Даже если откинуть в сторону вшивую интеллигенцию и наличие каких бы то ни было отличительных от стада общего особенностей у других более скромных личностей, то даже тупому безмозглому "блатарю" (как по Варламу Шаламову) душевное самопожирание не чуждо. Все ноют, всем плохо. Мне так больше интересно кто как с этими "душевными муками" борется. А то знаете как оно на генофонд может повлиять. Ого-го-го как. Ладно, все отправляемся лечить пушкинскую хандру. Каждый. И левый и правый. И все по своему.
I really missed the boat this time. But everything happens for a reason.
I wonder if I'll ever be where I want to be in life. I wonder if Ill ever find someone that I truly love and respect. I know Im not a bad person, its just not the right place, the right time, the right person...
every morning i wake up and ask myself the same question
"what am i doing with my life"
i feel as if something is missing but cant do anything about it
sometimes i wake up wondering about things like...what if i get in trouble am i gonna get kicked out of my house...errr i dont know but yet i kinda dont care because i have someone to go to if anything happened to me and thats the great thing about having a partner in your life.. but the thing i worry the most about is what would my mother say if i got pregnant at this time of my life...
look ive been wanting to have a child since i was like 15 years old.. and everyone says to me hey your gonna mess up your life. your so talented in what you do. I run and im good.. i love the sport but i rather be a wonderful mother and have beautiful children with the one person i love... now im 18 and still ive been waiting i still till this day think what everyone is going to say about me... and i kinda am learning to say FUCK IT i dont care what you think....
but come on its mami shes gonna bitch and yell and tell me that your messing up your life. well me i cant wait till i have one, have a creation that is ever so beautiful with my boyfriend..im excited when it happeneds... damn im ADD i jump around to much haha....
whenever that is i get what i want i will get passed it and once its born im gonna be fine and not worry about it anymore. well i just hope the parents and the couple of my friends that i have keep what theyre thinking in the brains b/c i dont wanna hear it.. idk nor do i care what they say ima do what i want and yahhhhhhhhhhhh =)
Болит душа за судьбу России!
Иной раз как ночью о Родине вспомню, всплакну и к жене поворачиваюсь - утешение ищу.
А назавтра опять новости почитаю и опять все повторяется.
Боюсь пока жива Русь-матушка не смогу я их преодолеть.
Something that plagues me every day...well, my weight, obviously. I just try so hard to keep it off, and I always flat out at about 109 pounds or gain again. I want to fit things, I want to photograph stuff, but I know it's deeper than being skinny. It's about wanting to kill all appetite, all want, all need. To kill always relying on something.
Another thing is what I'm going to do when I reach the realm of adulthood. I'm always afraid I won't be able to take the stresses of college, bills, roomates, jobs, etc. I'm afraid I won't figure it out by the time I need to.
Also I'm worried I won't find more friends I really connect with.
And I'm worried I'm never going to find love without everything getting incredibly fucked up. I don't really want to get married, or anything. But a life partner in the future, and a boyfriend or girlfriend now, wouldn't be so bad(oh yeah, I'm bisexual, bi the way, hahahahaha). I don't think I'm particularly attractive.
I worry about not moving out of the house, finding a job or finishing my last year of high school. I'm already behind in school, i was supposed to graduate last year but i dropped out for a year in grade 10. I just figure it would be a lot easer to find work if i graduate. I really don't wanna work at some fast food restaurant shit job... i want a job that is meaningful and makes me actually want to get up in the morning to go to it. I don't mind living in the basement with my boyfriend when i graduate, but obviously not forever! plus even if i want to do that i have to be able to afford to pay some of the rent. Only time will tell if i overcome this... or not.
MY WEIGHT! >:(
i will triumph!
I worry about my boyfriend finding someone else he likes more than me. Its been bothering me for about 8 months, I don't know if i will ever overcome it. It really only happens when he is away for his army work in Indiana for 3 months at a time. Hopefully it will go away i pray everyday for the strength to have enough self-esteem to know that he wants me and only me.