On the border of grief and cliché,
expounding the causes of malaise;
dissolution of ancient paramours
turns to desideration for solitary quietus.
Life’s prepossessing preoccupations
are elusively following their own demise.
Crusading for isolation from discourse
and abstractions--obligations.
Extraneous exasperations
feeds paroxysmal mourning sorrow.
I beseech cessation of inevitable calamity.
I beseech obliteration of cognition.

Seeking the broken dreams of
the moon at (h,k),
I stumbled upon memories
that had long been abstracted by distain.
Before Thunder and Lightening visited your pyre.
Eyes, nose, mouth, and lips,
I encountered.
Hair long, shaved, short, now gone.
Perpetual vexation,
In life, in death,
nós dois.
Now I deliver your threnody
And vociferate.
a minha vida, a minha felicidade
você se lembra?
e tudo que você já se foram
Eu quero que você siga a partir do quinto andar.

I just want to say that I LOVE GOOGLE. I don't care if they sell my info like every other internet business. They provide amazing services for free and filter the spam I get better than anyone else. Fuck you Yahoo, you suck. They also offer web hosting, domain names and an extremely easy HTML editor with all the niftiness of Gmail and Google docs. Yay Google, I love you! You can take over the world as long as you never sell out.

Cold fusion. Because it would solve our energy problems.

Krista and I are going to Yellow Stone, yay! We are going to have to spend most of our time with her family. They are meeting us out there. Her parents and her sister, brother-in-law, and niece. It should be interesting since these are my future in laws. I have met her parents and that went just fine. I am planning Priscilla's California memorial, it is going to be July 25th instead of the 18th. I wish that the vacation was going to be less family and more alone time, but it will be fine at least I won't have to work for several days.
One a positive note, Krista and I looked at weddings rings. We have a date, a place, and the style of ring now and it is only a little less than a year away now. It will be good. I love her very much; I have to remember that Priscilla and I broke up for a reason, and that I could have done nothing to stop her, but be with her and would that have been good for either of us? Would she have made those improvements she did? Probably not, we used each other as crutches as much as we may have loved each other. The wrong place, the wrong time. Life will go on, and she now has her release, her peace, her sleep.

She dead. Fucking dead... wtf?

Silhouetted past sweeps,
swiftly, silently by.
Murky dreams,
Or perhaps they’re memories?
Jog my mind, without invitation,
yet without pretense.
Deathly cold whips through,
Intense, fading in and out;
An oscillating wave of
pain, tears, and blood.
Spawning, catastrophic calamity,
and exhausting existential agonist.
Ending with the hope of a bright light
at the end of some distant tunnel.
Evading existence without hindrance of cognition.
Failing to escape, inevitably falling
to decimating discourse.

Transcendence poised for its attack.
Suspending reality in mid-air
bringing unwanted crepuscular cognition,
along with fatigued retrospection.
Cumbersome images of etiolating associations
conjuring a broken and tattered antiquity
Tenuous, jagged, and deadly

I really just wanna die....

Lost in thought,
I’ve lost my mind.
No longer dwelling in reality.
Lost in thought.
Lost in time.
These images become my reality,
traversing over my old thoughts, old memories.
Creating beauty and fear.
Creating a world in which nothing exists.
No one exists.
Just the light of an eternal dusk,
wrapping so gently around me,
engulfing me in sweet dreams,
Of things that may not have happened.
Sitting, thinking, dreaming
Spinning, revolving, moving, expanding
Through space and time…
And it is all so meaningless.

Is anyone interested in getting a Great America season pass? If you do the famiy thing, it is cheaper (60) a person.....I and someone else are intersted so that just leaves two people needed....Todd, I think you said you would be intersted, I don't know if you still are...

It is such a harsh reality that I am a fucking tree hugging, I care about issues person....

I still hate people though, they are the cause of all that in wrong in this world! ahaha! it's true!

Hello, people I know when I usually post something and ask for opinions I seldom get any responses, but I am going to try get again. This is the essay that I wrote for school, it is supposed to be analyical writing, I was wondering if yous could find it in your heart to read beirfly and give me your opinion??? PLEASE?!?!



( my essay )

Why is everyone so superficial? Why is it that no one ever wants to talk about anything real? Just mindless bullshit. Meaningless shit. Why is it that no one ever listens when another person talks? They just wait to jump in and talk. Why do people LOVE to talk about themselves so much? It is so easy to milk people, you just ask them questions about themselves. Most people will tell you their whole life story. But why do people have no reserve? Why does everyone have to make their life SO much more dramatic than the some else's. Constant "I’m worse off" battles. How can someone ask someone for money that has done so much for them in the way of finances? Why is it that the people that are lazy, and too self centered to even consider working or helping out in anyway, everyone LOVES. Yet the genuine people, are only called upon when it is convenient for said people. It disgusts me to no end to see right in front of me, people doing this and just not giving a shit. I maybe a whinny asshole. But I sure as hell don’t exspect shit from anyone whom I have done wrong or has done a lot for me. Why is it that no one will ever see reality? Only what they want to perceive. Why when I go through reading friends live journals, people leave 50 comments to the hour by hour break downs of their day, but when someone has something serious to say, or shows some "unfavorable" emotion, people just ignore it? Alas almost every fucking one is the definition of carro de pow.

Damn I hate damn near everyone.

I think blowing things up in GTA might help...

So, I had called a Starbucks to find out when there fucking job fair thingy was, they said TODAY, I called again twice mind you, to the store that it was supposed to be at. Once last night and once today. "What time is your job fair going to start TOMMORROW?"
"What time does your job fair start TODAY?" I called this many times because the chick last night sounded rather flaky, and this had happen to me once before when trying to apply at fucking Starbucks! So I go there, get there early. Then I start to notice a quite lack of people, so I went in and asked. Oh it's not today. it' s next Wednesday. Such bullshit! I called THREE FUCKING TIMES!!! THREE FUCKING TIMES!! What I waste of my fucking gas being as it was in fucking Cupertino. At least last night all they did was change the location and it wasn't too far away, and that time I WENT IN AND CALLED. Starbucks, if they want to put on these fucking job fairs they might want to keep their fucking "partners" informed about what the fuck is going on. It was a fucking manager I talked to on TWO fucking occasions. Mother fuckers. At least Monday I went to a Peet’s coffee job fair, And they actually seemed interested in me to be a shift leader for their new store. Fuck I hope they call. I fucking hate being talked down to by fucking assholes that barely fucking speak English at fucking Target. Anyone know of another place that is hiring, or something? I should look into being a security guard.

I know that Todd's house is already a mess, and it is very easy to just be like. "oh this is a mess I will just leave my shit here" But please I have been trying to make Todd's house dwellable. Everytime someone comes over they leave some trash or cans or bottles or something. Please, it is bad enough cleaning this mess without added content.

I NEED A FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!