| cause you knew you were finally free |
[26 Oct 2005|02:36am] |
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iron chef still |
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Well I suppose it is time for a little life update over here.
Lets see….where do I start.
I got a new kitty which is totally bittersweet. He’s pretty rad though….pure breed British Shorthair that I only paid $200 for!! I rescued him which makes me a nice person. I mean, wait, I already am a nice person…therefore it reinforces that I am a nice person.
I also graduated from culinary school on Friday! Go me right! Its so weird….how accomplished you feel after you walk on stage and pick up your diploma.
After that we all had dinner at Mark’s which was so phenomenal that I can’t even explain. I haven’t even wanted to eat since going because I know that nothing will ever taste as good as that meal….nothing. ever.
So I have these two friends whose friendship is on the rocks and it’s just got me thinking about friendships that I have had and lost, had and lost and regained, and had and lost then regained and lost again.
It seems to me that I have lost many friends through judgment. Judgments that they have made of me or heard from someone else… just stupid high school crap.
See I think of myself has a pretty good person….I know I am a good person. I don’t manipulate or back stab or mettle in anyone’s business. I’m sure I have lost friends before they even had a chance to become friends with me. People would think that I was stuck up or a bitch or someone who thought I was better then everyone. When the truth is that I was just shy and convinced that no one would want to be my friend…which is so self defeating now that I think about it. And I still have issues with this.
I think what it mostly boils down to is that girls are just catty. Woman have this way of just cutting each other down for no reason over stupid things. I know that I have a handful of relationships that I don’t know for sure why they ended but I am sure it was over small stupid things that mean nothing in the realm of how terrible the world really is. And I would love to have these relationships back because they were, in all, good.
I guess my point is just that when your relationships get on the rocks (so cliché, I know) instead of pushing away, or yelling or back stabbing – talk to one another.
It’s so simple yet so hard. But I assure you, talking to the person at the time is a lot easier then wanting to talk to them 7 years down the road and not being able to because of some story line that is so unimportant that you don’t even remember the details.
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| dag yo i got tagged. |
[26 Oct 2005|01:53am] |
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okay i got tagged by adam so...here goes.
List 10 things that bring you a moment of joy & tag six friends to do the same...
*a nice cup of hot green, white or black tea
*a good sneeze
*my new kitty's big golden eyes
*knowing that i am going to see death cab in about 2 weeks
*the filcker of a candle inside a freshly carved pumpkin
*a nice cold beer that actually has flavor!
*knowing that life moves forwards, not backwards
*my new darker hair color
*laughing with my sis and mom on these lazy days
*katamari damacy!!!!!
alright. i did it. even though i am in a horrible mood. and i am not gonna tag anyone because that is just lame.
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| time flies |
[14 Oct 2005|06:59pm] |
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Seven years ago, it was Fall 1998. Take this quiz, post the results, and see how much things have changed since then.
7 years ago...
How old were you? haha i was 15... just a baby.
What grade were you in? i had just started 10th grade in pittsburgh.
Where did you go to school? Pine Richland High School...i hated it.
Where did you work? i didnt work.
Where did you live? parents house in pittsburgh...i had the whole basement to myself! it was pretty sweet.
How was your hair style? my hair was still it's natural dishwater blonde.
Did you wear braces? yes
Did you wear contacts? yes
Did you wear glasses? at night
Who was your best friend? i didn't have any friends at that highschool!
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? didn't have one
Who was your celebrity crush? hmm...i think fred durst? ick. that is so dirty now that i think about it.
Who was your regular-person crush? no
Were you a virgin? yes
How many piercings did you have? none!
How many tattoos did you have? none!
What was your favorite band? i dont remember...i was a lame o though. i listened to the radio.
What was your biggest fear? that i would never get out of pittsburgh alive.
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? yeah i had tried one.
Had you gotten drunk or high yet? i got slightly tipsy that new years.
Had you driven yet? only in a parking lot with my mommy.
If so what car(s) did you use?
Which of your pets were still alive? this question makes me sad.
Which members of your family were still alive? my grandparents were still living.
Which members of your family were not born yet? no one.
Did you know the person who sent this to you? i got it off brajot's myspace bulletin.
NOW! you guys do it and post it in the comments! it will be fun!
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[30 Sep 2005|05:00pm] |
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Bob Dylan - Girl From the North Country |
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so we survived hurricane rita, but we did have some bad damage:
haha okay so not really any damage at all but thats a funny pic anyway.
in other news, life sucks at the moment.
mostly a combination of good days and bad days. days where i wake up and breathe in life and realize that i should be thankful that i am alive, mixed with days where i can hardly get out of bed and find it painful to breathe and wake up with no hope in the world around me.
my heart hurts. and i now know that life can truly be difficult. and its unpredictable and you have to work at it. or at least i have to work at it.
weeks ago i was looking forward to my future and now i just...hate having my eyes open.
because when they are closed i dont have to see my current surroundings. rather i can pretend and imagine that i am in another place where things are peaceful and not as they are but as they were, as they used to be.
i am sorry to say this but i cannot write what happened in here. i cannot write it anywhere. because writing is permanent and when you write something down that means that it is real and constant and that it happened.
all i can say is that i lost something living and beautiful and special and irreplaceable. something that used to breathe yet no longer breathes here on earth but breathes somewhere that, at this exact moment, i long to be.
i will leave you with this poem. anyone who has lost someone that held onto a tiny piece of their heart will understand the beauty of this writing.
ON HEARING OF DEATH
We lack all knowledge of this parting. Death does not deal with us.
We have no reason to show death admiration, love or hate; his mask of feigned tragic lament gives us a false impression.
The world’s stage is still filled with our roles which we play. While we worry that our performances may not please, death also performs, although to no applause.
But as you left us, there broke upon this stage a glimpse of reality, shown through the slight opening through which you disappeared: green, evergreen, bathed in sunlight, actual woods.
We keep on playing, still anxious, our different roles declaiming, accompanied by matching gestures as required.
But your presence so suddenly removed from our midst and from our play, at times overcomes us like a sense of that other reality; yours, that we are so overwhelmed and play our actual lives instead of the performance, forgetting altogether the applause.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
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[23 Sep 2005|07:16pm] |
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rain and wind and stuff |
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okay so i know i havent updated in forever....lots of crap has happened.
i'm writing this entry right before i am turning off my laptop to endure this tiny little thing known as hurricane rita. my family decided to stay in houston and tough it out.
i'm not that worried at all.
i will update once this thing is over.
keep us in your prayers!!!
<3 kat
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| six feet under |
[23 Aug 2005|01:17am] |
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american beauty soundtrack |
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so last night was the final episode of six feet under and i have to say....i have never seen a show end better in my entire life.
it had such an incredible impact on me....the show and especially the ending.
i sobbed like crazy during the last episode and i must say, i simply love the idea of seeing all the people that we love that have passed on in the moments before we die... because its like, thats the greatest thing about dying. is that we will get to see those that have gone on before us.
and it is just beautiful to think about death like that.
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| this is so emo |
[21 Aug 2005|06:55pm] |
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sleepy hollow soundtrack |
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 | You scored as The Middle - Jimmy Eat World. You are "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World! Good for you, you are your own person without trying to hard to stand out. You don't give in and won't back down, but you're not too stubborn. You live by a set of morals and no one can convince you to change them. Your friends are with you until the end.
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World | | 100% | Feeling This - Blink 182 | | 95% | Minority - Green Day | | 90% | Too Far Gone - All American Rejects | | 80% | Helena - My Chemical Romance | | 75% | Home - Three Days Grace | | 65% | Buried a Lie - Senses Fail | | 60% | Cute without the 'E' - Taking Back Sunday | | 60% | Save Me - Unwritten Law | | 55% | You know what they do to guys like us in prison - My Chemical Romance | | 55% | Work - Jimmy Eat World | | 35% | You're So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday | | 30% | Burnout - Green Day | | 10% | </td>
What emo/rock song are you?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| i know.... |
[11 Jul 2005|12:57am] |
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same as before |
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i just updated but i got sent this in an e-mail and thought it was pretty rad.
Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
- John Christian
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| i'm staring at the asphalt wondering what's barely underneath |
[11 Jul 2005|12:47am] |
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The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - The Postal Service |
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tonight i went to see Dark Water at alamo drafthouse. i was pretty psyched because it looked creepy.
well all i can say is that the movie took up 2 hours of my life that i cannot ever get back. i feel so cheated. i feel like i should make the movie sleep on the couch tonight.
they should rename the film "lame water."
i am watching full house now. who was your favorite character on full house? i must ask. mine was uncle jessie.
any man that pays as much attention to his hair as i do is totally cool in my list.
this day went pretty well. i received three rather nice compliments:
"you have such a beautiful smile."
"you look really cute tonight!"
"you have really pretty eyes...they remind me of angelina jolie's."
and my most favorite compliment ever was given to me on one early saturday morning in june:
"you have a gorgeous mouth."
i'm not trying to make myself sound all hot or anything. i am hot. and at the moment i am feeling pretty damn good about myself which doesnt happen often.
so let me have my little moment. and don't worry. by next week i will have forgotten all these compliments and replaced them with insults.
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| words of wisdom |
[08 Jul 2005|01:33am] |
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Eisley - Trolley Wood |
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My sister has this little book called Taxi Driver Wisdom. Basically this guy talked to all these cabbies about life issues and got some real good, raw wisdom. Just thought I would share some of them.
Taxi Driver Wisdom:
On 20/20 Vision – “As soon as you meet someone, you know the reasons why you will leave them.”
On starting a relationship – “New shoes always hurt.”
On Chemistry – “Love is 90% responsibility. Whatever that other 10 percent is, it must be quite something.”
Defying Gravity – “As a couple gets older, they pleasure each other with laughter instead of sex.”
Life’s great motivators – “You marry out of your greatest love or your greatest fear.”
On getting to know someone – “Don’t be conservative with a new love. Be liberal and you will find out what you want to know. Don’t stop them at each thing they say or they will try to be careful with you and you’ll never know what sort of person they want to be.”
On the darkest hours – “Mostly I just hate to sleep alone.”
On choosing a mate – “You can’t go with the person who loves you. That means nothing. You have to be with the person who you love.”
On simple tasks – “If you are good at anything, that is beauty.”
On uniqueness – “Don’t you worry if one person is not showing the same love that someone else has shown you. No two loves are the same.”
On understanding – “If there is understanding, there is love. If there is no understanding, there is only an endless stream of questions.”
Judging character – “Don’t look at what he is not. Look at what he is.”
On the collective unconscious – “We all connect, like a net we cannot see.”
On guilty pleasures – “Never be embarrassed about something you like.”
On soul searching – “When you think you have lost something, it is usually still with you.”
On finding a mother – “Women choose who they love the most. Men choose who loves them the most.”
On identity crises – “Whatever you become, someone will long for what you were.”
On finding you path – “There is no need to stand behind anyone when there is so much room to walk.”
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