Xiphias Gladius ([info]xiphias) wrote,
@ 2006-01-01 14:00:00
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Entry tags:best of, family, natural world

So, I was just telling my parents about my Octopus/Inteligent Design theory. . .
We're at my parents' house; my niece and nephew and their parents were over for the weekend for New Year's, and they just left, and Lis is asleep, and I was telling my parents about how Intelligent Design actually all holds together, if you assume that HUMANS aren't the creature that was designed. As I said, "So, all you need is to think of a creature without joints, without teeth, and whose eyes don't grow from their optic nerves, but are intelligent and have the ability to use tools. . . "

And Dad said, "Oh! Octopuses!"

I explained about Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti monster are probably therefore just visions of the Great Octopus.

And I explained my further theory about how, according to this theory, the purpose of humans was to be controlled by the Intelligent Designer to create global warming to make large shallow seas over the coastal areas that humans have built up, so that the octopuses could have the benefit of our structures while they created their own society.

And Mom said, "So, the Bush Dynasty is being controlled by Cthulhu in order to destroy humanity?"

And Dad said, "It explains a lot about Cheney -- he always did have that kind of fishy, Innsmouth look to him."

I said, "Yeah. This has actually been keeping me up at nights. . . it all hangs together all too well. If you can come up with ANYTHING that would be an argument against this, anything that will make me feel better about this, I'd love to hear it."

Mom and Dad were quiet and thinking for a while. And Mom said, "Well, they'll probably need a small slave population of humans to work the dry-land areas for a while. . . ."

(Other comments: "Well, if the Greenland ice caps go, the sea levels will go up about fifty feet. Once the octopuses get MIT, it's all over. On the other hand, they'll also get Logan Airport, which should slow them down some. . . 'I dunno, man, I went to this place near the shore, and I was stuck there for six freakin' hours. . . '")



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[info]theclamsman
2006-01-01 07:19 pm UTC (link)

And Mom said, "Well, they'll probably need a small slave population of humans to work the dry-land areas for a while. . . ."

HA ha...Mom rocks.

And well, you'd think that Methuen, Tewksbury, and Billerica would be enough to slow the octopodes. >_>.

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(no subject) - [info]bunrab, 2006-01-05 07:13 am UTC

[info]kyra_ojosverdes
2006-01-01 07:31 pm UTC (link)
Wow, your family is awesome.

(Reply to this)


[info]hangedwoman
2006-01-01 08:05 pm UTC (link)
I adore your parents.

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[info]elisem
2006-01-01 08:14 pm UTC (link)
Oh, oh, OH! MUST link; this is brilliant. May I?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]xiphias, 2006-01-02 01:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]melindatexol, 2008-07-16 02:02 pm UTC

[info]archangelbeth
2006-01-01 08:17 pm UTC (link)
*so dead laughing*

*applause*

You are so onto something here!

(Reply to this)


[info]yehoshua
2006-01-01 08:32 pm UTC (link)
You forgot what will happen when our New Octopus Overlords hit the Weston tolls.

<octopus> Who's stupid idea was it to call this thing Fast Lane, anyway? And why can't any of these bipeds just PICK A FREAKING LANE ALREADY!?!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]bynkii, 2006-01-02 02:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cheshyre, 2006-01-03 02:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]warren8472, 2006-01-05 03:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bunrab, 2006-01-05 07:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]warren8472, 2006-01-05 01:42 pm UTC

[info]mattblum
2006-01-01 08:43 pm UTC (link)
The theory may or may not be right. However, I have a temporary solution: Let them have Washington. Everything in Washington takes ten times longer to get done than it ought to.

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[info]patgreene
2006-01-01 10:09 pm UTC (link)
Oh this is just priceless. I hope you don't mind -- I linked to it.

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[info]deerdancer22
2006-01-01 11:34 pm UTC (link)
Oh, I miss you all so much!

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[info]temima
2006-01-02 12:37 am UTC (link)
"I for one welcome our new octopus overlords and will help with their management of dryland slave camps. Or technical support. Whatever."

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(no subject) - [info]sovay, 2006-01-02 05:12 am UTC

[info]vvalkyri
2006-01-02 12:59 am UTC (link)
Metaquote?

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(no subject) - [info]xiphias, 2006-01-02 01:07 am UTC

[info]browngirl
2006-01-02 01:25 am UTC (link)
I was idly skimming, and saw on [info]metaquotes:

I was telling my parents about how Intelligent Design actually all holds together, if you assume that HUMANS aren't the creature that was designed.

And I knew it was you before I saw your name.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tigerbright, 2006-01-02 02:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2006-01-05 04:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rennafatub, 2008-07-16 07:16 am UTC
FYI
[info]cheshyre
2006-01-02 02:43 am UTC (link)
Your earlier post on this subject was http://www.livejournal.com/users/xiphias/2005/09/07/

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[info]sovay
2006-01-02 05:10 am UTC (link)
On the other hand, they'll also get Logan Airport, which should slow them down some. . . 'I dunno, man, I went to this place near the shore, and I was stuck there for six freakin' hours. . . '

*snerk*

So very, sadly true . . .

(Reply to this)


[info]clayin
2006-01-02 07:40 am UTC (link)
*wandered over from [info]metaquotes*
You for the win!
Is it okay if I link to it?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]xiphias, 2006-01-02 02:55 pm UTC

[info]salzara_tirwen
2006-01-03 03:37 am UTC (link)
Your parents are orders of magnitude cooler than mine.

(Here from metaquotes)

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[info]ladyniko
2006-01-03 07:29 pm UTC (link)
*lol*

Linked over from Metaquots. :)

I love your parents!

And, as other friends said, it makes an odd sort of sense. :)

(Reply to this)


[info]liddle_oldman
2006-01-03 10:36 pm UTC (link)
Here from Metaquotes.

Your parents rule.

But now I'm terrified. This makes far too much sense.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]felis_sidus, 2006-01-04 03:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]liddle_oldman, 2007-11-28 02:34 am UTC

sclerotic_rings
2006-01-04 04:30 pm UTC (link)
And now people understand why I refer to Portland, Oregon as "Innsmouth West". Of course, I live in Dallas, Texas, which continues Hunter S. Thompson's comment of "The Circus-Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing every Saturday night had the Nazis won the war" by demonstrating what we'd be doing every Sunday morning.

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(no subject) - [info]fierce_rabbit, 2006-01-04 09:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - sclerotic_rings, 2006-01-04 10:31 pm UTC
*Ahem*
(Anonymous)
2006-01-04 04:38 pm UTC (link)
I, for one, welcome our new tentacled overlords.

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[info]rmd
2006-01-04 04:40 pm UTC (link)
awesome. btw, this just got linked from http://pharyngula.org/index/weblog/, so expect more influx.

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[info]pyegar
2006-01-04 04:58 pm UTC (link)
Brilliant, funny, and then brilliant again, with a frisson of 'Deeply Troubling'.

Best enjoyed with a nice chianti and fava beans.

Thanks.

(Reply to this)

clever
[info]jon_a_ross
2006-01-04 05:07 pm UTC (link)
here from sclerotic_rings and linking as well.

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[info]therayven
2006-01-04 05:18 pm UTC (link)
I got linked over from [info]theweaselking via sclerotic_rings. The Logan Airport bit is priceless (NHer here).

(Reply to this)


[info]hels_hound
2006-01-04 05:52 pm UTC (link)
Best.

LiveJournal entry.

Ever!

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