I had forgotten that driving myself places, aside from independence, means I can listen to music REALLY loudly, in the car alone. It is a goodness.

accidentally forgetting to close my sunroof weds night makes for a Very Wet car & seats. heh. oops!

Ok, going to disappear until I pass in my final exam, which becomes available to me in about 15 minutes, and is due at 5 on Tuesday. La!

Glad I gave my brain a break for a few days. :) I no longer feel like even things I know I understood make absolutely no sense!

I will have a weighted blanket in ~2.5 weeks. From here. Yay!

Dear self:
if you are severely overwhelmed, you should _really_ remember to make use of the rum you keep around _for precisely this reason_. when all your senses are overwhelmed, it helps to dull them & let you focus better (and therefore relax & eventually sleep better).
really, don't forget your medicinal rm. seriously!
also, with the getting a damn lightweight weighted blanket/sheet thing. like, tomorrow. buh. should help you sleep better, oh autistic one. :)

I can has fishies.

-hands that can handle driving to work & back, & petting people & kitties, & class, & silly games
-knowing who australian_joe _is_, again.
-silly/sweet/cute movies like Juno
-showers
-air conditioning so my attic apartment doesn't prevent sleeping (and anything involving touching other people) all summer.
-metahacker
-psinging, for people I love, for singing with others
-my arms being noticeably stronger to external comparisons

but now, sleep. hopefully.

Spinning.
Climbing things.
Birds in flight.
Music.
Swings.
Nature shows, with as little narration as possible.
Trees.
Aquatic environments.
Being squished.
Tight spaces.
Touch.
People, specifically and generally.
Wind so strong it might help me fly.
Stars.
The sound of wind through trees.
Ohm chanting.
Tibetan singing bowls.
Bells.
Chimes.
Touch.
Scent of recently cut grass.
Scent in general.
Diving into waves.
Swimming.
The silence and weight of lying at the bottom of a pool.
Being high in a tree, looking at everything around me.
Newness with underlying stability/certainty/home.
That moment of interacting with an animal which decides that maybe, just maybe, I'm ok.
Being trusted.
Those fleeting moments when I am graceful.
Grace in other people.
Purring kitty under my hand.
Startling people into smiling or outright laughter.
Knowing people I love are thinking of me.
Open, honest vulnerability.
Finding out why.

Y'know, if I had to pick a weekend to have a stomach bug, this would have been it. Very few committments.

And I'm really glad that my body doesn't tend to have serious digestive ailments. Because otherwise the fact that I largely do not throw up would really, really suck.

But I would like to stop with the touchy digestion soon, please. And stop being so _tired_, and needing to drink improvised gatorade.

Oddly, I have focus, so could (until a minute ago when my brain said I was Done) actually get homework stuff done. Apparently, though, I'm leaving my reading about use of CRAN-R for some other time. And napping now.

*stares at instruction for CRAN-R*

Head... hurts...

A poll regarding harassment of women, via asim. No words, I stole & rearranged his. :)

Ok, possibly tummy behaving. another attempt at sleep! Homework done pending non-late-night review. Then... the reading for next week!

In the list of things that I do not like...

still being awake when exhausted at 8, and having taken pills at 9:30, simply because my digestion is not entirely convinced of the wisdom of having had dinner (and really wishing I were able to just throw up already) definitely fills that category.

I suppose at least I am no longer trying to sleep, and am getting homework done instead... so that when I _do_ sleep, I have less to worry about after I get up. But since I tend to sleep poorly if later than normal, I'm not convinced that this is a benefit. But at least I'm not in bed being frustrated about not sleeping!

I really, really want a thing which will open all links (specifically, bugs, but it matters not) in a (bugzilla, metrics, etc) lists in tabs for me. Or let me highlight a list of links and open them in tabs.

Goddamn clicking on links! Makes sad wrists...

[edit: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/425 will do what I want. Yay, volta!]

There is a cupboard full of games in our cafeteria!

I know because I happened to notice a label saying 'games' while filing my water bottle, said "Seriously?", opened it, and yes, seriously! Checkers & Chess & magnet things & building things!

Now I want magnet toys, again (I nearly always do, when I remember, and my hands might actually make it not a stupid idea now!). Magnetix!

Driving to work was not bad, once I remembered to relax. So driving home should be fine, and I _should_ be able to try driving to and from work one day a week again! *hopeful*

It is, however, perhaps not the wisest choice of music to play "Long Way", by Antje Duvekot (from Little Peppermints) on the way to work, when I'm already filled with wanderlust. :) (but I still appreciate the recommendation, metahacker!)

You can tell that I'm getting overwhelmed when:

My brain _refuses_ to let me take in new information, or even information that I think I may have understood the first time. Poor brain. At least this is the last homework set, and I can work on comprehension without a time limit immediately upcoming!

Details are getting lost. I'm very detail oriented, details getting lost is a _bad_ sign.

My brain said that I was Done with work yesterday, including some digestive discomfort to make sure that I got the point and did not do homework (as I'd done with all my free time for the last few days). Stopping working and concentrating on relaxing was good, though.

On the plus side, it's _not_ my wrists making me stop (not true the last time I took a class!). So hopefully I can actually drive myself to work and back, sanely, tomorrow!

Not really sure what I can do to give my brain the break it clearly needs. At least I'm not so utterly confused with my homework as I was Monday night, though! (book, not really helping. Managing to figure out how to ask useful questions of the professor, though, helping)

So. Tired. And warm!

Least I have a massage tonight!

dear worker's comp,

do you _really_ need to make me fight you to pay a charge from 2 years ago? seriously, why? have you not been paying anyone else? didn't you have enough of a fight with me when this first happened? I may be doing homework in every spare moment this week, but i'm _still_ far more functional than the last time we went through this...

fuckers.

"Spider pig, Spider pig, does the things the Spider Pig does..."

(blame my co-worker)

I can has cookie!

I really, really, really wish that statistics professors and textbooks would _pick a damn symbol and stick with it_!

This is as bad as the math proof class I took as a CS undergrad. Stop skipping stops, stop explaining tho parts that are _not_ confusing, and stop putting in random irrelevancies to try to amuse us. Not amused when your attempts at wit only serve to derail my train of thought! Seriously!

Graa. At least I had a good intentional (and based on the number of stupid mistakes in homework & exam, _needed_) break from my stats class for the weekend! Good weekend, it was. Muchly so!

*back to decyphering her class textbook & professor's notes*

I clearly think that 'to meeting' should be a verb. But it is not clear if this is just because 'meetinging' is fun to say/type.

Also, I'm eating peanuts with a spoon. Because I'm hungry, and because I don't want to cover my fingers with peanut dust & honey, while trying to work. But spoon peanuts!

Finally, it makes me _much_ too happy to have been able to find homes for packing peanuts & bubblewrap last night, 'cause I hate throwing them away. Mmm. Freecycle.

with all this rain, who is having a drought?

Every time I'm on a train (commuter rail, not subway), I have the urge to stay on to see where it goes.

What this _really_ is is that I want to just _go_ somewhere, anywhere. And trains seem like a good way to do it. But not local trains, I would need to go on a long distance train. But I don't know, for example, where the furthest I could go from any random station would be.

I know it'd be further from South Station than pretty much any other Boston station. But where could I get from Woburn? I don't think this would be easy to answer, since there are many train companies and owners. But I want to know!

If I got on a train tomorrow, from South Station, or from Woburn or Littleton, how for could I go without changing trains? I know the ends of the lines in the MTBA system. That's not as interesting (although still periodically tempting, if it weren't that ends of lines tend to not have much near them).

I could check Amtrak, but even that is confusing, and not necessarily the only option.

I have never been able to find an overarching 'I'm here, what public transit - local _and_ long distance - is nearby, and where can I go?' resource.

Give me big picture views, people! I know you're different companies, but... it would be _so nice_.

(why do I not have a travel icon?!)

Because it's _funny_, that's why!

http://the-xtina.livejournal.com/990587.html - aol speak evil!

Busy and sleepy, but link of tasty goodness!

http://community.livejournal.com/readers_list/122185.html

I am finding myself wondering how I would describe myself. Not what I do, although sometimes that is relevent. Not what I would like to be, or have been.

( Let me give this a shot )

Hail & thunder & lightning & torrential downpours, oh my!

to me, the sun is saying "i'm warm, curl up like a kitty cat and nap in me!"
sadly, I must refuse. but nice out for lunch purposes, if not nap purposes!

Pouring rain & lightning & thunder! *glee*

New Zealand also said that Australia had given him possums, which was incredibly rude and completely beside the point even if it was true. - silly fic!

Apparently ENOBRAIN needs explanations...

http://caml.inria.fr/pub/docs/manual-ocaml/libref/Unix.html

UNIX error codes! Modified by me. :)

I keep having an ENOBRAIN error. This makes getting things done difficult!

It's beautiful out, though. And I have a way shorter commute after work than I feared.

It's moderately amusing having had anyone ever ask me 'what people do' (in a specific situation). I seem to recall I commented that I have no idea what 'people' do, but that I can try to explain what _I_ do, inasmuch as ever having specific ideas of what I will or will not do has much useful effect beyond expanding my concept of possibilities (this is why there are _guidelines_, not rules, in my world). (cultural norms? You think I know those? Ha! :)

So. Tired.

But much less absurdly warm at home, as of last night.

Not eating cravings food is not because I am not allowing myself, it's because timing/hunger levels when availability/available amounts/energy levels have been conspiring against me. I'm not one who tends not to eat things if I want them. (or do things, for that matter)

ENOBRAIN!

Back to testing something _not urgent_ for the first time in at least two weeks. Sheesh.

*ignores pending urgent things that have not yet landed*

Mmm. Weekend soon. And my wrists are thinking about letting me possibly consider strength work while doing class things, even with crazy work. Miraculous! Massage last night helped, even if I was falling asleep during it.

I really want indian rice pudding or creme brule.

I have for... at least a week now. I have no idea what to do with this, since I don't tend to get food cravings. Although when I do, they tend to be sweet.

WARM!

Hungry. Not much food. Food exists that was made earlier and is nourishing, but requires heating. Could go outside to get food, but costs more, and have to dress like a normal human in this absurd humidity.

Brain hurts. Wording things is not working so well, nor is comprehending the wording of things (especially if, as with my class, I understand most of it intuitively). This makes my desire to talk to the prof in his (online, chat) office hours about some of the questions he has posted collide horribly with the fact that I'm having trouble wording or parsing words. I suspect I understand it, but not the words he is using. But am not certain.

So. Tired. Of. Showering.

Gaming Saturday!

Need to try to get ahead in class stuff (reading/highlighting), but my brain hurts too much to use my available time tonight. May at least try a first pass with a highlighter, and do a second more intensive pass later. Homework for this week is done and passed in, though! And my professor made my day by giving me access to next week's stuff, since I shall be less able to work on class stuff next end-of-week and weekend.

Also need to take a break that does not involve my wrists. Not _sleepy_, brain fried and hungry. And too warm to go anywhere. Meh. Stupid attic apartment. Good metahacker for aiding in my endevour of not melting by installing air conditioners that my wrists will not let me install. Still warm, but less so. (mid 80s, rather than mid 90s) And yet, my wrists/hands are cold. Stupid crazy circulation/weird reactions to sweat!

No tags, too much brain needed. I flee now! Computer off!

Interesting things to remember...

People interactions get exponential very quickly. Tis is not bad, but it is time consuming. When I had no local sweeties, I had a lot more time for maintaining friends relationships. Also, driving is problematic, again.

Because... taking a class is _time-consuming_, if fun, and another step toward future plans, and wrist-usage (esp that first partial week!).

It's funny seeing my trouble with word problems and putting theoretical knowledge into practice illustrated so vividly. My problem with math stats in not the math (not at all), it's knowing what to use, when, and why. Give me the reasons and pattern and big picture, because in all likelihood, I will not figure it out.

But I think the prof has figured it out (or we're just getting out of the definitions), because this week hurts my brain much less. Good thing, because my wrists were hating me, since I was also not sleeping.

And this weekend was good, if really warm. And even if I did take until last night to figure out sleep evils.

Ok, self. allergy meds stopped handling headaches a week ago. what do you first need to check for multi-day headaches when you aren't sleeping? that they are happening because you're sleeping poorly, oh and the last time you slept poorly for a week much like this? because you were taking migraine meds (which have caffeine!) in order to deal with the not-enough-sleep-related migraines you were getting.

these allergy meds may not have pseudoephedrine, but what do you want to bet they are uppers, and you've been taking them at night? stop that! and go take another ativan to counteract the upper! also, try a migraine med in the morning; you _know_ your migraines act like allergies/sinus things...

bah. well, at least I (probably) figured it out, but after an allergy med this evening.

stupid easily cyclic sleep problems. no wonder you're especially incoherent and achy today!

*is a very busy puddle of sweaty goo*

Warm and humid, yeesh. Darn attic apartment!

Why in the world is the Simpsons' "See My Vest" in my head?

So. Odd.

My boss is thrilled with my productivity, and I'm still frustrated by my wrists limiting what I can do. Admittedly much less so than a year ago, but... still.

Of course, this _is_ my... 5th boss in nearly 5 years at the same company (with changing what I was doing dramatically somewhere in there, and being a float for a bit in there, too). And he's only recently my boss, so has no baseline. But still. Always weird to find that disconnect between what I think I should be doing and others' impressions of me.

On the plus side, as long as I continue to improve my wrists, I cannot help but be impressive! :)

While a massively long one at 4200 words, this post covers in detail the mastery of your emotions – how to face insecurity, sadness, fear, doubt, anger, and all the other emotions. It will also cover how to purge the built up energies, and the most common forms of repression and denial. Imagine mastering your negative emotions, ranging from insecurity and doubt to rage, ever again!, from http://www.urbanmonk.net/

[edit: read the next three in the series, too! edit: Which are not easy to find! So: Two, Three, Four]

Lowell, MA Summer of music - among other things, Indigo Girls, Arlo Guthrie, and Lowell Folk Festival.

I'm actually having what appear to be allergies this spring.

Astounding!

And, when I forget to take something, headachy and confusing (because headaches, with hunger, tend to mean that my blood sugar is absurdly low and I Need Food Now).

_Busy_ first week of class. Damn! Also, busy work. Yeep!

(Ignore the time and date-stamp! Going to bed after this!)

Taking an online class from tomorrow through beginning of Aug; unclear how much this will reduce my online presence, and driving availability, as I will need to pull points from _somewhere_, and those are most possible places to pull from. Hopefully I am better enough that it will be about time, not wrist overuse concerns.

On the promising front, I went to two BBQs today under my own power. :) _And_, I'm managing to take my normal anti-depressant break (as I could not last summer, due to stress from wrists and the cascading effects thereof). Currently every other day; stopping for the summer next Sat.

Now, I really want a Bengal.

Also, people on the road today are _impressively_ dumb, and dangerous.

We are not invisible, DON'T HIT US!

do goslings have pocketses?