Seriously.  I have a good old fashioned head cold.  Stuffed up, sneezing, coughing, aching, and generally feeling like hammered shit.  Fever last night, but none today, so that's good.

And I know where I got this cold from, too.  My neighbor and friend, Kim, has a ten month old named Sarah.  I'm sure I've talked about her before.  Well, last week I was over there for most of Wednesday, and little Sarah was sickly - with a cold.  She was also running a very mild temperature.  Even so, I couldn't NOT pick her up and play with her and give her cuddles, and thus, I caught her cold.  

Am I miserable in the 'when do I see the doctor' sense? No, just a common cold, but I am pretty miserable. Rick has been the soul of compassion - letting me sleep this morning when he got up, and buying me lots of goodly medicines to help combat this cold, and he's making bacon grilled cheeses for dinner right now.  Even before I got sick, on Friday, he bought me the Sims 2.  How can I do anything but love and be eternally indebted to this man. 

Ok, that's the current.  Now for recent.  School -

I still hate math, but after some tutoring from a friend, I feel much better able to deal with it.  I really love my history teacher and the way she teaches the class.  It's not the leftist 'white people ruled all' shit that I expected to get from a California school.  She actually gives you both, or all sides of the issue.  We've also had some great after-class discussions.

I have yet to start on my PowerPoint work - because the fucking bookstore doesn't have the textbook in!!  Apparently, it never ordered any!  However, I am not alone in this - there are several hundred students in the same predicament, and the instructor is well aware of the problem.  We aren't being penalized for not getting any work done yet.

Now, on to my Library Studies class.  On Thursday, the 4th of September, I attended the orientation for this class, and at that time, was told the textbook could only be obtained through a website called 'IUniverse'.  Knowing we would need them in short order, I paid for 2nd-day air.  The book cost 18.95.  The shipping cost 23.00. The website took the money out of my account the very same day.  Today is the 14th of September.  I still don't have my book.  Nor can I find anything on the website to allow me to track the progress of the book.  And it was only AFTER I had paid for the book and gotten the receipt that they bothered to inform me that it would take 2 business days to print, bind, and then ship my book.  Can you see where I'm going with this?  I'm too sickly to work myself up into a really big rant, but suffice it to say that while I'm less 45 dollars, I have no textbook, and no means of seeking redress for the issue.  I should've had my book 6 days ago.    Yes, I have already made a scathing post about this issue on the class discussion board, and had others respond that they are in a similar situation.  The instructor has yet to reply to the thread, or address this in any way save to say that a copy of the book is on hold at the school library.  1.  A SINGLE book.  That can only be checked out for 2 hours at a time.  ONE book.  And there are 50+ students in the class.   1 book.  2 hours at a time.  I'm so livid I want to take this woman's entrails out and feed them to her ere she dies.

You know what, though?  I'm back in school, and back in the class room.  I didn't realize how much I'd missed being in the classroom until I went back.  And I DID know how much I missed learning while I was on my involuntary education sabbatical, so it's doubly lovely to be learning again.  

I'm going to eat nummy cheesy-bacony dinner of goodness that Master has prepared for me, and then I'm going to do some laundry.

Tuesday marked the first time I've been in a math class in 12 years.  I have another one today.  Then orientation for both my PowerPoint, and my Library Studies classes.  I won't get home tonight until almost 10 pm.  Tomorrow is my American History class.


So I'm back in school.  I know I've been mum for quite a while.  Just haven't had the....umph.... to post.  I'll try to post more often though, I promise.  

It feels good, being back in the classroom after that long break I just had, and the year and a half before that where I only took online classes.  Somehow, I feel like I'm learning more.  

Ok, time to eat some breakfast and head out.

Nerve conduction study this morning.

Definitely have Carpal Tunnel in both wrists, though its orders of magnitude more severe in the left.  Doc asked me if I wasn't having problems even with the left brace on, and surprised, I said yes, because it's true.

He said without saying that I'll likely end up needing surgery for that one. 

At least it's the left.  I'm right-handed.

Hands twitchy and sore, hence short post.

Estelle Getty has died.  She was 84.  She'd been suffering from advanced dementia for years, which is why she didn't appear along side her other 'Golden Girls' actresses at reunions and the like.


http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/07/22/estelle.getty.obit/index.html

My paid account expired today.  I'll have to re-up it in September, when I get my financial aid.  Til then I'm using it as a free account, yuck.

Just letting you know, in case I don't have certain features and the like.

I'm taking the pain meds for the scoliosis, limb length inequality, and arthritis in my left hip.  I'm in constant pain now, and can't function without them. Even with them my functionality is greatly reduced. I take Neurontin at bedtime for the nerve pain caused by the Carpal Tunnel.

The Ortho Doc says there's not a lot he can do for my knee, since anything would weaken it further and I have enough trouble with it as it is.  I am possibly a surgical candidte for my back, but he wants some better x-rays, maybe an MRI to determine if my spinal column is affected, which will decide if I should have surgery or not.  Meanwhile he wants me in PT for my knee and my back.  I DO have Carpal Tunnel in both wrists, though it's markedly worse in my left one.  He wants me to keep wearing the brace for a couple more months, and if it's not better, then it'll be surgery time for that.

With the limited mobility and the pain and the various medical things, I've decided to re-apply for disability.  At worst I'll get denied, but possibly, now that I'm getting these ailments diagnosed and on record, I have a better shot at getting it.  I'll also be working with a Social Security Advocate to work my way around the system.  We'll see how it goes.

Long story short: San Jose State dicked me around for 6 months before deciding I couldn't come in as an upper division student because I didn't have the math required.  I applied to San Jose City college.  Not only am I admitted, but I've finished everything, including being registered for classes.  Just waiting to hear how much fin. aid I'll get in grants, and then tack on some loans.  For CA residents, the per credit hour cost to attend a community college is 20$.  No joke.  So one 3 credit class is only 60$.  Well, I qualified for an enrollment fee waiver, so I don't even have to pay that.  I an registered for full time classes, with one of them being an online class.  I tested to a Pre-Algebra level for the math, so I'll be taking that this semester, and then regular Algebra next semester, and after that I'll be able to take a college level math that will transfer. Here are the classes that I'll be taking this fall:

HIST-017A-102 (45296) History of the United States (This only goes to 1877. )
MATH-011A-107 (46445) Elementary Algebra
CA-070D-101 (47386) MS PowerPoint Specialist ( At least I'll be able to say I can do Word, Access, Excel, and P-Point.)
LIB-015-101 (46313) Elec Research/Internet-IO ( Library Studies.  Useful to have if I'm eventually majoring in Museum Studies.)

Next semester - Ohh... next semester.  I'm taking Human Anatomy 101, which if  I've read the course material correctly, includes a cadaver lab.  And how could I not be ALL over that. 

There we have it.  I need to make some tea, and typing's getting a bit painful, so I'll stop here.  Again, if elaboration is wanted, please let me know.

Oh yes - And I love my family - Rick, and Leo.  They bring me such joy, and Rick continues to amaze me with his desire to stick by me even through these crazy medical/financial ups and downs I've been through lately.  There could never have been any other man but him, for me.

SO, there's been a shit ton of things going on over the last few months. I'll give you some highlights.  If you want a more detailed explanation, just comment and I'll write one up.

1.) San Jose State are bitches.  I'm not going there this Fall.

2.) San Jose City College rocks much casbah, and I will be going there this fall.

3.) I'm officially on 'pain management' drugs.

4.) I now have an accessible placard for the van.  This means I can park in accessible, or more crudely, 'handicapped' parking.

5.) I officially have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - in both wrists.  Wearing braces sucks in 90 degree + weather.

6.) Recent x-rays show my spine as being in the shape of a 'Z".  I used to be 5'9".  Now I'm 5'7".  And now I know where that 2 inches went.

7.) And in conclusion:  I have my appointment with the Orthopedists today.  We'll be discussing my back, my limb length inequality, and the crunching of my right knee when I move it.  I expect to hear that I'll need knee surgery soon, and back surgery when we can deal with the weight issue.

So.  Short, to the point.  Again, if you'd like to hear more, comment and I'll expand on any/all issues.  Right now though, I have to get ready to leave for my appointment.

Major fucking changes.

The Universe tried to shit on me, but I'm shitting back.  Expect more soon.

Ok. 

There's a huge fire burning on the Santa Cruz/ Santa Clara county line.   It's the closest a fire has ever been, since I've lived here.  It's about 15 miles south of us, and the winds are blowing south, so it's going away from us.  Should the winds change, we may have to deal with smoke and ash, but there's no way it could ever get far enough north, or far enough into the city, to affect us.  Therefore, we are fine.  Rick's been watching the smoke on and off all day from his office window, which is on the 3rd or 4th floor.  If I went down the block, I could probably see the smoke, too, off in the distance atop the mountains.

But we're perfectly safe.  No worries.

Living in California, I forget that it's now tornado season.  I miss that.  I miss the crashing thunder and the flash of lightning.  I miss the skies broiling in dark, angry clouds.  I miss the smell of storms, that ozone smell that happens.  I miss the torrential rains, sheets of it coming down, sluicing off buildings, puddling in the grass. 

We don't get that here.  We get... piddly rain.  Showers that have everyone freaking out because like, OMG, the road's going to be like, wet and stuff! 

I really miss storms right now.

(kudos to the first person who can tell me what this song is from.  English translation below the actual song.)

Angeli i demoni kruzhili nado mnoj
Rassekali ternii i mlechnye puti
Ne znaet schast'ya tol'ko tot
Kto ego zova ponyat ne smog

Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, Aeria gloris
Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, aeria gloris

I am calling, calling now
Spirits rise and falling
S toboi ostatsa dol'she
Calling, calling, in the depth of longing
S toboi ostat'sya dol'she

Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, aeria gloris
Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, aeria gloris

Stand alone . . . Where was life when it had a meaning . . .
Stand alone . . . Nothing's real anymore and . . .

Beskoneshnyj beg . . .
Poka zhiva, ya mogu starat'sya na letu ne upast'
Ne razuchit'sya mechtat' . . . lyubit' . . .
. . . Beskoneshnyj beg . . .

Calling, calling, for the place of knowing
There's more than what can be linked
Calling, calling now, never will I look away
For what life has left for me

Yearning, yearning, for what's left of loving
S toboi ostat'sya dol'she
Calling, calling now, spirits rise and falling
S oboi ostat'sya dol'she
Calling, calling, in the depth of longing
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she . . .

Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, Aeria gloris
Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, aeria gloris



((Translation))
Angels and demons were circling above me
Cutting thorns and Milky Way
Don't know happiness from
Who knew it but couldn't give it

Watch in awe
Watch in awe
Aeria gloris
Aeria gloris

Watch in awe
Watch in awe
Aeria gloris
Aeria gloris

I am calling, calling now
Spirits rise and falling
To stay with you longer
Calling, calling in the depth of longing
To stay with you longer

Watch in awe
Watch in awe
Aeria gloris
Aeria gloris

Stand alone . . . Where was life when it had a meaning . . .
Stand alone . . . Nothing's real anymore and . . .

Neverendless run
While I'm alive, I can try to fall in flight
Not to forget how to dream... to love
Neverendless run

Calling, calling, for the place of knowing
There's more than what can be linked
Calling, calling now, never will I look away
For what life has left for me

Yearning, yearning, for what's left of loving
To stay with you longer
Calling, calling now, spirits rise and falling
S oboi ostat'sya dol'she
Calling, calling, in the depth of longing
Soboj ostat'sya dol'she . . .

Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, Aeria gloris
Nalybuites' nalyubuites
Aeria gloris, aeria gloris

...which might not be so long.

Life is life.  I turned 30.  I got cards, and birthday wishes, some in the form of cutesy Xtian voice mails.  I had deliberately NOT said anything about my birthday to Rick, because money's been very tight and he's had a lot of stress at work, and the last thing I wanted to do was add to that stress.  He did get sneaky and get me a card, though. 

Things are all right.  I've been completing steps to get my stuff done for SjSU this fall.  I've been looking for a job.  I could go out and find some shitty telemarketing job - no problem.  But I'd be putting 3/4 of whatever I made back into the gas tank (3.61/gal here), and I'd become an utter bitch(because who isn't after working in telemarketing).  Rick doesn't want that.  However, that greatly reduces the job market, so I'm still looking.  In the meantime, I've been occupying my days with housework and games and getting in Season 1 of  'Six Feet Under'. I have a huge stack of old textbooks, so I'm trying to find someplace in town to take them all and see what they'll buy back, if any. 

In February we went to the cabin for our Anniversary.  We took Leo with us, and did things like take him to the beach and let him out in the grass next to our cabin.  Keep in mind he did these things in his walking jacket and was leashed.  And we took plethora of pictures of him, but few of us.  While we loved having him with us, we decided that next year we're leaving him here in the hands of a capable cat-sitter.  First, we think he was a little thrown by the whole ordeal, and he's been acing out and being much more butt-headed since we've been back.  Second, it's a small-ish cabin: With Leo around, we didn't get any 'ALONE' time.  But we did have fun, and he got me a new box that's beautiful, and a fossilized shark tooth, and of course we got more cheese from the Lolita cheese factory.  When we go next year we're going back to the Victorian village of Ferndale.  It'll be off-season, but there's an amazing old cemetary I want to do some grave rubbings in. 

A couple of other things:
--I'm on Depo.  No babies.  This is good.  Also no period.  This is sheer joy.

--Since about November of last year, I've been on prescription drugs for my insomnia.  Right now I take a cocktail of low dose Seroquel and a higher dose Trazadone.  This combination seems to work perfectly.  And as an added bonus - I have the most vivid dreams.  Lately there's been a plane theme to them - as in I keep dreaming about planes in some form.  One was about a concept plane that crashed, and the lone survivor went mad, but became pregnant by another survivor who technically was never there.  The other was about finding pilots for planes in a post-apocalyptic world that was finally getting back on it's feet and re-learning old technologies.  Like I said, wonderfully vivid.  I've always loved dreaming.  Now I love it even more. 

--And, since around the same time as the sleep cocktail, I've been on another prescription drug.  First spin of the Medicine Wheel has me on Effexor CR.  Is it working?  It's hard to say.  I don't notice myself being all happy and sunshiney and shit.  But I also notice it's easier to focus on what's around me, instead of what's in my head.  I have less paranoia episodes.  I haven't caught myself brooding for quite some time.  Part of it  might be that I"m actually sleeping a lot better, since the cocktail helps to shut my brain down so the body can sleep.  If there's a drawback, it's that things are slightly fuzzy at the edges.  Where before I fancied I could eavesdrop on the Ether, so to speak, now when I try I only hear faint white noise.  Remember Jon, how we used to talk about standing with one foot in each world?  I'm still doing it, only now the drug blocks me from seeing or hearing in that other world. 

I have my reasons for finally admitting defeat and weakness and going on the drug.  They are good, valid reasons all, but they're mine, and I don't wish to share them.  Aside from Rick, this is the first time I've told anyone else about going on Effexor. 

--I recently broke a promise to myself.  Unwittingly, I had constructed the promise, and the conditions for meeting it, before I met Rick.  When the due date came up, I had only two choices: Fulfill the promise, or lose all personal honour.  So, I am writing without honour.  And per the conditions of my promise, there is no way to regain that honour - ever.  The promise itself and the conditions of it are again, not something I wish to share. 

--On Saturdays, our friends Bob, Rebecca, and Craig come over, and we spend the day playing AD&D, with Bob as our GM.  I really look forward to Game day, and am glad we have something we do with other people and not just each other.  Sundays generally are ours to get groceries, then snuggle on the couch watching movies. 

--Rick's been overwhelmed at work.  Dolf, one of the IT guys retired, leaving just Rick and Mike to do the IT for ALL the two buildings and them some.  On top of that, he's been going to all these meetings and classes to learn about Database management, and in late April he's going up to Sacramento for a 2-day class on DBM.  He's also been getting some Overtime lately, so he's working long hours, pulling a double and triple workload sometimes, in addition to all this DBM stuff.  Why not pass on the OT and save stress you ask?  First for that we could really use the money, and second for that OT is very rarely ever offered to the IT department, so he's soaking up as much as he can.  When it's all said and done, though, he'll have a critical new set of skills that he can use to either push for promotion, or take with him to another job for better money and less stress.  In the meantime I've been trying to make homelife as stress-free as possible. 

I think that about covers it.  I'm here, just boring, and so not posting about boring things.

A real post.  Sometime after the 23rd.  Be on the lookout for it.

Roy Scheider has passed away.  He was 75.

Here's the article: http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/02/10/obit.scheider.ap/index.html

"We're gonna need a bigger boat..."

The 25th was the day the Appeals Committee was supposed to meet, and decide whether I could get my financial aid back. 

I didn't get a letter or an e-mail saying, 'Sorry, we've denied you and here's why'.  No, true to Parkland's form, I simply got this:

"Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2008 17:23:05 -0600
Subject: Appeal Denial Email

** High Priority **

If you are enrolled in classes and you wish to drop all of your classes for Spring 2008 and not be charged for those classes, you MUST print off and present this Financial Aid Appeals Denial email at the Admissions' Front Counter no later than Wednesday, January 30, 2008.

If you do NOT drop your classes, you will be responsible for tuition and fee charges.

If you have any questions, please contact your Office of Financial Aid at 217-351-2222."

Ignoring the absolute rudeness of this e-mail, I replied with:

"Hi.

I would like to drop all my classes. Without financial aid, I cannot pay for them. However, as I'm currently in California, it would be impossible for me to deliver a copy of the e-mail in person. I could mail it off, but it wouldn't go out until tomorrow, and it certainly wouldn't get there by the 30th.

Any suggestions?

Jessica Gasparini"

Thankfully, the woman wrote me back today to say that she had dropped my courses for me, and that I did not owe Parkland any money.

This denial is not a surprise, in any way.  I had such admiration for Parkland when I first started in 2004.  And I've had the privilege of learning from some spectacular instructors.   Now however, I abhor the school  All the things they've put me through, and all the bullshit I've endured - makes me immensely relieved to be DONE with them.  And I am.  My time at Parkland is over.  

In a way I'm grateful this happened.  I've needed a break from school for a very long time now.  I'd been going year 'round, with no summer break, since 2004 - and I was far past my burn out limit.  Now, I have the much needed break, and it's not like I'm going to give up on school at all.  I've already been admitted to San Jose State University, and will begin classes there in the Fall of this year.  IN the meantime, Rick is helping me with my phone and credit card bills. I am looking for a part time job, but by Rick's own admission, it'll be nigh on impossible to find one. 

So I'm doing the very best that I can at the moment.  No, I don't have any money to spend on myself, but that's unimportant in the larger context of knowing that Rick loves me enough to help me through.  And if/when there are things I truly want, he gets them for me.  As an example - he bought me a new set of dice a couple of weeks ago, because they were pretty and a metallic cobalty colour, and I've been wanting to add to my dice collection.  (We play AD&D on Saturdays.  Yes, we're proud to be geeky.)  In the next couple of weeks, he's going to get me supplies and stuff to start to teach myself how to knit, because I've wanted to learn for awhile, and because there is a pair of adorable Dalek socks he wants me to knit for him.  Therefore given all these givens - I'm not doing badly. IN fact, he's even found a way for us to go to our Cabin in the Redwoods in February, for our special Anniversary vacation.  If he didn't love me, why would he do these things?

For now then, I am simply a homemaker.  I'm taking an enforced Sabbatical from schooling.  And I'm really ok with that.

In an hour I'm going to drag to large baskets f laundry to the laundry mat, since the machines here suck balls.  Tonight I'll make him a nummy hot dinner.  I think I've accepted and embraced the fact that I've become deeply domestic.  I'm ok with that, too.

Socks.  Dalek socks.

http://web.utanet.at/hallerc4/dasock.htm

'Nuff said.

Sometimes it takes a movie like 'Gone with the Wind' to give you a little perspective.

So, I'm still here. Things, while really tight financially, aren't half as dire as I thought they'd be.

Jon, Laura, J - thank you for your comments. I do appreciate them. Jon, you're comment about let's do talk about the shitty times really opened my eyes and made me think. Also made me realize how much I miss talking to you and spending time with you. You've been a better friend to me than most, and I love you for it.

Yes, things are tight financially. We're still recovering from Christmas bills, so Rick's paying my bills on top of that are leaving us running very lean. But we're getting by. We're not getting into the hole. We may still be able to take our Anniversary vacation up into the Redwood Forests. And my mom is going to help, too. I told her I wanted money for my birthday, (After finally telling her what had happened), and she's going to help. It won't cover it all, but it'll help.

In the aftermath of that blow that Parkland dealt me, I raced to get a million other things done. Among them was to apply for some county jobs, and to apply to San Jose State, which is where I'd always intended on transferring to. The results of this are that I've been invited to the next phase in hiring for a position as a Library page (And how I'd love to work at a library), and I've been admitted to San Jose State for the Fall 2008 semester. So no matter what happens, I'll be going back to school in the fall. This library position is only part time, but it would be income, it would be doing something I love, and it would keep me from going stir crazy here in the house. We'll see how it goes. There's no guarantee I'll get the job, but I'm keeping my fingers cautiously crossed.

In other news, I'm sick. Again. The week before Christmas I got horribly sick. In the space of two hours I went from feeling fine to not being able to sit up I was so congested and dizzy and miserable. Thus proceeded a week of bemoaning my own existence while staying perpetually dosed on Dayquil, Nyquil, Zicam, Vitamin C drops, Delsym and Ibuprofens. I was surprised because I hadn't gotten really terribly sick in a number of years. And it wasn't the flu, because I had a flu shot back in late October. Well I got better and that was that. Until 3 days ago. It started with a nagging earache that quickly became a screaming one with pain all the way down into my jaw and leaving me crying in bed because it hurt so bad. I was running a steady fever of 100. Yesterday I got in to see the doctor, and sure enough I have a raging ear infection! Now I'm on Neomicyn ear drops, Amoxycillin tablets, and Percocet because it hurts so bad. Getting this sick, this close together, is unheard of for me. I'm wondering if my immune system has taken a dive recently. If it has, the antibiotics will help beef it up a little. I'm going to keep an eye on it for a few months, see if I get sick again. If so, then I think it'll be time to ask the doctor if there isn't some underlying thing going on.

Our Leo is getting bigger and bigger. Sometime soon, maybe even this weekend, we're going to get some more pictures of him taken, which I'll post here.

I would like to continue this post, but I'm starting to feel poorly sitting up, so I'll stop for now.

So.

Parkland has suspended my financial aid. Their reason? I've supposed reached the cap of 96 total hours attempted that one can at a community college and not graduate with a degree. This includes all courses one has withdrawn from, or received an Incomplete for. I have a handful of W's that is detracted from my total, would put me very safely back UNDER the 96 hour cap.

However.

One has to appeal a decision of this sort. Classes begin January 14. The Appeals Committee meets January 25. I've already mailed in my appeal, with appropriate supporting documentation. According to the process, I can still attend class, and if my appeal is denied, then I'll be allowed to drop the courses without it appearing on my record. If the Appeal is granted, Financial Aid is immediately re-instated, and all is well with the world.

Except.

Parkland's new system of payments means that classes must be pre-paid for, or have some sort of payment arrangement set up. Without one of these two things, you will be dropped from all courses by Jan. 4. I can't pay for classes without my financial aid. Therefore, I will be automatically dropped from all classes before they begin. Thus, when the Appeals committee meets and looks at my case, their logic conclusion will be to deny my appeal, since I won't be registered for any classes at the time.

"But in Battalions..."

Meanwhile, I make haste to see if I can squeeze into the Spring semester at San Jose State - only to find out that the deadline to apply for spring semester there closed on December 1. Not only that, but they don't have incoming students for the summer sessions, either. The earliest I can start there, would be the fall of 2008. I have a GPA of 3.78. I'm not worried about not being admitted. In fact I have already started the process and am awaiting a copy of my transcript to be sent to them. After that, I'll re-do my FAFSA on Jan. 1, and will be good to go to the next step of that process.


Kill me one more time.

As of now I have 58 dollars in my checking account and ZERO income for the foreseeable future. I have already applied to several jobs, but according to Rick, chances are one in a million to find any work within six months. So I'm destitute. Tomorrow I'll find someplace to buy back all my old textbooks. Or as many as I can sell off. After that, I'll start on the DVD collection. Then the books. Then the clothes. My failure to produce at least some income has resulted in our having to cancel our Anniversary vacation to the Redwood forests. Rick speaks very practically and pragmatically about it, saying he'll cover my expenses - phone bill and credit card bills, until I either get a job, or get back in school. He consoles me and tells me we've been through worse and that we'll get through this. And I try not to cry myself to sleep and wonder how much anger he's hiding.

I contemplate leaving. Just going, leaving everything behind for him to sell and get what he can, and just disappearing. I think of how it would be better for him, would make things easier for him, to not have some free-loading monstrosity hanging onto him. I've begun to think about leaving in another way, too. That way's harder, and harsher, and I don't have the materials yet.

I haven't told anyone besides Rick. I wouldn't know how. And anyone hearing it would just think I was digging for money. I write it here because I need to get it out of me, even if only for an hour or so. I've had Mozart's Requiem on repeat. Seems fitting - Wolfie's Death Mass presiding over me as I slowly choke on my self made desperation.

That's all I have to say, really. We never talk about the good times, do we?

What is the collective name for a group of cats?

A. Sleuth
B. Murder
C. Gang
D. Clowder

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scroll Down....................

YOUR TRIVIA TIDBIT ANSWER:

D. Clowder

TT: The other answers are collective names as well. You have a sleuth of bears, a murder of crows, and a gang of elks.

Just to let everyone know - Rick and I are NOWHERE near the wildfires. We're up in the Bay area, which is easily 6 hours North of the fires. So no need for anyone to worry.

Now then. I've done dishes, swept the kitchen, scooped out the kitty's litter box, and crushed several dozen cans. I'm going to eat some lunch, and then I'm going to start the day's homework.

Somebody remind me to make a real post soon, please.

Leo 1	Leo 2 He loves this toy. He'll chase it all day, and try to take it back to his hidey hole.
Leo 3 See that big bushy tail!	Leo 4 He's got the most lovely facial markings.
Leo 5 Yes, he was on the table, checking out the kitchen.	Leo 6 And then I called his name and he turned to look at me... his eyes are a vibrant golden colour.
Leo 7 Loungin' on the table, lookin' at stuff.

I'd bring My Lover, of course.  And we'd go to Scotland. Wouldn't need the return ticket, though, because once home, I won't ever leave it again.

In June, some new people moved into the apartment next door. And they were a lovely Asian family, Ivan, his wife Crystal, and their 2.5 year old son, Ben. We chatted quite often, and I'd spend time with Ben - I taught him how to say 'No' in English, hee hee. I really liked them. I thought Crystal was somewhat traditional, as she never rode in the passenger seat, and was very quiet most of the time she usually deferred to Ivan on things. Ivan's English was better, but I thought he had this romanticized view of American culture, and didn't quite understand that people didn't just have money to throw around at any old thing.

Except... little things he would say here and there (And he LOVED to talk)sat oddly with me, though I could never quite put my finger on it. He spoke of getting his license suspended for speeding, and the cops stealing a gold plated 45(Pistol) and a laptop he had. He said he'd been the victim of Identity theft, but he and the fam spent 10,000 in cash on a trip to Hawaii. He said he'd owned or did own a couple of businesses that were... not working because of something with taxes and as a result he'd had a BMW and his Honda Element taken away. When these little details starting nagging me, I told myself that it was surely a communications barrier, both between him and the IRS, and myself and him in trying to tell me these things. They were such nice, outgoing people though, and little Ben was so adorable.

2 Months ago, at about 9:30 in the morning, I was sitting here, in the kitchen, on this laptop, doing - you guessed it - homework. (I take summer classes as well.) I hear banging on the door next door. I wonder who would want to speak to Ivan so early, since he'd previously told me he slept til noon or later. Then I hear it: "POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR NOW OR WE'LL BREAK IT DOWN!" My exact thought was, 'What the shit?'

For some inexplicable reason, the Police, with a full SWAT team, are raiding Ivan and Crystal's! I couldn't comprehend it! I immediately opened the kitchen window, the better to eavesdrop, and frequently went out onto my porch over the course of the next 5 hours, to try and figure out what was going on. The Police, having gained entrance to the place via a sleepy and surprised Ivan, conducted a top to bottom search warrant, taking out several brown bags of evidence. During this time, they had Ivan in cuffs, sitting on the porch of his apartment. I could hear him laughing and joking and chatting with the cops. They even uncuffed him his hands, then recuffed them in front of him so he could smoke a cigarette. From time to time I heard little Ben, always saying, 'No, no!'. This made the cops chuckle. At one point, towards the end of this 5 hours, an officer came to my door, asking to borrow a screwdriver. I hustled to get him one. After a time they brought the screwdriver back to me, and then moved some large piece of furniture into a truck, loaded Ivan into the back of a squad car, and off they went.

The next day, I saw Ivan on the porch. After a similar WTF moment, I went over to talk to him. Apparently, he was being charged with 6 felony counts, including business burglary, credit card fraud, and... identity theft. All of a sudden, those odd little things in the back of my head flared into full blown red alerts.

Over the next 2 months, I kept talking to Ivan, getting more and more bits of information, and realizing more and more that the information I had was incriminating, and needed to be relayed to the Police. I just didn't know who, or how.

Fast forward to last week. Ivan and Crystal are moving out. Ivan has told me he storing all their stuff, along with his wife and child, at his parents house in pacifica, and then he's going to go back to China for awhile, because according to him, 'The most dangerous place is the safest place'. But he'd told the landlady he was going to keep the apartment, and in the meantime, he'd rent it out to someone for 200 over the stated rent. His plan? To rent it out by posting a fake craigslist listing for it, under the name of Mike. He posed as 'Mike', the property manager, and showed the apartment to at least 2 people. Had someone taken the apartment, he was going to have them make rent payments to Crystal, and she would turn over the real amount to the real landlady, and pocket the extra 200 a month. He had even printed up fake rental applications! He wanted the place rented out by Sat., the 15th, since that's when he was going to be leaving for Asia. This was a week ago.

The next morning, Friday, the 14th, I spent at the POlice station, giving all these bits and pieces of information I'd garnered over the past few months to the officer who was originally in charge at the time they raided his place. (Please keep in mind, there are A LOT of details I'm NOT including, both for brevity and because it's possible I'm not supposed be talking about it, though no one's told me that outright.) No sooner had I gotten home from the Police station when a get a phone call from a detective in another county, at first just wondering if I ever talked to my neighbor, if I knew anything about him. When I said to him, 'This is about Ivan, isn't it', he dropped his pretense and replied, 'Then you know he's a suspect, right?'.

Thus proceeds another 2 hours on the phone with this detective, who that day had a warrant or 4 come down the pipe for ... can you guess?... credit card fraud and identity theft! After telling him everything I knew, and giving him the contact information for the Sgt. I'd just spent the morning talking to - I hoped that was it.

Apparently, Murphy thought differently. The weekend passed quietly enough. No sign of Ivan or Crystal, though once burned in a scam, I didn't think he'd show back up. I planned to call the Sgt. on Monday to see if they'd caught Ivan, kept him from fleeing the country. ON Monday, I left a message with the Sgt, knowing he was out of his office until today. On Tuesday, round 5 pm, as I was getting dinner ready - a knock comes at my door. The XD was upstairs in the bedroom where we keep it, so I grabbed the cutting knife from the block and approached the door cautiously. We have no peepholes in our door. I didn't know who could be out there, and with the Ivan thing - I was wary.

Lo and behold, it's yet ANOTHER Officer - from ANOTHER county - looking for Ivan. SO I tell him everything that's going on. I give him the names and number of the two officers I'd already spoken with. More identity theft and credit card fraud charges, as well as missing a court appearance, meaning he had just renegged on the 70,000 bail he'd plunked down to get out of jail when they raided the place and arrested him.

Today, just before I started this, I got a call from the Sgt. I'd originally spoken to. Yet more charges coming down the pipe for Ivan. Had I seen him or Crystal? Not hide nor hair, but I guess this means you didn't catch him, eh? No, we still haven't gotten him, but keep in mind he's not violent, and if you do see him, or he does come by, call us and we'll be there in minutes. Oh I know Sgt. Don't worry, if eh shows up I'll invite him in, then ask him to hold on while I call my mother real quick since I'd been about to when he showed up. Very good plan, Miss. We really appreciate all the information you've given us. I just hope you catch him. We're trying our hardest.

I have to say, I finally understand how all those people on TV and news stories can say, 'But he seemed like such a nice guy!'. Maybe Ivan is a nice guy. But he's also a thief, and a large scale scammer. You know at one point he was telling me that for the right price, you can contact the right people at immigration and get a new ID, new green card, new passports, even new driver's license and prints!

I feel like I've been suckered, and in a way I have, we all were, even the real landlady, who said he'd used a completely different ID when he'd applied for the apartment. But most of all I feel sorry for little Ben. I got quite attached to that little guy, and it saddens me to think of what might happen to him because of all of this.

Oh yes, and we're getting a kitty! He won't be with us until after the first of October, but I'll post pictures soon as we have him!

Well, I've been living in  CA for over a year now.

I know it's far past time for a regular update.  Soon...

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If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

- I would change my name to Seasaidh Aeron Fraser.  Seasaidh is the Gaelic form of Jessica, and Fraser is my clan's name. The Aeron part pertains to someone I know intimately. Well, someone I knew. She died about a year ago.  She always blazed her own trails and showed me what the strong side of myself could be like. 

So, there's only 12 in the whole world. And one was just 15 minutes from us.  Now, keep in mind I've never seen the Simpsons, so I went mostly for the Pop Culture in Action value. But Rick  and  I went to it, and saw the stuff.  We got some Krusty O's cereal and a case of Buzz Cola, some other little movie type thingies.

There were people who'd been in line since 7:30 that morning, waiting for the delivery truck so they could get their Simpsons stuff.  Pop Culture in action, yo.  How Sad, that we place so much value on a damn animated TV show.