transformation is the fact that Jess Salmans (a good friend and soon to be graduate of the theatre design program) is making me an awesomely tight, awesomely short gold lamé dress.

Oh and in case you were wondering Im performing, Upgrade U:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4Bnr_5DuFpU

Good times!

So yeah Im back on the worried train for my D2. Here's the deal. I want to have the damn thing in a pretty much DONE place in the next 2 1/2 weeks. That way I can focus on actually making the damn movie. I think Im a little more laid back than I was about the D1 but still freaking out. Me and Chris are working it out together right now. Hopefully...it goes somewhere.

Things to think about:

What is my premise (i.e what does my movie prove?) for example Macbeth- "overreaching ambition is its own undoing"
The premise sort of tells you the ending.

Who are my characters? SPECIFICALLY

Theme of? fake authority? heartless ppl being fake?

Camille's REAL issue?

Damn I hate writing!!
HELP!

So somehow I hit a good streak. I came up with a cool way to end this thing. Now Im writing it and its like once you've got the idea the thing writes itself. Of course there'll be like a million and one revisions and it will undoubtedly be completely different than what I've got written right now but whatever, right? I'm just happy that I see the end in sight for a draft #1 that Im actually pleased with. Its actually draft #2, because the first has a different ending- basically one I couldn't write.

Tomorrow classes begin and with them beginning I go back on Daily Plate so expect more updates about that. I had to call it quits with it because of set and stuff.

Okay so back to writing.

Hey all,

I just found out about this event where millions of people around the world are joining together to make a statement about climate change by turning their lights off for an hour. It's called Earth Hour and I just signed-up to participate-I thought it might be something you'd want to sign up for too. Earth Hour is on March 29 from 8 - 9 p.m. local time, and it looks like it's going to be really big. So far 25 cities around the world are taking part, including Atlanta, Chicago, Phoenix and San Francisco in the U.S.

Go here for more info!
www.earthhour.org

So Im in Sarasota visiting parents. Film School gave us a week off during which we have to write our D2 so Im here while Kellen does some work for his parents. I've got my D2 idea--its just the damn PLOT that's not coming along so well. Kellen of course is no help in any of this, he's absolutely useless. I've got like a page and a half written and you know its going to change a million and one times. I just need to figure out what actually HAPPENS; a premise is simply not enough.

Im in town yo. If you feel like doing the hanging and the out then drop a word.

Its 5:14 am and im in a parking garage on campus still filming. Were going probably til 7 or 8 am. So sleepy. Just wanted to run that by everyone. Need to take more no doze and...oh yeah even if we finish by then i still dont get to go home yet because i have to go back to the film school and do the dpr. Im so sleepy.

I made my own Miso Soup! And it came out delicious. I'm super psyched I've wanted to make my own miso soup for so long so yay!

I went to the Korean Market and then later New Leaf to buy this stuff. At new leaf I bought some things from bulk. I got some gluten flour, kasha, arabian couscous, and flaxseed. Not to mention some delicious strawberry preserves and more green tea ice cream!!! Whoot. Mmmmm ice cream for mee....

Kellen is coming tomorrow night and I cant wait, then on Thursday we're on set.. They still dont know if we're going to Orlando or not. First it was such a sure thing and now lord knows whats going on with that.

Keepin up the Daily Plate. So far so good, Im keepin on track with me calories and have so far worked out each day. I never want to go work out but once I do I feel much better about it. Of course set will fuck all of this up, unless I want to look like a fool jump roping next to craft services.

Post your ten favorite music videos. Not songs--videos.

In no particular order.

Dont know if these are my top favorites, but certainly some.

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