Dear Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana,

 I don't pay much attention to you owing to the fact that in a few years, you will either fizzle out of existence, launch a respectable career with a loyal but small-ish fanbase, or plague the media with a downward shame spiral that trumps actual news to everybody's consternation. 

However, I can't ignore this, Miss Cyrus-Montana: 



What is this? You're fifteen, why are you looking....like that? Only a year ago, you looked like this: 



Fresh-faced! Cheeky! Kinda cute in that fake wholesome Disney kind of way. I mean, what happened up there? Did you get invisalign braces that are changing the shape of both your face and your teeth? Did your parents preemptively force you to start using hormonal birth control in light of the Jamie Lynn Spears thing and it caused you to gain a little flesh on your face? Did you actually manage to find a quack doctor that would collagen a fifteen-year-old girl? 

Look, it's your life, but I thought I'd do something a little special for you. Using new scientific technology compiling pictures of you from only six months ago to how you look now, and adding in pictures of your parents and how they've aged over the years, I've managed to show you how you are going to look in one year. You will go from this:  



the lips, the heavy eye makeup, the fake hair and the wannabe sultry look, you're going to start looking like this: 



Two years down the road, Hannah Montana. Watch yourself. 
 
So much Disney love,

Zambi

Tags: letters to celebrities

Music videos that take place in gigantor mansions are really awesome and totally confusing. Case in point, Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
 

Everyone thinks that Janice is insane and on her way down. I say not so. I say that she is a genius heretofore unrecognized by the media for her subtle homages to the Batman franchise, and quite possibly to comic book characters everywhere. I would even go so far as to guess that Our Lady Of Batshit is really using her life to audition for the up and coming Dark Night starring the yummy Christian Bale.

exhibit a:




The Joker is one of Batman's oldest adversaries (I believe that he is the oldest, though I admit to not being up to snuff on my bat lore, but I loved Cesar Romero), and here is Janice, cleverly reminding everyone of Joker's whimsical fashion sense and outrageous makeup. The Joker would often infiltrate fashion shows and make a spectacle of himself while his Band of Merry Men covertly stole diamonds and other expensive accessories from the participators.


exhibit b:




Poison Ivy, forced to live amongst toxic fumes due to chemical dumping, is much more than just a socially aware villain. Always attempting to turn the world just as poisonous as she is (and if she just lets us all do our own thing, it will really go along a lot faster) so that she can finally experience the nightlife of Gotham and bitter that Batman is forever thwarting her. Here we catch a glimpse of Ivy *at* The Ivy while her legion of purse dog-shaped poisoned vines twine their way up and down the buildings of Rodeo Drive.

exhibit c:




Speaking of green, is that The Riddler I spy? Best known for his bright green spandex, bowler hat, baton twirling skills, and in recent years, flexibility. Janice has all of those in spades. Here she is at New York Fashion Week, pretending to have a good time while her team of female models plant a bomb at the top of the Empire State Building that can only be deactivated if someone figures out the riddle unlocking mechanism. Will Batman be in time?

exhibit d:




Mr. Freeze is not the result of toxic waste, but a scientific experiment gone wrong. He put himself into this position, and he is pissed about it. As Vincent Price always demonstrated, however, he was always unable to let go of his aristocratic leanings and dined on his baked Alaska in style after courses of foie gras, caviar, and canard con fit. What better way to breathe new life into this somewhat futile villain than to replace him with Janice, resplendant in silver satin evening attire, strutting down the runway and pretending to be all kinds of fabulous while her global freezing ozone is released innocuously into the atmosphere by her band of anorexic (and naked!) male models?

exhibit f:




The Penguin. Good friend of The Joker, The Penguin disappeared off the radar for a long time, but she's back (with new lips!) to help play second fiddle to The Joker. This might be Janice's best role yet, as Penguin is best known for snappy one-liners, quacking like a duck, and smoking from his archaic but fabulous arm-long cigarette holder while peering imperiously through his monocle.

Whoa, is it empty on my lj or what?

Okay, I've had crazy stuff happen pretty much since August. My life done flip turned upside-down, and I'd like to take a minute just sittin' right there and tell you how I came to stop updating my lair.

Well, whatever. I stopped updating. Work problems, personal problems. It was all just one big jumble of me feeling sorry for myself, so I stopped updating. I got a new kewliez phone that I can use to update, though, so I'll be updating and managing groups a lot more now.

I have made some new year's resolutions. On top of updating more regularly with interesting things to say, I also have resolved to become more green in the way I run my life and the way I eat. I hope I can look back on this post next year and think, "Wow, I live so much more simply now."

Anyway, how are all of you? And if you gave me a friends request, I'm getting to it.

where i at: work
feelings: hopeful
dj: u2: acrobat

 

Hi there! This is Zambi's cat, Whiskers. I just wanted to take a moment to talk to you.

See, there was a big water thingie that happened somewhere. Not sure where exactly. I think I was napping. But when I woke up, I found out that there were animals being separated from their humans right and left! The good news is that the Humane Society has started a relief fund to keep the animals safe, and even relocate them with new humans. The ASPCA is also helping those animals! I hope that when you humans go and give money and blood to the Red Cross, you'll also think to pop a few bucks into the jugs for the kitties. Otherwise, I'll have to donate this small bird for them to eat.

And if you don't feel comfortable giving money over the internet (I know I don't when anyone could steal my identity), you could pop on over to the local Petco and Petsmart and just stick five or even twenty into the jars that they have there! I hear that they're even helping dogs, if you're into that kind of thing.

Thanks for your time,

Whiskers

PS From RainBird: Hey, folks! Hi! I'm Rain! I'm chickenpecking as I write! Ha! Hey, birds can fly, folks, but cats and dogs can't! We all need your help!

Tags: advice, important message, life sucks, public post
feelings: accomplished
dj: Animal Cops Houston

Hey, guys. Just doing a bit of toning down with the f-list. Mostly, if I think we've grown apart, or if I've seen that there's no more interest, I'm cutting. It's nothing too personal, I'm making decisions that I think will be a breath of relief all around.

No, this is not a "fishing expedition" to have you guys scream, "But I want to be your friend!"

If I cut you, and you think we should stay friends, please comment.

Tags: friends cut, public post
feelings: restless
dj: Roxy Music-More Than This

Put your playlist on shuffle, list the first 25 songs that come up, and add 'in my pants' to the end of each title.

( cut for her pleasure )

To be fair, these are songs off of my LAUNCH Cast, and not necessarily all songs that I enjoy. Keep that in mind.

feelings: amused
dj: Audio Adrenaline-Big House In My Pants

If you're anything like me, and let's pray that you're not because...well...you know, then you're not as hip to pop culture as I am.

A word to the wise if you're thinking about googling a certain pop culture phrase like, oh, say, camel toe. Camel toe is not a "safe" expression to google at work, unless you WANT to tempt fate by bringing up beaver shots on your very public PC.

Just a little note.

Have a nice day while I go wipe out my memory. I just need to figure out which memory to start with.