Cynda's Thoughts

Packing , moving, shopping
well here comes the fun part, packing up. almost done.

Moving, well that is taken care of via Movers,

and S H O P P I N G

what to buy, what is the best product to get, we have electric through out the house, so everything will be electric... confusing part.. whirlpool, maytag, hotpoint, who do you buy from. or do you just go for the gusto and buy highest you can find.. hmm. .well I am a bit frugal and I think cheaper is better... soooo off to lowe's and value city websites, looking around, ah yes i like this.. hmm i like this .... hmm oh look i really like this.. major decisions. then there is the color.. do you do white , or do you go modern and go for black or silver... hmm

I am the gadget princess, as my mom is the gadget queen, I love bright shiny toys in the kitchen, but do I really need them, or am I going to use them, I may thing at the moment, yes probably will, but then they sit on the cabinets, then they get put in to a cupboard, and eventually into a box hidden somewhere in the garage. so . have to choose wisely.. and then there is the gurienttes and all the gimmicks that go with it.

My downfall.. Knives.. I love sharp knives in the kitchen, got a drawer full already, but cannot help going past the kitchen gadgets aisle and seeing all those knives.... always wanted a set of chineese gizo knives, never was able to afford it.. maybe my husband will read this and will get me some for christmas.. they never go dull and always handy.

anyway watch this space and let you know if we get those knives sometime in future.

Saying Goodbye
Last week we spent in Norwich , on Thursday we arrived, after I had cataract surgery, on Wednesday

had a nice meal and just sat and chatted most of the evening with Mother in law and brother in law,

On Friday evening we went to a 50th birthday party for an X work mate of Nigel's was lovely , he got to see some of the people he used to work with in Norwich, was very enjoyable.

On Saturday evening, we went to a family farewell get together, and was spent with Family and close family friends, Nigel's uncles and aunt , and their familes.
his brother and nephews, and their girlfriends, and a couple of family friends, was a very enjoyable evening, I gave a bit of a speech, and tried to hold it together, as I got a bit tearful.. just wanted everyone to realize how much they ment to me, and how much I personally will miss them, and thanked them for their support , when times got a bit tough. They are brilliant.

On Sunday, we went to Great Yarmouth, a sea side town, enjoyed ourselves a lot, mother in law spent the day with us, and we went in and out of the shops. bought some lovely things to help decorate our new home in America.

On Monday, Nigel and I went to the city, and did some last minute shopping and walked around the city center a bit.

On Tuesday evening we met up with some of his X work mates, and had a lovely meal, chatted and laughed a bit.

On Wednesday, we drove around again seeing some old friends and saying goodbye.
Wednesday evening we went to his local radio club, and saw some old friends, again saying goodbye

on Thursday morning, was difficult, saying good bye to Nigel's soon to be 80 year old mother, was very difficult, but we both shed a few tears, long drive back to Milton Keynes, picked up the dog, and now here I sit, typing this... as I reflect over the last 9 1/2 years in England, it has been full off Great times, and some not so great times, but all in all, I DO NOT regret one moment of it.... I will miss the real green England, and the smells of summer time, the large portions of Fish and Chips, and a friendly face in Norwich..... but time now to move on, go on to bigger and brighter things, and do as I always really wanted, be closer to my family..... May God bless those we are leaving behind, and hope they think of us from time to time.....

Good bye sweet England, and Thanks for the memories.

Stuff
news to use.

Everthing seems to be going on very well .. last few months... but me being the
well. .yes say have faith.. .but ... it is just me.

Saturday is going to be rough, saying goodbye to family and friends in Norwich, England, UK. not really looking forward to saying goodbye.. seeing family.. excellent..

I am lucky , my husband's family has welcomed me, and always accepted me and my short comings, been very supportive , and is also supporting this move, however difficult it will be, they are supportive.. and I am greatful
Just hope they come and visit....

Mum will be 80 in June, unfortunatly just about the time we are in the mist of moving... she is more like my grandmother then my mother in law.. i call her for advice, and comfort... she never medles, and always offers an ear.. great women.

Brother in law and nephews, are fun people.
ister in law, brother in law's x wife. .. very uch part of the family... is a cherish as far as I am concerned, could not have a better sister in law.

Husband's uncle's and aunts. have been supportive and great people.. so everyone will be will missed.

family friends, always cherish... I think even though they are not family.. family friends are better then family , because they love you just the way you are..

what am I going to do in Ohio.... probably go nuts, haha.. .no no .

I am not too sure.. new adventures, travel... visit with family and friends I haven't seen alot of in 9 years.. let them get to know the man I dearly love as my husband.

would love to celebrate our 10 wedding anniversary by re marrying him... you know the renewal of the vows, but this time.... write our own..
and something very simple..

I wish those in the UK.... to know I am only a phone call or E=mail away.

those in USA.. I am only a drive away, or even an Email or phone call.

Changes
well reunion is going to happen in June, and all that is going fine

We are preparing on a new journey to the US of A.

loads of changes and new things... as I start this new journey, I must admit , I am getting excited and nervous.

got a lovely house, and really looking forward to being there, dealing with things long distances SUCKS !

Decorating, changing carpets, and the bills, most we are paying cash for, since we lucky enough to have that...

I dread the buying of the car really, cause hubby ones a jeep and I want something small and gas efficient.

mind you we been paying nearly $12 a gallon for gas, so anything cheaper then that is a blessing. only thing is England bans today to do petrol strikes and things, and prices seem to come back down, can't get that in states... as no states will bad together , if everyone for 1 day a week, every week for a few months, would ban together and not buy gas or cigarette's , or drive for that day..

Not impulse by, not line up at gas stations, just not drive for 1 day a week, for every week for a few months.. you would see a huge change, yes some deliveries may be late and such, but isn't that worth it ,if the gas prices go down?

time USA takes a stand.

Some of my pet peeves are.

Medical Government Insurance for people who do not deserve it, or people who abuse the system.

food and supplies being sent to 3rd world countries, when USA is suffering.
homeless people, when we have homes and places in states sitting empty , due to mortgage companies have screwed the innocent person or honest person.

I tell ya ... living in England has opened my eyes .. alot...

I love my country, I am an American through and though.. but I definatly think the government needs a wake up call..

we need a type of health service we have in England, NHS.. something where everyone can get medical treatment , no matter how poor or rich, everyone treated the same.
a limit on prescription medications, they pay £7.00 a prescription and diabetic people or people with serious health concerns , get their medications free.

They pay high taxes, but again, isn't that worth it ,if you see that something else works, a touch better.....

I dunno what the answer is... to all the problems, I just know that , I am one person feeling this way,and I cannot be the only person in the world feeling like this..

Why is it that our Government puts their nose in other countries business? and yet, our country suffers... I just do not get it..

BRING OUR TROOPS HOME.... WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH...... FIX USA.. THEN WORRY ABOUT THE REST OF THE WORLD.

party time !
Yesterday,
Nigel's Mum, Uncle Alan (who we did not expect) and Nephew Andrew (again did not expect) and brother Neil came for the day,(they live in Norwich some 2 hours away) and family frend Mick, who only lives a few streets away , we had a wonderful day, Everyone came in, we went to the store and got a bottle of wine, came back, went out to a nice little pub resturant and had a nice meal, spent about 4 hours there, talking and socilising. was nice that found out Mick and Nigel's Uncle Alan, had alot in commen with travels to Germany..... we then came back to the house, and Nigel took photos of his family and with his family, which I will put on flickr page soon.... in the mean time, I poured the wine we got earlier, and the Mum made a lovely toast to Nigel , for his retirement and to us ,for the future, it was a very lovely day.

In the mean time , a close family friend, who had been dianosed with cervical cancer, went under a very risky surgery, not because cancer was risky but her heart issues made the surgery highly risky, she went through the surgery, which surgeons did not expect, and now is resting comfortably on a normal ward, we are keeping Barbra in our thoughts and prayers.

We are planning to go to Norwich for a week in the beginning of May to say our Goodbye's and have a week of visiting..... and then on to USA in June.

nigel took some photos, of us sitting in kitchen.. 1 of whole family and such.. but under his instruction... i burned them to a CD for his brother.. little did i know.. i moved all the photos to the CD, and when he checked the card this morning... we did not have copy of photos

to get to our flickr page.

www.ngunn.net click on right hand side of list of photos... photos will be up in a week to 10 days....

Changes... The Time Has Come.
So Excited I can hardly contain myself.. NIGEL IS RETIRED.

The dream has finally become reality, even though I personally know the next few months will be hectic and we probably will get on each other's nerves, I cannot feel but over joyed that he is finally retired.. no more shift work, no more tired long days, no more no more !

Nigel probably will have a part time job while in states, but I really do not want him working shifts anymore. now time to find something he enjoys doing instead of something he just has to do.

I am looking forward to going home, closer to family and friends. near by, I cannot say that I am not concerned about being closer to my mom and her becoming a bit over zellous, and nigel and her relationship, because I am.. it is weighing heavy on my shoulders.. but at this point.. it is just something I must do... my mom is not getting any younger, and being so far away, has weighed heavy on my heart for a number of years..... I did what I was suppost to, I moved to be with my husband till he retired..... now ... as only daughter.... I must go back and take care of the "family issues" that lay before me..... and my own health ....

We have weighted out all the pros and cons about moving, it is a HELL of a lot cheaper to live in USA then in UK, when you figure gas ... in dollars to pound coversion = $12.00 a gallon roughly.... cigeretts is about $10 a pack, $80 for a carton.
houseing ranging in costs to $250 thousand to over a 1/2 a million, just for a 2 bedroom place. and that is why most in UK live in council housing... Council housing as we call it Goverment housing.. does not hold the same disadvantaged symbols as it does in states.

There is alot of things I would like to see in the UK and alot of things I would love to see in the USA.... both places can learn from each other...... I cannot say I have disliked living in England... because it is all about adventures.....

Sometimes when you step outside your town, city, country, You see things and learn things you did not know.... Try it sometime , step outside your own culture, your own states, your own country.. see the news, meet with the elders of that country, and see what they think about what they know, about the USA.
In weighing out the pros and cons. I can get better care in US, then I am getting in UK at moment,However, I just wish there was sort of a National Health System in states like here... .I cannot say I hated England.

I had some real adventures, saw some sights and made some long lasting friendships..

Time for new adventures, new friends and new things to see... England , we will miss you.. But ... in every person's life it is time to make changes.

TAKE CARE ..... AND GOODBYE MY OLE FRIENDS IN THE UK.. HELLO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY IN USA

Current Mood: excited

Congrats Nigel on your RETIREMENT !
Nigel's last day is today at work, I am SOOOOOOOO PROUD of him. He has worked at the same job for 38 years

Maintainace Engineer for Royal Mail, maintains the machines for the post office.i

Nigel started at Royal Mail as an Apprenticeship in Norwich England, and then went to so schooling in Harlow , England. He worked some time in Norwich and then got the opportunity to move to Milton Keynes England when Milton Keynes was still a small village,
Since then, he has seen the city grow, and fields become housing estates, a hospital be built and a city transform.

In the 38 years, Nigel used to be the 3rd man , and did most of the shift cover, from day to day , we were not sure what shift he was working, Some days he would work Nights, and next day he would be called to work days,

Hardly missing a day at work, he would go in , even when he did not feel well, he would go to work.. He has been a devoted employee, and even if they do not miss him, he will be missed.. His snappy wit, and his devotion to a job for 38 years, should not go un noticed.
I know as his wife, I am biast, but I think 38 years at one job, deserves a real pat on the back.

WELL DONE NIGEL ! WELL DONE !

Nigel's last days of work
Good Morning,

I feel like I want to shout from the rooftops, that today is Nigel's last morning in a Royal Mail uniform..

Tomorrow he goes to work for the very last time, as a Royal Mail Employee.

What does our future hold, not to sure, but the last 9 years, I have begged, pleaded and prayed for the day to come to where I can say.. "Nigel is retired, and we are coming home"

To my friends in the UK, I will miss you dearly, for you have stood beside us, through Thick and through Thin, and good and bad. Lord knows we have had a few...

This isn't an easy move for either of us, as saying goodbye to those in England is going to be tough, and saying goodbye to family is going to be even tougher, but we are planning to return to the UK every few years to see you and spend time here and there, as vacation times allow.

I can't say it has been all bad, cause I would not be saying the truth, to say it has been an experiance, or an adventure would be more factual . That it has been.

For a gal, who never ventured too much outside of her own city, to go 1/2 way across the world. alone, is a remarkable feat, for the regular person, but for me, it was an incrediable task. I have learned alot in the 9 years I have spent here, individuality, how to be a good wife, and always to put other's needs before my own.

I think I have taught Nigel a few things about himself as well.. atleast I hope I have.

We both are nervous and excited about the future, and new adventures and the life we will embark on in the USA.

For those in the US, I ask you to stay those devoted friends, and remember that we may not always have time to do things together, but does not mean, we do not care. No body can predict the future, or what is to come. but know that in both places..... we are very lucky to have the friendships that we have. and just wanted to take a moment, and say, that it is something I value more then anything in life.. is the love of family and true friendships......

For those in the UK, we are leaving the UK in June, Nigel has some immigration business to take care of , and may be returning, for a short stint. For myself... once I leave the UK, I am planning to stay in the USA, unless something pops up that is beyond my control and I would need to come back to deal with business. Other then that ,as stated, I will not be returning other then for bi yearly holidays... so I am going to bid my fond farewell to you and your families and wish you the best of luck in the future.

To those of you in the USA, who are my good friends, We will see you soon.

Take care now.

HAPPY EASTER
HAPPY EASTER.
Woke up this morning to a dusting of snow on the group, hasn’t been the first time in my life I saw snow on Easter.

This is my LAST Easter in England, as far as living here.
getting nervous and excited, anxous, thrilled, about the move.

9 working days left for my beloved Nigel to work at his job before he is retired.

So much has happened in the 9 years we have lived together as a couple .some good, some not so good... but all experiances.

I would not trade one second of living in England, and all the experiances I have gained.. some of those experiances I could have done without.. .but would not change them.

we laid in bed the other night.. asking each other questions.. as we do... does things happen for a reason..... is it God’s will you lose touch with people, or does it just happen...... i think you lose touch with people just through the years.. people move on.. and move away.... is that God’s will? I do not know.

I think it is a the "Christian’s escape phrase" it is God’s will, when we cannot answer those things that happen.. good or bad. I think alot of things are just faite... they were ment to happen.... because if sometimes bad things don’t happen then good things can’t come of them..

that is my thoughts anyway.

What is Mitochondrial Disease?
What is Mitochondrial Disease?
Mitochondria exist in nearly every cell of the human body, producing 90 percent of the energy the body needs to function. In a person with mitochondrial disease, the mitochondria are failing and cannot convert food and oxygen into life-sustaining energy. For many, mitochondrial disease is an inherited genetic condition, while for others the body's mitochondria can be affected by other environmental factors.

How does Mitochondrial Disease affect the body?
The parts of the body that need the most energy, such as the heart, brain, muscles and lungs, are the most affected by mitochondrial disease. The affected individual may have strokes, seizures, gastro-intestinal problems, (reflux, sever vomiting, constipation, diarrhea), swallowing difficulties, failure to thrive, blindness, deafness, heart and kidney problems, muscle failure, heat/cold intolerance, diabetes, lactic acidosis, immune system problems and liver disease.

What symptoms could an undiagnosed individual exhibit?
The child or adult may have seizures, severe vomiting, failure to thrive, heat/cold intolerance, poor muscle tone, delayed achievement of milestones, sever diarrhea/constipation, feeding problems, unable to fight typical childhood infections or repeated infections and fevers without a known origin. A "red flag" for mitochondrial disease is when a child or adult has more than 3 organ systems with problems or when a "typical" disease exhibits atypical qualities.
What is the prognosis for these individuals?
As more research dollars are raised to find more effective treatments and ultimately a cure, some of the affected children and adults are living fairly normal lives with mitochondrial disease. At the opposite end of the spectrum, many are severely affected, and some children do not survive their teenage years.

When is someone with Mitochondrial Disease at the highest risk?
The child or adult is at highest risk for neurological and organ damage during and for the two weeks following an illness. Therefore even a simple flu or cold virus can have devastating effects on the patient, even death. Any illness must be treated immediately with medical interventions, like IV fluids and IV antibiotics.

How many individuals are affected?
Every 15 minutes, a child is born who will develop a mitochondrial disease by age 10. While exact numbers of children and adults suffering from mitochondrial disease are hard to determine because so many people who suffer from mitochondrial disease are frequently misdiagnosed, we now know the disease is approaching the frequency of childhood cancers. Many are misdiagnosed with atypical cerebral palsy, various seizure disorders, childhood diseases and diseases of aging. Still others aren't diagnosed until after death.

Can adults have Mitochondrial Disease?
Yes, many adults are diagnosed with adult-onset mitochondrial disease. Some of these individuals have been ill their whole lives but went undiagnosed. Others have carried the genetic mutation that causes mitochondrial disease since birth but did not show any symptoms until a severe illness brought them on. Adult mitochondrial patients are affected in a similar manner to the children who are affected.

What is the United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation (UMDF)?
The UMDF was created in 1996 by parents of affected children. The UMDF exists to promote research and education for the diagnosis, treatment and cure of mitochondrial disorders and to provide support to affected individuals and families. The national headquarters of the UMDF is in Pittsburgh, and there are 14 Chapters and 22 Mito GroupsSM across the United States.

Hospital Tests and things.
OK. Now I am home I can discuss a few things.

On Tuesday I arrived at the hospital and the games began.. they did an MRI just minutes after I arrived, then an EMG, consisting of shocks and needles, not fun, and then a lumbar pucture, not fun at all.. the lumbar pucture is where they take spinal fluid out of the back and look at it to see what genetic stuff is there. then let me go back to the hotel for a night of rest... umm yea.. okay... on wednesday i returned to the hospital, and they did blood tests, extenstive eye exam and a very through hearing tests, for the first time in my life, being given the knowledge that a hearing aid could help my deafness, it was a real breakthrough... and also returning back to the hotel by porter, as i could not walk the 5 minute walk back.. which was very nice... on Thursday Morning, they came and collected me again by porter and took me back to the hospital, there I would sit all day waiting for the phycologist to come and see me. guess what, they ran out of time, and did not see me.. so soon as we heard they were not coming.. which was 5pm.. we came home on the train..in the mean time.. i was made aware that i had a vitimin defencicy and and they were going to order me more vitimins and also learned from those sitting around me.. there is a disorder where the nerves attack the immune system. .and plasma is used to help that, and it could be what my problem is.. sorry i do not know the name of this disorder, but it is very very expensive to treat. these chaps i saw sitting with me every day getting the iv's in their arms, to the tune of £1000, PER bottle. WOW !

next Thursday.. March 13th.. i will return to London to get the test results and their findings.. R

Rest assured, I had the top notch doctors and hospital taking care of me these last few days, instead of treating you like your just a patient or a number, Nigel and I both felt they were treating us like we were part of a family.. and that things CAN get done, if you know how to go about getting the right help.. only by the grace of GOD. did we find this place and this team of doctors... so hopefully .. we will have some answers....

I am in A LOT of pain, but they told me I had to cut down on the patch I am using, and also some pain meds I am using. due to they are opiet based. so ... hopefully they will give me something to trade off on that .... Sadly , I am smoking.. it is the only thing I have right now to help me through this pain... I know some of you sceptics are going to moan... but..... it is my release...... and it is me.

OK.. well that is all the news... that is everything they did...... and so you all are informed... Nigel and I would like to THANK YOU for your well wishes, prayers, and thoughts , during this time.

I AM WHAT I AM. SONG LYRICS.. MY FAV
I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook
Or the ovation
It's my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world and it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a damn
Till you can say
I am what I am

I am what I am
I don't want praise, I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some thinks it's noise
I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am what I am Instant Song Lyrics
And what I am
Needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace
Sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so its time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can shout out
I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace
Some times the deuces
It's one life and theres no return and no deposit
One life so its time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a damn
Till you can shout out
I am what I am

SCARED !.
I am scared of dying.

I AM SCARED OF PAIN

I AM SCARED OF BEING ALONE.

I AM SCARED OF NOT BEING WELL ENOUGH TO ENJOY ANYTHING.

I AM SCARED OF BEING A BURDEN..

SCARED OF DYING------- I AM HAVING SOME TESTS SOON, AND THOSE TESTS COULD REVEL I HAVE AN ILLNESS THAT WILL KILL ME IN A HORRIABLE WAY.. A MUSCLE DETERIATING , DEGERATING ILLNESS.. I AM SCARED.

I AM SCARED OF PAIN- I HAVE TO HAVE A TEST ABBREVIATED EMG Electromyography http://www.ebme.co.uk/arts/emg/ HERE IS THE SITE FOR THOSE OF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS.. IT IS A VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY PAINFUL TESTS.. AND I AM FRIGHTENED...... .

BEING ALONE.... I AM AFRAID MY HUSBAND AND MY FAMILY WILL GET TIRED OF ME BEING ILL AND LEAVE ME ALONE, OR PUT ME IN A NURSING HOME OR SOMEWHERE BAD .. AND THEY WILL DO MEAN THINGS TO ME AND LEAVE ME .. AND I AM SCARED OF THIS.

I AM SCARED OF BEING A BURDEN, ALWAYS HAVING TO HAVE SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ME.. DIAPER ME , FEED ME , DRESS ME.. WIPE SLOBBER OFF MY CHIN.... I DONT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS..

I AM SCARED..... THERE ISN'T A WORD IN ENGLISH DICTIONARY I CAN THINK OF THAT MEANS MORE THEN SCARED.

http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/2600/2603.asp?index=9493&src=news

THIS IS WHAT THEY THINK I HAVE.

I WILL KNOW MORE IN MARCH 4TH .. CAUSE I AM HAVING A WEEK'S WORTH OF TESTS .. I AM BEING ADMITTED INTO A SPEC LIST HOSPITAL THAT WORKS CLOSELY WITH THE CLEVELAND CLINIC IN THE USA..

THIS IS SERIOUS.

Current Mood: anxious

I found my family.
My 1/2 sister died some years ago. .and lost contact with my nephews.. after searching all over the net.. i have finally found them.. Steven and Matthew.

i am experiencing some health problems and have combed the internet and everywhere looking for them. because they could help put some medical peices of the puzzle together.

Matthew now 21.. is in the navy.. and Steven now 24 is a father and workng at a walmart warehouse in Florida.. both boys are doing well and have become achieving young men

t
Today.. has surely been a good day.. both boys want to be part of our lives.. and are glad to have their aunt back in their life. .due to their mom died when they were young.. and they are happy to have part of her family around.

This could be a total breakthrough for my medical stuff. cause if she died from Mitchondria. then it would prove we have it in our family... Matthew said he would send all his mom's medical records and things, and would do it as soon as he could. that way to help.

I am so happy to have found him.. God knows I have been searching for these guys for 10 years. never knowing if they had changed their names or moved or what. but we found them.. an I am never letting go again. as long as they want me in their life. I plan on being there.

news !
Nigel sent off his passport renewal

we FILED the immigration papers.. woohooo..

found out the tests to see what is making me so sick, and losing muscle control , probably wont be until February or March.

Mom is excited that we are moving back. We are excited.. nervous.. anxious..

Tax concerns.. buying a house . health insurance. Nigel been offered a job , so that is nice.

I been offered a probable employment at a local hospital doing obesity support group.. need to meet with them.

Lots going.. looking forward to 2008 !

Merry Christmas and got the best Christmas present EVER
Merry Christmas to everyone on my friends list and all those on myspace.

This year has been full of events for me. and the best being last week my husband told me he was officially retiring from his job. after 38 years of service.

and we could now begin the process of immigrating back to the USA.

I could not be happier at this very moment. on the other hand, I am very scared. new adventures, new life. and a very big change for him.

I have had to under go such culture changes myself. and learning how to speak a new sort of language to a new sort of slag , to learning to spell differently and act somewhat different.

Well now it is his turn. Not sure what the future will hold.. but a lot of good memories and laughter I am sure. I look forward to reuniting with my family and friends and meeting new friends in Indiana.

I wish you the best of what 2008 has to bring you. and tell that special someone you love them EVERY SINGLE DAY.. life can change in the blink of an eye. Don't let it escape with enjoying it.

Bad days and Memeories
had my dad lived.. (the son of a b* he would have been 65 today.

I have a few fond memories of him..but most of them are aweful .. most of my teen years, were greated with him belting me for breathing wrong, or being 2 minutes late home from school.. or just growing up.

most of my childhood... he was alright... i was daddies little girl.. happier when he was drunk then sober.. as my teen years hit.. i was happier when he was sober then drunk.. and that was very rare...
anyway..... that is that.

Sunday I had a job interview.. went horriable. Ever get in a room with someone, that no matter how nice the person was.. you got a really bad gut feeling about them... that is how this went..

and I ended up getting phycially ill , after the interview.. and crying histerically...

I ended the interview , because 1. i felt uncomfortable.. 2. the room was locked i was in...and 3. I just felt the job wasnt right for me... so happy I got the HELL out of there.

I boought a mobilty scooter off E bay... looking forward to using it..

Looking forward to Christmas.. and it being over... . I so miss home.. and all I CAN REALLY do is cry.. I am so homesick.. 7 years you would think I would get over this shit.. but still I feel sad. Go figure.

Monday 3rd of Dec.. is my English Level 2 exam.. wish me luck.
Monday Dec 10th.. I go to london to talk to nero speclist .. talk about helping me , anyway possiable and pain control.
Saturday Dec 15th going with my best buddie Kris and her husband David to a pantomime. looking forward to that.

and also spending Christmas day with them and our family friend Mick.

So that is it for the moment... and praying daily that NIgel retires.....

For others who have children with CP entering school
IEP programs in the states are usually very good. They can concentrate on the students needs and ablities. I was in sort of that type of program in school as well. Althought after 4th grade they found my IQ was too high to be in special needs and too low to be in mainstream classes. So I was put in basic education classes. IE basic math, basic reading, and did not take English as a true subject. I loved science class. phy. ed was my true hate that class. I would try to do everything the other kids done.

My communication skills was just that good , that I could speak at all levels and cause confusion, but when it came to reading and comprehending what I read that was difficult. Most of my lessons once I got older were read to me, Except for reading class where you had to do book reports.

Right now I can tell you I am a well adjusted adult. I still have about a 4th grade reading and comprehension level, however as an adult I am taking adult education in English, in the UK. much harder and much more demanding , but I do have a tutor that helps me in class. I passed my level one exam last year , and going for my level 2 which is very much harder. Was a bit disappointed yesterday as I failed to practice exams , but it narrowed down what my trouble points were. so that is good. I stayed after class to talk about it with the teacher. It is a small class of 4 of us, and most of us have some special needs or another. so no one really feels like they are the only one having trouble understanding.

I think if you have a positive feeling about your child's education and try to stay positive, even through the difficult times. It will rub off, Go over the top with praise when your child accomplishes a goal, or a some project. Oh you have done well, I am proud of you.. Not to forget your other children as well.. but they might need a bit of extra good feed back from mom and surrounding adults. The more good praise you can get a special needs child. The more they will achieve. Do not let them say I can't do something. because that is a horrible habit to break. Always try. There might be things your not able to do, but that is different. means you gave it your best, and your abilities are just not allowing you to do it.

I was the first person in my family to graduate from high school. I graduated in summer school in 1988. but I did it. and to this day I am very proud of my achievements. My mom gave me a lot of love and went over the top with praise sometimes. It will be difficult at times. but no matter what, when that smile comes across their face because they have earned that D or C or B or even an A. they will have self pride. Don't be so hard on grades. make sure the effort is there. as long as they get a passing grade, be pleased. They may even be an honor student , who knows.

But I say this phase to myself... and it helps me.

"you are only as disabled as you allow yourself to be, you have a strong mind, you have a lovling heart, you will achieve things that people thought you couldn't, You will succeed"

I say that to myself daily. to not only help me through difficult times . but also to get going for the day.

Wish you all the best.

GOT THE REFERRAL !!!
Today was contacted by the Muscle Specialist in London and they received the referral from my family doctor. Looking at the appointment being around the 10th of December.

If first you don't succeed, SCREAM LOUDER !