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7/18/08 04:54 pm - July 18, 2008

Day 4 at the dentist!
WOHOOO...It's finally over!
I mean...I'm gonna have to go there at least 2 more times, but it's over for some time
now...I can start recovering now :D
7 poor teeth have been drilled, gouged. Some of them fixed, some of them waiting to be
fixed and some of them are happy that they were never touched ;)

Tomorrow I'm going away for 3 weeks. Bun is coming with us.
I'm a little scared how will she survive being on the car deck alone, but since it shouldn't
be too hot down there I think she'll be fine...
If it's too hot we're gonna put some ice bottles there to cool her down.
Lot's of taking pictures there !!
I hope bun will survive!
I'm gonna put some of her favorite snacks in her carrier, so that she wouldn't think that
it's all bad being there :(
I really hope she'll be fine!

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: worried

7/17/08 03:22 pm - July 17, 2008

Day 3 at the dentist.
I knew something was wrong when I didn't threw up after everything was done!
But I was glad I didn't throw up. Today I threw up...
And I'm also gonna get a 3rd root canal therapy :(
And I though the worse was over...
I didn't even knew about that one hole!
Tomorrow I'm gonna go again and then I can rest for a long time!
And they gave me 2 more appointments...
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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: cranky

7/16/08 01:27 pm - July 16, 2008

Day 2 at the dentist...
I had my eyes closed for the most of the time.
The dentist said she fixed a tooth, but when I look from the mirror I can't
even find it! Or there was a hole I didn't know about.
I also noticed that I'm getting more and more scared in the waiting room.
And of course...more and more scared when they're drilling and gouging in my mouth.
Even though it doesn't hurt, it sounds bad and I'm afraid it will hurt soon.
So I'm basically just lying there waiting for something to hurt.
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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: worried

7/15/08 02:21 pm - July 15, 2008

Okay....Day 1 at the dentist :D
They did something really bad feeling to the front teeth. They didn't fix it yet.
They're hoping it'll 'calm down' or something.
And they fixed one of the teeth. It had root canal therapy done. They put needles
down to the roots...Two I think. It's SO disgusting to have to think that you have needles
in your teeth. I'm guessing if the needles move it's gonna hurt as hell.
I didn't cry at all at the dentist :D
I hope tomorrow will be similar to today, but better of course :)

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: calm

7/13/08 03:50 pm - July 13, 2008

So I decided that I'm going to our cottage for 3 weeks...
Our bun is coming with us.
I just...All I could think was, how would I miss all that picture taking, exploring and barbecue *drools*
AAAND swimming and looking for bugs :D
I'm gonna gain some weight :(  I think maybe even 3 kilos max, but...I don't want to be 
home alone for 3 weeks. And if something happens to bun...Well...That's the way things go.
Everything has to die one day.

Yeah. I really gotta pee, but we're waxing our floors so I'm not sure if I can go yet :D
And tomorrow I'm starting my 365 days project again...And then 4 days of dentist
fun and after that I HOPE I'll have my teeth fixed...I mean...4-5 hours in total...I think that's
enough to fix all my 3 critically damaged teeth.
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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: giddy

7/13/08 01:35 am - July 13, 2008

Thank god my tooth doesn't hurt anymore!!
Few days ago it hurt like hell whenever I chew something...Even pudding !!!
It's the one that's in the middle of root canal therapy.
I'm going to the dentist on 15th again. And then 3 days after that -.-
I hope I'll get my teeth fixed so I can eat stuff normally again :D And I'm gonna try to treat 
them better...Wash every night, chew chewing gum and take those pill things...

My posts are always so long -.-
I'm also thinking about starting my 365 days project again on monday.
I did it before...For about 150 days, but I quit.
Now I'm gonna try to start it up again and like...Improve my...self-portrait skills :D
And time goes so fast too with this project!
So I'd figure I'll be 18 when I finish this project and of course...have longer hair ^___^
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Current Location: Home
Current Music: Rammstein - Stein um Stein
Current Mood: tired

7/6/08 11:31 pm - July 6, 2008

Hehee...I'm updating again :D

So, I'm bored and for a long time I have wanted a new hole in my ear.
And finally I did it (again :D ).
As I said...I was/am bored so I thought that I'd make a little picture...umm...comic?
Tutorial? I dunno what you people call it, but as I said...I was bored :)

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: good

7/6/08 12:25 pm - July 6, 2008

I'm gonna start uploading more pictures today.
I'm not sure how many can I post in here, so I'm just gonna upload them
onto another site I use. It's not in english, but I write the stuff there in english.
I would upload them on flickr or something, but on flickr I can only upload 200 for free -.-
But on that site you can upload as many sets and pictures as you want !
Not all the pictures are up there, but I'm adding them all the time
http://fotoalbum.ee/photos/Suicider/sets/520361

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Current Mood: cheerful

7/6/08 01:11 am - July 6, 2008

I'm back from Switzerland...
I mostly enjoyed flying with the plane - the take-off especially ! ^________^
I didn't get a change to film it, but I got some pictures from the plane.
What else did I enjoy? Well...Sleeping in the hotel...All the other stuff
was exhausting - the walking in the city and not having a change to sit.
My mom just kept dragging me around and when I got tired it was all bad, bad.

Zurich itself wasn't very nice...I mean...The town was all pretty and awesome, but
the people...You wouldn't believe!
There were no alternative people! No goths, punks nothing...
I saw a girl with pink hair and another one with green and black hair...
It was a rather rare sight - so everyone had their eyes on me -.-
So it wasn't a kind of place I'd like to move to one day...

I didn't even waste all my money...I still have some swiss money left...about 15 or so...
I'm gonna upload the pictures to that other site and maybe post a link if I remember.
It's late and I think I'm gonna go to sleep.

OH!!!!
And I saw a man that looked like Hannibal Lecter !!!
I know it's dumb, but...yeah.
It couldn't really be him cause in the last episode he chopped off his own hand :(
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Current Location: HOME !
Current Mood: tired

6/28/08 09:27 pm - June 28, 2008

MONDAY is close :))
The thought of me being on a plane sounds so surreal !

But...I've got bad news...The temporary filling in my front teeth came out. A part of did,
but there should be something covering the hole beneath it...I hope.
I've got no teeth to use for eating. I don't want to start chewing with the right side since I just
had it fixed...As long as it doesn't start hurting I'm not too much worried.

Well...The TRIP is soooo close !
I haven't even packed half of my suitcase and I don't think I'll fill it...I have nothing to pack.
And my suitcase is probably the second smallest one you can find :P
Anyway...I think this is the last post before I'm off to Switzerland, so...
Auf Wiedersehen ! :D

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: cheerful

6/27/08 09:35 pm - June 27, 2008

Another entry...
Well...It's been quite a few hours when I got back from the dentist...It was NOT good.
This was the worst time ever. When I try to think why...I don't know :D
It felt bad. They injected me about 10 times with the syringe! Possibly more...
They didn't get it numbed right...my lip had to go numb and it didn't.
They even called in another dentist !
Unless I'm getting that third root canal therapy I'd say the worst is over...
 
After that I did EVERYTHING the dentist had mentioned. 
I bought two bags of chewing gum. It has this xylitol thing in it...I guess it's good for teeth.
Then I bought the sucking pill. It also has some good stuff for the teeth in it...
And the painkillers the dentist wrote me. That's right - I've got that strong pain killer
that you need a prescription for, it's the second strongest ;)
I hope I don't have to use it...
And about brushing my teeth twice a day - sorry...no can't do. I don't want everything
to taste like toothpaste when I have my breakfast.
That's about it - I wasted 20€ of my shopping money for the trip.
But if 20€ each month is what it takes for me to have healthier teeth, then it's worth it !

Umm...I'm almost done writing here...
I'm very exited about the weekend...Mom is coming home...she's gonna start packing
and that is gonna make me feel more exited !
I just finished putting in my dreads for Switzerland and now I only have to put some
nailpolish on my fingers...and toes ! ^_______^
I present you - My Swiss dreads :D  (sorry...had to get it out of my system)


(  DREADS  )
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Current Location: Finland
Current Music: Slipknot - New Abortion
Current Mood: calm

6/27/08 08:47 am - June 27, 2008

I just got myself an appointment with the dentist at 13:00.
I haven't been outside since...Last saturday, I think...So I don't really feel like going.
But then again, I started thinking - Do I want to enjoy every damn moment when I'm in
Switzerland? Hell yeah ! So let's get that stupid tooth fixed so that I could EAT !

Then I'm gonna go to the ATM and take some money for the trip :)
70€ - that should be enough to get everything I have in my list of ''What to buy from Switzerland'' :D
I only have 6 things on that list.
And tomorrow, late at night, mom comes home...then I have someone to talk to.

About my hair...when I lean my head back a little, I can feel
it on my back...just a LIIIIITLE bit. And when I brush my teeth, it always get away behind my ears
and I falls in front and goes into my mouth...It's annoying but I love it :)
It's growing ;)
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Current Mood: tired

6/25/08 10:10 pm - June 25, 2008

Today is one of those days when all I can think about is my bunny...
She's nesting and I asked about it and it can really stress her and she has a higher risk of
getting that cancer thing and she should be spayed...pretty soon...
I just wish I didn't love her that much, so that if she died I wouldn't be that much hurt...
Ugh...I blame my therapist for this !! She keeps saying that I don't want to do things
that could make me happy because I'm scared that the thing is gonna go away...
And that's true, that's my way of keeping myself satisfied - blocking out things that are suspicious.
And I think she's wrong by telling me not to do this.

If I keep seeking out for things that ''could'' make me happy and then they just go away
I get so depressed and start thinking about suicide, AGAIN !
And that's how I feel now - Suicidal...not happy.
If we never got that bunny, I wouldn't be crying right now.
I'd be looking videos about cute bunnies, wishing i had one - that would make me
happy and there's no harm in it either.
My therapist just keeps suggesting these stupid things - ''Do this, do that, go there, be like that,
act like that! '' and I'm so sick of it.
I just sit there...nod my head and smile, while I'm really thinking about what should I eat when I 
get home...It's just so wrong....I feel like they don't really get what I am or how I feel...

And I keep seeing these dreams where I'm with someone, talking, laughing, having fun...
And then I wake up and there's nothing. There's no one...
I bet every teenager would kill to be home alone for a week, so that they could invite
their friends over and do stuff - I'd kill NOT to be alone.

Tomorrow I think I'm gonna call that number my dentist gave...I have a tooth ache...That temporary
filling came out while I ate something. I can't even eat anymore...I've got my whole mouth full of 
temporary fillings, how am I supposed to eat ??

Anyways...I'm gonna go watch some TV and then maybe go to bed, hopefully
I'll see a dream where I'm with someone...It feels great.
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Current Location: Finland
Current Mood: gloomy

6/22/08 12:41 am - June 22, 2008

I made muffins today :)
I finished sealing the dreads I'm gonna wear for my trip to Switzerland and I've
started packing even though it's still 8 days away :D
Am I excited? Noo...not at all :D
Like hell yeah I am !!!
I even watched some videos on Youtube on how the planes took off and landed.
And. . .I'm speechless. . .I can't wait !! ^_______^
It's my first time flying with a plane. My first time even seeing one closely !
It's gonna be fucking awesome!
I'm probably gonna install the dreads in on. . .Saturday. That's when my mom comes home.
Sunday - we'll be packing (I have probably finished it by then :P ).
And on monday morning. . .Off we go !!  ^_____^

And back to packing. . .It's hard I'll tell you!
All I have packed is some underwear and a pair of pants :D 
I guess all the stuff I still need to pack will be used before the trip...
Like my two cameras, the battery, makeup, toothbrush and such...

I'll probably make a new post on Saturday.
Post a picture of my hair and then...Off we go !  ^___^
I'M SO EXITED I'M GONNA PEE MYSELF :DDD

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: excited

6/19/08 05:00 pm - June 19, 2008

Ugh. . .So, I'm gonna have a fun week -.-
I'm gonna be home all alone. It's bad enough i don't have any friends, now I don't have anyone
to talk to for a whole damn week :((
There is no way I could go on the trip too. First of all. . .It seems like they don't want me to go with them.
And mom claims that my bunny's cage won't fit in the car and that I can't get a ticket (even though I 
know that she's not even going to try to get one). . .
Not fair. . .I feel like I'm not even a part of this stupid family.
They're gonna go and have fun and me? Well, I'm gonna be sitting right here.
I'm not gonna go outside, I'm not gonna do anything.
If I could go with them. . .I'd probably be outside most of the time. . .Taking pictures and stuff.
Maybe even go swimming.
Maybe in next life :(

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Current Mood: depressed

6/13/08 01:53 pm - June 13, 2008

So I had another dentist appointment. . .
It wasn't that bad either this time. . .The thing is that I can't just smile until they fix my front teeth !!!
Because. . .well. . .my teeth ain't pure white. They're. . .Let's just be honest - they're more yellow than white.
I don't wash my teeth that often and I eat a lot of crap. So. . .there's this hole filled with WHITE. . .
absolutely bright, bright white temporary filling in the middle of my yellow-ish teeth ! And everytime I 
smile. . .Everybody is gonna see it :(
Well. . .I don't really care, because I got a new piercing ! ^____^

After the appointment I felt really bad about my teeth and how I'm still probably gonna have like. . .
10 more dentist appointments (I already got 4 new ones).
So I went and got my tragus pierced :)
And it sure cheered me up. . .
It didn't hurt much. It felt more like someone was trying to pull my ear off :)



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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: good

6/11/08 10:06 pm - June 11, 2008

I went to the dentist today (again).
This time it wasn't so bad - I only cried once :D
And when I had to leave I could almost go straight outside, but I sat down just in case I'd
start feeling worse. . .
And the dentist was REALLY nice! She was very young and she told what she was doing all the time!

Maybe I didn't feel so bad because I was pretty calm the whole time. . .
They numbed the area around the tooth. I hate it when they numb it -.-
I couldn't eat for two hours, so when I got home I went to sleep for two hours and when I woke
up (about 3 hours later) my lip and half of my tongue were still numb ! :D
It's a pretty weird feeling. Especially when you touch your lip when it's numbed. . .
It feels huge ! :P But it's gone now. . .

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: happy

6/9/08 01:34 pm - June 9, 2008

Well the shoes I ordered don't even look half as pretty they did on the site.
I mean. . .They're cute, but they're not cute on me :(
I've bought so much expensive crap this month !
This weekend I bought one of these Hard Drive Disk thing so that I could play The Sims 2 normally. . .
Since it runs really slow. . .I thought when I' buy the disk thing I'd get some more free
space on my computer (500 GB), but nooooo. . .I wasted 99€ for nothing !
And I can't even return it cause I have already used it ! :(

And then I got sunburned yesterday. . .now I'm all tan and uglier than I'd be without any tan :(
Stupid summer. . .I hate summer so much ! I can't wear any clothes I'd want to wear
and I don't even have any kind of shoes I'd like to wear  :(
I'm out 150€ and all I got was a stupid hard drive disk I'm not ever gonna use
and a pair of shoes I probably can't even return, because I tried them on.

There is nothing I'm my life that would make me happy right now.
I'm just waiting for 30th June. . .21 days to go. . .

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: depressed

6/7/08 04:31 pm - June 7, 2008

My tooth hurts so baaaad !! :(
I just want to. . .I dunno. . .Take a hammer and smash it out !! :((
I have a dentist appointment on 11th and 13th. 
It has a hole in it and it moves a little and I'm afraid they're gonna pull it out. . .
But as long as it won'h hurt anymore I don't care because the pain is just so awful !

Tomorrow I'm going to Suomenlinna with my mom.
I hope I'll get some good shots.
I'm gonna go suffer from my pain now. . .Maybe put an ice-cube on it  :(
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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sore

6/1/08 01:58 pm - June 1, 2008

So we went out today. I took lots of probably pretty good pictures. 
I'd show you but. . .well. . .Let's just say I don't have any.
I bought this 1GT memory card for my camera. I uploaded the pictures from the camera as usually.
I select ''Delete all pictures from camera when finished'' so I wouldn't have to delete them 
one by one every time. And when it's finished. . .instead of about 60 pictures I only have 2 !
Goddamnit !! I don't even know how to feel about this. . .
This was like my only change this summer to take good pictures and the stupid memory card
had to erase them all ! 
>.<
If the same thing happens with the pictures I take in Switzerland, I swear. . .I'm gonna go
back to the store, the memory card in my hand and I'm gonna beat those people to death with it !!

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: cranky
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