Stars are ghosts before our eyes.

(The meaning of the sentence may not be apparent without explanation. Supposedly, some of the stars we see in the sky have already expired before their light reaches our eyes across the vastness of space. Think of all that has happened in the millenia it took for that light to reach from point A, it's youthful origin, to point B; our planet and our eyes. Think of how each night we take the stars in the sky for granted.)

tags: writer's block

A machine that could measure your capacity for jobs; so you wouldn't have to deal with all the thousand-some dollar pieces of paper to certify you for something that you know you can do. Or you wouldn't have to grow up with parents who tell you to "go to school for something that will make money" or "Just get a job you don't like."

...But that's only in light of stuff I'm going through right now.
In reality, I'd invent a "dream machine" that could take images and daydreams in your head and get them recorded like a movie. This would be an amazing tool for artists who just can't seem to get what's in their head out exactly right in tangible form.

tags: writer's block

...You have to ask? XD

tags: writer's block

1. Create highly efficient space vessels.
2. Increase the average human lifespan. (200 years perhaps)
3. Create another intelligent lifeform that has a peaceful symbiotic relationship with Humans, so that we can learn how to get along in space.

=p

tags: writer's block

I hate them, because they're not realistic. If I made one, it would consist of a camera mounted in various places in mental institutions. No narration, no prizes, you'd just get to watch people being confused and miserable. Because that's what these shows are all about, right?

Nursing homes would be another good one. Except no one would watch it because it would be just too damn depressing.

tags: writer's block

*laughs* I knew I'd have to answer this question someday.

WaichiMak is a derivative of "Waichi Makkura" which is a name I invented a very long time ago in a library with the aid of a Japanese-English dictionary when I was about 12 years old.

My mother was very protective against violence, and wouldn't allow me to read Anne Rice books.
But I had begun writing stories, and researching vampire lore, and knew that she might not be pleased if she ever discovered my own stories.

So, I had two characters from two completely different vamp fics, whose names were "Waichi" (A combining of the japanese words for 'yay' and 'blood', that put together actually means to bribe)
And "Makkura" (translated to english means "Pitch black darkness")

So, taking these two character names, I found a purple folder and wrote "Waichi Makkura" on it with sharpie, thinking to hide my vampire stories inside a seemingly nonsensical label.
I'm thinking it worked, though interestingly enough, neither of those characters or stories made it past the year I invented the whole thing.

Still, I liked the sound of it, so when I went to middle school and made my first email account, I started using the name as my internet handle. And it's simply stuck with me. =)
So, if you peruse the internet, and see "WaichiMak" or "WaichiMakkura" or something similar.
It's probably me.

location: Itsy computer room...filled with spiders. music: The soft sounds of a piano in the next room tags: writer's block

Buying things. If I can go to a store and treat myself to a nice snack or something that I've wanted to get but have kept telling myself I don't need, my anger tends to just melt away. =/

tags: writer's block

....I'd have to say extraterrestrial. An alien life-form. Cuz I do enjoy my intelligence. And that way I could design my own body, since the possibilities are endless. That, and I'm just a gi-gasmic sci-fi buff. =)

mood: accomplished tags: writer's block

I can recall three distinct memories. All of which are intrinsic to things that are important to me even now at the age of 21. One is the first time I managed to correctly spell my own name. I wrote it in red crayon with really atrocious handwriting, but my mother was understandably excited and full of praise. =)

The next is the time period in which I was being taught to read. I hated it at first, my mother was frustrated at the seeming mental block I had towards it, and was ready to give up teaching me herself and find professional help. Then one day we were walking down a street and I, being the highly curious and observant child that I was (and still am) saw a metal plaque on the side of a building with a person's name engraved upon it, and pointed it out to my mother, reading it perfectly, despite "silent" letters. It was like a bolt of lightning had struck me, and after that I excelled at reading; devouring books about dinosaurs and pronouncing all the lengthy names with ease.

The last memory is one that my mother doesn't seem to recall, so it could in fact be my earliest dream memory, rather than a memory of something that took place IRL. (Though I still insist that it really did happen) My mother and I were in a truck, driving down the road
 and we spotted a baby turtle in our path. (or perhaps it was several baby turtles) So we stopped and picked them up, and I distinctly remember us dropping them off at a building, I thought it was like a rescue center, but it may have been simply a convenient place to get them off the road. But I remember by mother explaining to me the importance of rescuing animals in danger by Humans.

tags: memory, writer's block

Just some random thoughts.

What do you think the official term for the year will be after 2010?
Years down the line will they just say "two thousand twenty nine"?
I think "twenty twenty nine" sounds better.

I experienced one of those precious and rare 'nice' days here at Edinboro U.
The kind where it's sunny and warm, not raining or blustery.
I watched someone put on a cake costume.
They had a stand where you could get a free slice of cake if you could tag the person dressed up as cake,
running like crazy across the field. It brought a smile to my face. But I was too bone-weary too chase them.

Haven't been sleeping well. Too much running around in my mind;
School Work
My 21st birthday
Friend/Roomate is graduating
Politics (Rooting for Obama, btw. Gotta dig the man's honesty.)
Finding time to talk to my family
Finding time to write novels
Daydreaming about the future
Worrying about the future
Losing friends
Finding new friends
Clinging to existing friends
Being Homesick
Wishing this semester would go by slower
Money troubles
Taxes (Late!!)
Getting sick of waiting for a soulmate/significant other
Getting sick of hearing about people my age getting married
Reflecting on how far I've come since I turned 18
Getting sick of the current government regime making it increasingly more difficult for me to be above poverty level
Looking anxiously forward to this summer
Getting sick of distant relatives being forever asinine


So yeah. Plenty to keep me awake at night.
I think a combination of ginseng during the day,
and chamomile at night should do the trick.

I'm also worried about my major.
My first major-related course and I had to take it over because I had an inexplicably-shitty last semester.
I love film, but I'm starting to wonder about my choice.
I don't want to change because I'm already behind enough in my GPA to be stuck here for longer than desired.
We only have one Film Prof., who is really awesome, but has been on routine hospital trips.
He's been gone for most of this semester because of a spinal surgery.
I worry about him. One of our other art Prof.'s died recently. Supposedly from a car accident.

I also signed up to take a minor in photography, because of the extra art credits I have to take anyway.
I've discovered that photo isn't nearly as fun as it was when I took it in highschool.
Mostly because it's very expensive. And the weather here makes it into drudgery.
I was hoping to quickly switch over to an illustration minor, but my school doesn't offer such a thing.
Guess I just have to keep practicing on my own. To perfect my art for the webcomic I want to release someday.
That was supposed to happen this fall, but this whole "orphan copyright law" bill makes me wary.
The closest thing would be a graphic design minor...But I DESPISE graphic design. -_-;
(Or maybe I'm just biased because in highschool it was the most boring, tedious thing ever.
Also, I don't like the idea of doing commercials for a living...blegh.)

I actually wanted to take creative writing, but it doesn't count as art credit. =p
Which sucks, because I plan on writing several books for publishing someday.
I also could be content editing/writing scripts. And drawing storyboards.
But whatever.

If I manage to complete my bachelor's degree, I'll probably run off with a friend and live in a warehouse.
Just doing our own thing creatively...If for some reason I can't afford to finish school,
I'll probably run off to Canada to work some low-level job while writing books and showing off my talents for better jobs.
Then one day I'll return to the states and rejoin with said friend again....I dunno. We'll see what happens.

I'm outta rant-juice. Goodnight and I send my love out to specific people, yadda yadda...

location: concrete dorm mood: contemplative music: "Loose Lips" by Kimya Dawson

This is something I think about quite often, because the old motto is "money doesn't buy you happiness",
but many of my troubles seem to be caused by a lack of money. =/

If I were independently wealthy, I would first help my mother pay off her debts, then I would commission a fuel-efficient camper-van so I could travel until I found a place where I want to live, because I don't feel that I am well-traveled enough to know where that is.
However, the places that have always seemed like they would be interesting to live in are Canada, California, and NYC.

I would spend my time mainly working on things like writing novels, making films, and drawing comics, all without the fear of not having a roof over my head or food and clothes. I would be free to do the things that make me happy.

This would also allow me to something that I have always wanted since I could remember;
Live in one place. I could buy a house, make friends that wouldn't be lost as soon as I moved away, and raise a family.

location: concrete dorm holding cell... mood: drained music: "My Favorite Game" The Cardigans tags: where in the world, writer's block

Usually I see laughter as a good thing, and I have a rather broad sense of humor, however;

I dont think it's funny when people joke about someone's appearance, or snicker ignorantly about an animal getting killed because the thought of it makes those around them uncomfortable.
 Rascist and War humor are the worst, "gay-rape" and "let's just drop the bomb on them" jokes tend to irk me as well. 

They're simply not funny, because Humanity isn't going to get anywhere by treating such things as laughing matters.
I hate to think that I'm one of the minority who realizes that these things shouldn't be joked about because we've been taught that it's "bad" but rather because it's logically counter-productive to us as now globally-social beings.

That's not to say that I don't understand a person using such behaviour as a defense against severe social abuse,
but most of us really don't have that excuse. We simply see an "alpha" in our social group being aggressive and assume that it's perfectly okay to follow suit against a person or group of persons that the alpha has a personal vendetta against, sensing instinctually that this may put us in favor with said alpha. (Or someone we admire.)

We're not apes, though many of us find it easier to pretend we are. 
Shouldn't we use our brains for more "Human" ventures?

location: concrete dorm holding cell... mood: nauseated music: Thomas Dolby - "She blinded me with science" tags: no laughing matter, writer's block

I fell in love with science and NASA when I was in grade school, but quickly discovered that my awful math skills would prevent me from going up that alley.

I once wanted to be a veterinarian, because I find animals fascinating (like biology) but realized that I had a terrible fear of being bitten or scratched, and I don't particularly enjoy poking things with needles or shoving thermometers up their asses.

When I first began college I was going to be an animator, because I have a profound respect for animation of all kinds and love cartoons.

Then I met an animation student who was three years my senior and found that I did not have the patience to be an animator, so I switched over to studying film.

 

However, my fondness for science and outerspace is still evident in my creative work, and so while I can't knuckle down to work in those fields, I'm still finding ways to get around my ineptitude to enjoy those subjects. =)

Except for math. I hate it with a burning passion. The calculator is a wondrous gift of technological genius and I am not ashamed to use it.

location: concrete dorm holding cell... mood: Danger, danger Will Robinson! music: Euro-Techno tags: things i've tried, writer's block

Questions to do, you say...? Well first off, most of my favorite idols aren't what I would consider "Superstars".

They don't have millions of dollars, or own hideously ginormous houses.

They blindly floundered after careers that seemed like they would be enjoyable,

and then ended up being well-known for something completely different than what they were aiming for.

They make  a living doing something they enjoy, and seem to have a sense of personal artistic integrity.

 

I suppose if I were to meet them, I would try my best to calmly inform them that yes, I am a fan, and I would like to thank them for inspiring me creatively and making life more entertaining. Then...then I don't really know. I think that by the time I'm in a position to meet them, I'll have already floundered myself and no longer need answers to the questions I could use now.

I'll probably make myself some form of memoribilia item, like a coat or a bag, that I can present to people who have in general had a profound impact on my life,(This includes close friends and family.) and if I happen to come across such a person, I'll give my little speech and then ask for a signature. Even better than a signature would be a doodle of some kind, or a favorite phrase. 

The most wonderful instance to be meeting with an idol, would be the chance to work with them professionally,
in which case I would be asking them about a bajillion questions in some pitiful attempt to get to know them personally,
so that I might have the oppurtunity to work with them again in the future. =/ 

On the other hand, there are quite a few celebrities that I don't particularly care for, and if I were to see them, I would stare, possibly take a picture if I happened to have a digital camera handy, and then find someone who does like said celebrity and give them said picture.

It's always good to have friends.

location: a 10x10 concrete dorm room mood: concerned about the future music: Extremely Angry European Hardcore... tags: super star, writer's block

My first (and so far only) plane trip.

I had applied for a special homeless youth scholarship while living in a shelter, and a few months after starting school, got a phone call letting me know that I had won said scholarship. The organization requested that I attend the award ceremony in Little Rock, AR, and told me that they would pay for my plane trip and my stay at a four-star hotel.

I was ecstatic. Not only had I won something wonderful, but I had never been on a plane before, and it was something that I had always wanted to do. Being poor my whole life, plane trips were always considered expensive and unecessary. (You could travel for hours on end in a car, after all.)

Once I went through the security screening, and got in my seat, I immediately opened the window shield and waited for take-off.
I have always hated rollercoasters and fast rides, even at carnivals. The only ride I've managed to lose fear of and enjoy is
the gravitron, which I managed by telling myself that it was like being in astronaut training at NASA.

I did much the same thing as the plane started up, listening to the whine of the turbines grow to a roaring buzz and watching the airport disappear as we sped down the runway. I imagined the plane was a rocket ship. When we left the ground and started to climb upward, I could only stare out the window and grin like the delighted idiot that I was. So many people take such a thing for granted, but I couldn't help thinking how amazing it was to be flying through the clouds. 
It was a strange feeling to be completely aware of the fact that I could easily be killed, but rather than quail with fear, I felt like it would somehow be worth the risk.

I was nineteen.

Normally I am the type of person to have a nervous breakdown at the prospect of traveling alone to a strange place with strange people,
but for whatever reason I was able to force myself to be outgoing and adventurous. I got a tour of the Clinton presidential library, nearly glimpsed a celebrity convention that was being held there at the same time as my scholarship ceremony, met several amazing young people, (the most amazing of whom was a young woman from a foreign country who dreamed of becoming it's president) and in the end I  frantically wrote a speech on napkins before going up to the podium and delivering it to hundreds of people.

After the ceremony many people came up to me with kind words, and I was truly sad to go back to school, even at the lovely prospect of riding a plane again. At the time I felt like I had finally gotten a taste of the kind of life I would like to live, but looking back on it I sometimes wonder if that instance will be marked as the high time of my life...

But then I remember the one woman in particular, who approached me at the airport as I was getting ready for the trip back. She touched my shoulder, briefcase in hand, and said; 

"I just wanted you to know, you're going to do great things. Don't ever let anybody tell you different." 

Then she smiled and disappeared into the crowd.

tags: memories good or bad, writer's block