I long for that.

Soon.

The last photo shoot sessions I will be doing for people will be the ones  on October and those who booked earlier for next year.

:-) I think I'm done with commercial/paid photo shoots. I will only accept photo shoots requested on a personal or friends level.

To all those who trusted me enough to have their photos taken by me, thank you very much.

From now on, I shall be shooting stuff like travel, nature, portraits, and shooting-because-I-see-a-photo-in-this-scene ones... :-)

Watch out world, I'm going to shoot you. ;-)

AGAIN, I will be on a break.

I will be painting.

See you offline.

if there is one thing i can offer, it is raw honesty.

don't ask me to change because i won't.

i did not go out today. too much work to do... missing out on so many things...

the rain is harmlessly knocking outside and the cold is reminding me that i am alone.

and all i can think of is how you are out there.

come home. now. piece together these shards of sanity that are on the floor of my existence.

make me whole. again.



enough of these, i'll go fix myself the nth cup of latte for the day... wait. what day is it again? it's 6pm and im in my pjs. and the rain has stopped. you're still out there.

i'm talking about the song from the band Hinder. yep. that song they play a lot on the airwaves if you got your car stereo on on the way to school or work.

he told me before that he can relate to the song and that i was the "girl on the phone" and that he wished i was the... okay, if you know the song, you'll get the drift. i never did think it was a great song. it shot to popularity because A LOT of people are unfaithful--that is my opinion. my mistake at that fateful day on 2004 was that i let myself think that it was just a "come and tell me how you are, for old times' sake."

the repercussions were great--a feast of good and bad, and i'm looking at the leftovers right now.

i believe that you can only be faithful with the one you are with if you cease to think A LOT about how your exes are--it's normal to be a little curious. i mean, it is logical because after all, they should not matter anymore because he or she is an EX already, right? which is why current gfs and bgfs should not get jell-o over the ex AND it is only right for the other to assure the significant other that there's nothing to worry about. but if you HAVE to assure the other over and over and still get into trouble, something is wrong and you have not reached the root cause yet.

that song , where praise for literary value is concerned, is not really er... great BUT it appealed to a lot of people because it hits right home. it does not take a genius to figure out that that guy is so not over the ex yet and he jumps right into a relationship with the unsuspecting "girl-in-the-next-room-who-shouldn't-hear-us-talking-on-the-phone."

what does it take for a person to be faithful? i say the answer is still love. and the person who promises you undying love and then promises it to another is really illiterate in that universal language we all try to learn or speak fluently everyday.

conclusion on that song: wrap things up before you move on to the next set of promises, vows, and all that stuff, to avoid further issues. and you won't be singing about lips-of-some-angel because once you can say you can relate to that song, trouble is brewing and it's not gonna be a piece of angel cake for you.

if you are my man AND you sing thats ong wholeheartedly, well, *theme from the Psycho movie starts playing*

so he tells me that you cannot schedule when to fall in love but you can tell yourself when it is the right time to fall out of it. tell that to me, Ms. I-can't-live-without-an-organizer-or-rainlendar. and once again, he is right.

people would often avoid the issue of "falling out" because authors make it sound so damn simple. young couples would adamantly wave "forever" to your face, while more mature couples would smile and think of aging gracefully with the one you love.

people would ask "why did you fall out of it?" or "when did you know you fell out?" do you exactly know? or do you actually wake up one morning and say "hey i'm out of it." the answer i found is: you get too busy living to notice it actually.

when do you actually say you've moved on? it's not the booze sessions with friends after the breakup, or dating that crush you had in high school FINALLY. it's not even telling everyone that you have moved on because if you tell everyone that every chance you get, news flash: you're still stuck.

he tells me that at the end of the day, it's still you who decides how your day is. you could say the day went bad and it really would end bad. or you could choose to have a good day IN SPITE of it all. happiness, after all, is still a choice.

so here's the difficult-o-meter: falling in is easy, staying in is medium and falling out is the difficult part. it has always been that way--live with it.

and you cannot claim that your love story is unique because actually it's not. and you cannot say you want to shout to the world you're okay because frankly, the world does not give a damn.

so you fell out, so what. so i fell out, so what. it's not the end of the world. it's merely reaffirming the fact that you are alive, human, capable of blunder, and still loving the things in life that make it worth living.

i fell out. it does not mean i cannot fall back in again. there is just this thing called: timing. if you cannot schedule it, at least know when it is the right time to be in it.

and decided that when you are sane and sober.
 

loose lips. loud laughter. lightness lingers. L.

... so i was browsing through my photos online and i realized that i got quite a lot of "me and a drink."

it was a "hmmm" moment. and no, i'm not an alcoholic, nor a coffee addict... i'm allergic to beer... certainly not a fan of milk...

but i like drinks and the excuses they give to people to be together...

Here's to us, friendship, love and second chances... :-) *cheers*

haha. really.

i am definitely declaring a hiatus till-God-knows-when.

i need to get out of this cycle and evaluate from a distance.

until i find that "legal" piece of heaven and wave it around to whom it may concern, i'm gonna lay low and watch the world pass by.

sick of it all.

see you when i see you.

they say people get a wee bit crazier when the moon is out. i'm looking outside and well, nada.

so why are a lot of people in a strange but wonderful muck these days?

and yeah, i know it's not only me--and this surely ain't misery but we love the company mind you.

try to erase
the smell of freedom
and every face
that happened to meet mine


what still remains
something unrelenting
i'll say the names
of those I left behind


in the still of the night
do you laugh do you cry
do you try not to remember?
if its a question of fate
do you love do you hate
do you try not to remember?

i see your eyes
in my own reflection
these broken skys
begin begin to mend

we are the same
fighting for something
whats left to gain?
theres no means to an end

---
Try Not to Remember by Sheryl Crow

the song is haunting me tonight.

...is bull.

daylight makes its way through my curtains and respectfully ushers darkness out.

kinda like you, making your way to me, without being asked, and filling my life with light and colors that i've long forgotten about.

there you are, telling me that things are going to be okay.

there are some things you ask for but will not come at all... and there are things you did not ask for, but came anyway--and you are mighty glad they did.

you. sunshine.

"...but i didn't know that we could break a silver lining." - A sorta fairytale

If there's one thing missing in my life in years, that would be 'vacation'.

The Bohol- Cebu trip made me realize that life is indeed grand and that I deserve a break once in a while. Thank God for class field trips. :-)

It was both a fun and educational thing for me and the whole class was fun to be with.

The blue skies and the occasional rain complement each other. The white sand and the fresh air--I just have to say I'm glad I took the trip.

Now, I'm back to working and getting some education but it feels more different now. It seems like I've done a quick format on my human HDD. I had system repairs in the sun and is more than eager to get back on track again.

Until the next getaway... Somewhere in the depths of my memory bank, I know that I'm glad I was taken away to this tropical paradise, dropping everything, even my schedules. I'm definitely going back to Cebu and Bohol. :-) Soon.

not even a dollop of honey could mask the bitterness you have. jealous of people's success? think about it. if people think you are the best, they'd come looking for you. you do not have to ruin other people's names just to keep yourself in your pedestal--as or at least the make-believe pedestal you've put up for yourself.

*disarming grin* hey, and you can't pretend to be nice because people really see who you are. you are nothing but a bitter soul, screaming ugly words about people who do not care about you, just to make other people love you. don't you realize you are driving them away?

if you do not have something good to say, please at least try to keep the peace and let us just coexist.

life is sweet... savor it, bitter soul.

...seem to entwine these days as the static threatened disintegrate the bridged thoughts that are miles away. Restless thoughts that granted me peaceful sleep...

I watched the sun rays bleed slowly on the early pastel skies this morning and felt alive for the first time in a long time. I used to insist that the best way to project a certain mood on an artwork is to go monochromatic.

How can I go monochromatic when everything right now seem colorful? And I have to point out that the colros summed up my mood at its best.

So I guess I contradicted myself this time--and I don't give a damn.

I blog when I am down in the dumps--not this time.

People will know I am quite alright when I blog less often.

I... am... contented...

When you are happy, words just seem to ruin the moment. It is enough to bask in that glow and be contented with the peace that embraces your soul. I know things are fleeting but it will not stop me from being contented and from blogging less.

Or maybe it's because there's such thing as micro-blogging now and well... there's ikariams o I keep forgetting to log in my blogs.

After I watched a movie last night, I was hurrying on my way out when I saw a SALE sign--I came to a screeching halt. It was like everything happened in a blur and I was in and out of that huge dark blue dressing room. The lights in there were rather unflattering but in real life, a lot of lights are hardly flattering so I tried shirt after shirt anyway.

I ended up buying that robot shirt instead of the "I only date geeks" shirt.

Now why would this robot deserve a space in my blog? It is because it is not JUST a robot shirt. It is the robot shirt I bought while I am on an important transition in my life.

What caught my attention was the scribbled blue and red lines, making a nice contrast with the grayish-beige hue of the cotton tee. I did not notice at first that it there were scribbled robots all over the tee. What attracted me was how the lines scream out "organized chaos" or at least the effort to be in order.

So... me.

I wore it today to my Editing and Publication Design class and they literally stopped and looked at me and my shirt and they told me they like it. I was thinking "Hmmm, not bad for an impulse buy." When I was walking around campus, people I met were like "I like your shirt, looks good on you."

So in conclusion, when you wear something that really defines your personality, it must really look good? I dunno. I'm just happy that this shirt is a symbolic gesture of being happy because it's not money wasted AND I guess I look good in it because the triangulation method of confirming given data is there.

Should I buy more robot shirts? I guess not. This is my one and only robot shirt and buying more would reduce its value in my closet.

Oh and one important thing to note, the robot was on heels. Haha. Now, how cute is that?

Somewhere in the crevices of my imperfect mind, bits and pieces of what was threaten to jam the wheels in it. It has been running in working condition and these jagged pieces of truth seem to get in the way.

Being in love is flying. Goodbye is falling. So don't teach me about gravity.

I just am too proud to tell you, so please catch me off-guard.