Today I am 26 years old and I feel younger this day than I have felt in years. Standing on the edge of the world, I see it all unfurl before me. Once afraid and in the dark, I see a new sun rising and I find myself with a resolute and indomitable will to live and experience life as I have never done so before.

I could not even begin to show the gratitude I have for the outpouring of well wishes, kind words and gestures that I have received on this day. Teary eyed and overflowing with joy I am reminded again how lucky I am to be surrounded by such love and kindness.

I am heading out to Seattle today to spend a wonderful evening with Wicked_Sairah, Bloo-roo and Jl Anderson. Friday I leave for California to spend over two weeks with my dear friend Bagheera and attend Califur and meet some new folks and get reaquainted with some familiar faces :). I look forward to every moment, every experience. I don't think I have smiled so much in my whole life!

Thank you for your thoughts, your words, your every little part in my life.

I will leave this on a less corney note with a touch of new art. I am not sure where everyone keeps up with artwork from artists..seems people are gallery hopping at an amazing speed and I just can't keep up! So let me know if you would like me to keep posting my new works on Livejournal. I don't want to bombard you all with redundant images :).

( Simbelmyne )

I dropped the ball, it rolled away and hid, but I think I finally found it again. So here's to dusting off (and demossing) and looking forward to life again!

Drawing has literally been a non existent for pretty much a year. BUT I am starting..very slowly and quietly...to look forward to creating again. I have felt down on myself for entirely too long and it has been hard for me to lift my chin and truly smile. That is changing! I will be catching up with some old commissions and starting some new pieces in the near future (or finishing old one, as the case may be ).

But in the meantime, as I promised some very wonderful and caring people, I come to share a bit of my life with you. In the form of pictures! Beware, lotsa pictures behind the cut (and one wip piece)

( life is a journey of color! )

And a special thank you to everyone that has said they have been worried about me! I assure you I am doing better and feeling better about myself! So thank you for..just thinking about me...many many of you have been in my thoughts as well.

I ought to post at least something here! Mostly I haven't posted because I felt I haven't much to share, most especially art wise. And secondly I felt guilty as there are some very patient folks out there still waiting on work from me.. But as I truly haven't lifted pencil to paper in months, I don't have much to share. I'm staying positive (or well mostly attempting my darndest to keep the negative spirits at bay) and hoping with the coming spring and hopefully some positive changes in my current life..I will be drawing my way to a steady and enduring case of carpel tunnel ;). I miss the days when I could not stop drawing, not stopping to eat, forgetting sleep altogether, and drawing until I ached. I loved those moments, I felt so free and happy then! They will be back :).

For now I come to share some design work I have done in the meantime. Since photoshop has gone untouched for months, I have taken to learning some of the other adobe software, chiefly InDesign and Illustrator. I have considered starting to take commissions for more design oriented work(ie business card designs, maybe some logo work, or layout work of any sort), while I sort through my 'fine' art block..On one hand I hate to do this, on the other..I have to pull in some semblance of an income in the meantime..

( design DeSigN shmesigns!! )

In other news I will likely try to throw up some art to auction on either Furbid or Furbuy in the days to come. Hopefully that too will help rekindle the desire to create again..just letting older pieces go and starting fresh :).

Also to those that replied to my last 'green' lj entry, thank you! If I did not reply it wasn't because I was ignoring you.. :).

I feel I've been a bit of a Grinch this holiday season. I have neglected a lot of people I care about...in one way or another. There are a lot of people I am grateful for in more ways than I can express..and I intend to show them I do care. I think this year, my gifts will come spaced out. I want to give, not because a certain time of year dictates it but because I wanted to brighten someone's "every other day". And for that matter, I want to give gifts to people I know they will truly find enjoyment from..not just 'like'. I want to give meaningful gifts..and that is fairly hard to do in a short timeframe when your time is pulled in a hundred different directions.. So my early resolution for the coming year is to look at life with a little less grinch and a little more give irregardless of what day or Holiday it may be.

To take this a bit further..If you read this, wheoever you may be, send me your address and I will save it. Throughout the year I will try to send out little 'Christmas' packages to folks...they will be both random and planned. In your e-mail tell me some of the things you want/like/enjoy and I will try to fulfill your wishlists a tiny bit :).

E-mail is: xxbalaaxx @ yahoo . com (minus spaces)

I do not want anything in return, if you receive something from me..all I would ask is pay it forward to someone else in YOUR life.

I encourage everyone that hasn't watched 'An Inconvenient Truth', simply, to do so.

That being stated. I understand the messages within the film are being delivered by a notable political figure, whose political allegiance was obviously towards the liberal spectrum. However this is where I urge you to look beyond the man-made labels such as political parties and just listen to what is being said. Listen, if you must, with a skeptical mind..and let this skepticism enliven the spirit of curiosity in you. If you do not believe a point addressed in the film, alright! Ask why! And go research the topic(s) for yourself. This may or may not challenge the solidity of your previous perceptions. But at least you asked yourself 'why?' and more than likely you will learn something new in the process. At the very least you stood outside of party lines for a moment and allowed yourself to truly hear what was being said. As sentient beings we claim to have free wills, to have powerful minds capable of even more powerful thoughts..and if that is the case, it seems fairly obvious to me that we should USE what was given to us.

This issues at stake after all reaches beyond political boundaries..beyond religion..beyond nationality..and even far beyond the human race itself.

Let yourself be challenged and perhaps even empowered by what is said :)...because even something so simple as asking 'why?' can help change the world.

To those that have seen it, I welcome you to discuss issues you felt were not adequately covered or seemed contradictory. On the other end of the spectrum, I would like to hear, how, if at all, the film impacted your life. Did seeing the film help change how you lead your everyday life? If so how? Do you feel such films can have global impact on the perceptions of people across a wide array of cultures, religious and political backgrounds? Do you feel movies like this HAVE enlivened the seeming recent surge of 'green' consciousness? I'd love to hear from any and all of you. I welcome discussion and even debate!

http://www.climatecrisis.net/

Presenting....

A truly spirited project, that I feel compelled to advertise. These talented young artists bring you the first ever Werewolf Calendar with the clever twist of presenting it in the style of modern wildlife calendars. I believe simply that such projects should be supported as they not only shed a positive light on the furry fandom but also highlight the talent and beauty that can be found in the anthromorphic art genre. I believe in time, with projects like these, the anthro art community can become a widely respected art genre embraced not only by fellow art communities but the world as a whole. And one would hope as a side effect some of the wildly publicized

So join me in supporting this ambitious new project by buying your own copy of this calendar while it lasts. This years run will be EXTREMELY limited but whether it comes back next year or not is left within your hands....
(  Click here for more sample pictures and information )
Highlights:
12 splendid high resolution original paintings
Printed professionally in dazzling full color
Unique collectors item with limited run
COST: 20$ w/shipping to the continental US

For More information or to purchase your copy today visit the official Werewolf Calendar website: Official Werewolf Calendar Website

(as an aside note..I am not profiting in any shape or form from this project, my goal is only to see projects like this succeed :) )

Just wanted to peep out of my hobbit hole and wish all those attending Midwest Furfest safe travels. I know a great many folks that are going and though I wish I could have gone, I wish all those that ARE going a wonderful time. And a special aside to the artists, I hope you sell more than you could have dreamed of..and then some!!! Fair winds to all C:!

Long story short..I haven't had any income since AC and all that money has pretty much all been long ago spent due to all the unexpected events that happened right after AC. So without turning this into a sob story, I shall offer some things for folks to buy. Firstly the Art of Balaa: Canines Volume one. I think this will be the last run of these done..with a total count of books to be about 35, give or take a couple. I just don't have the energy to continue making them by hand, muchless the time or resources. I'm still planning a cat folio, but it will likely be done entirely differently.

Next, a couple originals that did not sell at Anthrocon, which imo was my fault...There was so much gorgeous art selling for so low..my prices looked ridiculous *playful glare at he who shall not be named for pricing my work for me ;P*

( --------------------FOR SALE------------------------ )

I will be posting other things to sell, but since I may be out of net access for probably a week starting from about friday, I will save the rest for later. What gets sold before Friday I will try my best to ship before leaving, the rest I will hold over until next week and ship then.

Paypal IS preferred at this moment, please comment if you are buying anything but the book..first come first served. (If you buy the book, please leave me a shipping address :).)

Paypal payments to be sent to: xxbalaaxx @ yahoo.com *minus spaces

Thank you for taking the time to stop and look :). (for those of you that have been very kind to me in the past by sneaking money into paypal..please don't do this. I appreciate it VERY much, but I always feel bad that I can't always reciprocate the kindness and just being grateful and saying thank you always seems like an unfair trade off...so please know I appreciate your kindness (more than words can articulate)and if you want to do something for me..do something to make someone else's day and just tell me about it.)

( Tom passed away saturday August 11 at 12:40 pm... )

I am mostly posting this because right now I am helping with every step of the arrangments for the funeral and sticking close to his wife, Donna. Rainfurrest is looking unlikely at this point as I haven't even had a single chance to start work or basic prep for the convention..but I do have commitments to a few people as far as the con is concerned and I will have to figure out how to make things work. Sarah, if I am unable to make it and you want my table...go right ahead. I'll try to e-mail you in the next few days and talk to you about all this. Vantid, I'll e-mail ya too about the ahrts :).

To Kim, my warmest thoughts are with you and your family. (I did receive your messages). I am only sorry you have to go through such hardships as well hon...stay strong..you aren't alone.

Nick, I am so sorry I missed your birthday, I didn't forget about it. I do hope you had a wonderful birthday and just had a BLAST for all of us :). So here's some belated Birthday wishes and obligatory fluff (I tried to text you as well..)

I really should have posted this sometime back ago, but I have been sparce in hopping online. I have been out of town for the past, goodness I lose track how long exactly (but a solid few weeks anyway). This is due to a family emergency involving a man that isn't my father but I see as more of a father to me than either of my relations have been. He has been in and out of the hospital for a while, but things have just turned into a slippery slope downwards of late..and the news has continued to get worse. I felt I should be here, especially for his wife who has treated me like a daughter and I truly don't KNOW how she is holding herself together. Between time in the hospital or nursing home (depending on how bad his condition is each day)..I've been trying to help take care of mundane household things so she has less to worry about..and generally try to be there as a shoulder. I feel so bad for her, they only married last year and the news from the doctors is that he first had 6 months...and now..yesterday the way the doctor has talked it seems like it could significantly less.

Anyway I HAVE been hard to reach and I am afraid there are a few deadlines for projects I will not make as well as my Rainfurrest prep being pushed back. I wanted to apologize to anyone that has tried to reach me, via e-mail or otherwise...I am so behind with every..EVERYTHING but..I have to be here...I would feel wrong if I was not here trying to do what little I can..(though I feel nothing is enough.)

Again I am sorry folks...

So finally dragged myself to scan some ahrts, some from AC, some from the last few days. I still have some take home art to do (SkullDog, ShyFox, DHstein, and a few assorted badges), but I needed to get myself back into the groove of arting..which usually takes me longer post convention.

Also, I will try to post somethings for sale that didn't sell at AC, chiefly some of the Canine books that didn't go, perhaps some with original sketches that appear within the book...so keep your eyes peeled for the next few days :).

( Work Safe artings for yous :)..some gift sketches/badge art and then random nonsense )

SO a con report. I am horrid at these but if anything I ought to try and take the time to do this more often, if only to make mention of all the wonderful PEOPLE that make these cons worthwhile. The people keep me coming back, as much stress as the rest of the fiasco may be.

I started writing this out the typical way but I think I shall skip all the nitty gritty details and thank all the people that made this trip worthwhile. I did almost cancel AC this year because..financially..I could not afford it..and I didn't have any motivation/time/energy to do any decent art for this con. I couldn't get a refund on my airline tickets so..I wasn't gonna throw away that money..and you know? Im not sorry at all I went. Sales wise..it wasn't great at all for me..I fared better at Califur actually o_o;(which is TINY compared to AC) and I sold mostly prints in the Artshow(Imo there were a LOT of really underpriced arts there! That or the friends that priced my stuff, as I shy away from pricing my own art for art shows, think too highly of me XD!). BUT despite the mediochre sales I don't regret going because of all the absolutely amazing people that touched me in one or another way. Whatever may be said of this fandom, I have met some of the most generous..warm..and just beautiful souls in this fandom that I had not met anywhere before.

(  MANY maaaanyyy THANK Yous! )

AND there are about 3 million other people that shouuuulllddd be on this list but I am a dunce. Really, even just glancing at this list really reminds me how much more I walked away from this con with than I came with. I will take the memories over money anyday as they are what will stay with me after the money is gone. There were quite a few people I know were at AC but I never got a chance to say hello to as well. To those people, I am sorry! I hope I get a chance to run into you elsewhere. I felt really rude that I didn't get to say hi to a lot of folks, but there ya have it..Anthrocon is so big and hectic I'm not even sure its physically possible to get around to everyone!

Wellp..as with everyone, it is panic mode for me! The past week or so Ive been out of town due to a family emergency that ended with both good and bad news. SO that threw off my AC prep but did in a way do me good, I managed to take a breath and step away from the AC planning for a bit, if even not under the best of circumstances. Today was bittersweet, got a lot done..but at the same time one of the dogs, Fugi an English Mastiff, I held in my hand when she was first born, had to be put down. How I love and respect animals..who despite their no doubt agonizing pain still stay happy and strong for us.. I have lost count of how many graves I have dug..and with each one..I felt a piece of myself slip away.

SO enough depressing banter, instead pictures of my AC haul (much smaller than I would have hoped..but I do hope it sells, like every other artists Im sure, I NEEED the money)

( More pictures Ahoy! )
I will also be selling a very limited number of matted ready to frame prints (some with high end matboard), color and B&W prints, bookmarks, about 20 copies of 'Art of Balaa: Canines Volume 1', sketchbook commissions (maybe), and pencil badge commissions.

I look forward to seeing all of you that are attending this year, to those that couldn't make it after all, hope you make it next year! And now I am off to finish packing and prepping and get to bed. Safe travels to you all!

*** Also all the paid for books have been shipped out today, with the exception of those to be picked up at AC :). Thank you all!

Since there was such a wonderful amount of interest given into my first folio/book, I decided to carry over the Pre-order for a second round. SO all of those that replied to the previous entry ( http://xxbalaaxx.livejournal.com/67832.html ) and are still interested in purchasing the book, I am extending the 20$ pre-order price to you all.

( The following is the list of folks that expressed interest in the book, if you are still interested please send payment to xxbalaaxx @ yahoo.com (20$ if to be picked up at AC, 23$ if item is to be shipped). Leave your LJ username in the payment just so there isn't any confusion as to whom the book goes to :). )

Thank you so much for the outpouring of interest and support. I honestly did not even expect half the interest this has received...thank you..as ever for leaving me feeling humbled and..most of all Lucky to be treated so well!!!

Just noticed Bestbuy has a sale on the Wacom Graphire4 4x5". This is essentially the same tablet I use to this day, and currently its on a nice sale (75$, regular price 105$):
http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=7424423&st=wacom+graphire&type=product&id=1122655672173

So for anyone looking for a nice reliable but cheap tablet, there's your best bang for your buck.

I have done some actual new art! Though Im afraid its not terribly much, but something to look at just the same:

For Sahara Fox, whom was dared to eat some wasabi ice cream at Califur..and coerced further by being offered art. SO you see children, no one can resist art..even if it means eating wasabi and green tea ice cream mixed together. It's totally worth it!
( This away to more art! )

Poll #1004440 Anthrocon!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Will you be at Anthrocon this year?

Seems like a lot of folks that were originally planning to attend dropped out this year for various reasons. SO, I just want to get an idea of who all plans on attending, comment below if ya are goin. I shall be staying at the Omni William Penn and will be rooming with bagheera, likeshine, and KabukiHomeWood( http://www.furaffinity.net/user/kabukihomewood/ ). We may try for a quiet sketchparty in our room this year, as I haven't really gotten a chance to do that yet...and it often helps me draw when other creative minds are around me :).

Also I will be in the dealers room at table: D05 (as well as panels in the art show). I am sharing my table with nanook123 aka Cougari this year, so stop on by and say hello and have a browse :). I will be selling:

*bookmarks
*prints (b&w and color)
*a number of matted prints ready to be framed
*sketchbadge commissions to be done at the con
*sketchbook commissions (I may not take very many this time around, but this depends on how finicky my muse decides to be)
*Art of Balaa: Canines Volume 1 (limited quantities)
*Possibly a couple of realism badge commissions to be done post con(possibly)

So yep I chall be there and I am looking forward to a much better AC than last year! I hope to see many many of you there!

PS: don't be shy to stop by and talk to me! If I am quiet..doesn't mean I don't want to talk..probably just busy..or..haven't had enough of the kawfees 8D.

I 'unno 8D!

..and..I make a pitiful pirate, I only made 22 grand..I must be an artist even in the pirating world...damn all my luck...OH..wait..here it is sitting with me in Davy Jones Locker.

That figures. :D