Dead Pussy and other Tales of Horror

Dear Die-ary,
the temperature outside was, for the most part, warm
some would call it wonderful, a nice change, a thawing out of winters cold grasp
all i could think about was how badly would the stiffs outside thicken and permiate through the air with their sweet scent of decay...
after all, since i have limited freezer space, i used the snow as the next obvious choice...

which brings me to my next point
i thought it time to finally give kittie another bath
she could use it, i mean after playing with all those cadavers shes bound to reak of one, right?

now, i had to devise a way of administering the sedative so she could be docile enough for me to give her a bath...
all my attempts failed... she's catching on
first the bribery didnt work
neither did the promise of all the severed fingers she could chew on
and lastly, the crossbow i used to deliver the serum kept missing
although, i think, i got a piece of her tail...

so, i did what any normal person would do
i fed her dinner... then stuffed her in a bag, placed her on the catapult and let'er fly...

my only thought is, if cats always land on their feet, how will she do so in such a steep reentry?

not to mention that the lake is still frozen over...

e'hehehee

>;-D

Dear Die-ary,
lets play word association, my therapist thinks she'll find out something by what i choose to say
and even tho i know you wont say anything back, lets try it anyway
(you better not say anything, or i'll have to find another method of painfully recording my days events into your innards)

ready?
go!

coffee =
pencil =
automobile =
television =

kittie = dead in the bathroom with the candlestick

i didnt think the candlestick could fit through both of her ear cavaties at that angle, but i stand corrected

>;-D

Dear Die-ary,
when you think of rigormortis, what do you think of?
stiffness, right?
not very maleable, huh?
see... i wanted to see if i could get kitty to do it, while forgoing death
a living statue, if you will

...well, it partially worked
usin' a staple gun, i stapled boards to all her limbs, and posed her as i saw fit
all the while the intoxicated agent left her very docile

although when the drug wore off, she begain to wale and moan and cry-- a lot
i guess the thought of having staples in ya isnt very appealing
(i thought it was, anyway)
perhaps it isnt the thought, just the fact that shes stapled into place

anyway, i grew sick of her cries and i ended up encasing her in concrete
although for a brief period afterword, i could hear some kind of whimper

so i threw it into the ocean

there goes my creativity

>;-D

Dear Die-ary,
Ah, the wonderz of nuclear power
iznt it such a wonderful discovery?
i mean, the amount of power we gain from just merely splitting a single, microscopic atom
it just bogglez the mind, i tell you
that iz.. if you've still got your brain matter intact
and not singed to a crisp
*shakez head*
who'da thought that free tourz in our local nuclear power plant would lead to such an accidental discovery
the radioactive cooling poolz were, in fact, not cool at all....

but awww
she looked so cute flailing around in there
i dont know if it waz the fact that she waz in a) really scalding water or b) just water period....

my poor kitty kitty
so burned
so damp
so radioactively glowing!

>;-D

Dear Die-ary...
you know,
az the rain pourz down, i often sit and ponder what it iz to be feral like my good buddy kitty-witty, here
to be ferocious, and utterly primal in nature for survival...
but all of that doeznt matter when you're dead, passed on, kaput and dieced into lil', cubical pieces

*singz*
i feel like kitten tonight
like kitten tonight

yah!
>;-D

Dear Die-ary...
today was such a wonderfully nice day
[yeah, if you're a lowly sun-dweller... sick!]
so me an'kitty went to the local/cemetary/amusement park for a day of leisurely.... leisure
we had a hotdog [no pun intended]
visited some old friends who flipped us the bird becauze we were actually [still] mobile [unlike them... six feet under]
and attempted to play frisbee
i say attempted becauze maybe...
just maayybee i shouldn't have used that rusty ol' table-saw blade az our make-shift frisbee
well, it seemed like a good idear at the time...
oh well, having that circular blade sticking out of her forehead at that angle reeeeeally makez you think...
"did i turn the oven off before i left?"

>;-D

Dear Die-ary,
after kittiez mishap with the baseball bat, she found solitude in one of my older storage boxes
locked away atop in the attic of my rickety ol' house
i guess i'll have to go up an--
-- wait
i cleaned out the attic and i tossed all the boxes into the---
...
incinerator

nothin sayz lovin' like a kitten in the oven, i alwayz say

>;-D

Dear Die-ary,
me and kitty were playin' hide-and-go-seek today...again
i couldn't find her at anywhere...
infact i didnt find her at all...
the passing neighboring kids did...
as they were playing mailbox baseball with a spiked bat....
hmm.. i did want to get a new mailbox, come to think of it

Dear Die-ary,
it's been a while, hasn't it?
well, since i've seen my dear, departed kitty witty
i thought she ran away
i missed her greatly
but i realized she waz with me all along
...under the sofa chair
no wonder what that foul stench was...

>;-D

Dear Die-ary,
Tonight, kitty learned that boxing is best left to the giants of humanity.
It isn't every day you get beaten to a pulp, force-fed syringes of steroids and thrown back into the thrall of the fight.
I'll say this, though:

Red is definitely her colour...

Dear Die-ary...
i am at an utter loss for words right now
my kitty made the ultimate sacrafice
she chose to get hit by that 18-wheeler than be hand fed tiny limbs of her own kitten... i mean, it was dead when i came home.. but still!!
one must be nurished!!

Dear Die-ary,
when you think of high voltage
normally you're willed to stay back
am i right?
not compelled to toss your cat onto those dangerously electrofied wires
*shrugs*
eh...
it was impulse

Dear Die-ary,
Turkey fryers...
what glooorious inventions
one of three man-made inventions that don't have a saftey rating
i can see why
poor kitty caught on fire
only after she was dipped sloowwly in to the pot...
mm mm mm....
what a waste of lovely cooking oil..
how am i going to clean that up??
oh well
looks like i'll have to find a new way to make some french fries

Dear Die-ary,
Have you ever thought about a temporary moment of madness??
I mean, has it ever occured to you that you might be the one insane here??
No! I'm not blaming you... rather just placing the brunt of the blame.
Without your helpful suggestions,
My kitty would never have gotten better after that incident with the microwave.
Now she is resting peacefully in the dryer.
A pity, too... she looked so at ease playing with my dismembered finger collection.
But... those are my fingers... not a snack.
I wonder if I put in enough dryer sheets? hmm?

*cackle*

Dear Die-ary
today was the day, by any other day
that my cat shall die
... again
'tis been awhile since a good mutalation
>:-D
shall i subject it to a blender?
or perhaps the garbage disposal?
done all those i suppose..
i guess i'll just have to rent a wood chipper..
*sigh*
choices choices...

Dear Die-ary...
well, today the kitty once again got the jump on me
she tried to go for the eyes...
but apparently my 'leet sleeping skills were to adept for her
afterwords, however, she wasn't so fortunate...
never, ever disturb a sleeping s'kmo.....
and i thought i'd never get to use my garbage disposal...

Dear Die-ary...
today, the delightfully bemused kitty witty itty ditty died today.. again
this time it wazn't the meat clever
nor was it the toaster treatment in the bathtub...
but rather a funny cruel irony...
curiosity...
i found her in the microwave..
well... bits of her...
e'heh hehehehehhee

Dear Die-ary...
today, that loustful kitty got the jump on me..
we played tag
decap'a tag...
but
i got the last laugh... as i fed spoonful after spoonful of "kitty-B-ded" soup into my decapitated dolly... heh heh heh...

Dear Die-ary...
i tried to eat a kitty today..
didnt work...
damn thing kept clawin' and bitin' and such...
next time i shall have to try to subdue my adversary before i decide to ingest it...