Есть такой замечательный рассказец у Фредерика Брауна - "Персона Грата" называеццо. Так вот. Я бы поступила как его главный герой. 100% =))
Конечно улететь и не вернуться здесь уже делать нечего и не интересно
Я сам инопланетный, так что... остался здесь
Я бы им дал Евангелие и поспешил домой)
I would tell them:
"THEES WAY TO THE CHEEEZE FACTORYY!"
Then I would steal their space ship and leave them nothing but Ricotta to eat!
I am the king of the cheese, and I get to eat what I please!
I would ask them to clone every strain of maraijuana, fruit, water, animals, and ask them to get me the hell off of this planet. Once off the planet I would ask my new alien friends if they could help me pick out a planet like earth minus all the assholes. I would ask them for some technology so I could travel back to earth and try to convince people that had no personal or political agendas to co-habitate the planet with me. Then we would live on a planet without government or money. Technology would only be utilized in domestic senses and inter-plantery travel.
Well, first I'd be like, "You want me to tell you about humanity? Me? Me, this little British chick with poor self-esteem and a curious need to question everything? Well, okay then! Let's get this show on the road!"
Then I'd use one of my favourite ever quotes from one of my favourite ever books to explain humanity:
It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. [From: Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman].
Because doesn't that just sum us up in one handy little package of words? :)
And then, to the aliens, I'd say, "Get yourself onto the internet, weirdly tentacled beings from outer space*, and see what life's about for us humans."
And then of course, they'd find the porn, and either they'd be so appalled at our shocking lack of dignity, or they'd be so engrossed they'd forget to leave and would eventually integrate themselves into our society. Which, providing they don't try to enslave us, or use us as hosts for their creepy alien babies, I would be perfectly okay with :).
*Not that I really think they'd be sporting tentacles, but you never know, do you?