last night i woke up feeling there's something missing...
after 17 years, only now have i realized What if you are still here...things would have been better.
then i wouldn't have to break my back caring for others...and none left for me. I'm tired.
I feel terribly sad and helpless with no one to draw strength from.

I miss you Pa...

tired

I agree with T. when we were talking yesterday while waiting for our masseuse to attend to us for some awesome Swedish massage somewhere in Makati. She said, "We, born under the sign of Taurus are such drama queens and kings" Damn it, yes, we love drama, we seek inspiration by fucking our lives up. feeling everything, taking them all in...this is what made me visit this blog now. 

I'm a bit tipsy from 2 bottles i just had with my officemates...yeah, i get knocked out real fast, i hate the taste of beer. I told Abs this will be the last day i'll bother with that one guy who stabbed me in the heart (again). that's how life is. and now i'm listening to EMO rock again. arrrgh. Side comment from Zoe: "lakas talaga ng appeal mo sa foreigners chong, sinusundan ka ng tingin oh..." There are British men hanging out on place...haay...(tigilan na ko pakiusap, in English...stop me.) 

I'm addicted to the US tv series "the L word". I hate these self actualization moments...i'm doubting myself. i'm curious, i want to try it. I asked Tian and he said "No don't, it's hard to go back." My whole life i had 3 great big crushes on 3 amazing girls...of course i can't tell you who. but yeah, i want to date them and kiss them. that would be really nice.

So i said my goodbyes, since this will be the last day i will sulk in this feeling of being stupid (no matter how many times, we don't get tired, yeah it's part of it)...I sent him my last email. 

drunk

Blair: I'mjust...

Bush: You're leaving?

Blair: No, not yet.

Bush: You see, the thing is what they need to do is to get Syria, to get Hezbollah to stop doing this s**t and it's over.

Blair: Yeah.

Bush: We are not blaming the Lebanese government.

they talked and talked and then Blair looks at the mic...

Blair: Is this...? [Blair taps the microphone and the sound is cut.]

BWAHAHAHAHA!

cold

*last semester is on! the last 21 units and buhbye to college! i hate going to school if it's raining like hell. broke my umbrella, good thing, the ever handsome robin gave me a ride yesterday and let me use his umbrella which i forgot to bring with me to work this morning because i woke up late for the nth time. i could feel exhaustion closing in on me, my schedule is unbelievable.

*i'm eating like a fat slob...it's meat, cheese, grease, fat fat fat, nice tummy's gone! It will take months to burn it i know, but i love to eat! I miss veggies, home cooked meals, i miss stews and soups. And i have this extreme craving for california maki. Shawarma is the food to be every break time, love the garlic sauce and hot sauce man and the beef oozing in fat! yum yum. Need to shop for groceries soon, i'm eating nothing but junk.

*paranoia over my tooth extraction has been making me restless over the last few days it even came to a point where I asked people around what the symptoms are. darn. i don't want lockjaws now! not now! ask me why worry about it? my high school classmate died of root canal, 1 week, no symptoms, just fever on the last day and then lockjaw and that's it. 

*i lost 2 thousand php because of a stupid ATM. I was debited but didn't get the money because it timed out! it will take forever to get it adjusted because of this and that, said the customer service on the phone. argh!

*and the sweet talker from korea. yeah i miss him a lot. my mind is buzzing with a million what if's right now. the fact is: i like him. the question is: what am i going to do about it? sooner or later reality will corner me: "What are you going to do about it?" this is a real test. i'll be damned if i go through the same sh!+ again.

*just me and my random thoughts...i missed this. feels good.

sleepy

it's been a while...

Last week was crazy.
*Got into a fight with my mother about my responsibilities daw as an ATE. I missed class and 2 exams because of this.

*A guy I see every once in a while confessed that he’s not straight. For crying out loud this is like the 3^rd or 4^th time and this has to stop! It’s cool to have a lot of not-so-straight male friends but crush-ing and liking one and getting into a relationship with one is one major decision I have to think over really hard. And now is not the time for such. *I’m still gaga over PM who plays the role of Dennis Trillo’s best friend in Etheria but now that he's on TV, my hopes were what, killed?yes, killed. He gets an average of 70 blog comments for every post on his LJ. So i guess he's already a star. sigh. Who knows, maybe we will still meet in Saguijo (if I still have the time to go out...argh), I don’t know.

I am starting to condition myself in the idea…”that maybe, just maybe, I am meant to be spinster for life.” Pucha parang bridget jones to ah…

So there it is, ladies and gents and not so ladies and not so gents.

Here are the 2 things that I’m sure of at this time:

Palawan trip – I already have the tickets. Yehey! March 18-24.

School – finish 21 units this semester, summer and another 21 units and then graduate! Dang it! Although I enjoy studying very very much, the schedule I have now is a killer and i have no plans of getting my name in the papers because i lost my sanity and i jumped off of the office building.

Part of our itinerary (naks itinerary…) is the visit to Palawan Underground River. Tobal is screaming like mad in the office when he bought the Palawan traveler’s guide and saw the picture of this cave because he’s scared to go boating on the river. I told him, “You know what, you are sure gonna kill us if I’m on the boat with you because you get kinda hyper when excited and afraid, you’ll throw us over the river and get eaten by crocodiles.” But im still going...no matter how scary green that river gets. hehehehe...

the AC is freezing my balls

What: bridal shower for an officemate
featuring Jordan, the male sexy dancer.

nawindang ako.nawindang kami ni aimee. nawindang kaming lahat.
siguradong matatawa ako pag narinig ko sa bus at jeep ang kantang never say goodbye ni bon jovi! ahahahahaha!

   Dec. 28-30: Watched World Pyro Olympics with friends...parang ganyan yung fireworks sa Esplanade, Bay City Central! Had to walk from Toyota Manila Bay all the way to SM Mall of Asia, but it was worth it!

Dec. 31: Sa dinami dami ng mapapaniginipan ko si Chester pa! There were three of us in my dream. Sobrang comedy coz we were talking about sex ata then when it was his turn, he suddenly cried, telling us that he's still a virgin!!! Yung iyak na seryoso tas humihikbi!Tas yumakap sa ken parang bata! Sabi nya: "Huhuhuhuh, virgin pa ko!!!" Tas talagang basang basa yung mukha nya ng luha hahahaha! Natatawa na ko but i'm trying not to, afraid that i might offend him. Anak ng kamoteng panaginip anlupit talaga! Isa sa mga pinakamasayang panaginip ko to!

Happy New Year everyone!

T. i lab yu pare...let's camwhore ourselves at Baywalk one of these days.

happy

su·i·cide   (s-sd)
The act or an instance of intentionally killing oneself.

Example:
5am-6am              Get ready for work
6am-3pm              Work - and i mean, LOTS of work
3pm-4pm              Short break
4pm-5:15pm       Commute to school
5:15-9:15pm      Attend class
9:15-10:00pm    Commute home
10:00pm-5am     Sleep

*Schedule from mondays to fridays, saturdays have classes from 1pm-6pm, sundays work from 6am-3pm. (Special message to my ex-boss aka borj: I would loooovvee to trade this sick life with yours...heheheh.) T: penge stresstabs. And oh, I love my Labor Legislations professor, he enjoys torturing us by having us memorize Book III and V of Labor Code of the Philippines. Ang saya.

stressed

Comes the dawn
After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn...with every goodbye you learn.

--- Virginia Shopstall

taken from the person's blog whom i stalk and i love (hehe).
Current read: The curious incident of the dog in the nighttime
Just seen: Finding neverland. hooh johnny depp...i can love you forever..lalalalala.

sleepy

tagged by alilaytin  [salamat po! =) ]

Write 20 Random Facts About Yourself, Then Tag The Same Number Of People As Minutes It Takes You To Write The Facts. If You're Tagged, It's Your Turn.

1.  I have a 5-6'' slit in my throat.
2.  I want to be a photographer but all i have is a sorry camera.
3.  I speak 5 languages.
4.  I want to learn to play the piano.
5.  I have a crush on P.M. who appeared in Paramita's video.
6.  I love Greece.
7.  I am eyeing someone in the office - Spongecola's vocalist lookalike.
8.  The sneezing sound that people do when they have colds is irritating me.
9.  I feel that all the friendster updates, changes in page layout etc. is getting sicker and sicker and needs to be stopped.
10. Whew! naka-10 na ko! I miss my short hair.
11. I chanced upon this funny sick blog just now: http://www.cofibean.blogspot.com
12. I see dead people.
13. I dig Sarah McLachlan.
14. And rachael yamagata too..And vienna teng...And damien rice...
15. I climbed Mt. Apo.
16. I consume 3-5 cups of coffee a day.
17.  I am a workaholic.
18.  I can't cook.
19. Everything here may be false.
20. I don't know who to tag.

frustrated

sa mga nagtext, tumawag, dumalaw at nag-alala, salamat ng maraming marami. wala munang Redbox, beer, puyatan at biritan. magbulungan muna tayo...at mag-antay na maghilom ang 6 na pulgadang laslas sa leeg ko. i love you all.

okay

This is it!

no turning back. kaya ko 'to.

anxious

nakawala na naman kami! bitiwan na lahat wag lang ang bote!

( the senglots )



Mood: lazy
Music: 311 love song