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Jul. 26th, 2007 @ 06:17 pm IMPORTANT NOTICE
This journal has been discontinued due to censorship issues (I can no longer access this page in CN). If you'd like to know how I'm doing these days, you'll just have to write and ask :-)

Learning to see through His eyes,
Luke
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Feb. 24th, 2007 @ 01:17 pm 1 Kings 5
It seems that I will not be able to escape this issue of postmodernism as easily as I'd hoped. One of the books in the stack that my parents sent also deals with this topic. As I currently see it, this way of thinking is so hungry for wonder that it bypasses holiness. To some extent, it is correct--we do need a reawakening to the wonder of G~d, but we cannot disregard clear statements of Scr~pture to get there. None od the writers of the B~ble were interested in making their message appealing to their culture, and the idea that it must be is thoroughly rooted in the modern concept of d~mocracy. Fortunately, d~mocracy is not G~d's chosen form of government, and he does not need us to agree for him to be right. The writers of this movement want to affirm that this new Chr~stianity is still seeking G~d, but to me it appears to be seeking outside of him. I keep seeing the word "affirming," but what of wrath? The g~d of this way of thinking seems to be little more than a giant teddy bear who has dispensed with justice and who gives us no choices that really matter--no matter what we do, everyone will get the same result. No one wins, no one loses, so there's really no point in playing at r~ligion at all. I don't understand how this has become so popular.
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Feb. 23rd, 2007 @ 01:04 pm 1 Kings 4
Speak to my friend N, Abba. Draw him to yourself and make him one of your children. Thank you for changing A's perception of the whole trial with his parents. I pr~y that you would bless this family's faithfulness and open a way that none of them could have dreamed. I know you are able and believe you are willing; make it happen, my King!
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Feb. 22nd, 2007 @ 12:47 pm 1 Kings 3
Increase my wisdom, Abba. Like Solomon, I want to have a G~d-listening heart that can discern the difference between good and evil. Help me to see you in every circumstance and to smile as if I know a secret that no one else knows. Let me see this world and it's troubles for what it is--somethingthing that is fading, soon to pass away and not worthy to be compared with what you have in store for your children. Teach me to live out heaven today, Abba--to live as if I am already there and to bring your kingdom to those around me now.
Give me a wise and mature heart, but a care-free and childlike fa~th. Balance wisdom with joy and direct both with love. I look to you, my King; open my eyes to your wonders!
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Feb. 21st, 2007 @ 12:20 pm 1 Kings 2
It is intriguing that the OT perspective is that people cannot change and that the solution is to kill the people who are causing the problems. I must admit that it is an effective strategy, but if it were applied today, it would mean I would be dead twice over (at least). I am so glad Chr~st provides the ability to change. Without him, I would still be a lonely, suicidal, isolated person who has no idea what love is like. Thank you, Master!
I also thank you for my p~stor here in SZ. He believes in me in a way that no other leader ever has. I think of the things he said tonight and how they echo my heart's desire. I don't want to leave D, but i also do not want to leave these students. I definitely feel that I could set down roots here and really begin to thrive. Give me guidance.
Oh, and thanks for clearning up that thing with B. It is definitely better to know where someone else stands before getting my hopes up about anything. My Eve is out there, but for the time being I must go back to sleep. Help me to use this time to seek after you. Thanks for a great night, Abba. Help me to accomplish a lot tomorrow!
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Feb. 20th, 2007 @ 12:14 pm 1 Kings 1
Thanks for yet another great day of fellowship. This morning's meeting went a hundred times better than expected and actually stretched from 9:45 to nearly 3:00! I found that despite the fact that the guy is a B~ptist, I couldn't help but like him (I probably wouldn't want to hear him speak; but as individuals, we have a great deal in common). I feel much better about leaving L in his care at this point.
Thanks also for illuminating the conversation between L and I this evening. Help her to recover from this rollercoaster relationship without too much suffering. Continue to draw her to you; bless her, Abba--for my sake as well as hers.
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Feb. 19th, 2007 @ 12:05 pm 2 Sam 24
Put a guard over my lips tomorrow, Father. For some odd reason I agreed to meet a complete stranger for breakfast tomorrow who is not only a B~ptist but also a KJVO. It is going to take everything in me to keep my mouth firmly clamped shut on that issue alone. Let me say what you would say--nothing more, nothing less. Direct out conversation toward what we can agree on rather than what will cause sparks to fly.
I pr~y the same thing for dinner with L. Help me to be clear on where I stand and to leave no doubt in her mind that unless you do something pretty drastic in my heart, the door to anything other than friendship is closed. Give me courage, Master!

So much for taking it easy on my last day in SH.
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Feb. 18th, 2007 @ 11:57 am 2 Sam 23
Definitely a minefield. Father, guide me through these delicate relationships to where you want me to be. Let me bring healing and wholeness to those I come in contact with instead of brokenness and shattered expectations. I do not regret my decision to enter into friendships with my sisters, but it does complicate things. I go forward in fa~th trusting that you will guide and use me as an instrument for good in their lives. Be with Y, J, and L tonight. Meet them in their need and show each of them who they are in you. Impress them so deeply with your love that it leaves them forever changed. I know J has already had this experience, but I pr~y that you deepen it and enrich it so she can share it with others. Thank you for your love and kindness toward me; I do not deserve such care. Bless all those who have been such a blessing to me this past month. I thank you for all the wonderful conversations I've been able to have and I pr~y your truth would go out and grow into a great harvest. Thank you, Abba.
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Feb. 17th, 2007 @ 10:22 pm 2 Sam 22
Well, the die is cast; now all there is to do is wait. May your will be done, Abba.

Happy Chinese New Year!
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Feb. 16th, 2007 @ 10:12 pm 2 Sam 21
This guy Rapha must have been a genetic nightmare to have four sons with the mutations that his did. I wonder what his daughters looked like--Eww!
Speaking of daughters... where is she, Abba? Should I test the waters with B and see if there are any bites? I am feeling more and more restless about this one, but then I remember the last time I felt this way. The friendship died a cold, hard death and the girl didn't talk to me for months afterward!
I admit that it may have been a part of your plan to bring me here, but it was so deeply painful! I do not want to put myself through that kind of rejection again. Guide me as I walk this minefield known as love.
Thanks for the wonderful lunch with V and a great conversation with N this evening, Father. I pr~y that your Sp~rit will draw both of them to you, and that you would make them a part of your kingdom. Anoint my lips as I continue to share the Good News with them. Let them be the firstfruits of a great harvest among my friends here in SH; I ask this in your Name, Amen.
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Feb. 15th, 2007 @ 10:04 pm 2 Sam 20
Yet another great day, Abba. I am really enjoying my time here in SH--even so, I'm starting to get homesick for SZ. I've begun to realize the difference between my feelings for each place: in SH I have great friends, but in SZ I have family. Leaving them is going to be an extremely difficult thing to do, Father. I seek your will in regard to this. Show me how to bring the most encouragement to these young people during the time I have with them. I don't know if I should just continue to serve in a supportive role, or if I should step into a more active role. I seek your guidance.
On a personal note, I come to you and confess the sin of gluttony, and I ask for your forgiveness. Help me to eliminate all that does not bring glory to you in my diet. I also seek your strength in learning the discipline of exercise. Help me to bring my body into subjection so it is not a reproach to me when I speak of self-control. I cannot break these habits without you.
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Feb. 14th, 2007 @ 10:00 pm 2 Sam 19
Thanks for a good Singleness Awareness Day today, Abba. I actually had a great day. Breakfast with Y was extremely edifying, and dinner with the guys was a lot of fun--even if it cost an arm and a leg. I don't really have any requests tonight. I guess the one thing I could ask for is a special blessing on my family and friends: I ask that you show them your love in a special way today. Give my future wife an especially good day in light of the fact that she is still waiting (or dating a jerk!). Wrap your arms around her and give her a kiss for me.

I love you, J~sus.
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Feb. 13th, 2007 @ 09:28 pm 2 Sam 18
I thought the postmodern book was disturbing, but this "R~volution in World M~ssions" is even more so. This was the that was handed to me by my former leaders just before I left, and quite honestly, it is one of the most discouraging books I have ever read. It makes the actions of my leaders so much clearer. The basic thrust of the book is that Asia is for Asians and if you are white, you might as well give up and go home now... but send us your money. In other words: "We don't want you, we want your money!"
Oh it is hurtful! What of those of us who have a genuine burden for these people and who are called to come? Should we just disregard our callings and send money--to pay someone else for whom it is more convenient to come in our place?
It makes so much more sense now: first, my funding was cut; then all support was withdrawn entirely. In typical modern fashion this was done in the name of expediency and investment return. Thank G~d I am provided for by other means! Whether or not these individuals were acting in response to the Sp~rit of G~d is not for me to judge, and he did get the glory in the end, but the whole thing still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
Father, help me not to be angry with this man for writing these things; do not let any root of bitterness spring up and corrupt my attitude. Protect me as I sleep; I rest in your arms.
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Feb. 12th, 2007 @ 06:15 pm 2 Sam 17
Thanks for another full day, Abba. Talking th~ology with T was really quite helpful--I think just talking with someone other than myself was quite helpful. He highlighted the concerns I have already brought up regarding postmodern thinking. Things like: what becomes of the centrality of the cross, or why J~sus commissioned his disciples to go teach if everyone already had the benefits of his atonement.
There is validity in some of the claims the author makes, but there is also error. Aid me as I continue the process of rightly dividing the Word of truth.
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Feb. 11th, 2007 @ 06:10 pm 2 Sam 16
Thanks for a good day today, my King. You came and encouraged me when I did not have the strength to sing. Thank you for Psalm 143--it exactly mirrored my feelings this morning.
I pr~y for all my friends who are travelling or will be soon. Watch over each of them and bring them back safe and sound.
Thanks for a great night of honesty and open communication with J. Draw him closer and closer to you. I thank you for his friendship and pr~y that I have been a faithful witness to him.
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Feb. 10th, 2007 @ 06:01 pm 2 Sam 15
I am exhausted, but happy. Thanks for the privilege of serving my friends in my house and away from all the noise outside. I pr~y that each of them brought home some aspect of you whether through the movie or the talk afterward, the Nooma video or just the simple act of service. I hope that you reach into their hearts and kindle a fire that will one day burn clear and strong. Let these actions and others like them be actions that change the world. Bring my friends into this journey and then bring their friends in turn--not because I want numbers, but because I want to see more and more people learning to delight themselves in you and in each other.
Prepare me to worship tomorrow and then to meet with J after ch~rch to talk about paradigms. May your Spirit permeate the conversation and let it be the starting point of his journey with you. Draw us both to you in a way that leaves us forever changed.
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Feb. 9th, 2007 @ 05:54 pm 2 Sam 14
Knowing the end of the story, I wonder if it was such a good idea for Absalom to burn down Joab's field. He most certainly did not make a friend of the general that way.
At any rate, I am still struggling through this whole postmodern-thinking thing. Just about every evang~lical I know of uses it as a synonym for "bad," yet some of the issues definitely hold credence. It is a lot to think about. Will honest devotion to Buddha be deemed more righteous than false devotion to Chr~st? Will we be judged by our actions or our intentions? Is heaven really like a snowball fight in which some laugh in delight and others shout, "Ow! Stop it!" Oh G~d, What is your truth? Is it true that our sins are forgotten leaving only the good behind for you to recognize us? If these things are true, where have they been until now? If they are not, why do they tug at me so? Grant me insight, Master!
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Feb. 8th, 2007 @ 05:45 pm 2 Sam 13
Master, come quickly. I look around at the brokenness of this world, and despair threatens to overwhelm me. My mind turns to the advertising business that makes a habit of exploiting women for the sake of money--as if this person is nothing more than a piece of eye-candy for the consumer. We speak of not pushing our moral views on those who do not believe the way we do, but if we open the doors and windows to this great evil, who is going to protect those who are being destroyed by it? And perhaps even those who are benefiting from it? Sure, these women are well paid, but what happens when everyone she comes in contact with sees her as "the poster girl" rather than as a human being? It makes me so sad, Abba. What can I do?
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Feb. 7th, 2007 @ 05:32 pm 2 Sam 9
I don't know how I skipped this passage--I had even been looking forward to it! Well, it answers one of the questions I posed a while back: Mephibosheth had a son named Mica. I wonder what his name means or what became of him. It would be interesting to find out.
In other news, I am continuing my recently begun journey of ideological discomfort that started with watching the movie "Philadelphia" last night and continued with beginning a book on postmodern Chr~stian thinking. It has been rather unsettling in places, but then, that is the point. I never want to grow complacent in my fa~th and thus excuse myself from thinking--from wrestling with G~d.
Abba, I will not let go until you bless me, even if it makes me a cripple the rest of my days. Grant that I may see your glory and that my face would shine before men. Be glorified in me.
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Feb. 6th, 2007 @ 05:15 pm 2 Sam 11
Ah Father, if only every day could be like today! I had a really great time hiking with J and being able to learn more about her as well as being able to share the reason for the hope that is in me. I am not sure what the final result of this day will be, but I thank you for it all the same.
Be near G tonight, Abba. Comfort both her and her father. Relieve his pain and give him rest, but more than that, I pr~y that you bring him to you. Help him to realize your love even in the middle of this great agony. I pr~y that you will use G to show it to him. Strengthen her and minister to her soul; let her realize that you are Good above all and that all your acts are prompted by that goodness.
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