Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in zoggy62's LiveJournal:

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Monday, May 8th, 2006
1:16 am	update - trigger hey all things majporly crumbling. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: depressed Current Music: eminem (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
5:13 pm	anyone got nany deas how top atch a hamster thats hiden herself behind teh sofa????? put food out in cage but i thnk shes gone to sleep IN the sofa cause every so opften i can here rustling. eeeeek! love me xxxx Current Music: blue peter (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
10:01 pm	well not been here for ages...password problems. what to say? can't remember when i last wrote. ok spent 4 weeks of teh first 12 of this year in the psych unit. came off meds, but back on antidepressants (ciprelex) now. not doing great. but things r better now back on meds. love you all lucy ps sorry this si short took zopiclone bout 20 mins ago (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 27th, 2006
9:24 pm	ok its been ages since i was on here, miianly cause of bloody password problems. ok whats happened? a month ago i was in hospital got admitted on the 19th jan cause of a bad si session after seeing my psych as an outpatient that day. he siad some stuff i coudln't deal with, i respond how i ever did respond cut. saw the duty psych and said i coudln't cope, wanted to od etc, and he listened to me...wow and admitted me saw my psych the next day and he asked if anything he said made me do it, i said no cause didn't want to talk about it. did tell judith though. now have a meeting with both dr Ijaz and judith a week tomorrow...eeek!!! i know both of them must be so fustrated with me, i a still cutting (though haven'tr for 6 weeks) sucidal thoughts etc, i've been in the system since i was 17, and i am still there...6 years, is it going to take another 6 years before i am free of this pain? they've started me on tegretol, and i am not sure if its just things happeneing that has reduced my mood or whether the tegretol doesn't work on me. i am just scared what i'd be like what i'd be like off meds, and yep thats an option. i'm not aon any anti depressant any more, been through all the groups. dr twat has said he wont put me on ssri again (though it was gp who put me on them) cause seroxat, well the horror stories that was me...and prozac well i just lost weight. damn wanted to go to back on prozac. sorry can\'t talk more now head screwed. don't worry safe, not gopt any blades (damn) Current Mood: out of it Current Music: law and order trial by jury (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
9:16 pm	something i remembered happened yesterday - MAY TRIGGER hey all. was writing a post on AMJ (A minds journey) and rememebred something, a conversation that happened yesterday. not good. trigger - a*use ( Read more... ) Current Music: "i love to be anorexic" BBC3 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
7:12 pm	been a while hey all, well its been nearly a month, but i have had majo computer problems. anywya i will try and remember to come on here fmore often now i have interent and all colours back! well xmas is over , and all i can say to that is good ridence. i spent xmas in bangor, my choice, but it was better than going home!!!! anyway i'll cut the rest so you can ignore the boring depressed thoughts. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: blah Current Music: c4 news as haven't changed channel (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
7:02 pm	lots of thigs...not a good day hey everyone. i'll go into all teh depressing stuff in a few mins...but i am bloody confused i got an ecard off friendsreunited, but don't know who it was cause they've registered as "Robinhood" all i've worked out is i know them from uni (they were at bangor from 1999-2004) but no idea for teh life of me who is it. anyway trigger - depression, my past, sex, breaking up.... ( Read more... ) oh did my presntation last night and it was fucking shit. the laptop didn't work so didn't have my power point presentation which made wht i said not much sense. sorry, feeling very down and not sure what to do. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 8th, 2005
4:41 pm	saturday night - MAY TRIGGER hey all, Trigger - Dissociation, od, si, hospitals. ( Read more... ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 2nd, 2005
5:39 pm	i'm in lurve...and other stuff hey all, ok i'll start witrh the good news...i am seeing someone (or at leat i think i am) his names Daff, he's 32 and has been amazing. the night we really "met" (i had met him before, but this time we actually met propally) we talked all night drinking wine! he kinda knows my past, and knows about the self harm and eating, he is so kind and encourages me to do things for myself. he is a support worker for adults with learning disabilities. apart from that i am up an down like a yoyo...pretending to almost everyone that i am ok, only realy judith knows that things aren't great...even my psych wrte "lucy has had a realtivly stable period since i last saw her" (seemed to just take the 5 weeks no si, not what was going on before that!) i havbe kinda been no si now for 7 weeks (there is one small instance 3 weeks ago that jdithdoesn't know about) but the thoughts have been there, and collecting tablets again...though trying very hard not to do anything because of Daf. yesterday i brought blades for the first time since giving them up, cause i'm allergic to immac...need to be able to shave my legs!!!! i don't know why i am puttng this mask on to everyone. Daff can tell, and gives me oppertunities to tak but i never say anything cause i donn't know how to explain whats going on in my head. sorry. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Oasis? - L:et there be Love (3 Comments |Comment on this)
5:20 pm	poetry will do a propaer update v soon...but hereis a libnk to the poetry that i have recently written http://zoggy62.blogspot.com/ some guy has respeonded to a couple and its made me feel really shitty. love Lucy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
12:42 pm	hey, i bet everyone really has forgotten about me now...but i've had computer trouble....as well as hiding. lj cut for od si life ( Read more... ) sorry, (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
7:05 pm	hi? hi. you p[robably all forgotten m by now, its well over a month since i updated and so much has gone on. ok having just read my last entry i'll start from there. trigger - si, hospitals, ods (not mine), religion ( Read more... ) sorry i've not been around i've been trying (and still am) hide from myself caue i don't wanna feel any more. love Lucy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 25th, 2005
9:32 pm	update on me and where i've been he all, sorry i know i haven't been around much, and when i have al i've dne is moan. but depression has hit so hard the last few weeks. Judith is fantastic at the moment, sh is really tryin got help, i saw her today, and we talked again about a few days in hergest (psych unit) but i explianed i'd besafe till wednesday as have a friend from school staying at mine because he's come to a confrence at bangor uni. and i'm seeng her on thursday again. last hursday she managed to get me an "impromtue" appointment with my psych ho asked alod of questions, but luckly judith was there with me, he's increased both the seroquel and reboxatine (endronax) but still not sleeping and not feeling any better. he di say tha whiole he's increased the reboxatine to 4mg twice a day it can go up to 12mg but didn't say when etc, though do have an appointment on the 6th September. i have been having so many panic atacks recently, and so been hiding from teh world...or trying ot hide fom me a lot. sorry i've not been there for you all. love Lucy Current Music: silent witness on tv (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 17th, 2005
6:04 pm	HP i've just seen a interview with J K Rowling and i want to read Half blood prince...NOW but can't...got to wait toseemy dad next, or find someone..if only i had soem money i'd buy it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 16th, 2005
10:10 pm	why does nothing help - trigger hey all. ( Read more... ) love lucy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
11:12 pm	one year on hey all, one year on. no futher forward. ( Read more... ) i saw Kathy (tutor at uni) today.i have a new deadline for my essay...19th august cause of my wrist. which is stillso painful (but keep takingit out of the support) i also said there was a chance of having to take a year out, shesok with it but coming backdepends on there being a group running, but said there are close links with the MEd. she asked if i enjoyed tehweekend and i said yes though did get very drunk, aparenrty they were all waiting for me to come down to breakfast...but i don't do breakfast! brought an opposite to emotion cd today, so listening to happy summer songs, cause its meant to help my mood change...nope not working igot my keys back. feel guilty. love lucy Current Mood: guilty Current Music: i'm walking on sunshine (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 9th, 2005
10:44 pm	its a pitty i'm allergic to coffee You Are an Espresso At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high What Kind of Coffee Are You? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
4:05 am	poetry update i have posted 3 poems tonigt on my poetry blog. on is on si, one on dyspraxia and the fina lone on university when dyslexic. http://zoggy62.blogspot.com/ love lucy (Comment on this)
1:00 am	a weeks gone by... hey all, well so much has happened i guess. i'm only now on day 5 of no si (ll explain later) and been to andfrom london twice. Tuesdays meeting was really good and positive. I really want to get involved and have thought of mmore stuff studentsinmind can do (suddenly had the idea of a booklet for students like mind do booklets). itwas really good meeting other people too...although fucking scary at the same time, as i'd never even "kown" them online! i'm really glad i went and stuff. however,i had had no sleep on monday night at all, cause i was terriffied i'd miss my train, so when lea rang me jus before i got on the train at euston (and she will tell you) i was very very bouncy. ok this is not good for me, becase i then crash. i guess i'm lucky cause i crashed on the train, so had another 3 hours before i'd get home. when i finally got home (by this time i'd been awake 37 hours) i as soacked through but shattered soi rang up karleen to leave a message saying i'd be ou on wednesday morning (the fact i wasn't i was fast asleep!) and went to bed. Wednesday was hard too. i don't know i just seem to be seriously struggling at the moment. i went to uni and we had a "party" for Gabbie, as wellas a lecturer on womenin teh second world war. well Gabs and i played hangman...hee hee. Ally joned us afterwards in teh pub, but she was really upset as her cat had died. by the time i got home i just wanted to give up. i had seriously thought of not goingback down to london, but thougt a) it was a bit late to say i wasn't coming when i as dong one of the workshops with lea, and b) i wanted to se Gabbie on her wedding day...and finally mee justin! i did end up cutting, but managed to controlmyself to do several thta i could deal wioth at home. i am SUCH a FAILURE foronly making it to day 13, i mean i managed 33 days last time. and i have such a good isentive, as i need to keep Lauraine. anyway iam trying again for a month...its all i can do. on thursday morning i wet to the hospital about my writs. they still haven't decided whether i have broken it or not, and really would only be able to tell if i had an mri scan. cause i have so much pen on my arm they have p[ut me in a removal splint rather than a cast...but i have to treat it as if it is broken and not use it...so i am sitting here with the splint off and tping...i am such a good girl...lol the weekend was really good, especialy as i now have a little hipo to take with me everywhere. when i got to Euston, Lea and Claire (from DANDA) met me and they we went to G A Y bar in soho, which was cool. friday i spent sorting out the wokshop and typing up wha twe were doing and the handouts. Saturday was really good. i went to a talk by Victoria Biggs on her book caged in Chaos" of a teenager with dyspraxia. it was my life. i mean i have never really talked to anyone about the fact i am dyspraxic (as well as dyslexic) and it really shock me up to know i'm not alone. Lea and my ramas went really well, and everyone in the discussionw a really kind, although i should have talked more in teh dicussion. then wen tto find gabbie, first i walke in completely the wrong direction,and tehn found them in the pub! itweas really cool seeing her ad meeting her friends. one of which had done History and we joked about the only decent looking bloke in the whole department (tony claydon...only cause hes yong, and all the potehrs are majorly old). hpoever coming back on the tube i had a major panic attack. usually i am ok on teh tube when its not rush hour, but i couldn;'t breath,and didn' thaveanything with me to help me. i couldn't work it out...until i yesterday worked out the date...it was 2 years since i wa attacked. OH good news...i think anyway. got pissed off with Kev on saturday as he text m asking when does he need to feed the "hamster things" THEY ARE MICE!!!!!!!! anyway the upshot of this is i have taken off the ring he brought me for my 21st (that has been still on my ring finger) and put it on my chain...i hoe its teh rigt thing to do, it feels s oweird now, and i am so temptedto pu tiot back, but i do need to move on, for christ sake lucy yousplit up with him 50 weeks ago and actually seeing someone else! trigger - current thinking ( Read more... )</lj-cut sorry, love ucy Current Mood: & suicidal Current Music: Garbage - Bleed like me (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 27th, 2005
7:09 pm	hiya...update!!!!!!! hey everyone, got so much to sday so ill appologise now if this gets too long. i had an escaped mouse all weekend. we got troy (who usually i can't get out out) out and he jumped out of Gabbie's hands on friday and made a bid for freedom, almpot caught him at 4:30 sat morning but he bit me so i dropped him, luckly he went into his cage last night so i shut the door damn quick! went away for the weekend to greygnog. its this amazing country house near newton and welshpool in mid wales, and is owned by the university. we went with our masters and had a fairly good time, tough i got drunk said way too much, took my top off was wearing a vest top underneath, but arms are a mess) got way too drunk in fact! had a lot of talks on rsearch, such as ethics and stuff, but also a great talk by Jane Aaron who is the proff of english at glamorgan university on welsh women's print culture, and it was so interesting! got some useful titles for my essay on greenham common (among other protests/movements) and she also mentiond a book called "in and out of the goldfish bowl" by Rachel Trezise which is about her life growing up in the valleys but als about affects of abuse. just about to buy it!!!!!!!!!! ok whats going on with david..i'm going to cut this so you don't have to read it if you do't wnat to, cause it could be triggering, there will also be bits about seeing judith today and self harm thoughts. ( Read more... ) going to london tomorrow for a students in mind meeting, i'm really lookin forward to it, but also terriffied! got to get the 6am train to london!!!!!!!!! then back tomorrow evening, go to uni wednesday and hopital for wrist thursday morning then back down to lodnon for danda confrence and to se Gabbie on her wedding day!!!!!!! sorry feeling kinda washed out after seeing judith and so many tings going round my head,. love lucy Current Mood: and washed out Current Music: Mockingbird- Eminem (1 Comment |Comment on this)