hello friends,

I'm sorry for the long hiatus. Life has gone from bad to worse -- though that usually means it should only get better from here on out, eh? I think I am going to change my LJ. vschiquita doesn't suit the me any longer.

In the last 3 years, I've become a bit older, wiser, possibly even more fashionable, but above all a little more lost. Even hildatong.com has been stolen by some squatter. bastards! (-_____-)*

:( oh man, i didn't expect things to get worse day after day, but this is nuts. a good friend of mine really hurt me. sadly the reasoning behind it (as explained by a mutual friend) was really irrational. had there been a good reason behind it all, it would have just been a misunderstanding on my part -- but there isn't.

thank goodness for friends who are there thru thick and thin. it's easier to vent to friends who understand your situation better. I feel horrible about not talking to my folks, but we instinctive turn to those who tell us what we need to hear (whether it's the blunt truth, or something to make u feel better). I'd just get pissy, frustrated with my parents and that would be really bad.

sigh.

i haven't been this disappointed/sad/frustrated in a long time. it took an outburst and a lot of yelling on a mountaintop to become calm again. not really sure what I want to do now.


ps- Ana, if you read this, i haven't gotten around to shop for anything lately. i'm still looking for something cute for Alfie. <3

Thomas A. Edison - "Discontent is the first necessity of progress."

Well, I've "gaman'd" (be patient) as much as I can, and now I don't know what to do. I was -->this<-- close to freaking out at work, and not due to work. Thank goodness it was quittin' time or else...

yeah. Off to Daiodani to scream and let it all out. I wish driving ranges here were cheaper - like back in NC.

Tomorrow, I will NOT do any work that is NOT part of my Kadogawa duties. Alhough, studying Japanese is ok. (もちろん) Do not feel HURT b/c of others. Do not feel DISRESPECTED! This is THE REAL WORLD! FOCUS Hilda! IMPROVE Hilda! 加油 Hilda! 我慢強い Hilda!


「加油」 means "ga" to add; "yow" is fuel. Collectively, they mean "focus, work harder, do your best, don't give up" in Cantonese (and other Chinese dialects).

This weekend should be interesting. Grace & I are headed back to Kijo for "Thai food", bringing along Mel and Su Yu with us this time. Hopefully, we'll get a chance to visit Saitobaru fields for a mini hanami (sakura viewing).

Unbeknownst to Su Yu, it's actually a surprise birthday party for her. We found the cutest dinnerware for her present too. I'll put up the photos later.

Later this evening, R has booked me for something he can't be bothered to tell me about. Snuggle****! Hopefully, it's something fun ;)!

I booked him for a few hours on Sunday... to take him to the Picture Book Village. (Yes! You guessed it!) He'd never read this, so I suppose it's ok to type it here. Wish me luck kidnapping him for a few hours... although he's a grown man, R will definitely not be able to resist this beautiful place. Hopefully the weather won't be gray and gloomy.

As for Toronto, I'll be taking a nice trip to visit my grandma, parents and friends from 6/20 - 7/4! For over 1500USD, it's worth it, my grandma is worth more than that to me. I miss her.

I had a lovely weekend so far. I left R to himself this weekend. We had a yummy curry that R made for dinner and watched Vantage point at the late showing. Then, on Saturday, we woke up VERY slowly (gosh, I love weekends!) and I went to hang out with Grace and Corey at this delicious Thai restaurant in the middle of the countryside. The old man who ran this restaurant was super nice and even read our fortune in our names and palms. After lunch, the three of us went to the "picture book village" (also in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mountains and rice paddies) with a fabulous view. The coffee shop wasn't bad, but the hot sandwich (or ANY sandwiches) didn't need to include mayonnaise. yuk. What can I say... it's Japan. After 5, we drove back north and sang karaoke for 2 hours. Bliss...




Unfortunately, tomorrow (or rather, today!) I will be running 5k in the Kadogawa Road Race. Wish me luck.

xoxox,
Hilly



I'll talk about the fortune telling session later. :) He was very accurate -- it was uncanny.

I'm so happy Kyouko (my friend and colleague) invited me to her wedding! It was fun and a good learning experience. Unfortunately I left early to attend another party (after just 2 hours) all the way across the prefecture. Luckily, many photos were taken to document this unique experience.

One thing is for sure, no matter how hardened you are or what country you're from, you're guaranteed to get a little teary eyed at a wedding.

lol as disgusting as that sounds, it's a silly inside joke. R made some sweet, onion and potato curry on Sunday. Served with brown rice and red wine. ;) He makes my tummy so happy!

in other news, I'm moving house in less than 10 days! My new solace, safe haven... yay!

I can't wait til I get the St. Paddy's T-shirt from BB4Ks. it looks great! http://www.flickr.com/photos/sugar/2320090869/ that's the design James Harris created. Hopefully, they make a good profit (it'll be a donation to an orphanage in Bali).

I'm moving into a larger apartment on the first next month. For my sake, the roaches and mukade (poisonous centipedes) stay away. This will be my second "home on my own" overseas... which means I'm an adult... but jeez, I can't help but act like my fourteen year old students around him. He knows it too. baka.

that's me. stupid.

Here are some photos of the empty apartment. Not sure when the lease will be finalized, all I know is... I need to allocate 88,000 yen to keep me from going insane in this tiny room of an apartment. Money soon-to-be well spent.

ok back to reading Phillip Pullman's The Amber Spyglass. I love the series, even if it was written for children.

"The course of true love never did run smooth..."

Lovely quote from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

I thought I was finished paying off debt, but now I have more debt. Japan has an option of selecting whether you want to pay in full or increments at the time of purchase. This is rather useful, unfortunately, when you use the card internationally you have no choice but to pay in installments. (Or maybe it's just me...)

So here I am paying extra for interest and under a false impression that I have money to spend.

Gaah! I have no one other than myself to blame for this great "tragedy". ha. damn shopaholic I am.

In light of this, some sacrifices shall have to be made. During the workweek, dining out will be restricted to twice a week. On the weekends, I'll do my best to cook with R.

CC use is forbidden until I pay off some stuff. Paying in cash makes you realize just how much you are dishing out anyway. (note: writing down everything I buy has helped a bit so far.)

So here's the gist of it. By some act of willpower 100,000yen will be put aside after every payday.

10,000yen goes to the "Filly's Fabulous Bridesmaid Fund"
10,000yen goes toward the "Travel to Taiwan Fund" (can think of any snapping names this late at night)

The remaining 80,000yen (roughly 700ish USD) will be set aside for the sake of NOT SPENDING every yen in my name.

stupid tempting VS. oh... how i can never stay angry at VS for long. Just can't wait to go to the flagship store in NYC with Phyllis!

Phyllis sent me some VS stuff that I ordered a while back. :) It just arrived along with some cool stickers, a cute notepad and other stuff. No need to buy new clothing.

Crap, I forgot to order a new VS Embrace bra. oh well. :) Gotta save money. Cute bras can wait, even if it is the VS semi annual sale again. Good thing I just got a new swimsuit. Motivation to work out.

UPDATE: Oh %$&*%! I just had to look at VS.com... they have even cuter swimwear this season. F***

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=3H-223658&page=1&cgname=OSSWMBIKZZZ&rfnbr=1232


this just threw a wrench into my new savings plan. must resist!

The term "goals" are preferable to NY resolutions since it really doesn't matter what day you start. You just need to set your mind to it, commit yourself and then EXECUTE!

So let's see...

1. Save money. A lot of money. My friends and family are all getting married! I'm really honored to be invited to Kyouko's wedding. My first Japanese wedding! Filly is scheduled for March 2009, and asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. :) Wow, one of my close friends is getting MARRIED! (Sorry for sounding like such a flake -- I really do love weddings. It means my friends are really happy. That makes me all teary eyed and happy for them.) Amy's wedding is probably going to be in September 2009 from what she last told me.

Oh dear. Making my way to NYC (aka the hub of the world) is one thing, but Hawaii... that'll require a lot of saving.

2. Improve my Japanese. I MUST DO IT FOR MEEEEEEE!

3. Learn the basic of Korean. It might help my understanding of Japanese grammar.

4. Work on Mandarin. Even if it's just to straighten out my tones and pin yin. Technically, Cantonese speakers have and can use all the intonations - why this language eludes me is a mystery! Visiting Beijing and Shanghai, I realized just how atrocious my accent was.

I'm very sorry it sucks that much. Except for the time I cussed out an extremely rude taxi driver in Shanghai in Japanese, Cantonese and English. He deserved it. I tried my best to use HIS language and he wouldn't bother to try and understand me and gave off the impression that he didn't want my business (like a lot of other Shanghaiese/Mainlanders I came across).

bastards.

5. Travel to Taiwan! Now that China's been checked off (though I still want to go on another tour), it's time for Taiwanese delights! Sample great Chinese tea, eat Taiwanese sweets, get a Taiwanese foot massage & accupuncture (love it!), and eat a ton of xiao long bao! Best part is the new direct route from Miyazaki (KMI) to Taipei!

6. Bring my own BENTO lunch. (Oh crap, sorry Hayley. I'll send the bento stuff soon. Ms. Procrastination!)

7. Cook more often, eat out less. (health and wallet related)

8. Train for a 5k. Don't laugh. I lead a sedentary lifestyle at the moment. Last year, it took me 31 minutes to clear 5km. This year I'll try to run in a few more road races.

Shower time...

<3 vschiquita


P.S. - TO better help you keep track of your goals, Joe's Goals is a generic but versatile tracker. And it's FREE! http://www.joesgoals.com/

So... after the New Year what's the latest thing to be happy about? More of my friends are getting married! I'm so happy and excited for them! And one of my oldest friends (by which I mean we care enough to keep in touch and can pick up our friendship just like it used to be. Only now we're much more worldly and fabulous in our own right!), Filly, asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. :) Yay!

I'm so excited... Although I've begun to feel that rush of panic when a ton of your best mates are all starting to get married -- leaving you behind in Singledom. The only bad thing is I'd have to save. A LOT. Starting next year. But as long as we're all happy!

Life's too short.

Oh, and my friend (and colleague), Kyouko also invited me to her wedding. Weddings in Japan are just as big of a deal as they are back home. Perhaps even more expensive, which is why it's an honor to be invited (being a foreigner and all). Granted, they don't give things as wedding presents but money (as a blessing). The closer to the couple, the more you give them. Odd numbers are consider auspicious while it's a taboo to give an even amount such as 20,000yen. Generally, Japanese people who attend the wedding give anywhere from 10,000 - 30,000yen. That's about $100-$300 USD.

When you think about it, wedding reception/planning & funeral homes are the best places to make money in Japan. Can't haggle too much when you have to cremate and bury the dead within a few days. And weddings just HAVE to be grand in Japan or you might be ridiculed behind your back.

I just hope no one else is planning on getting married anytime soon. Or else I won't be able to make it. Missed a couple of weddings already. :(

xox,
vschiquita

Of all the impractical things I'd like, this is number one at the moment. A girl can dream - and it's not even for my bf. Just for ME!

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=3F-218855&page=3&cgname=OSSLPSXYZZZ&rfnbr=3438

*sigh*

updates about China later. zzz-time

uh oh... Amy told me people in her prefecture asked her how they were related to me. I either did something very good or very wrong for my reputation to proceed me.

I always thought I was meant for great things... haha... silly childhood dream. These days I don't even know what I want out of life, or who I am. What I do know is where to start in making me love myself. Damn those bad habits, little things I thought didn't matter to turn this lazy bum around. I don't respect myself enough to clean up.

Hope everyone is well. Sorry updates have been few and far in between.

I finally got off my ass today and prepared an early dinner!

On my menu were:

Sashimi-grade wild salmon baked with olive oil, pepper and lemon juice (it needed just a bit of salt!) While the healthy fatty fish was baking, I ate some natto with avocado, freshly chopped nira and yuzu-ponzu (as the sauce). R made this for me as breakfast last Saturday morning, and it was so good, I just had to make it for myself. Best part is the healthy omega-3 fats and protein.

Having an avocado twice a week shouldn't be too fattening, eh?

Hilda --
[adjective]:

Sexually stunning

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

cuz it just makes me feel a bit more exciting! woooh! Hilda Tong didn't yield the same results.

Ever get the feeling you overthink constantly and more than one thing at a time? That's how I feel - unless I'm working on a project (art that is) - my thoughts are going a million miles at once.

So I'm going to attempt and unload a bunch of it on here.

I can drive a manual car (well, theoretically I should be able to with more practice) in a nearly empty parking lot without stalling. I usually stall the car when I get nervous and over think about what to do. Driving comes with instinct.

Other news, I managed to give 2 workshops and head 2 discussions in front of my peers at the Kobe Re-Contracting Conference. It was a lot of fun, and I'm surprised I didn't freeze. Traveling alone around Kobe and Osaka (at some point) was incredibly uplifting. To know that I can survive on my own. Alone. Although, I'd much prefer not to be alone all the time. I need other people to be there -- even if it's just their presence.

And speaking of being alone, I feel terrible about skipping out of the MAJET enkai tonight, but I'm going to go crazy if I don't get some time to myself soon. To sleep/rest. And to clean my apartment. Hopefully Maki-san won't mind or be too inconvenienced if I reschedule the class. As much as I'd love to see R, I need more time to myself. To deal with this apartment which is seriously depressing me. If there is anything I've learned, my future homes MUST be larger than just a one room apartment and kitchen.

My parents have spoiled my little brother and I, our houses have always been spacious and clean. On a good note, despite the lack of space, I still occasionally cook for myself. It's a pleasure - though I'd much rather cook for two.

And I find when I cook, my choices are healthy foods with a lot of vegetables. :) It should help because when combined with exercise, the extra weight since I came to Japan should disappear. I hate the fact that fatty deep fried chicken is so readily accessible in these parts of Japan. Gaaah!

And finally, Seoul and Beijing... that's the goal for this autumn!

that is all for now.

- Mandarin Chinese
- Japanese
- how to play pool
- how to keep my home in better shape...
- how to put on a kimono
- to tie an obi
- how to cook delicious things...
- to better express myself
- get get past my laziness and do things!

and many more