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Writer's Block

Leave a Message After the Beep

What is your answering machine away message? If you don't have one, you can make it up!

Answers (190)

  • "Hi. I'm not home right now, but there's a key taped to the top of the doorsill. Also, if you're an employer I sent my resume to, I'm currently running around naked with a goat, a baby, and a jar of Miracle Whip. Ladies, if you got my dating profile, I meant it when I said I'm contagious." This is what I would not put in an answering machine message. But I wouldn't be surprised if a customer put that on theirs. The cute "hello? Ha ha, I got you" message is only funny the first time when I actually thought someone was there. The one about being too busy playing Halo was amusing for awhile, but then I realized I wouldn't be calling him if he'd actually PAID for Halo. The White Christmas answering machine should have been changed back in January, but maybe that customer is dead or in a coma, so that doesn't bother me so much. What is annoying is to have a crappy recording of Phil Collins' In The Air Tonight that lasts about ten minutes before you actually get to the part where you record your voice message. Some coworkers called it "loud street noises" on the memos because they're stupid. Don't hold your baby up to the answering machine if you want to be understood. It comes out as nothing but gurgling sounds. Also, some people shouldn't be allowed to have answering machines if they can't even figure out how to record things on them. Several machines play nothing but a series of clicks and banging sounds. Another thing, aren't you able to listen to your own voice mail messages? If so, why do some people do a recording that sounds like this: "We're sorry, but "I'm sorry but I'm not available right now, please leave a message for-" is not available now. Please leave a message after the tone...Sorry, but "I'm sorry but I'm not available right now, please leave a message for-" has a voicemail box that is full."??? Is this like having a movie within a movie within a movie?
  • It is me, in a high pitched voice (almost shy), leaving my name and telling people to leave a message. 
    Sometimes when I'm bored though, I trick people in to thinking I answered. 
  • i love you
  • You have reached {insert name}, I cannot come to my phone at this time, but if you'll leave your name, number, and a brief message, I will return your call as soon as possible. Thank you!
  • YOU ARE DIALLING A FROWN-FREE LINE TOO.
  • Hi i know you want to talk to me,but you have to talk to my voicemail. Ill call you as soon as i can bye.
  • Something along the lines of:

    “I know how devastated you must be to miss me, but leave a message, and I'll try to ease your agony”
    -- Adrian Ivashkov (Vampire Academy, Richelle Meade)

  • Um... This is... Um... *shouting noises* hold on wait a sec...
    That was it before I realized my error. *blushes*
  • For years, my voicemail would greet you with, "Hey babe! Sorry I missed you! Leave me a message and I'll call you back." It was great. At least half of the messages would begin with a variation of "Hi...babe. Babe? Really?" Then I started to seriously look for a job, and I thought it might be wise to have something a little more professional. Ever since then, my voicemail has been the standard "[Insert Name] is not available; please leave a message after the tone." Much less fun. But speaking of fun, my brother's voicemail message was recorded by Maurice LaMarche. That's right, kids; if you call my brother, you'll be greeted by The Brain. It's terribly exciting. (Or it would be, if the message wasn't a bit garbled and difficult to hear.)
  • something to the effect of: i'm probably out singing or dancing..... or maybe at work.

    the one right before i did outside and was: i'm in line for the last harry potter movie.

    when workshops start, i'm thinking of putting up a new one related to faire. along with singing and dancing.

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