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Go jerk off in your argyle socks.
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| All I have is time... |
[09 Jan 2006|07:18pm] |
You know there are times when you wanna be honest with people, but you just can´t.
I don´t like those times. At all.
Ohhh worthless me.
I think I am just gonna wait this one out, I mean why not. Its not like anyone is asking me anyway. I don´t know about anything anymore. I have like 4 months till I come home and what then? I really don't know.
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| Rub your red eyes. |
[23 Dec 2005|02:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
We Are Scientist - In Action |
] |
Okay so right now, I am kinda, really upset.
I was pretty angry, but that has died down a bit. I wrote my mother a pretty nasty email, but I don´t know if I should send it.
( Email to my mother. )
I called ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) tulpstekker, and then he started talking about really mundane things like what kind of ice cream we have here. Suddenly I feel really really alone, and now that I think about it. I am.
That's just it my loves. Alone, more alone then I think I have ever been in my whole entire life. I guess we all feel like that at times. Now, might just be one of those times. So the first thing I look to is the lovely decanters, but I suppose I shouldn't drown my problems forever. Reality just hurts so damn much. Maybe some tequila would help my cold. Hahhahahahahahhhhhhahhahahahahahaahhaha ha.
Oh by the way, you should all join the new worship yourangel's cunt cult. Lovely isn't it?
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| Humm |
[21 Dec 2005|01:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Freezepop - Boys on film |
] |
You know.
Its kinda odd. People say they have a great time with you, and then write in their journal like they didn´t even come with you?
I have one word for that: Lame.
Talked to blitzenchicken for the first time in like, two weeks last night.
I have been wishing I could go back to the U.S. a lot lately. I don't know why, I have kinda been depressed.
Beni is comming back to Amsterdam after christmas to stay untill like the 6th. Jocelyn hasn't been here in like a week and a half. Thats a really long time for her. She has to babysit a lot.
My throat hurts, I thought I was getting sick last night but maybe not. Its just slightly uncomfy today.
Amanda just needs a break from this reality
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| Wooo/hooo |
[11 Dec 2005|01:10am] |
As the Christmas tree light, silhouettes our game of monopoly I can´t help but wonder about these past days.
Thursday - Jocelyn and Beni came over and it all started. We were sitting around smoking and we decided we should go to AMSTERDAM, so yea then
Friday - We did. We went to a coffee shop, we ate, looked at whores, saw one of most horrifying thinks ever, went to 2 pubs and a club, we froze, we ate poffatures, we ate McDonalds, then we went home. At ten in the morning.
Saturday - We slept, and ate, and played monopoly and smoked.
What a wonderful day weekend.
(Reviews coming later!)
[Edit - I just smelled monopoly money, and it was wonderful.]
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| Cows on a street corner. |
[27 Nov 2005|04:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Vines - Highly Evolved |
] |
Yesterday I went to Belgium.
There was a woman milking her cows on a street corner.
That was the most interesting thing I saw, and because of the poor air standards there I am now sickly. My throat is all scratchy, and I really want a cigarette.
On a better note, when you order coke and rum in Belgium you get a glass, almost full of rum and a bottle of coke. So I just drank the rum and chased it with the coke. My Irish coffee also had quite a bit of liquor in it. I was singing children's songs after dinner. This woman was looking at me strangely, and I popped a piece of chocolate in my mouth and it fell right back out, so I waved to her. The food was pretty good, and very nicely presented.
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| the right thing. |
[22 Nov 2005|09:46pm] |
I think sometimes you just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and do something about it.
I think now might just be one of those times.
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| It has been a really long day. |
[17 Nov 2005|12:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Freezepop - Plastic Stars |
] |
Hum, so Davey commented my xanga today. He is so cute, I miss early high school a lot sometimes. A lot of things really really suck right now. I miss Tulsa so much. There is nothing on the tube, at all. Prodigy was on, but not anymore. Today Bjorn and I decided we were going to be children´s pop stars. I can´t wait to set off on that adventure. We are going to wear sparkely suits and dance funny, and do all sorts of fun stuff.
I don´t know what to do with blitzenchicken. Its just such a big mess lately, its like nothing will go right for me. Except Sander, he is such a great kid. This morning he snuggled up to me while we were watching cartoons and started playing with my hair. I was like awwwwww, I am so going to steal you!!
I am worried about a lot of people right now. It seems like every one I know is like haveing a really rough time right now. Why can´t things be sunny?
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| to early. |
[14 Nov 2005|07:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
just a movie. |
] |
good morning.
lets start by saying i havn´t had sex in ages. that sucks. its six thirty in the morning, i slept on my couch because i was watching movies. i woke up and one point and there was a really nasty porno on. which is odd, cause we didn´t even pay for these channels, they were free from the freaking cable company. i need to go find my ipod to charge. and my cell charger, i wonder where that went.
the only place i went this weekend was to see sinterklaas and to buy pot. it was a nice weekend acually. i needed some me time, and i need some more me time, and you know all the fucking time in the world is me time now, cause i am just so tired of the typical drama shit. its worse than the us.
im gonna go to the gym this morning, then i am gonna take a nice bubby bath, and chill. maybe go tanning and paint my toenails. i feel like such a rastafarian.
errr, i dunno about this, it supposed to be majorly cold this morning. maybe i will be able to sleep at night if i tire myself out enough. i hope so, this really isnt cutting it. and it all comes down to this.
people that have sex regularly, also sleep well. damn, i would like to sleep well. grrr.
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| stupid girls |
[07 Nov 2005|02:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
gorillaz - DARE |
] |
if you just brushed your teeth is it okay to drink from the milk carton?
my mother always has great gossip.
my daddy´s sister is marrying this really gross guy, its disgusting. i am almost afraid to let anyone find out that this person is marrying into my family, but she is only family by marriage, and he will only be family by marriage so i guess its okay.
now lets keep in mind she had a fairly well off, fairly good looking husband before this. they got a divorce, oh a couple years ago she moved to chouteau to be with my aging grandparents. my grandmother [my mema] is dead now, but my papa is still running around mowing the lawn a lot and such. he always like to mow the lawn.
anyway, here it is.
REGGIE.
you know the nasty janitor? bus driver deluxe? that's the man. now for every one who knows who this is, i hope you are just as repulsed as i am in this matter. i feel bad for my little cousin who will have to live with this half-witted man for several years.
man, yuck. i am so scared come next holiday season. it makes me want to travel a bit more.
becky bowls and kylie wade are hanging out. what the hell? i guess people change, because we all know how kylie is. i thought she hated becky anyway. weird.
i am bored and slightly homesick, i mostly miss my car. this sounds like time for a nip of rum, need something to settle my nerves and again, i am out of cigs. ugh.
no car + no quicktrip = sad amanda who can't smoke
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| tequila + amanda = funny time |
[30 Oct 2005|05:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dredg |
] |
saturday i wasn't going to go out. i ended up going to the bar because i was so bored.
tequila + amanda = funny time
i was mostly in le baron, i was bar hopping for a bit but, anno was lame and men at work had that british asshole in it. so i sat at the bar, and drank quite a bit. this guy that works in the record store in town waved at me so i went and talked to him for a bit. then like these women were dancing and i started dancing with them and haha, it was funny. i so fell down. then i was dancing behind the bar and then i was like man i have to go home, the bar was already closed and all. its always closed when i leave. i love that place. seriously my favorite bar.
i fell over like five times going home. i can usually ride a bicycle when i am drunk but i must have been pretty fucked. i have cuts i had no idea were there. i scraped my chin and my elbow is gonna have a huge bruise. i am glad i was wearing a jacket. i was so dizzy, i hate that. i managed to strip and fall into my bed before i passed out. i don't know how i always manage that.
i woke up at like four. no hangover, yeahy!! its so funny waking up and remembering what happened the night before.
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| grind the machine |
[26 Oct 2005|02:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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straylight run. |
] |
yesterday afternoon i smelled like an angel. i love that shit, if i would have known it smelt like that earlier... well kids from now on i will be reeking of it. speaking of reeking, i woke up this morning and i was like, whats that lovely smell. then i remembered. i sooo spilled like a ton of this stuff i got while i was in the canary islands all over me and my bed.
i want a tattoo. i also want that damn woman off ebay to send me my shirt but i don't think its gonna happen. what a bastard.
i really love gravy. i eat it on every thing. i would seriously kill for some pace. hahahaha. thats right bitches. my momma will have to send me some. i hope it doesn't break. they do sell those gallon sized ones... hehe.
my body has become a factory that works on only diet coke and potatos. and thats the way i like it.
my neck hurtsssssssssss. ouch.
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| you sure do bleed purdy |
[22 Oct 2005|03:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the pink spiders - hot pink |
] |
I woke up around 11 this morning.
I really ment to go back down stairs last night but I totally passed out. The party was fun at times and other times it really sucked. I figured thats how it would be anyway though. I had a good time all in all. This morning I wanted to go back to bed forever. Lets just say I didn't feel like faceing the world right then. The car ride home was awful, I was all motion sickly. That sucked. I slept most of today, I didn't feel like drinking tonight after all the tequila, rum, and wine last night.
My ass still hurts from falling down the stairs a couple of days ago. Every time I sit down im like ouch. Sucks to the max. I wish a had a puppy. I miss max. He was a cool dog even if his owner is a complete idiot and asshole. You can't pick your owner right? Im kinda hungry, hum, but lazy as well. We will see what wins out.
I burnt my tounge on the coffee last night, which really sucks because now it has that nasty texture. Ugh, gross.
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| ralph. |
[18 Oct 2005|12:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fugazi - im so tired |
] |
so kids how are we this morning.
i wish i could go on uncle zeb again!!! that rawked. ummm low rated cable shows.
house cleaner is here. she wouldnt mover the ironing off the kitchen table so i am gonna sit here, the rest of the time she irons and play really bad music and sing really loud to it. damn, this sucks. she needs to clean my room. i told her not to last time cause there were so many tips and like ashes every where. after last time well. i don´t want her in my room if i dont know she is in there. my floor is all dirty though. damn. i cleaned out all my drawers last night.
i guess im gonna be a cowgirl for thomas party. i cant think of anything else on such short notice. and at least that way i can wear regular clothes pretty much. lately i have been living on diet coke. eating just sucks when it isnt that great to eat in the first place. i would kill for some sonic. i bet when i get back fast food makes me sick. which would be okay too. because that majorly sucked before i left. i just have a thing for crinkely fries and chocolate chip shakes. ummm shakes are so good. i would go into work with a huge one, if i was working in the morning. my boss thought i was really weird. why not have ice cream for breakfast though? i mean you have way more time to burn off all those carbs hahahahaaaa.
im really super tan today. fake tanning stuff + sunbed + left over tan from the canary islands = SUPER TAN
okay i have to go ralph. not. bye.
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| just another depressing day |
[17 Oct 2005|02:25pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
rilo kiley / more adventurous |
] |
So I was walking Sander to school today and I started thinking. I was a really dumb kid sometimes, I guess we all were. I remember when a boy I didn´t like came over to my house because his father broke his hand [my mom like splinted it] I just wanted him to leave before anyone saw him there. I didn't care that he was sad abused kid, I didn't care his hand was most likely broken. I just cared that someone could see him there. If I could aplogize I would.
So I got out my handy dandy search engines and went at it.
No trace, I'm going to keep looking for a little bit, I feel like crap for what I did. It makes me wanna cry.
I was also thinking about some other people. One of them has shit all over the internet. I am going to im her next time she is online. It so funny, look at this.
{drinking, partying, dancing, listening and singing music, playing pool,chillin w/friendz, going to hockey games, and working on cars}
Chillin w/friendz? What the hell. Sounds like somone ordered a burger w/mayo. I can't ever imagine her working on cars. Ever.
I hate funerals kids. I hate them a lot. I need a smoke. Okay, thats better. Why doesn't anyone ever wanna be honest about the facts of death. Its so stupid. It pisses me off. I understand they are hurt, ect. I mean come on though.
Whoot, my new buttons are here!!!! Super-fantasta-cool!
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|
[14 Oct 2005|03:34pm] |
I got done with every thing I needed to do today finally. Except I couldnt find any plain red t/shirts but that can wait a bit. Man I am hot. There is also a bumble bee stuck in my window.
I don´t think im even going out tonight. I don´t much feel like it. Im thinking smoke some, drink some, pass out night. Damn I ment to buy another canvas. >_< that sucks. I wish I got paid like a super lot so I could do every thing at once.
Im baking cookies, i suspect they will be good, cause the batter was super. Im eating a not so fresh crosant I made like 2 days ago. Damn it, bart is okay but does britany always have to come too. Its like im watching ever freaking kid in the neighbor hood. I ought to charge them. Damn I think Sander went up stairs, i don't think he likes her here either. >_< That cat from bob the builder is so freakin cute.
I think the cookies on the top are almost done.
aww matt called me sweetheart. they are such a hot band.
umm damn i make good cookies.
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| Mac and cheese all the way from the us. |
[13 Oct 2005|01:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
full |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
death cab for cutie- i will follow you into the dark |
] |
It taste funny though, like an airplane.
Maybe kyle and I will make it through this. I don't wanna go anywhere. My tummy hurts a lot >_< i wanna stay home. I tried to feed some mac and cheese to sander also. He didnt like it. The kid never refuses to eat anything. Except the thing every one in the us grows up on. So i made him something else. I need to take a shower. My hair looks like someone ran over it with, I dunno a tiller? My mom bought me a belt buckle [pimp!] I can't wait. Totally midwest yall, hahahaha. I miss Oklahoma sometimes. If i do go >_< I have to shower. I would also buy cigs, that I don't need to be smoking. I wonder what the weather is like. It was supposed to rain but it looks sunny enough. Its really quiet outside. I can't find those stupid bus tickets either. Okay, so its settled. Same time next week. That place smells awful. I hate it. I can't wait to sleep tonight. With my lizard finally. This woman on ebay needs to get her but in gear!! I want my shirt.
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|
| birthday |
[12 Oct 2005|08:30pm] |
| Your Birthdate: May 29 | 
Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature.
You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world.
You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities.
The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension.
This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer.
You do, however, work very well with people. |
dreamer rather than doer
sounds about right
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| subject lines suck |
[10 Oct 2005|12:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brendan Benson - spit it out |
] |
i miss tulsa soo much right now. it really sucks here sometimes. i didn´t even get to see thomas this weekend. which is fucked up. i even miss my parents. i havn´t lived with them for three years, but when you just can´t see them its diffrent. you never miss stuff untill its gone. i miss kyle too, but thats to be expected.
ivo sprained his ankle. playing soccer, ugh im growing to hate that sport. at least he called me back. i thought he saw who it was and didn´t answer. im just so insecure lately.
anyone who is living in holland and is going to the silverstein show on tuesday should comment me. im really bad at finding my way around amsterdam and no one i know is going because of school. >_<
i was going to go to leiden tonight but all the train going to weesp is messed up and theo wasn't home. no jazz for me. what a horrible fucked up weekend this has been. >_< i hate all this train stuff. i miss my car. a lot. its so weird traveling by busses and trains. every one here does it but i just cant get the hang of it.
its weird how many people kill themselves by jumping in front of trains. guns aren't allowed here so i guess you have to do it some how. its really inconvient for the people traveling though. they have to find every single part of the person that jumped. this takes hours im told. ugh, searching through the grass in the middle of no where for fingers. sucky job.
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| best choice pot |
[09 Oct 2005|06:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Daphne Loves Derby - The Longest Story |
] |
hahahaha carole is so funny!
she was like is pot that easy to get there?
and i was like ya.
and she was like do they have like best choice pot?
and i was like HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA
no.
I am so bored. I hate Sundays with a passion that overwhelms my regular senses. This was a pretty fucked up weekend anyway. Friday I went to the bar, and some blonde lady was harassing me. So I had to pretend the guy next to me was my boyfriend and then he wouldn't leave me alone. Then Dennis and Aaron came in and saved me. Went to Anno untill it closed and then went home. Saturday I got in a fight with Amber and didn't feel like going out after that. The neighbors were looking at me really funny. Probably because I was drinking wine out of the bottle and singing on the terrace. Haha, bastards.
I wanna sleep untill tomorrow, and then possibly eat some mac and cheese.
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