War has changed

I'm no hero...never was

Snake

[ website | My DJ ]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]

[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Falling apart? [02 Sep 2008|11:32pm]

[ mood | discontent ]

[ music | Oasis - Morning Glory ]

( Cast No Shadow by Oasis. )

Some parts of that song are kinda how I'm feeling.

Well fuck.

I.. am glad that I'm stronger than I am. Sabishii ne. It sucks being so selfish. Just want someone to be there. Ya got friends but .. I'm repeating myself from previous post. I'm needy. Yet I make mistakes. How can you want something that you'll probably demolish? Ohhh man. I envy B. Being able to talk to someone he really cares about and they'll listen to everything you say and take it into consideration. Always got my LJ.

They have this new thing at work, where pretty much all of our best customers who have a .. subscription you could call it. To our store is getting fucked over. And its sad seeing all of our customers leave. Like the foreign family the Lagarde's. Donno why but I really like them and they canceled their MVP today. Made me pretty sad. Makes me semi-hate my job for all the shit that corporate pulls with our customers. Kinda throws me into a small depression. I really want to get college over with and get the hell out.

Well.. I need to stay strong and not hurt anyone. Selfish ways will not be good for others in the end.

Metal Gears destroyed

Hoping.. [21 Aug 2008|01:48pm]

[ music | Simple Plan - I'd do anything ]

That my marriage won't be like my parents.

I really wouldn't want to come home just knowing that my wife and I would be fighting about something really meaningless. I'll make sure that it'll be different.

|8| Metal Gears destroyed

[18 Jul 2008|04:29am]

[ mood | excited ]

Dark Knight was so fucking good.

I don't give a shit whether any of you like Batman or not. Get off your asses and go view one of the most beautiful things you'll ever witness.

Metal Gears destroyed

Dreams.. [14 Jul 2008|07:36am]

[ mood | sleepy ]

[ music | Hero ]

I had a dream the other day that I was looking for Paprika on blu-ray. It was at a place that felt like an anime convention. Some copies went up to 88 fuckin' bucks. "I should of just gotten it in Canada" I was thinking to myself.

Then the other dream that I just had.. I somehow obtained this really expensive ring. We had this small organization that was trying to cash the ring in and when one of the people tried to that certain bank captured the person. There was this small play going on at the moment too and the stage was really strange. To get backstage it curled into a backstage where you had to crouch down. There was some small drawers where we stored the ring in. Out of no where I was in charge of lights.. (Some of the team memebers I remember were Jesse, Brit, and Soleil.) Soleil told me out of nowhere that I was in charge of lights for the play. "Once Santa gets on stage you NEED to turn the light on" So the play goes on and I fuck up the light switch a few times but no one seems to notice. The elves in the play started acting up so I run out and hold one going "Fuck!" and the Santa stops and looks at me saying "What did you just say??" Now that I think about it, it seems like we were set up to get caught during that show. I go and grab the ring and start running. So many people are after me. I start running with a group of people and they turn and notice that I'm running with them "Isn't that Dan?" the other person replies "Yeah." So they try to catch me as we're running through this factory of cardboard boxes. Some people I haven't seen in quite a while from school, relatives, all chasing me. I didn't have a connection with some of the people from school chasing me either. I finally escape back to the stage and go in the little under area using my blue tooth to call Jesse and tell him where I'm at and that I Have the ring. Soleil was down there and gave me a kiss good luck. I guess we were together again or somethin'. When I go back out there are quite a few people waiting for me, I end up escaping them and getting a plane ticket and put the ring in a meatloaf that would later be shipped to me. I remember another part of that dream where we're all outside by a cherry blossom tree. The ring group was all hanging out, I think that must of been before we obtained the ring.

Such a unique dream.. on another note. I keep waking up at 7-9 over the past few days. Its usually hard to fall back asleep. I have no idea why I keep waking up this early. Its nice though. My nose won't stop running. ;-;

|3| Metal Gears destroyed

Its no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy [10 Jul 2008|03:04am]

[ mood | indescribable ]

[ music | Please tell me why ]

Whelp this may sound kinda odd but I keep almost any note I'm given. Not sure why but I just went through them. I wanted to go to bed at 1AM but it looks like that didn't turn out well. My fingers smell like delicious fruit and its unsettling. Still have the one of Jessica admitting that she likes me. Not sure why but it made me kinda sad. To think that it was over 5 years ago. Making an LJ post because I haven't made one for daaayys. Mandie you wrote me so many notes over the years. And they were greatly appreciated. For that I was able to remember that something was lost that can never be recovered in 05' when I was 17. I'm thankful for what we had but its over now. We'll eventually be able to talk as friends again.

Have no idea what I want right now. Sitting here listening to three songs over and over, Please tell me why, Hero, and How far we've come. I really want my trip to get here so I can have sometime away to think and relax. Need to get back to that point of being single is okay. I was so content then. That smell.. I was rehearsing the bebop quotes to myself half of the day at work because it was so slow.

"There once was a tiger striped cat, this cat died a million deaths, revived, and lived a million lives and he was owned by various people who he really didnt care for. The cat wasnt affraid to die. Then one day the cat became a stray cat, which meant he was free. He met a white female cat, and the two of them spent their days together happily. Well years passed and the white cat grew weak, and died of old age. The tiger striped cat cried a million times, and then he died too.. Except this time.. he didnt come back to life.."

For those of you who haven't seen that episode. To think that so many years have gone by since I've met you all. So crazy. Might of said it back then of "I wonder what we'll all be doing in 5 years." And here we are. Still wondering where we'll be in the next five years. I just want to become famous and be well known. To make sure people know I exist. Make a statement in the world ya know?

Quite a while ago suicide popped back into my head but was quickly washed away with thoughts of reality. It was just a REALLY bad day. Nothing was going my way and I took the day off from school. So weak minded to say or even think about that. Pitiful really. Each individual human fought so hard to live, even before we knew it. And that we were the ones chosen to be born. That means something. We were all put on this planet for a reason. Even if it was just to mate and keep your blood line going. Its more then that though, enjoying yourself and experiencing what the Earth has to give. I need to get out more. xD Think I'll work out when I wake up tomorrow. Try to beat Okami some and such.

It sucks being impatient. But learning to be patient is a really nice thing. I can still see the bug bite on my arm.. man this post is going in every direction. Don't rush things or they'll end up crappy in the end. I'd know this from previous experience. You have to get to know people first before making rash decisions. It's helpful when people aren't attracted to you at first. Because then you can get to know them. I think thats what helped so much back in the day. I was able to get to know people, I wasn't as suave as I am now. Not to be really arrogant. It's true though. I believe you have to become friend's with someone first before going any further. Sol and I weren't that great of friends and that we didn't have much in common. Same with Danielle. Next time I won't mess up. I can't. I almost felt that I was using them to find out what I want, and I had no intentions of doing so. I wasn't happy with just a relationship, I took that too seriously and didn't want in. Only sex doesn't work either because thats the only thing holding it together. There needs to be a small mix of both to make it just right.

Kinda feel bad too, Jesse hasn't been in a relationship for so long and he still seems to be holding it together quite well. Yet its only been a short amount of time for me and it almost seems like I'm losing it. Something to admire though, to be single and strong. I need to get to that point. I'm sure I'll feel amazing once I get there. Man.. I needed that rant. Going to move onto some RL stuff.

Metal Gear Solid 4 finally came out, game was amazing. Had little treats for MGS fans and stuff. Can't rant about that now.. too.. not motivated to do so.

The world was put here for us to experience it. Now go out there and enjoy life. Just because many people enjoy the world with someone else doesn't I have to as well. I need to go enjoy myself and stop sitting here at 3 in the morning ranting about it. Parents are about to get up. I need to start getting a decent sleeping schedule and waking up at a normal time. Okay, done. I need some fucking sleep. And if you're reading this right after I post it, you probably do too. Get some sleep! Over and out.

|3| Metal Gears destroyed

Welp. [30 Jun 2008|02:19am]

[ mood | hungry ]

[ music | Photograph - Weezer ]

Finally updated my LJ layout. Only took me a year or so..

haven't been up to much, getting burnt up in this heat, working, MGS, hanging out.

Hopefully will have a very successful summer.

|3| Metal Gears destroyed

There. [25 Feb 2008|03:45pm]

Now I'm done hurting girls. I'm done thinking I'm ready for a relationship when I'm not at all. No more fucking with people's feelings. I'm so god damn sick of hurting people. I never mean to, I just get into it and I change my mind. I'm an indecisive prick, which results in me being a douche bag. This goes out to all of my exs.

I'm sorry.

Metal Gears destroyed

ffs [25 Feb 2008|12:17pm]

I thought everything was working out well for me.. but I just happen to fuck everything up. I'm so fucking broken down right now.. I just got into ANOTHER fucking accident.. I was driving and minding my own business when the car in front of my slams on their brakes. I slam on mine too and end up hitting the back right end of the car. hitting my left mirror breaking it sending glass flying into my car everywhere. Sure was a bright fucking idea leaving the window open.. but if I didn't leave it open.. would I of had my car's window glass over me too? Scratching the front left side of my car.. not sure.. but anyways.. it's just so fucking stressful.. now my parents car insurance will go up for the.. third time? All because of their stupid ass clumsy son. Just the cop telling me "Oh you were following too closely and she was stopped, you weren't paying attention." I have to head up to the fucking court house AGAIN. I HATE GOING THERE. God fucking damnit.. I hate this so much..

Oh and what pisses me off so much more.. I went into town early to get my fucking debit card to work because I canceled one of my transactions which cut me from money for the whole god damn weekend. After this stupid fucking crash I go and it works perfectly fine.. so I just got in a fucking car wreck for no god damn reason. Left early, and it was working. Just having that glass fly at me.. not to over react but I might of inhaled some. It all happened in two fucking seconds.. and I got screwed over for a 175 dollar fucking infraction, increase of insurance. I already had so much on my fucking mind and now this. I'm so tired of all this shit. I want to get away from it all for a long time.. seriously..

Just started dating Danielle and I'm already feeling weird about it.. just like with Soleil.. so I'll probably just break up with her. Got her fucking hopes up for nothing.. all because I can't make up my fucking mind.. god damnit. I'm gonna lay down.. it seems thats all I'm good for lately. Just asking for pity too.. I'm god damn pitiful. All I'm doing is bitching, I'm done. Peace.

|2| Metal Gears destroyed

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