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Fear Jul. 11th, 2008 @ 07:35 am
I have what I like to think as a very rational fear of heights. I'm usually only afraid when there's a real danger of falling. Usually.

For example, I love to look out the windows of airplanes. I feel safe. I also love standing in skyscrapers and peering down at the streets below. In the Tokyo Tower, there was a section where they put in thick piece of glass that you could stand on and look straight down through the floor. It was fun watching adults be to terrified to go near the "invisible" floor but I didn't feel any fear standing on it and looking down.

Yes, I'm only usually only afraid of heights if there's a chance I'll fall. Stepladders bug me -- the taller the worse my fear is. One of those mini-ladders with three steps gives me pause. I'm shaky on six foot ladders. Anything over eight, and I have a death grip on the sides.

The ironic thing is that the fear grew as I got older and wiser and spent an unusual amount of time in positions where I could fall. My dad was a contractor that did siding, awnings and roofs. From twelve until I was twenty, every summer I would be up flimsy extension ladders or on steep pitched roofs. There's nothing like being on a third story roof and the fine grit from the shingles acting like marbles under your feet, making you slide toward the edge with nothing to grab to stop your fall....

Yup, I earned my fear.

Since its very rational, normally I don't let it bother me. The other day, however, it reared a very irrational head.

I'd gone back to Pittsburgh to visit my mom before her surgery. On the last night in town, my parents were committed to something, and I was free to meet with friends. Making a date with the House of Mews, I headed out to Monroeville. Turns out that the bridge over the Allegheny River at Oakmont was under construction.

Normally when you're on the turnpike and hit this bridge, you come up over this hill and as you come down into the river valley, you see a wonderful vista of the bridge which is like a half mile long towering several hundred feet over the Allegheny river. Normally I cross over it just thinking "wow, what a pretty bridge."

This time, I came over the hilltop and saw that my lanes were detoured onto the other deck and my side of the road ended abruptly at the edge of the valley. All that was left of the eastbound lanes were the tall support columns, sticking up like massive stone trees out of the valley. My heart lept into my throat and I was TERRIFIED. Shaking, I drove cautiously down the detour lane. I couldn't even look at bridge piers. They had the same intense fear that a monstrous face at a second story window would generate.

At sixty miles per hour, it only took a minute to cross the river and climb the hill beyond and be past all signs of construction. In a minute, all my fear was gone. The incident, though, left a mark.

Last night I had a chilling nightmare about having to drive on bridges under construction. When I woke up, I was so disquieted that I got out of bed and found something else to do... like post on my livejournal...

Update on dream Jun. 24th, 2008 @ 11:20 am
Apparently I can read my half-asleep writing while half-asleep. I realized that the unreadable word is "video game" not "underground."

Unfortunately, I still have not a clue.

What was that again? Jun. 23rd, 2008 @ 11:20 am
I had a cool dream last night. I remember waking up and think "Wow, that was cool" and going into the bathroom to pee and write down my dream. I was sure that just a few words would call up the memory of the dream.

This morning, I read the notepad.

Fairyland.
Stick (unreadable--perhaps underground)
Dinosaur
BOOM! Splat.

I have NO idea what I dreamed. Those words do nothing for me. Sigh. Oh well, it probably wasn't as cool as I thought it was in the middle of the night.

Things that make you go ARGH May. 23rd, 2008 @ 06:28 am
I'm about to speak in code. Anyone not into mmorpg can skip the rest of this...

( Read more... )

May. 20th, 2008 @ 11:49 am
Riffing off what jennifer_dunne said in comments to my dreams....

Shortly after college I was working in a office with a woman who I'd call mundane as dirt. She was the type of person that never read, went home at 5 every day, watched tv until 9, and was in bed by 9:30. I'll call her Cindy.

One day I came into work saying "Boy, I had a weird dream last night."

"Me too!" cried Cindy. "I dreamed that my little dog Fifi got lost. We went looking for him and found him in one of the neighbor's yard. I called him and he ran over and got into the car. Then ...as we were driving home...WE SAW ANOTHER FIFI!!! And for some reason, I called 'Fifi, Fifi' and this second Fifi ran over and jumped in the car too! And we had TWO Fifis!!! Isn't that odd!"

I blinked for a moment and then said. "I was Martin Short and my best friends were Steven Martin and Chevy Chase. There was this mad scientist turning people into zombies by putting something into Poppi's Chicken, and I'd been one of them. Every now and then, parts of my body would fall off, but I could stick them back on if I picked them fast and held them TIGHTLY in place...."

We never again tried to see who had the strangest dream.
Other entries
» Dream POV
I was wondering, how many people have dreams where they are not themselves? Is this normal? Is it something that comes from being a writer.

Last night was actually a typical dream for me.

I was this Captain of a major police force, a blend of the guy from Hill Street Blues and James Bond played by Pierce Bronsan. He was trying to balance career and his blossoming love affair with a lithe blond woman. His men had managed to get one step ahead of a criminal mastermind and captured a key piece of equipment that the bad guys to commit the ultimate crime. His department had gotten a tip that they were about to be attacked and one of his underlings had scrambled the entire station to gear up in this bulky bulletproof SWAT equipment. As my hero walked through his station, he realized that the tip actually came from the mastermind -- with all the bulky equipment on, it was impossible to tell one person from another. They were about to be infiltrated by bad guys in SWAT equipment. So hero starts grabbing people and saying "get into dress blues and flak jackets," knowing that the bad guys won't have dress blues.

Then there was this major POV change. The hero's love interest was basically stuck in the offices with nothing to do but wait out the attack. She was being babysat by a female cop who had the POV. Unknown to the captain or the love interest, the female cop was gay and in love with the woman too. They chat about the upcoming attack and they pull out magazines -- WOMAN'S DAY and BETTER HOME AND GARDENS (please don't hurt me I don't like these magazines either) -- and start to read. At one point they both flip to pictures featuring big, lush chocolate cake.

This is where I do think my brain is being clever. In one writing forum I hang out on, its a no-no to talk about sex, so people use the word "cake" to mean sex and "cupcake" to mean masturbation. (lol, livejournal spellchecker didn't acknowledge the word I was trying to spell ..) The two women launch into a discussion about how they want cake and would settle for cupcake but its not as good as cake.

At this point, Wen the writer POV kicks in and screams. WHY ARE THE TWO WOMEN JUST SITTING AND READING MAGAZINES??? How lame!!!! How sexually offensive! These women should be carrying guns and be active in the upcoming defense of the police station!

And I wake up.

So three POVs in the course of this dream. Two totally not me and one me as a writer critiquing the action of the dream. How typical is this? Is it a result of a writer's brain to create stories where they're not the heroes? Am I the only one that does that?
May. 20th, 2008 @ 06:03 am
» Oh what difference thirty years make
When I was a teenager, I noticed a odd new trend with my friends. One by one they would vanish for a day or two and return with chipmunk cheeks. It seemed that we'd hit that magical time in puberty when wisdom teeth had to be removed. After the ninth or tenth friend, I'd learned more about impacted wisdom teeth than I cared to know. It seemed inevitable, however, that I would go through this process and decided to asked my mom if she could take me to the dentist to have my wisdom teeth checked.

While I didn't realize it at the time, it was my good fortune to ask at the dinner table.

( Read more... )
May. 15th, 2008 @ 05:19 am
» SORROW!!!!
could only find episodes 8-12 of Hama kimi of the Japanese version. They were wonderful. Clips of earlier shows are part of music videos, which look great, but I can't find them anywhere.

....

Oh wait... what's this? On crunchyroll.com ??? YEAH!!! I found it.
Apr. 25th, 2008 @ 10:32 pm
» Joy and Sorrow!!!
Discovered today that my favorite manga, Hana-Kimi, had been made into a live-action TV show and that full subtitled episodes were on YouTube.

Joy!

Sorrow (I should be writing.)

For those of you that don't know the storyline, Mizuki Ashiya, a young Japanese-American girl decides to enroute in the same Japanese high school as her idol high jumper, Izumi Sano. Unfortunately, he goes to an all-boys high school, so she has to cross-dress to attend.

The ones I am watching were done in Korean, so all the character names have been changed. I'm enjoying it except they decided to play Shuichi Nakatsu, a boy that falls in love with Mizuki Ashiya without realizing she is a girl, as extreme camp. I actually enjoyed his soul searching for his sexual orientation as he struggles with the idea.
Apr. 25th, 2008 @ 04:35 pm
» Something huge moves out there, some where close...
I don't know what it is, but every now and then, there's this *boom* and a moment later the house shakes. It's not very often during the day, not every day. I can't figure out what it is.
Apr. 25th, 2008 @ 11:38 am
» OMG turn your back for a moment...
And the whole internet is a frenzy of breast groping!!!!!

There's a great scene in GROUNDHOG DAY where Bill Murray has experienced amazing day with his co-star and wants to repeat it. The next day he tries to recreate. He thinks he should be able to recreate it -- its the same exact day. But his own eagerness to relive the honest magic ruins it.

I've read the ferret's description of the event that triggered the chaos and I have to say it does sound like an extraordinary event. But like the movie, I don't think there's any way to recapture the magic. Even trying to is embarrassing yourself.
Apr. 22nd, 2008 @ 06:26 pm
» Right, Wrong or Just Plain Different
Watched "No Country for Old Men" last night. A powerful story but the ending disappointed me. This morning I got up and read over the reviews of the novel is was based on to see how far the movie shifted from the book.

Spoiler Alert ( Read more... )
Apr. 17th, 2008 @ 06:23 am
» Sigh
And *pop* I hurt the right knee again.
Apr. 14th, 2008 @ 11:14 am
» Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are dead.
I caught this movie on Comcast's Ondemand section of Free Movies.

It's basic premise is that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are themselves -- bit characters in Hamlet -- and someone else -- hapless travelers that find themselves magicked into the play. At the beginning of the movie, the two are riding....somewhere...they can't quite put a finger on where they're going. There is also the oddity that Rosencrantz has flipped a coin 157 times and it always landed head's. They come upon actors traveling with wagon. Upon meeting, the actors beg that the two travelers pay to watch a play -- or participate. Guildenstern seizes upon this idea and next thing the two know, they're the court of Denmark, where everyone claims to know them.

The movie comes off as a weird cross between Hamlet and Quantum Leap. Or maybe Time Bandits. My favorite part of the movie was when the two travelers (who may or may not be Rosencrantz and Guildenstern or just two hapless strangers sucked into a story not of their making) engage in verbal tennis. You play by volleying questions at your opponent. If you manage to get them to make a statement, you score.

Comcast shortened the title down to Rosencrantz Guild, so I was slightly dismayed when the two characters met their death at the end. Still, because of the oddest, I find comfort by telling myself that it was the characters that the two travelers played and not the travelers themselves.

If you have Comcast, I'd recommend catching this movie while its available.
Apr. 13th, 2008 @ 02:02 am
» Rave to counterbalance rant
Warning: spoilage of a good episode

( Read more... )
Apr. 11th, 2008 @ 02:48 pm
» Why do I keep watching this show?
Just finished watched CSI: NY and rolling my eyes and gnashing my teeth. While the original CSI is fairly good, CSI: NY employs the worse logic in a cop show I have ever seen. They'll often find a stray piece of plastic, a dropped hair, yadayadayada, spend hours and days puzzling over this shred of evidence. Only the information they glean is information that they could have gotten if they just done basic police questioning.

Here is the show/clues that has triggered this rant. ( Read more... )
Apr. 10th, 2008 @ 06:35 pm
» People are beginning to notice...again
That I fell off the face of the planet again.

Unfortunately, where normally life has been crazy good that kept me from posting, this time, life has been crazy bad. I'm not comfortable at bitching in public about it all, so I haven't been posting.

I'm going to do one quick band-aid rip to catch you up to speed. After much thought, I've decided to go in chronological order.

1. Mom called after Thanksgiving to say she had a stroke and had lost part of her vision and could no longer drive.
2. I fell. Didn't break anything but my left knee hurt -- just not enough to go to hospital. Two weeks of limping around, the pain hadn't gotten any better so I went to doctor. Nothing major, just arthritis and a bad twist teamed up. He recommended physical therapy.
3. Mom called after Christmas. She discovered she had breast cancer. The lump was so large that the doctors wanted her to start chemo immediately.
4. Mom called a few weeks later to say that Dad was having trouble and they'd scheduled double bypass surgery.
5. During an ice storm, I slipped on ice and twisted my left knee very bad. Spent the next few days on the couch not moving, went to Boskone with a cane.
6. Feb. 28th found the entire family in four different hospitals in two states as Dad's bi-pass, Mom's chemo, I had a colonscopy done, and my niece went into labor.
7. After three dry runs, my niece finally actually had her baby. Healthy baby girl! YEAH! Unfortunately it meant one less driver as my Dad was banned from driving for a month and Mom still can't see well enough to drive.
8. I caught my foot in the door as I slid down out of my mini-van and wrenched the other knee. Nothing bad, just enough to make me hobble around, complaining.

There. All the bad news. No one has died. Healthy baby girl born. I'm not seriously crippled. My parents are hanging in there. I spared you four months of moaning and wailing and bitching about pain and the uncertainities of life. I just haven't had the wherewithal to present a happy face.
Apr. 4th, 2008 @ 11:20 am
» ENDLESS BLUE out TODAY!
Today is the release date of ENDLESS BLUE. Pleased to see that it already has a 5 star review on amazon. Romantic Times gave it a four star review (their highest is 4 1/2 stars) saying "This fascinating read has compelling characters, solid worldbuilding and frenetic action. Mikhail and his foster brother are gripping protogonists, and the quandaries they negotiate are just as interesting as their more physical interactions. Fans of Spencer's TINKER series will find much to like"
Dec. 4th, 2007 @ 04:45 pm
» Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. (Burp)
Nov. 22nd, 2007 @ 07:16 pm
» SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!



Japanese cover for A BROTHER'S PRICE.


I LOVE IT!!!!!
Nov. 21st, 2007 @ 02:08 pm
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