Couple things.

It was Aaron's birthday this weekend. I made him dinner and threw him a party on Friday, which went really well. Served pasta, bread, salad, and cake...and the only thing I didn't make was the salad. therealmccoy1 and empion headed over, as did Aaron's sister, Sara, and my brother. We had a really nice evening, and an even nicer weekend. Saw "Eagle Eye," which was ehhh. And watched the rest of "How I Met Your Mother" Season 1...Aaron bought it last weekend and we love it. The last episode had Alexis Denisof AND Amy Acker in it. It was a little BtVS/AtS reunion.

Secondly, Southern Comfort won an award for Best Plot over at the Rogue Poet Awards!! Thank you so much to whoever nominated me there, and a HUGE congratulations to my fellow flister-winners: pfeifferpack, adreamweaver, dampersnspoons, athenewolfe, clawofcat, and dragonflylady77.

( See my pretty! )

Lastly, I've been doing some thinking over the past few days. Two years ago, I swore off fandom politics for good, and for the most part, I made good on my promise. It was too draining, too exhausting, and overall, a huge waste of time. I enjoy lurking at places like Fandom Wank, sure, but I haven't felt the drive to take major stands in fandom policies or hide behind pseudonyms. And now since my participation is dwindling, even if I'm still active, interested, and writing, a few of the things I did, while they were important to me at the time and I stand by my reasons for doing them, don't seem important now. The few people in fandom with whom I didn't get along for one reason or another -- usually because of loyalty to someone else -- ...honestly, I don't have a problem with them, if I ever truly did on my own behalf. People do things for various reasons and in a place as big as the BtVS fandom, no one is ever going to agree with the way certain people act or the way certain archives operate. Likewise, while we ARE a big fandom, we're a shrinking one, too. The show has been off the air for a long time in TV-land, and a lot of us have drifted off to other fandoms or other interests. It's not worth arguing with each other or holding grudges over things that happened eons ago, especially when in the end, we're all here to celebrate a mutual love for characters that have obviously touched us very deeply.

All this to say...the few people on my flist with whom I've exchanged words for one reason or another, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't expect anything but I wanted you to know it because I know I've behaved childishly, and a lot of the time, it wasn't because of you or your policies or anything you did at all. A lot of the time it was because I was torn between friends and made decisions when I should have made stands. Other times it was because I'm bad at conflict and often hide behind old standards.

Most of the people on my flist don't apply, but the ones who do know who you are. I've been in fandom a long time and out of the "political" limelight for a while, even if my name is attached to archives and fic communities. I try to stay out of fights because it's not worth it, and it's not worth holding grudges against people I never met for reasons I can't even remember.

I know this seems out of left-field, but I've actually been thinking about it for a long time, and it was important to me to get it out so I can take a deep breath and move forward. I want to stick around, writing Spike/Buffy, as long as they still want me around.

Therefore, starting with my next story, I'm lifting my personal boycott of The Bloodshedverse. I know people on my flist might not agree with me, and I completely respect that, but I'm tired of the bullcrap and I hope that you'll do the same in respecting my decision and my reasons why. I might not be welcome back there, but I'd like to try. It is a good archive and it attracts people for a reason. If I'm not welcome back, I perfectly understand that...but I'm tired of avoiding certain names or places because of things that happened a long time ago, things that were over-dramatized by me or others, and have no relevance on the way I feel now.

Sorry for the ramble, but I definitely feel better having that off my chest.

Tags: aaron, awards, fandom, flist, flist love, writing
the mood of the hellmouth is: pensive

April 30, 2008

I recently performed a substantial friends-cut based on my own dwindling participation in fandom. While I will continue to write Spuffy, I don't read nearly as much as I did in the past, and when I do, it's always at archives...even if the reader in question does post updates on my flist. Furthermore, many well-known authors in the fandom are branching from Spuffy to dabble in other pairings, and while I respect the decision wholeheartedly, there are some cases wherein our writing interests were the only things linking us in the fandom. I did not cut anyone out of maliciousness or dislike, or for any reason not ascribed herein.

the mood of the hellmouth is: contemplative

I mentioned a few days ago that I'm going to be going Friends Only, as well as cutting down my flist. I think I'm gonna do that pretty much now.

It's absolutely nothing personal - whoever I cut from my flist. It's just people I haven't heard from in a long time, haven't seen posting, people whose names I don't recognize, and people I suspect wouldn't mind being defriended by me...in one way or another. If you get cut and want to be readded, I will do so happily. I just thought I'd give everyone a fair warning.

MARCH 19, 2007 EDIT

Copying/pasting from a recent post.

I'm also thinking about trimming my flist. Not a massive cut or anything, and not for any reason other than I think we've either grown apart or are only keeping one another on the other's flist as a courtesy. Of course, if I do cut my flist and you find yourself cut and think I got a little cut-happy, just drop me a line and thwack me upside the head. But really...I don't think anyone I'd cut would mind being cut.

...yeah, this rambling thing? Symptomatic of the perpetual exhaustion.

MAY 29, 2007 EDIT

I've performed another friends-cut. Nothing personal in the slightest - I just trimmed my flist of the people I feel I've grown apart from. And yes, I'm unapologetically ending a sentence with a preposition. ^_~

JULY 7, 2007 EDIT

I trimmed flist again. As always, it's nothing personal. Mainly people I hadn't heard from in a while. If you feel I've done something hasty, feel free to scream at me: hdburk@gmail.com

AUGUST 8, 2007 EDIT

I trimmed flist again. As always, it's nothing personal. Due to the state of LJ/6A, I thought it safer to minimize my flist...people who haven't updated and/or contacted me within 6 months were cut. My apologies...but if you come back wondering why you're not on my flist, feel free to contact me and I'll readd you.


OCTOBER 7, 2007 EDIT

Trimmed my flist again. See above.

the mood of the hellmouth is: uncomfortable
playing at the bronze: Sports Night

( You might wanna grab a Snickers )

the mood of the hellmouth is: contemplative

I've taken down Vinum et Rosae from my sites and all the archives, including now The Crypt.

Why? Well...I haven't talked about this much, but I also haven't kept it to myself if asked but...I've never, ever liked that fic. Ever. Not even while I was writing it. I kick myself every time I think of the time I wasted on it -- for spoiling what I felt was a good thing with a crappy sequel.

This isn't distaste for my writing. I just really, really hated that story. It's the reason why I don't like sequels (unless it's a series, like YBR or The GC series) - even when I get "good" sequel ideas. I was edgy writing sequels to Autumn Sunsets and Nightingale, even if they were both ficlets. ghostgirl13 fed me good sequel ideas to Dancing in the Moonlight right before I wrapped that up, and while I feel I've learned enough from my mistakes to not hate any sequel endeavor so thoroughly ever again, sequels+Holly=big, big mess.

So, why did I write Vinum in the first place? I really don't know, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Sang et Ivoire was my first story in fandom, and when I got to the end, everyone wanted a sequel. Being, well, new to the fandom, I caved. I didn't know that sequel "demands" were the norm when a story ended. To appease my readers, I thought up what I believed to be a good continuation, and while people have told me they enjoyed it, I never, ever have.

I'm tired of having mixed feelings about Sang et Ivoire because I hate the sequel. So I've taken it down from all the archives, and I'd like to "strike it" from the Sang et Ivoire canon...at least in my mind. It's done, and I feel better knowing it's done.

So there it is. In case anyone wonders where the story went, or why it went away...here's my explanation.

Tags: fanfics, holly is strange and off-putting
the mood of the hellmouth is: crazy