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Kirt "Loki" Dankmyer

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"Care and Feeding of Loki" Disclaimer [May. 12th, 2004|02:20 pm]
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[Current Mood | contemplative]

Heh. Recent discussion has reminded me that with so many new people friending my journal with the move to DC, that some of y'all might not be used to the admittedly ideosyncratic way I talk and think.

So, below are a few tips. Most of you who know me well already know this stuff from experience, or figured it out from the start, but as I know my mode of communication has gotten me in trouble in the past (particularly when I worked at NASA), I figure I might as well cover my bum. ;-D

1. If you think I'm angry, I'm probably not. It takes a lot to make me angry, and trust me, if I'm actually angry, I will tell you so. Any of you who knew me in college know what it's like when I'm really angry, very few of the rest of you have ever seen me angry. This seems to be more of a problem in person than over the Internet, as for some reason my natural tone of voice and facial expressions lend themselves to negative interpretations for reasons I don't understand, but it's come up on the Internet as well.

2. Don't read anything into anything I say, other than what's actually said. Yes, English words are ambiguous. But if you put the best possible spin on what I'm saying, I'll try to do the same to you. Give me the benefit of the doubt. I rarely have a hidden agenda.

3. If I talk in a way that seems oddly stilted or oddly informal (I've been nailed in the past for both simultaneously, strangely enough), it's because I respect you enough that I think you will understand what I'm saying, not because I'm trying to be insulting. Again, if I'm trying to be insulting, you'll know about it, trust me. If I say something you don't understand because of my enthusiasm for language and jargon, I won't think you're stupid if you ask me a question, or ask me to clarify. I'm quite aware I get carried away sometimes.

4a. I have two major bad habits in terms of communication. The first is I'm overly fond of taking Devil's Advocate positions. I'm trying to wean myself of this habit, but I figure it's fair warning: Sometimes I might not actually believe a position as strongly as I seem to be outputting it, as I've gone into Devil's Advocate mode. It doesn't help that I did Debate in high school. ;-D

4b: As suggested by [info]ksteppe below, related to the above, I have a general skepticism of everything (including myself) which others sometimes misinterpret as mockery or insult. It's not, I just take everything with a grain of salt.

5. My second bad habit is I'm a mirror, tho perhaps a funhouse mirror. I tend to reflect the attitude and rhetoric I percieve are being used on me. This gets really bad when I'm annoyed. The most likely time I'll transgress my own rules of conduct is when I feel I'm being mistreated and I "reflect" that mistreatment back. I'm trying to wean myself of this one as well, but in the meantime, you can use it to your advantage: If you think I'm too agitated (tho see tip #1), just talking to me in a calm and respectful way will calm me down.

6. I have an all-consuming sense of humor. This means I often will crack a joke at an inappropriate time in a poor attempt to relieve stress. Watch out for it.

LJ-Specific Footnote: Now, while I don't subscribe to the "people on my friends list are actually my friends" theory, keep in mind that if you're on my friends list, that means I trust you with friends-only entries, which means that chances are very high that I have some measure of respect for you. (I also respect most people who are not on my friends list, with a number of exceptions I can count on one hand.) So, that means I respect you, despite whatever impression you might have gotten from my postings.

Edit: As an additional LJ-specific footnote, please note that when I vent about stuff on my journal, I'm usually looking for sympathy, not advice. Particularly in a locked post. If I want advice, I'll ask for it, usually by asking a question. Now, I'm open to unasked-for advice, but I suggest starting with sympathy.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]heleneotroy
2004-05-12 09:03 pm (UTC)

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i have to admit, you're one of the most 'cool' people i know. (is that an illegal use of quotation marks?). i don't think i've ever seen you show a great deal of emotion, either one way or the other. i mean, i've seen you happy and laughing, and i've seen you grumpy and upset, but neither of those topped the scale of extreme emotion. because of that, i'm sure that if i saw you truly angry, i'd hide!
[User Picture]From: [info]xiombarg
2004-05-12 09:13 pm (UTC)

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Heh. Yeah, my temper is pretty bad when it finally does come out. Tho I haven't broken a cup since college. ;-D
[User Picture]From: [info]vaxjedi
2004-05-13 03:39 am (UTC)

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Illegal use of quotation marks. Roughing the Reader. Three Beer Penalty. First Down!
[User Picture]From: [info]evilpheemy
2004-05-12 09:24 pm (UTC)

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You respect me?

Cool. I'll put it on my resume'

Special Qualities: Earned undying and deep respect from one Kirt "Loki" Dankmyer

Sure, it's embellished a bit, but who doesn't on their resume?
[User Picture]From: [info]xiombarg
2004-05-12 09:27 pm (UTC)

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You totally have my permission to do that. ;-D
[User Picture]From: [info]quix
2004-05-12 09:37 pm (UTC)

"Netiquette"

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I won't profess to being an expert on "netiquette" as it were, but I can attest to the fact that no matter how much one might try to follow the "rules" available, it's still much, much too easy for someone to misconstrue what you're saying on the net. I don't trust talking to my mother online for this exact reason. Somehow she always managed to pull something I said out of context and get upset at me.

The key that both parties always have to remember is that you can't hear inflection, which is the key determinator for how something you're reading is intending to be said. And as many smilies, italicies, underlines, asterix you may put into your style of communication to try to emote inflection, it may still come across wrong. So one should always clarify first. 'Did you mean that *this* way?', 'Or you getting upset?' etc.

Or, just avoid it whenever possible. I hated talking to [info]greymaiden online because it just happened to often where one of us would misinterpret something and end up with hurt feelings.
[User Picture]From: [info]vaxjedi
2004-05-13 03:40 am (UTC)

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Actually, I noticed a lot of that when I was in NC -people always thought you were angry with them. Or mocking them. I got a lot of questions about that. I usually told them "It takes a lot to get Loki angry."
[User Picture]From: [info]xiombarg
2004-05-13 04:01 am (UTC)

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Yeah, the LARP crowd, in particular, never seemed to grok me. :)
[User Picture]From: [info]fishysua
2004-05-13 06:17 am (UTC)

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2 has been a problem for me too. Both in extremity or complete lack.

3 and 4 are ones I tend to do to.

I need to mellow out. I tend to read people wrong because I'm paranoid, slightly, usually. This leads to my misinterpreting anger into people.

*Hero-Worships at the alter to Loki-Fru-Fru*
Ok I'm done now.
[User Picture]From: [info]the_confessor
2004-05-13 03:28 pm (UTC)

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Ahh, Kirt.

At least you've got an honest view of your eccentricities.

Love yah, miss yah, bro.
[User Picture]From: [info]heleneotroy
2004-05-13 04:57 pm (UTC)

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regarding our conversation last night, your brother is a member in good standing. ;)
[User Picture]From: [info]xiombarg
2004-05-13 05:52 pm (UTC)

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Heh, cool. ;-D
From: [info]tigereyes20151
2004-05-14 05:56 am (UTC)

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I get that quite a bit too....I just tell people that unless I have thrown you to the floor and am standing upon your head....I'm not mad at you. And yes.....I have returned to my normal coloring after last night.
[User Picture]From: [info]ksteppe
2004-05-15 03:01 am (UTC)

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Any of you who knew me in college know what it's like when I'm really angry

I think I only ever saw you slightly angry. And it was very very obvious.

We haven't talked in many years, but during college I'd add a 4b: you have a general skepticism of everything (including yourself) which others sometimes misinterpret as mockery or insult. It's not, you just take everything with a grain of salt.

[User Picture]From: [info]xiombarg
2005-03-07 04:08 pm (UTC)

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This is very true -- I think I'll add that.
[User Picture]From: [info]ksteppe
2005-03-07 11:07 pm (UTC)

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I don't know whether to be impressed or disturbed that it took you 10 *months* to reply to a comment. I think I'll go for mildly confused.
[User Picture]From: [info]xiombarg
2008-04-23 07:30 pm (UTC)

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I return to this post from time to time, as it's linked from my profile page.