I don't want to be apart of this family anymore. I want to become wholly independent where I can support myself, live by myself, and not have to rely on anyone but myself to live happily. I'm sick of being disrespected, I'm sick of being ignored, and I'm sick of sitting by while my weed addicted cousin craftily steals from me under my aunt's, mother's, and grandmother's noses, and no one does anything about it. I'm sick of being glossed over so attention can be paid to deliquents, and I just want out. I want my scholarship money to come through, and I just want to be far far away from them.

So, despite missing the first two days due to family drama, and being lost in terms of roommates, I was able to make the last 1 1/2 days of the con. It was lovely. My roommates were beautiful, beautiful girls, and the con was great, with the exception of hotel distance. That pissed me off, since I was so used to Anahiem and Long Beach having ALL hotels within walking distance, and having a readily availableb supply of cheap yummy food. I am eternally bummed, I left my camera, and could not take pictures except for those with my cellphone, and good luck with getting those out of the phone and onto my computer. >.>;

:/ I'm completely bummed I didn't get to meet up with a lot of people I wanted to see, and I'm so nervous to see any of my pictures from the con floating around on the net. >.<
And I know I shouldn't let people take pictures of me if I'm uncomfortable with them being posted, but it seem so rude/stuck up to say no. So it's easier for me to give in. XD;

I am seriously contemplating going to Yaoi-con in San Fransico, but I've never been, I don't know the scene, and I don't know anyone else who is going.
I did pretty okay as far as swag goes. I spent $73 on doujin, which BLEW MY  MIND. I never imagined, that my cheap self would do something like that. o__o;

I also bought two pairs of really cute lolita socks! One is actually from the HeartE brand, and they were cheap so YAY. I don't know why I've gotten such an affinty for socks lately, when I'm complete tights+lolita type of girl. . .
I've also totally given in to buying those sweets rings, and I spent about $20 on those, but it was SO very worth it.
I'm so, so tired, but I wanted the con to last one more day. I didn't want to leave my beautiful friends, or the awesome con, and come back to my dopey, depressing homelife. -___-;
But oh well, them's the breaks I guess. So, if I can remember everything, swag count breaks down like this:

Doujin - 73
GALS DVDS - 30
Rings - 26
Socks - 31
Art notebook - 15.40
Kosen Art book - 12.00
GLB-  20
Sleep wear hats - 19.00
Fleece hat - 5.00
Total = 231.40

Not bad, for a day and a half. But I think I was compenstating for the days I missed. XD
I probably got more, but I'm too sleepy to remember it now.
But the bummer part is, somewhere on the last day I lost my NEW Strawberry swimmer parasol. ;___; LAME.
But luckily swimmer is cheap, so I can replace it without killing myself. And that's good.

Also, my religious dress was a big big hit, and I owe so much thanks to Andi, it's unbelieveable!
And the second day I was in a combination of homemade and torrid. XD It was pink, and awesome.

There is still post moving drama to be delt with, but that's mostly bills, and I'm too tired to think about anything like that right now. Let my friggin' mother bother with it.

This may be my last entry for a while. My whole life is packed in boxes and bags, and I don't know when it will be unpacked again. I don't know when I'll be back on my messengers for a while, but I'll try to update my journal as much as possible. I'm being shipped off to live with an aunt until we find a place. Hopefully I will see some of you at AX, and what not. It's been much fun guys, and maybe I'll be back soon. Until then:

I was happily doing a favor for Lindsey, I assumed it was over and I went downstairs to chill for a while because it's inhumanly hot up here, and for once take advantage of the cable I own. I got back after a while to double check, I start flying up the stairs, I TRIP half fall down, and now my ankle HURTS LIKE HELL. And there's not even any ice in here I can use to soothe it.
-___- WHY. Damn stairs, damn balance, DAMN THE WORLD.

I AM AN ABUSED CHILD!
Do you know how my mother woke me up?

She threw a whole Banana into my side.
Yes. You read that right. A banana.
Then she told me to eat it.

WTF. IDK.

In other news: IT'S TOO HOT TO LIVE. Also, this makes moving 10088790234x more exhausting.
It's raining all over the world except here. WHY. WHY.

Also, yes I joined this.   It's too late for AX, so perhaps by P.M.X.  I'll be looking good. :3 (I wasn't originally planning on going to P.M.X. but maetel9  basically twisted my arm and is making me. She's stronger than she looks!)
I want to get a bike, and some four wheel roller skates along with a new mattress.

I made a sells post to egl_comm_sales, so hopefully people will buy my things. I REALLY REALLY need the cash. \(T^T)/
Also, AHAHHAHA I have no idea what I'm going to do for AX besides pray! This will be interesting. As long as I ground up the $90 for my hotel room. >__<;

So, as of June 19th, 2008 I am a high school graduate. I was class speaker, and what not. Mmm public speaking. My section was small but I was grateful for everyone who showed up, and a special thank you to shygirlswin.

And now I'm packing to move. You never realize how much crap you've accumulated until you've got to pack it all in boxes.
Unfortunately I'm not moving out on my own just yet, just relocating to a one-bedroom with my mother for reasons that enrage me, and I don't feel comfortable sharing online.  The weather has been unbearably hot, and I feel like I'm dying.  I always hate summer, because I regularly hate the sun, and we're about to enter three months of hell right now.

I'm so pissed about a ton of things. One of them mainly being that I paid $65 dollars on Thursday to have my hair done, and because of the heat IT SWEATED ALL BACK. DAMN BLACK HAIR! Almost SEVENTY DOLLARS gone down the tube! I hate press and curls, they're such a damn waste of my money! And now two days later it doesn't even look like I got my hair done! I'm too poor to afford blowing $65 DAMN DOLLARS.

Hell, I barely even have enough money for FOOD, let alone crap like that. So I'm going to call the hair stylist and either make her give me a discount on some braids, or something.  Too many events are coming up that I want to go too, but don't have the money for. Mainly AX. I already bought my ticket though, and agreed to room with people so I don't want to flake out on them. But still what kind of fun can you have at an anime con with zip to no money? Not much. But whatever.

Arg, lolita is pissing me off. But it could just be the heat.

So today I met up with lacey_dolly and we went to hit the Del Amo, for Joann's fabric, and some shopping.
Mostly we ended up getting awesome socks, and I went to Bath and Body works on the advice of Crystal/damagedgarden
and spent too much money in there, but at least I came out with some wicked stuff. XD
I HEART CRAP.

So all was fine,  I ran into Jennifer/aurorahermione, and Lauren/kochoumacabre,.
lacey_dolly will no longer doubt my psychic powers, ever again. When I say it's going to rain on Thursday, I mean rain damn it!

Also, after failed attempts to convince lacey_dolly to go the movies, my stomach turned sour and we had to leave. I swear that's the last time I ever eat at the Del Amo's Italian food place AGAIN. The spinach was so BLAND to boot.

I need to take pictures of my pretties and post them, but I don't have the heart too. *le sigh*

I GOT MY SCHOLARSHIP. 

So, here's an update:

Sunday - The morning was horrible, and this is all thanks to my horrible brother, who can't go away soon enough, and never show his face again. My hair got done FINALLY, by my aunt and grandmother. And then I spent the majority of the day at my grandmother's, snoozing it off. Then I came home to my mother and semi comfort, though with more bad news, that I won't put down right now. I made all the calls to the family to invite them to my graduation.

Saturday - I missed a second lolita meet-up because my hair was not done, and I didn't have a ride, so that was sad enough in itself. Now, what possessed me, to gorge myself on 119 chapters of Battle Royale, all in one go, I'll never know. I mean, I watched both movies, but I just had to see the manga play out for myself. And GOD FUCK. I cried so much. The death scenes just ripped my heart, dear god. And Shinji! Oh god Shinji!
To quote Shuuya: "I needed you to be okay!"
 I really did Shinji. So here is my new default icon, in memorial of him. Say what you want about it just being a fictional character, because I won't listen. Now, I just need MOAR BR icons. So that's going to be my project for a while. So Saturday was Manga & Munchies day. As I ate the laarge majority of the food I bought Friday.  Also tears.
\(;A;)/ shiiinjiiii

Friday - I entered into a scholarship essay contest with the Big Brothers & Big Sisters of Los Angeles.
My match manager, Shirley Ried said she had a really good feeling I would win, and boy howdy do I need the money! Well I know by June 13th.
After that, since I was downtown already, I caught a bus to Little Tokyo, and went insane in my purchase of Japanese food products. Pocky, Calbee chips, Calpico, Curry, Nori wraps, Cherries, Popcorn, Sardines in Soy-Sauce (YES I LIKE FISH), also lipgloss. XD Weird, but it was pretty. I need to put it on my pupe. Also, while I was down there, there was this awesome concert that was going to go on, but I totally couldn't go, because I wasn't dressed for it, my hair was still in a sucky hat, and I had a ton of grocery bags. ;^; I want some Japanese punk clothing! VK boys are so pretty.

And that was my weekend! Monday I'm going to head to school, and work on my graduation speech, and see if my mother will take me to the Gardena Marukai, so I can reload on my snacks! :9 Also, I really need to clean my room. Like whoa. >.>;;
And pour_me_coffee, I hope you got my message!

I just had the most beautiful and romantic dream, I've ever had in my history of remember dreams.
All I can say is huge Rococo art gallery lit up by thousand of candles, and a boat/gazebo ride to view them all.
Boat ride lead to a secret grand palace entrance to a ball, and a surprise twist with a prince.
Everything was beautiful, and somehow the Swan Princess theme got into my dream.

What is it about this series that hurts me so? I'm in a tough life spot right now, so it's probably the last thing I should be reading/watching but

OH GOD MIMURA DIED! HOW! WHY!
I loved Mimura so much, he was so handsome, and sweet, and ljkfald;;ddsldjsi.
Figured only Shuuya and Noriko would live. God, it hurts so much, when I was rooting for him to make it so hard, my jaw literally DROPPED when I got to the page about his death.

Why do we get so emotionally attached to fictional characters?

I'm taking a tip from fatalfille. I had a bit of a rough morning because of someone who felt they needed to go out of their way to harass me, so this will cheer me up!

I Love:

• Finding old songs I had stuck in my head on you-tube, or on my computer.
• The sound my wind chime makes when the the breeze hits it.
• Finding that nice people still do exist on the internet.
• Looking at my Marie Antoinette bag my co-worker bought me.
• Doing random and silly dances in the hallway.
• Fantasizing about finding a lovely waltzing partner at the AX formal
• Thinking about graduation
• RPGs
• Making up battle scenes in my head to cool songs
• Finding awesome new bands. (Herro of Montreal)
  
• How my room looks when it's cleaning.
• Remembering that in 30 years, current bullies will mean NOTHING.
• Thinking about how successful I'll be in 30 years. When I'm 48! XD
• On the spur art lessons from my friends.
• Lace.
• My new Juicy Couture Perfume.

I want to be a LoligyaruGAL

As in LolitaxHime-GyaruxGAL combined. (When I say GAL I mean Ran Kotobuki style. And when I say Hime-Gyaru I don't mean any promiscuous sexual exploits.)
<.<; No one hit me.

Edit: LOL. Why are you still even reading this? Wonderful early morning hijinks were abound kiddies.

My neighbor is baking cookies and I can smell, them and they smell GOOD.
I'd much rather eat home baked cookies than go to work today.
Not that I don't love my library job, but damn I want a day off that isn't consumed by school.
I want to watch DVDs, and clean my room, and sort my laundry and listen to Susumu Hirasawa.
Oh well, my job's not that, and it's only five hours.

I graduate from High School June 19th, and if you can read this, then YES YOU ARE INVITED TO COME.
I may or may not be a speaker there. Just PM or email me if you're interested and want more info.
The Ceremony doesn't start until 7:00 pm that night, so yeah. And don't worry you don't need to bring a present.
Okay, time to get ready for works!

I will be doing a Friends Cut this Friday
So please comment as to  whether you'd like to stay or leave.
And if you don't comment at all, I'll just assume you'd like to leave. And don't worry no drama, no hard feelings. XD
Ahah, man I hope that didn't make me sound too full of myself.

It makes me literally sick to listen to him talk to his "girlfriend" over the phone.
The sure amount of lies, he spews into that idiotic woman's ears makes me want to projective vomit.
And this is how I picture men. Manipulative, disgusting, conniving, greedy and horny.
If only she could hear the things he calls her when she's off the phone with him.

But is there anyone on my f-list who is going to Anime Expo that's renting a hotel room and would let me roommate with them? I was originally going to stay with alanna_lioness but some personal stuff came up, and now she's not going to AX. I would reaallly prefer to stay with someone I know because at least that way, I don't have to worry about something weird going down, or thievery or anything else. :/
If I don't find someone to respond here, I'll probably post to egl but again that's a last resort.

There were other things I was going to complain about, but why bother?
I will say this though, I NEED a new computer chair desperately.
One with plush seating and revolving top, with arm rests. ;~; THAT RECLINES.

Well, not only do I wake up to pleasantly find that pupe took 80 of my ribbons for what they deemed illegal content, a monokurobo cup, some AP postcards, and a Julliet et Justine postcard,  (And yet, the Japanese users can upload alarm clocks, bento boxes, and AP plates) but upon looking into further detail about the economic stimulus we were supposed to get getting, I am apparently not getting one, because my mother claimed me as a dependent on her return.
That was $300-600 gone before I ever saw it. Thanks so much, mom.

missmeganmaude, I don't know what it means about getting the dress commission done, since I was planning to pay you out of that money.
I don't want to say it's canceled just yet, but right now it looks very bad. Despite the tone of this post I'm extremely upset, but right now I just feel rather numb, I suppose. 
Today is shaping up to be a rather terrible month, and my Chinese horoscope was just on point, mostly in it saying I will feel generally harassed this year, I will find it hard to have enough money to go around, even though the outlook was supposed to be good.

:/ I don't know what to do anymore, it just seems to be one disappointment after the other, back to back.

E is for exhausted boys and girls.

 Which basically sums up  my entire persons. I have two more weeks to turn in work for school,. and then Bam, May is when I take my test to graduate, and then Graduation Date is June 19th.

Take into account I'm still working, and the housing situation has been completely stressful, and you get my basic spot in life. I wish I could have just been born into a normal family who were if not financially independent, at least off enough so that they could pay their own rent where they choose to stay.
I feel like I never get enough sleep, and I just need a day off, with blessed nothing. So I can play my video games, take pictures for my pupe girl, watch these waay past due DVDs, clean up my room and my bathroom, do laundry, and just generally get myself in order. I am so TIRED. I felt like calling in today, but I need my little penny-enny job, so yeah. ):

After I finish with HS, I will have exactly 12 days, to sew/make a male aristocrat outfit. HURRAH.
Effin' sleepy.

Time to leave for work!