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zhaqueline

First love

At what age do you think kids should start dating? How old were you when you went on your first date? Was there anything you would change about the experience? How do you think it shaped your expectations?

Answers (544)


  • i think we should be able to start daing at anyage but only when u know what ur doing.. i was 12 on mi first date and it changed me because i know now that always kiss the person if u really want to. but it never shaped mi expectations cuz mi first date was actually meeting the guy after his football game in mi town..
  • This topic really depends on the child. I didn't go on my first date till i was 17. It was perfect, my boyfriend was 21, he took us to a dinner and a haunted house. He treated me like a queen. And since this was the first guy that ever made me feel special i became very attached very quickly. I was no longer a virgin after the first week. I think that at about 15 there should be supervised dates. Meaning that a parent should be there but not up the teens ass. But not asleep on the job so to speak either. I think teens need to be exposed to the real world in doses so that they are not so naive. I also believe that a parent should talk to their child. Tell them about things they learned and mistakes they made, not everything all at once of course but when it applies, yes. With teens, if you open up to them they will be more open with you.

  • I know this is an older "Writer's Block" topic, but I figured I'd go to the beginning and answer whichever ones I thought might be fun. As it turned out, the first question was worth a post. (Which makes two posts in a day! D: ...Though, admittedly, my first post today is more interesting, I'm sure.) Anyhow, on to business:

    I think "kids" should not start dating until they're mature enough to understand what a relationship means. This isn't to say I believe they shouldn't date until they're sixteen, eighteen, etc., I just think relationships are a little too casual nowadays. I would much rather see the youth dating only a few, meaningful people until they find "that person" instead of dating many and having little to no meaningful relationships in their lives, which, in reality, will not help them one way or another.

    My age? I don't plan on giving that out, but my first date was VERY casual. We played basketball at the park for an hour or so. And no; I would not change a thing. It was so relaxed it was very easy to just be ourselves and have fun with one another, rather than be stiff and formal at a restaurant. The only way this experience shaped me, I think , would be to show me that dates don't have to be structured, etc. Going to the theatre is great, sure; going out to dinner can be fun and/or romantic, but I don't think either of those things can beat going outside and doing something.

    It's great for bonding. However, I've found there are less and less parks around the neighborhoods nowadays; more's the pity. So one actually has to travel to find a decent park/trail/etc. I miss my old neighborhood for this reason (among others, such as the public pool with an amazingly fun waterslide), but I guess I'm probably supposed to be past that let's-play-basketball-for-the-day-age. I don't know. *shrugs* I admit basketball probably isn't my thing so much anymore (I'd much rather go trail riding or hiking), but I'd probably still do it.

  • I think kids should start dating when they learn to be responsible and have a good part time job. So around the age of sixteen or seventeen.
    Hmmmm, I was seventeen when i was on my last date it was very cute and charming one, but it was a date that didnt give me no feeling i didnt feel love with him. Just brotherness or friendness nothing more.
    Probably so i can feel something more than friendness on a date, nothing to where you will feel bad for not liking the person cuz they like you.
    I dont really think my expectations shaped maybe like changed probably
  • Hmm. Well, I think it's usually that actual "feelings" that boys and girls have for each other start around 6th grade. But, I think that's entirely too young to date. Kids are still learning about sex and all that stuff... besides, there's really no point in arguing that kids at that age are emotionally ready to have a relationship, although several crushes will erupt around then. (And I'm not talking about the types of crushes you develop before middle school, of which I had 4: Ryan, Adam, Steven, and Danny :P I never thought of them as anything sexual - duh! - , I just thought they were really cute!) I started dating around 14-15 years old. He asked me out on AIM XD The funny thing is that I wasn't interested in him at the time; I just wanted to know what it was like to have a boyfriend, and I was scared that if I didn't accept his "offer", I would never have that opportunity because I was a really, shy, quiet kid in school, which guys thought was weird. Besides, I had a huuuuuge crush on someone else, who may or may not be gay, actually. I didn't become interested/emotionally attached to him until later. Although the kids themselves might think it's serious, parents definitely know it's not. I think it's an acceptable age as long as parents have a hand in monitoring the relationship. Limits should be set, there's no question about it. If two kids decide they might want to have a relationship with each other, parents better talk to their kids about what's going to happen (the relationship progression from start to finish) and how it's all going to happen. Sex definitely needs to be addressed as well. I honestly don't remember if this happened with me, but I think it's a good idea if the parents meet the potential boyfriend/girlfriend before the actual dating happens. In my experience, we didn't really do much together - we got driven around to the movies, mini golf, each other's houses (moreso his than mine) because we were just that young. I got my first kiss in 10th grade in the computer lab. It was quite sudden, unexpected, and terribly unromantic. I was in shock and went to chorus flushed and shaking, thinking, "oh my gosh, did that just really happen?" In retrospect, now I'm thinking that maybe kids should start dating when they learn how to drive (heh, but if that were the norm, I'd still be single through and through) or at least get their permit. That way, if one of the kids has access to a car, they have a little more freedom in what they can do. However, I still believe parents need to have good talks with their children, and that the potential mate should meet the parents before the relationship takes off the ground. So, I guess I have to evaluate my experience, then... y'know, I don't think I would change a thing. Of course, it was both our first relationship (although we were on and off for four years throughout high school, I just don't consider it "serious") and things were definitely rocky. It was a good learning experience, though. Even though I was annoying/clingy/jealous type of girlfriend, I realized over time that he's not the guy I'd ever want date again or marry. These days, I'm still finding out who I like, but I had to recently turn down someone who reminded me of him. The only thing I regret is having sex with the guy. I was never interested in him sexually when we first started dating, and I honestly was going to wait until marriage to have sex, but we ended up getting sexually involved at the end of junior year. We started out slow and whatever... and the whole time, I was full of guilt and not proud of myself. I had previously broken up with a different boyfriend because although he was completely infatuated with me, making out is all we ever ended up doing and I just wasn't happy doing that all the time. After a while, doing sexual things was all this and I did for the majority of time we had plans together. The worst part of it is that we didn't consider ourselves BF & GF, just "friends with benefits," which allowed him to call our sexual endeavors "practice for our real girlfriends and boyfriends when we get to college." I also made the mistake of telling him I might be interested in girls as well, so he'd point out to me every other girl he wanted to f*ck/have a threesome with, which made me insecure all over again (part of the reason why I ended up liking him was because he made more self-confident). I regret that I didn't stick to my guns and break it off earlier with him, to save myself from heartbreak and from feeling used. I should have saved myself for someone who I truly love and who I know loves me back. Unfortunately, I've had two more (highly attractive) sexual partners since my first, and I have yet to do it with someone I love. Nowadays, he and I never talk. He's weird: he won't talk to me if he has a girlfriend, which he has had for over a year, but when he's single, he'll start communicating. I've tried to engage in friendly conversation with him over Facebook (I'm not interested in him romantically anymore), but to no avail. I suppose our interests have diverged to the point where, if we met up again, we wouldn't have much of anything to talk about. I'm assuming he's graduating now, and I think he's considering teaching somewhere in Japan (this I gleaned from a Facebook status). There's no hard feelings between us, and I wish him the best of luck in whatever he does. It's just that our ship has sailed and it's unlikely as of now that we'll keep in touch.

  • So, I haven't really posted anything on LJ since that 30 day prompt finished, other than the little interview thingy-mabob I got from  . I ended up searching through some writer's blocks and this is the first one I'm doing, I'll see if any others catch my eye. I'll try to write a decent amount too, since I haven't been on here properly in forever.

    So-
    I believe that you can start having feelings for somebody when you are pretty young. The truth is there is nothing to say that those feelings won't stick. Sometimes that connection does become something real, other times it peters out or the people involved just move on. I think that if parents start trying to put restrictions on their children, controlling them, or forbidding them from doing things, all that does is drive a wedge between the parents and the child. I think it's more important to talk to your children about dating and relationships, and to prepare them for things. Personally, I don't think dating itself is the concern, that can just be harmless fun. It's more about where it leads to. Not just sex, but the emotional attachment.

    The fact is kids are going to start having sex whenever they decide to really, and no laws or age limits are going to impact on that. I think it's more important that when you have your own children, you teach them that having sex is not a decision they should make lightly. Then you have to trust them to make their own choices about when they feel ready, and be there to support them, whether they end up being right or wrong. I think that's true of a lot of things with parenting.

    The emotional side is another issue in itself. Young people are so vulnerable, especially if they haven't experienced a relationship before, that they will completely give themselves over to it, and that's where it can impact on things. Young people develop really strong feelings for each other, before they realise that they have so much ahead of them that could change things. When it comes time for kids to start making decisions about their future, I believe that they should be free to make those decisions independently. Too many people make decisions based on someone else, and then the situation changes, or that person is no longer a part of their life, and they are stuck with the decision they have made. Or even if that person stays around, they might end up wondering what could have been or regretting not taking a chance.

    Technically, I can't talk, because when it was time for me to make those decisions, I was in a relationship. The thing is, I had grown up knowing my decisions were my own and I had to choose what was right for me. So my relationship didn't change my chosen career pathway. What it did affect, is when opportunities to go on student exchanges overseas came up. I probably would have loved to experience studying overseas, but I didn't want to leave Phillip (or my family, for that matter) for that long. That is a choice I made and I don't regret it. I will have other opportunities to travel and I'm sure at some stage Phillip and I will travel together.

    I do think it's important for kids to have experiences with the opposite sex and to learn to deal with people. As ridiculous as this may be, there is an episode of The Nanny where the father doesn't want to let his daughter go to a party because there will be lots of boys there, and Fran says to him: "Maggie needs to learn to handle sixteen year old boys, so that when she grows up, she knows how to handle full grown men." I think that's actually really true.

    All in all- I don't think it's about when. The age doesn't really make much of a difference. It's more about supporting kids to experience things and being there to catch them if they fall.
    

  • I think kids should start dating when they are mature enough to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship is a learning experience. I was 15. But I was really mature for my age.
  • Kids should start dating at 16 I think that's a somewhat mature age. I was 17 when I went on my "first date" Mostly because I was late in the whole being boy crazy phase. I had a crush at the time that lasted a few months maybe one or two on this boy in my guitar class. He was into John Lennon as was I and he was shy. At the time I had a thing for shy boys that lasted about as long as this crush did. He was short which also was something I ended up doing a 180 from. I showed much interest in him he would "babysit" my guitar a Fender Vista Venus that my father had bought me for my birthday. I would write him letters and let him borrow some of my books. He then took me to the movies for a date and I wanted to see Carrie 2 but he wanted to see "Analyze this" which is what we ended up seeing. I just remember the movie being ridiculously lame, I remember him giving me a pack of Marlboro Lights he had in his locker, him telling me that he was a pyromaniac, then he walked me home and That was it. Few Weeks later I saw him holding hands with a very plain and uncool girl and I was over him. Then I found a new boy to crush on. I think it most certainly affected my expectations I wanted a date that led to at the very least first base. I no longer found shy and or short boys attractive instead going for tall and outgoing people.

  • I really know nothing about kids dating, since I went on my first date when I was 18. But you know, young people take things so seriously (not that I don't). They are convinced the guy they've been going out with for an hour is the one. Not all of them are that infatuated... I bet some of them just date for the hell of it. They like manipulating or making out or whatever. I really can't speak for anyone who isn't me. It would probably be better for some of them to take a step back and stop taking things quite as seriously, but you know, let them have their drama. It's annoying as hell for the rest of us, but I'm of the belief that everything you do and everything that happens to you shapes you. Some of them will probably turn into better/more interesting people for all their crazy young-dating experiences.

    My first date was... weird, and kind of unexpected. I'd told him that I would consider going on a date with him, and the next day plans fell through with my friends so I called him and asked if he wanted to hang out at his place. Wasn't expecting any date things to happen. We hung out for a couple hours and then he was all like "let's watch this really cute movie!" and it occurred to me that Date Mode had begun, sneaking up without me really knowing it. I, being the poor naive kid, sat with him on the couch but didn't return any of his attempts to cuddle me. I did like it though! After that we walked hand-in-hand through the streets. I babbled like a lunatic (somebody watch Gilmore Girl's Rory when she first meets Dean; that's how babbly I was). Finally we ended up at a park and went to the swings for a while (I will admit this scenario was orchestrated for a kiss; we're self-aware like that). And, you know, he kissed me a couple times. I'd never been kissed before so I thought it was a little weird, but I liked it anyway. 

    I have to say, I wonder what a 'real', run-of-the-mill first date would be like. I did kinda have one after we officially started going out; we went downtown and had dinner and ate gelato and walked around the harbour and made out at the fountain. I'm always wondering what the things I've never done are like, though, and I enjoy the fact that my entire dating experience has been completely abnormal. As I said before, experiences make you interesting, and I'd like to think that unusual experiences might make you a little more interesting.

  • I don' t think there is a set age to start dating but there is a set age that you shouldn't be dating yet under 10 is what I believe to be too young to be dating. I do think that dating is a big responsibility and you have to think about how the other person would react to your decision. I was 12 and i was too young and I didn't have the greatest outlook on dating before I did. My next relationship I was 13 almost 14 and now I have been in that relationship for 3 months and hope for it to keep continuing and I now have a better outlook on dating and what it means to understand the other person. I also believe to always think of the other person in each and every decision that would affect not only you but them. 
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