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Sunday, January 1st, 2012
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6:56 pm - Networking. In the FUTURE!
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[April 16, 2008, 6.56pm:] Taking a piece of advice from ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) reannaremick (see below), I'm going to future-date this entry (which is going to take some getting used to), and keep adding to it, as new information comes in.
Here we go:
( User Friendly )
current mood: Working on other things.
current music: Television and other things.
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| Sunday, October 12th, 2008
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10:46 pm - Qlippothic Meanderings
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So, I'm reading Qabalah, Qlippoth, and Goetic Magic, and the outlining of each of these Qlippothic stages seems like things I've done, already. Maybe reading through them, this way, will help to solidify whatever it is I need ot be learning from this work...
I don't know.
I'm really trying very hard to maintain my Non-Smoker status.
One of my great uncles is dying. I heard about this, from my mother, two days after she heard it from my father's mother. My mother and father are not married. My father hasn't called me back, yet, to let me know Which Uncle.
This is autumn, for me, too damn often.
How was your Sun's Day?
current mood: here
current music: half-heard music, in my head
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10:18 am - Dreams in Hell
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Cranes - [Lilies]--- I dreamed that I was trapped in a prison/camp, with people who hated me, who wanted to hurt me. The camp aspect wasn't that bad. It was only meal times when people would try to trip, kick, hit, cut, or poison me.
Some interim dream, where something happened.
Third section of the dream was deep inside the prison, itself. Subterranean prison compound, which was also Hell, and I was trapped, there, with people who wanted to do me serious, serious harm, and I couldn't figure out how I could possibly have been trapped. (A Perfect Circle - [3 Libras (Massive Attack Remix)]). All of the prisoners were standing in rows, several feet apart, either facing or with their backs to each other, creating corridors of bodies, which formed a labyrinth. As I walked into the giant Hall, I asked people what was going on, and they said, "Something Big. Something about You." I kept walking, into the room, and I saw an aspect of my Self, in one of the lines. It was the part of me that Deals in the misery of others, that makes a profit off of it, and turns it into joy for others.
I see other aspects of myself, elsewhere in the Labyrinth, and I know what's happening. I run into the labyrinth to get to the misery bookie, and I grab his hand, bending the fingers at an awkward angle, almost breaking them. (Pizzicato Five - [Twiggy Twiggy (Twiggy Vs. James Bond)]). I look at him and say, "I know who's doing this. It's not You, and it's not any of my other aspects or surrogates; it's ME." I look behind me, deeper in the Labyrinth, and I see myself, standing there Staring at me, holding a knife. The other me throws it at me, and I don't remember if it sticks into me or one of the components of the wall. Either way, I grab the knife and stare at myself, with dawning comprehension. (KMFDM - [Brute]). The other me realises, fully, what I'm thinking, looks scared and says, "Oh Shit." He starts running.
He's ducking through the walls of the Labyrinth which aren't people, anymore, they're just racks of clothes, and no impediment to me. I catch up to him, just as he makes it to a raised column/dais, on which sits my knife block. He grabs the cleaver and makes a break for it and I lunge for his legs, as he tries to crawl through the next wall. I sever the tendons of his right leg, just behind the knee. (Carmina Burana - [Ecce Gratum]). He screams, and tries to crawl away in what is now an open space. Tries to crawl aroud a solid corner to hide, to get away, but I put my knee in his back, and pin him, taking the cleaver from him. (Tori Amos - [Concertina]). I say something about a first job I had, where I cut the legs off of the pizza cook, and I bring the cleaver down on his leg, just below the knee. It doesn't go through. It bites into the the flesh, easily, but the bone is as hard as rock, and won't part.
Someone asks me/us why I would do this to myself... The answer has something to with contraband snacks, memories not respected, feelings cast aside. Though, after a bit, I can't tell if the other me is talking to Me or to a woman in the audience/crowd/walls. I wake up.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast - [Let Me Rest In Peace]--- Well, WinAmp, that was rude. (Shinjuku Filth & Darrin Verhagen - [...]). Sure. Anyway.
Hooray! Dreams!
So, let's see: In the past two nights I have had dreams A) accussing me of being a posuer and B) where I cripple myself for the sake of survival, because I had a vendetta against me. There also seemed to be some sense that whoever won got control of all of the aspects and surrogates. (The The - [Uncertain Smile]). That may just be wishful thinking.
It's windy out, today. Really windy, and moving between clear and overcast, very quickly.
Time for breakfast.
current mood: sacrificing myself to myself, apparently
current music: The The - [Uncertain Smile]
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| Saturday, October 11th, 2008
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10:57 pm - American Gods
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I have, in the past two months, seen license plates reading "VISHNU1" (Georgia) and, tonight, "YAHWEH" (Alaska).
YAHWEH.
There is NO configuration in which that makes sense, beyond that Being YHVH, and him wanting a personalised license plate.
A couple of years ago, I saw another one, in Tucker, that led to a conversation about Jesus being the kind of dick to put his own name on his license plate, and something about a rain of puppies. Something about making it so that when they hit and went splat, he could instantaneously trasport them to Heaven, before they felt pain.
...
What?
current mood: ever feel like 'American Gods' was Non-fiction?
current music: Still Buffy.
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4:25 pm - David Icke stole my girlfriend's art.
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4:01 pm - Life
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I really love the show "Life." I really love it a lot.
And I really hope they release a soundtrack...
current mood: pretty okay
current music: Buffy
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6:42 am - Dreams: Anywhere but Here
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Dreamed of a school district, in DC, meaning an area that was nothing but schools. Traveling around it, seeing columns of some kind of black substance shooting from the ground, in every school yard. Something about cat's and dogs being invisible to each other, but still registering on their other senses.
I was in an airport, with mech_angel, mendori and out friend Brandie. mendori and I sat at a diner booth, talking about things we knew, and mech_angel was off searching for something, in the tunnels and the sewers "underneath" the airport. They were on the same level, but they were the reverse side of the paths and hallways of the airport. She was actullay In the sewer waters, searching, occasionallyfalling and almost hurting herself, very badly. But she always got up, and kept looking.
I couldn't get down in the water, with her. I could only stand on the sides and ask her what was happening.
That's... strangely symbolic. And not in a way that I entirely like...
I have to get to work.
[4.02pm Typo fixed.]
current mood: rushed.
current music: Dresden Dolls, in my head
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| Friday, October 10th, 2008
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8:20 pm - I keep meaning to do this: New People
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Everybody give a warm hello to the following two people, in alphabetical order:
karma_aster and tmcm.
Hi.
current mood: Welcoming
current music: Buffy
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6:36 pm - Money Magic
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Pertinent, today.
[6.49pm Well damn it. That took too long, and still didn't do what I needed it to. Suggestions for sharing?
7.25pm: Thanks to wyldkyss: http://blip.fm/~elgj Enjoy.]
current mood: fuckin' Magic.
current music: Television
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5:11 pm - Today and I am not an Economist.
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Long, awesome day.
The best thing about someone underestimating you is surprising them with the error of their ways.
Also, if we're in a "global recession," isn't that kind of like if I shrank all of existence by a lightyear?
I mean, what's it relative to, anymore?
current mood: pretty damn good
current music: Sarah Silverman
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5:57 am - Twitter Dreams
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Tom Waits - [Dog Door]-- I dreamed about Twitter interactins and conversations with people, as well as Facebook.
I'm working through some stuff. What do you want?
DeathBoy - [Nanowire]--- Dreamed, specifically, of Felicia Day. Strange.
current mood: waking up
current music: DeathBoy - [Nanowire]
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| Thursday, October 9th, 2008
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11:39 am - Feed the Tree.
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Tell me a secret. No screening, but you can post anonymously, and e-mail me if you want me to know who you are.
Think of me as an Ash Tree, with a hole in the centre.
Play nice.
To tell you some more about what I want from you, otherwise, giana asked what I get from this project, and I said the following:
"A reinforced sense of self. a more clear understanding of who and what I am, in the world[.] I know what I am, from my perspective[,] I know the things I try to put into the world.
"I get power, capability, belief, the ability to act on a number of levels, and have more magical potency, over-all. And, should anyone ask for it, the ability to do the same for them[;] to concentrate my thoughts of them down into an essence, and give it to them. Sometimes I think it's the only way to break through certain barriers of self-esteem and -worth. Those things that have to come from inside the person. Knowing that these things are inside you, or they couldn't be seen by other people, knowing that you Are more than even you can see, at a given time. Wonderful ego boost[.]"
So think of me, no matter who you are, and tell me a secret, if you are so inclined.
current mood: "Be there when I feed the tree..."
current music: CNN
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9:44 am - Focus: Identity
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Tom Waits - [Temptation]--- We've discussed this, before: the fact that every one of you sees something different, in me, sees a different me. This is the reasoning behind Story Memes, and Picture Memes; I get a much clearer understanding of what it is that you see, when you think any one of my [Designator]s. Horns, scales, wings, tails, teeth, fire, feathers, smoke, fur, or falling leaves, I need to know it all. It helps, with a project.
Diary of Dreams - [Now This Is Human]--- But, today (meaning "whenever you read this"), I need you to do me a favour. I need you to hold that image of me in your mind. I need you to hold whatever you believe about me, know about me, love about me, hate about me, anything that is, in you, unmoveable about Me, in your mind. Concentrate on it.
Think of a web. At the centre of the web, you sit, and each strand is connected to someone you've touched. Spiral galaxy arms pull from the linear threads, inward to you, and you know each and every movement made on that web. Hundreds of thousands of motions, thoughts, dreams, sighs, pictures, songs, letters, phone calls, all there, for you, all resonanting your frequencies. Because the web is your creation, and it expresses your generated essence. The connections and anchors with which you've made the web all see a different angle. A different perspective. (Oingo Boingo - [Spider (Mono, Right Chan Only)]). But they all see the web. They have to.
So spin at the centre of the web, today. Every person has their own.
Think of the spiral web, and think of me. Believe in me, for just a few seconds, today. A dream of me, a hope of me, some secret wish of me, anything. All of it. Each version of me seen by another person is the result of some kind of interaction, some Thing I've done, which has helped or hurt them, encouraged or stunted them. Something in me hit something in you and formed some kind of reaction, and today I would like very much to know what that was.
A story will do. A picture is fine. But I would like you to hold the image in your mind, with a thought of a web, made of fire.
Ego Likeness - [Drown Like You]--- Good day.
current mood: Working
current music: Ego Likeness - [Drown Like You]
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| Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
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11:09 pm - Gotta remember before you burn away.
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Spent the day reminiscing with an old high school acquiantence/friend, at work. Strangely.
current mood: not nostalgic.
current music: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
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12:35 pm - The day, so far.
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Rainy, cool.
Have to work.
Need to research.
Need to make a reading schedule, for myself.
Thinking about staying up all night to re-read House of Leaves.
And you?
current mood: Thinking...
current music: air currents
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| Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
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5:11 pm - Dissertaion Search Tools:
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Brian Kooy, Library Liason for both Philosophy and Religious Studies, at GSU, sent me the following links for searching Dissertations and their issuing Universities. The following is copied directly from that e-mail
"There are two databases you could use to locate this information, both of which are available through the Library's web site (note, if you are not a currently registered students you will not be able to access these from off-campus).
"1. ProQuest Dissertations & Theses: A&I (PQD&Y): http://www.library.gsu.edu/databases/details.asp?ID=226
Contains abstracts of dissertations accepted at accredited U.S. institutions since 1861, as well as selected masters theses, Canadian dissertations, British and other international dissertations.
"2. WorldCat: http://www.library.gsu.edu/databases/details.asp?ID=125
The WorldCat database is the world's most comprehensive bibliography of materials owned by libraries throughout the world. All university libraries catalog their own school's dissertations in their own catalog, and can be searched using Worldcat, a compendium of library catalogs. Use the Advanced Search option for best results. To narrow down your search to dissertations, construct your search in the following way:
"From the Advanced Search screen:
Search field #1: thesis dissertation
Search field #2: magic (or occult, etc; try to be as specific as possible)
"Here are a couple of other options you might try:
"1. Google Scholar: http://scholar.google.com/
Search for dissertation AND (insert your topic)
"2. Networked Digital Library of Theses and Dissertations (NDLTD): http://www.ndltd.org/
A searchable database of dissertations and thesis made available through college and university institutional digital repositories. To use:
1. From the NDLTD home page, click on "For Researchers: Find ETDs).
2. Choose one of the search options from the resulting page (Scirus ETD Search is a good one)."
Good luck, everyone.
current mood: working and planning
current music: CNN
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3:23 pm - Are you reading, wearing, and looking, today?
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Important thoughts from smart people, in this month's Wired: http://www.wired.com/politics/law/magazine/16-10/sl_intro
No, I'm not in there, but I might as well be.
From mendori, 'Voodoo Priestess Says Cobb Official Bounced Checks': http://www.11alive.com/rss/rss_story.aspx?storyid=122063
Today is... Pretty weird.
Remember, possesions don't make you happy, but they Can make you the envy of everyone you know. And that will make you happy:
mech_angel has things for sale, including some pretty bad-ass t-shirts, and the freakiest [Shub-Niggurath] you'll ever see.
Tell your friends.
[3.32pm: From dmlaenker, Eidolon Career Solutions: Career Management Solutions for Dark Cultures, Goths, and Alternative Livestyles": http://www.eidoloncareersolutions.com/
That. Is. AWESOME.]
current mood: Informative
current music: Food Network
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10:22 am - Speech Writing. Racism. Exeter.
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If I wrote Barack Obama's stump speeches:
"I have to wonder if John McCain and Sarah Palin think you're stupid, when they say these things. I mean, they say things like 'If we don't shift the conversation away from the economy, we're gonna lose'... and then they start talkin' about a man I don't know every well. A man whose activities and tactics I have Publicly renounced! [Pause]
"Well, even if they think you're stupid, I know better! I know the American people can spot a load of BS, when it's being thrown at them! And You know, like I know, that when someone spends all their time trying to tear someone down, but not building Themselves up... it's because they got nothing to build!"
From there he would go on to talk about the economy, and how now is not the time to "shift the conversation away from it."
From plantyhamchuk: Palin Supporters shout racial epithets to reporters, death threats to Obama; McCain Campain does nothing to renounce this behaviour. In fact they seem to have simply ignored it.
This is the world this morning.
I've gotten an e-mail response back from Exeter, which I need to read. I need coffee and breakfast, firsts, I think... I'm a little nervous about anything havinng to do with PhD stuff, these days.
Some days I think I should move back to DC, get a job in a think-tank, or start a consulting firm, or something. But that seems too much like trying to recapture some mythical "lost" thing, in my life.
current mood: not the best.
current music: Sarah Palin in Jacksonville
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12:31 am - Domestic Terrorism
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Next time someone mentions Bill Ayers, you tell them this.
Let's make this game Fair and Balanced.
current mood: mission statement.
current music: Heroes
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| Monday, October 6th, 2008
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6:30 pm - Progress:
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Sent inquiry e-mail to the Exeter program, regarding funding, work study, the potential for distance learning, and, failing all of that, any comparable programs, here in the States they'd be comfortable recommending.
Sent e-mails to Drs. McClymond and Renick asking about seearch engines to find dissertations, because, honestly, there should be a way to search all defended dissertations, from the past few years, and their issuing Universities. If any of you knows of such a thing, I'd be grateful. I can find ETD Data Bases for various universities, but that's... basically the same as searching archival stacks by hand.
And that's about it. Setting up the proxy servers for my new GSU E-mail and my OLD GSU e-mail, into my Gmail was stupid and ridicuclous. Wasted an amazing amount of viable work hours, trying to get that shit taken care of.
And here we are. I'm off.
Later.
current mood: somewhat accomplished
current music: television
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