I woke up
A little later than usual
Headed to the bathroom for a morning routine of clean-up, television news, brushing of teeth, etc, etc.
It’s snowing again
The second snow of the season
A light fall
Nothing to hard or too different

This snow has come a little earlier than usual
I have forgotten what today is
As I usually do with any event or holiday
I always do
Don’t know why but with the daily routine of life
You forget a lot

So I get up and get dressed completely forgetting what today is
Clean off the car
I am thinking about getting in to work on a Friday

And even though it is never premium to go into work
What better day than a Friday to go in
You look forward to the end of the day

My shoes are wet
So I take them off
Head to the refrigerator and take the milk from the shelf
Pull the cheerios out of the pantry
And pour my mind into a meal

Nothing special about today
Until I receive a hug
A squeeze
A whisper in the ear…

Happy Birthday
A smile
I feel it coming

I try to catch my twin
Before she catches me
The phone rings
She answers and around the same time
We both hear the screams of a song
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear butthead…

It’s a typical, annual celebration of screams and smiles over the phone.
We argue over who said it first
Who made the first breath?
The first sound…

We do this every year
Continuing a tradition that someone else started
When we didn’t want to get up
When the sound of her voice
and that song would get on our nerves and
when all we wanted to do was go back to sleep

But she persisted
So my sister and I continue the tradition

Ever since we were born
I believe us twins have been in a friendly, at times angry, competition

When we were kids we would fight over rooms,
who would get to borrow the car?
even who would beat each other in sports?

till this day she tells me I am the reason
she started to run

I guess I have ran from the memories because I no longer recall
I guess that is what age is for
that is what your twin is for

Siblings, family
are important

I am glad I didn’t remember

It makes this
More unexpected
More exciting

And the older you get
The more of an unexcited feeling
you receive

so I cherish these moments
because moments like these are rare
and needed

So it’s true. I’m leaving. Not this town. Not the city I leave or the house that I live… just the job that I work. I will officially end my employment here next month. It, I believe, is a good decision and a good move for my career. Been at my current position for a little over two years and this past year has been interesting, which has led me to accept calls and over the phone interviews, etc.

Interviewed with the VP of HR and CEO and I guess they liked me. I will be the head of Corporate Training which is still kind of unbelievable to me. Just can’t get my reality to wrap around it just yet. While there are a lot of good things about this new direction, there are some things that I have yet to understand. I guess we all have those feelings of inadequacy. Will I be able to do it? Yes, of course I can. I know I can! But can I? These are the questions that I wrestle with. But I know that I am ready for the next floor because this glass ceiling needs to be broken and why not by me? I mean, love to break things!

Just pray that I don’t cut myself.


In regards to the place I am leaving; don’t get me wrong, the job I am currently in is not terrible. I am not dying to leave. My bosses are not evil. Yet at times it just never really felt right, what I was doing here. Almost felt as if I were digressing. The benefits were always good, the environment was comfortable… hmm comfortable? That is the thing that worried me. That single word. I have tried not to become comfortable in anything that I do, although I have and continue to fall victim to the meaning regularly!

This is a great job to be in, if one is ready for the end. I say that to conclude that with its good benefits, steady pace and comfortable feeling; it can definitely become a place where you would want to retire. End your career in complacency waiting for the last day so you can move on to highlighted memories as a Wal-Mart greeter… oh and then you die. Not to say that other positions here come with the same direction. I can’t assume to say what others might feel.

The problem is, I should not be and am not ready for complacency just yet. I am not ready to just do those one or two things for the rest of my… yet. I need to grow professionally a little more.

My boxes have stuff in them. Underneath my desk are the memories, binders, paperclips and staples that are mine, pieces of this job that I will take with me. I am not sad to go, but I am reluctant to leave. Starting a new is always something that your mind can challenge even when you know it is for the best. So the best is what I will wish and pray for. Just in case the best can be meant for me!

submission: how to pray?

if you would like to know some steps…

it's late
I am sitting in the basement
a light shines toward the back

I have never been one for light

feels as if it shows too much
and if it shows
then
someone can see the things that I would rather be left hidden

was in the bed
but like some nights
i think about things and have to get up
i have been thinking a lot

been needing to pray

but
I don't know how to
anymore

haven't practiced in a long time
trying to start again

it seems foolish to start now
feel as if I am still a kid
being told and shown what to do
when I am at an age where I should be able to rightly know the right from wrong

but I do not presume to know either

i am learning
perhaps
all over again
how to approach things

so yet again
prayer is another thing
that I have placed on the list of
learning objectives

taking steps
one at a time

seems like online
is where the information is available

so i am looking up directions
steps

i know...
what was I thinking

if I could just get on the floor
and submit
maybe everything would be fine

yeah it may be just a prayer to some
but we all need help sometimes

and if the answer can be found
then why not try and ask the question…

even if
we are afraid to understand the reasons behind them

...Pure Genius




framing the anser to a question is important... but apparently she didn't recieve that lesson in South Africa... or Iraq... or... where are you from? lol

A Changing America: Gov't paper

Just imagine...
in 10 years, you my have a White History month!!!

I was thinking about the soldiers and wondered if they ever thought about me ...
not in a literal way but... well anyway still not done

i think of you often
when walking down the street
or marching in a heavy step while running
i remember a classroom
my hand
placed firmly over my chest

i could feel my heart beating
and would wonder what the word's meant

i wonder how
you stand
in storms or dust
heavy armor lifted over shoulders
while flames of smoke clear the chapped skin from your face

do you think about home

do you remember
before you signed that contract
what it was like to be 18
and still invincible

do you
feel invincible now
with a tank
or 21st century musket

i think of what it must of been like
to east your last breakfast at home
or the plane ride

tell me
does the dirt of america share the same smell as the mid-east


you were probably picked on too
in trailer park rooms
and rectangular shaped fences
pressed up against a wall
when the kids would corner you in the 7th grade

but somehow
as those bullies would come a few inches from throwing their fists
in your direction
you would dodge
and some miracle of god would
lift your feet and blow you quickly into safety

and just as you were then
you are probably scared now
the enemy of your childhood
has finally caught you by the belt loops
in desert sand

and stepping with military boots
paired in greasy socks issued 3 years ago
you march on
hoping that somehow
that same wind of your past
would find its way back

calgon doesn't live in the desert
and dreams don't come to you as easily
when the nights sky is filled with morter

i wonder if you think of the 4th
do these fireworks compare

we have never met
our eyes have probably not gazed upon the same sidewalks
or cut grass on the same street

but when we look up
and glance upon dark clouds
we meet
we see god crying his tears

and smiling brightly in the morning

and i pray for you
even though you probably
never pray for me


some wonder why I post things that may not be finished...
i think all of us in life
present ourselves unfinished
and we are all works in progress
people see us everyday

sometimes we should present the raw
so we can appreciate how far it took to get...
to the complete

“better”

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightening and the lightening bug? ~ Mark Twain

somehow I am between lightening
and the bug
trying to find my place

and better
than before
is what I want
to be
but better
is not always achievable
I ask this question
at times
when insecurity is more fruitful than confidence
when the clouds show themselves
and all that can be seen
are dark skies

I question
steps
actions

even the spelling of words
constantly triple-checking

for placement
pitch
meaning

constantly find the errors after

after a report has been turned in
and judging eyes smile loudly at the urgency to correct

after I say the wrong thing that I didn’t actually mean to say - for what I meant to say was something
entirely different

it’s too late
when I pick up the dishes
or do the laundry
I feel like I am not accurate
as if the detergent needs more instructions from another
in order for me to do it right

when I sit in meetings
I am corrected in a sly way
as if to say that
“no, no you don’t know enough
I am better equipped then you
it’s not your turn to know better”

I don’t understand the order anymore
because
placement is important

cutting in line is not enough

cuz I only have one shot
a single chance with this life thing
I don’t want to F%$# up

so I consistently question my authority
wanting to increase the ability
so I can be measured

as if worth could be placed on a scale

it’s pouring outside
i can hear the thunder
the sounds of water beating against the building
it’s also cold
made the mistake of wearing shorts with a bright orange shirt
thought it would be warm

guess I was subconscious in the thought that my shirt would bring a brighter day

I make mistakes all the time
this will be nothing new

Started Friday - June 22
Finished - June 27

What was done:
-Removal of old nolium tile
-pulled off old ceramic tile
-replaced shower head
-took out cabinets
-removed wall behind sink
-added another piping for possible double sink
-redid tile
-ummm that's it

You may have been hearing and seeing everything there is to see about Paris Hilton but I bet most of you will care less about this!

Did you hear that Bush commutes Libby prison sentence !!!
this is bull

"I respect the jury's verdict," Bush said in a statement. "But I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive. Therefore, I am commuting the portion of Mr. Libby's sentence that required him to spend thirty months in prison."
ok ok
if you respect the decision then keep your ass out of it... but nah you have no respect.

I need friends in white(house) places!

...i just don't

at work, in life, with people

it's as if there's this object in a room
a 300 pound elephant
with a crowd of people looking at it

and they all see a blue one
but I see red

yet no one talks about it...

...300 pound elephants were never meant to be rooms


I don't expect anyone to understand
what I mean
where I am going with this

i just expect them to empathize

maybe that's my problem
I have expectations

maybe I shouldn't expect

crushed - funny quote
"I eat so I won't

be crushed by the memories"

in retrospect... is it funny... you had to hear it!

So this weekend has been almost zero relaxation. Why you may ask is the reason? Well all weekend and maybe a little into the week I am redoing my bathroom. Have started to take pictures of the process but actually forgot to take ones from the beginning. Before I started to tear everything out - the old tile, sink, faucets and cabinets - It hasn’t been too difficult pulling it all apart. It is just not cheap at all. Fortunately I have expert help and I am pretty much just buying the supplies.

So tonight, at 11:30pm, I am trying to put back together a peerless kitchen faucet aerator. It is the little piece that you screw off from the end of your faucet. Where the water comes streaming out. Bought a new sink due to the fact that the old one was not working anymore. Started to put it in earlier this week and had some trouble. The aerator, that little piece at the end, and it fell apart. This thing is made up of four little pieces so you would think it would be easy to put back together right? Wrong. Completely wrong.

So like any intelligent person matched with a piece of metal and many combinations I do what anyone would do… I googled to try and find some help.

One of the things I found was this….
Cracked me up to bits

it's almost 90 degrees

sitting out in the garage
watching people sift through clothing
making deductions in their minds

trying to offer less than $2

I just want to get rid of it all
that way it save me the gas and time to take it
to Goodwill

write now... I don't care about work!

So today we’re having a garage sale. Was going to have one anyone but the neighborhood posted, in their monthly newsletter information on others. This just makes it easier to get the word out. Ya see, in order for people to get to the other garage sales they have to drive potentially drive through my street. This makes the opportunity to sell even better. A few pieces - old things that I probably should have been rid of for a long, long time.

Books from college, the first school I graduated from. Video tapes, clothing, jackets, coats (some nice ones to) and even a pottery barn desk that I couldn’t get through the 2nd bedroom door. That sucks to because it was bought pretty cheaply at the pottery barn outlet.

Well I just hope that people buy everything up on the very first day. It is from 8am till 1pm today and tomorrow.

I have been told that people will arrive at 7:30am and just wait or possibly knock at the door to get you to start. Or how everyone is suppose to know that "balloons hanging out in front of a house means there will be a garage sale here." Ummm I have never heard of that… but then again I am usually late on a lot!

So I will be like the kids in the summer waiting on a nearby sidewalk trying to push my nickel lemonade. Hopefully my taste will match others

One man’s junk, another man’s treasure… let’s hope so but if that were true I would be trying to sell my sister.
Hmmm
When I was a kid, after reading Shel Silverstein, I actually did try….

Unfortunately I don’t currently have a sister close for sale right now. Get back with me on that next year!

“For Sale”
- Shel Silverstein, Where The Sidewalk Ends

One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I'm really not kidding,
So who'll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn't there, isn't there, isn't there any
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale,
This crying and spying young sister for sale?

‘barb-q’

Barbecued all weekend. We had a new person at work begin his manager position so usually when we have these new members join work we have a barbeque yet at the same time there were some outside vendors that also were coming into show us what they had been up to. So in celebration of all this we had the barbeque.

In Ohio there is this thing called Corn hole, which in many other states would be called simply… beanbag. A co-worker also brought in their Nintendo Wii. Pretty cool gaming system. I think it will take up a lot more market share than people think.

The next barbeque was on Saturday and a friends house. They have three kids. The middle kid has this really weird fascination with liquids. He kept taking his drinks and other things like water and pouring them from one container to the other. He also liked to pour it on the ground, on the deck or any other place it didn’t need to be. Afterwards we played Scrabble… I can tell I need to stock my brain up on words!

On Sunday I washed the cars, cleaned out the garage and then went to another family member’s house and watched as my two nephews bombarded me with questions and attacks. I love my nephews. I usually don’t care to hang out with kids, usually only to ask questions that they will never be able to answer as a result of their limited education and influences like – what is the definition of quantum physics? …

Blank stares and glossy eyes is the answer I receive.

It was some good food. Good time and good company.

Have to pressure wash the deck sometime this week. Don’t know when I will get to it. This way it will look good underneath my new grill!

I want to begin to take some pictures...
[scene fade out]

[scene fade in]
see I carry in my old wallet, in a forbidden place - this list. I write it on a small but heavy stock of paper. "The 25 things I want to do before I pass."

I wrote a lot of things on it. I am happy to say that I have completed many...
[scene fade out]

[scene fade in]
it has always been a thing of mine, a hobby that I have somehow been good at. Never been the type of person to feel good about regular everyday framed photographs with everyone aligned in a perfect little row. I like angles. I have cheated stores or should I say, used there own 30-day-return-policy-but-buy-it-and--return-it rules policy against them. so for one trip to Puerto Rico I bought a 35mil with a long lens camera and took some great pictures. I now am beginning to get the nerve to do so
[scene fade out]

[new scene]
I am going to take my camera with me wherever I go from now on...
I hope...

[close scene]

an excellent documentary



FILM SYNOPSIS
"The Boys of Baraka" reveals the human face of a tragic statistic — 61 percent of Baltimore's African-American boys fail to graduate from high school; 50 percent of them go on to jail. Behind those grim figures lie the grimmer realities of streets ruled by drug dealers, families fractured by addiction and prison and a public school system seemingly surrendered to chaos. As eloquently portrayed in Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady's award-winning documentary, which has its national broadcast premiere on public television's P.O.V., a generation of inner-city children faces dilemmas that would undo most adults. In this case, they are told early on that they face three stark "dress" options by their 18th birthdays — prison orange, a suit in a box, or a high school cap and gown.

The four young boys featured in "The Boys of Baraka," despite individual talents and considerable personal charms, cannot escape the common fate expressed by those dress options. But fate, as documented in this film, comes to them with a remarkable and fickle twist — an experimental boarding school in rural Kenya.

laying hay
planting grass
and it starts to rain
the sky is still clear as I am in the back
all weekend I have pretty much been working in the yard

I think this is where I have found peace
I finish and head in.

I forget that the paper is still in front
I walk and open the door
pick up the paper and notice that god's smiling at me

as if he was just upside down
standing on his head
I knew he liked to play in the rain