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[Jan. 17th, 2005|10:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | until the day i die | ] |
im not coming back, fuck it, you know when ia dude breaks your heart an they dont even know it cuz their too wond up in their own shit to realize it..well that hurts, but imagining ur friends breaking your heart. its trillion times worse. and for them not even to know it hurts even more. to be so oblivious, i dont know, maybe i did something for them to stop being my friends and i just didnt see it. so i guess i can just somehow blame it on myself...31st i get to find out everything, and im panicing about it all, and i highly thing that im going to be alone for that day too. im not going to kill myself or anything cuz thats just selfish and stupid...ill just lock myself in a closet for a week or 2...honestly i havent even really thought about what im going to do, im afraid to because i dont know what. but i guess being alone you learn how to become just dependent on yourself so in a way im pretty lucky, maybe i just dont need friends...or maybe they just dont need me. maybe i was a shitty friend, im begininning to think i was...and maybe thats why im not invited anywhere, yes, i am a shitty friend...that has to be it..or maybe im just a bad person, i dont know, i think im all of the above. its pretty obvious. and maybe their making it clear with the way they act that they doont want to be around me. turks is coming up and i feel like im going with half a stranger because all i can look back at the memories of us and grieve about hoping that everything will be like what it used to be. im nervous. and thats pretty pathetic that im nervous cuz shes my bestfriend but i just want things to go back, and yes i know they never will and thats why ive decided to stay at bluehills, id rather stay there and be alone then go to norwood and have all my memories to look back on it and them keep embracing in my head..so fuck it...go bluehills warriors..not...agh..fuckk it |
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[Jan. 16th, 2005|09:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  jubilantlearn anewrd evry day | ] |
| [ | music |
| | what i got | ] |
heres a new theory about friends: if a friend is worth it they wont stop being your friend for any friend, but those friends you keep for a lifetime and no matter what, they stick by your side, they were totally worth it, but the ones who have found one reason or another not to be your friend, well them, no matter what,was not worth it..now that is my opinion, i defintly think when a friend leaves me..then fuck it i dont need him, b4 i was thinknig about it i though oh well i need my friends, well no, fuck it, honestly you really sometimes dont, not unless their true, and you know it, but until you find that true friend that never leaves ur side...you're just gonna hafta wait it out...but until a friend starts treating u like a piece of shit and finds a reason not to like u then its cool but then if they dont wanna be ur friend then they defintly just arent worth it and dont even bothering dwelling cuz you'll have new friends. im begininng friends are just a thing u have to do in life...the more and more i think about it..my life is like a game, dude...what do you think of peanuts..me n joe were discussing this last night..what if we were peanuts...man o man..would be be crazi..shake rattle rolll sizzle wwwikk ssshaa lla laa loo hahahahahaa watttttt doot doot squala la dam de dam dwat sceeeppeddeebopp!!!!hahahahahaha i cant finish this right now im doing something to save my romo from departable distructionof the airforce gravityyyyy ahhhh aaaaahhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha blaze dude.just fucking blaze peaceee
cmlw |
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[Jan. 11th, 2005|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ehh you know ;) | ] |
| [ | music |
| | when i come around-greenday | ] |
heyy, alright, havent wrote in probably a month, sorry, acutally i lied, im not sorry, noone ever reads this thing anyways, but here i go, complaints, excuses, opnions and all. first off, i am a deep person, ive come to realize that, i show all emotion basically, and i do cry alot, i dont reall consider myself a baby, but just crying seems to help sometime. first things first, my acedemic part of school is a hell hole. i miss my friends like crazy, its gone to the point where i cant really hang out with them because it makes me miss them and hurts to see them. i try to see gabs as much as i can and that i feel very good about. but i also miss mike and katie, i would say i miss cody but i never went to school with him b4 lol so i couldnt. but everytime i talk to mike i cant help but cry, he dosent know im crying but i do. and i cant tell him cuz that would either make him feel shitty or make me feel shittier. i also miss my katie like crazi, shes someone i never want to be seperated from. maybe this is making me more independent but no matter wat i still need my friends. i think about them in school all the time. and i think about how much fun it would be if they were there and just make little daydreams in my head about what i would be doing if my friends were with me. and sometimes i want to just run in the lockerroom and ball my eyes out but i try to stick it out as much as i can and deal with it, yes, ive made a few new close friends at the school. but i know nothing is ever going to compare to the bond i have with my friends here in norwood. i think i deserve to have bestfriends like that, ive "searched" so long for good friends like that. and now their here. i just cant see them when i want to and i just need to deal with that. which sometimes i dont think i can. now it seems like all i do is cry, ive stopped cutting, and im losing alot of wieght, almost 30 pounds, and everyone can see it, so thatas good, me and katiec are going to the carribeen soon soo i am tempted to lose like 20 more lol. which i think will be a good vacation because katie is awesome and its been awhile since me n her spent time together, and its vacation so theres no stressing, like wen we went to the cape, it was absolutly stress free, and awesome, so it will be just like this and plus, i usually get along with katie, the only time i dont is wen i am being stubborn, she defintly somehow takes care of me so much lol ...i can give plenty examples physically and emotionally, but heres a pyhscail one..alright... WHO PICKED ME UP FROM EVERY CLASS EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR 3 MONTHS STRAIGHT!!! KATIEC! WHO STOPPED BEING FRIENDS WITH LAUREN CUZ SHE JUST SAW THE REAL INNER SIDE OF HER CUZ HER CRUELTY TO ME N GABS?! katieeee!!! WHO WALKED TO SOUTHNORWOOD IN THE SUMMER TO SEE ME CUZ I WAS "DEPRESSED"? KATIE AND MIKE! WHO LETS ME SHARE THEIR TOOTHBRUSH!? KATIE! WHO WAS THERE TO COMORT WHEN I FOUND OUT AL LEVOIE AND DAVE CARTER MADE AN MEAN BET ON ME!? KATIE AND MOTHER CAWLEY! WHO WAS THERE TO GO OFF THE BATHROOM WALL WITH ME!? KATIEEE
....MAN...IF IT WASENT FOR GABS KATIE MIKE OR CODY..I probablyu woulds have smoked myself retarded..which i have done the past vacation alot, being by myself isnt that bad, i defintly think i have some hope the things will be alittle, because if i didnt then i would of smoked myself retarded...but i am very proud to say i have the bestest friends in the world, and sooo bleeping grateful to have them in my life, it feels so much better writing in this and letting it out, its like my venting space, screw tlaking about wat i did today or yesterday..we'll keep it simple...i got laid...no surprise...maybe thats whats good about being a girl, you can basically get laid when you want, and another thing about sex is that i think its soo over rated my society..their all like dontt have sex and shit, sex is honestly not a big deal, just make sure thier clean and go at it...honestly when someone asks me how many people ive slept with i just i wanna be like ..no point in counting, its over rated. dosent mean i have sex with 100 dudes..no...i mean ive had my experince but basically now that i think about it, the word slut is made my society, totally. i am even gonna stop using the word, though i didnt even use it much b4, but theres just no point of the word, i dont know who fucked up our world..maybe it wasent even one single person, we have ourselves to blame, totally. now for some of you who do read this and wonder who im with right now...im not with anyone, i am totally freely single and livvinggg it up with diffrent dudes...dosent mean im bleepin them all..just chillen, ya no :) and i like it that way, i like not being attached and my life is totally getting better, i have alot to look forward to, carribeen, birthday, umm conformation! heck yes! hahaha lol i do love God, and i totally believe in him, i jsut dont believe alot of the stuff my religion believes in, but watever..nothing really i can honestly do about it...wootwoot i need to make my birthday list..gonna be longg and hard..need to limit it too ..pain in the effin asss duddeee..but ill live..oh and my music life is good, i got 2 new sublime cds burned..with diffrent songs on em.. oh and i am willing to date..but nothing real serious because wen i find the right dude..its gonna really hit me, and thats when i know ive fallen in loveeeeee haha...so corny......ohhh my bleeeeeeeepingggg goshhh my mom justcame downstairs like 2 seconds ago while i was typing and told me she and my dad have a hearing on january 31st ot find out if i can meet my mother ...im soooo scared...this is like the chance i have..and im scared..so scared that i dont know what im going to do it, but maybe i just wont think about it now so i am gona go...i will write in here latterrr! peaceee dudee |
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| cmlw guys.. |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|01:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | so happy together | ] |
wow..i just figured so much shit out, i dont like guys, i mean i do, but none in particular, see chances are, if we are hookingup, or have been, you have absolutly no chance. that is, if you are trying to get me to be ur girlfriend. but if u arent then maybe its mutual. and if it is that than you probably arent even worth my time. but i honestly just think i totally dont like any guys really...well not enough to be with them. and that probably no guy will ever either take the chance to go out with me..but at the same time wont ever get the chance because i wont let it happen. im young...what the heck do u need reletionships for? they blow, and only cause drama. so why not just lay back and relax and go withthe flow!? and i apoligize to those few guys that acutally do like me, and im sorry. but you and me will probably never become anything, not because ur not a cool person but just because i am me, and because of that, you 99% have no chance for me to acutally deeply like u back..and truthfully, chances are if we were to go out and i wasent fully commited..my life wouldnt change any diffrent if u werent here. its just how i live, i wanted to have a reletionship but im sorry to dissapoint those *few*, i like to just have fun. theres too many guys right now to just be with one that you most likley wont be with forever. i mean for a few its an exeception that they will be together for maybe even forever *cough*kdc mrb*cough* haha but really, alot of other people..like take those girls that have a new boyfriend every month and its i loveeee youu nothing will ever come between us, im sorry but something is going to come between you, no matter what it is. but right now...i am just going to live it up with my girl gabsola, cuz she really knows how to live, and i have so much respect for that, and im sorry, but all wat i just said is pretty much how ive looked at things and its not fair for u guys not to no that.. im sorry
cmlw |
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| the dayss go by |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|10:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alter bridge- open your eyes | ] |
looking back on all the has happened in these past years in norwood, from junior high to 9th grade. It wasent half as bad as i thought. But i have to a gree 8th grade was the best. We didnt give a shit bout what anyone thought. we had our own little click and no matter how pretty "popular" girls thought they were higher then us..heck no dude. no one ever brought us down. we were always -on the top-. and even though thinking we werent at all as pretty. looking back, we were beautiful-* Oh and another thing, growing up in public school, you learn how to deal with everyone too. from whoever or whatever they may be. I mean some people are pretty close minded and dont even bother to look past what the people may seem to be, but when really, they could probably end up being your bestfriend. I think i truley came out as one of the luckiest people. Im pretty picky when it coes to having those few truefriends that everyone says they have but they know they would bail out on them in a second. But see, i was lucky, i have those friends that so many people wish they had. They're more like my sisters and brothers than friends.I am defintly considering going back to nhs senior year, that year will be the greatest. dont get me wrong, their are dick heads there too . plenty of them, in both sexes too. But when i go back its gonna be like fuck them all and totally just do my own thing. and live it up like crazi. but for now i really need to worry bout the whole college thing... and whats in front of me right now. alright i only like scott and thats it. and i would give up everything i have for him. but i dont think he likes me that same way which totally sucks, and he dosent want a reletionship soo i think thats pretty much outta the question. Im begginging to think that maybe my mother is right, i am 15 but inside im 19, which kinda sucks but is kinda good too. I try to hide it more and act as immature as possible so that way i can be a normal 15 year old but while knowing that im never going to be totally at that thinking rate, i defintly agree that i think way too much, my vocab might be a little off but my ways and thoughts defintly arent, i think i should listen to my theripist more often. and maybe thats why pretty much all my truest friends are mature, but i think im the least maturest of kt mike cody in gabs in some ways haha. i still have that inner kid in me but i can have deep convosations too. i think thats the strong part of my personality, i guess im beginning more and more to becoming a secure person, haha as in what joe says "chrissy, i never ever thought of you as a slut, i always thought of you as a pimp" . There are differences between sluts and such..soo i guess can see his point in a way. and i dont know, the bottom line is, alot of people think they know me but when really they dont. but i guess its their own fault for not taking the time im pretty content and now i have almost everything i ever wanted. |
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[Dec. 19th, 2004|02:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
so here i go again, i think im thinking so hard that i dont no wat to write, i hate wen that happens, mann im stupid..the speakers on my computer werent workng cu i wasent turning it up enough and i outhght it just wouldnt work sooo i could only hear very little music in the bak round so i tried again and it worked...way to be ..idiot haha aw man im gonna watch plesentville and cheech and chong all ova again and try to find the message of pleasentville ll ..alrighty..ill bbl with figuring out the message!!
PEACEE
cmlwww |
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[Dec. 19th, 2004|02:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | van morrisen-brown eyed girl | ] |
alright.. i think my standards are way too high its pathetic, like i mean i like gyd and all but im very picky of who i want to really be with, like ill hookup wit a guy but never fall for practically none of them cuz im soo picky its insane, but in societies way i think it comes off as being slutty, but hey society sucks so it dosent matter, i just know what i really want, and how im going to do it so basically ..fuck society, way overrated man...ight ima write bak in a lil whil afta i blazeanotha..peaceeee
cmlw |
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| screwwwiot |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|09:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  such a shitty feeling | ] |
| [ | music |
| | every sad song | ] |
i was really starting to like russel, and now i have no chance what so ever, im never going to be with him, and its sucks. i finally was going to be alright, i cant stand my sister anymore, last night was bad, i did something bad, i hate feeling this way, i need to get away from her, someway somehow. im crushed, everything fell in my chest and broke my heart. i didnt no i felt this deeply about him until right now, maybe its because we havent even kissed and we've been talking for awhile so it acutally meant something...great now i got in a fight with my mom, nothing is working out anymore, everything is falling apart again and i dont no how to fix it this time. i just dont want to be here, im beginning to truley think that i might be bi polar |
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[Dec. 12th, 2004|08:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lmaooo | ] |
| [ | music |
| | love oyou madly-cake | ] |
guys are idiots, and i think im just as bad, i guess its true..ive finally admited it...i play alot of guys like their boardgames...but heyy its not like their not playing me either, i know a player when i see one, they just are plain stupid..and think that them hookingup with other girls will get me jealous when no, really it wont, they can go have their fun with other girls, i have my share of fun too ya know, their just soo stupid, especially when they try to hide it soo much ..wat idiots..its like helloo im playing you too loser, your only good in bed! yah know! ohh and then theres those other types of guys who come off to you way to like 'heyy look at me im here, open you legs so i can stick it in!' ..mann wat idiots, thats no way to get girls, see, i dont really go for players anymore because i cant help but laugh wen their trying to put the movies on me acting all like they want me when really they just want pusy hahaah its hilarious! i can tell whos fake and whos real, unlike them im not a total idiot! haha and ooh then theres russel, who is absoluty great, is defintly not fake, i can just tell by the way he looks at me, i hope he really is starting to like me, cuz i defintly do like him. im glad i havent kissed him yet, the only real physicanl contat i have had with him is when he hugs me or when he puts hisarm around me when we're taking a picture haha but then those other guys...HI--LAARRR-II-OUSSSS hahaaha man, i just want to laugh in their face rather then what most girls would do..bitch them out. haha as for me though i just play along i their little game and pretend i dont know, but now i think its time for me to share with the people who acutally read this shit that im not stupid and i know exactly how most people are, and whos insecure and whos jealous and who wants to be me ..hahaha jkkkkkkkkk , dude that would be totally crazy, 'when i grow up i want to be chrissy walsh' hahaha imagine if u could be other people when you grow up , that would defintly be a crack up hahaha, maybei ithkn too much, i dont know, but i dont think its really that much of a bad thing, i could probably write a book with all my thoughs..which someday i probably will when i get off my lazy ass. and man o man will people enjoy that mother effing book, ill prob write it baked..thats when i usually write stuff, and its stuff no one else would really even think about thinking about haha isnt that a wierd sentence thinking of thinking ..mann..im smart, ye indeed. but in a way maybe i am, i defintly think people do underestamat me <- so what if i cant spell...i have sooo much in my brain, its crazi..man..society is a piece of shit dude..people suck, i think im way too closed minded about josh being my only one , my "soul mate" maybe hes not even, maybe me n him were in our own world where we only saw the 2 of us, which is wat the world should really be..just happy. but no, society deintly sucks bleep..and yes now this kid is saying tha i tell everyone about us having hard sex..who the fuck from bluehills could i talk to about that..theres only 3 people there i have talked to about it..fuck al, fucking calling me a dumbass ..see i usually dont swear but right now..man..tht made me mad, fuck him dude , you dont call someone a dumbass is phsycolgically knows probably so much more...god wat a fuckhead that bothers me like crazi..vaniLLa13ean4 20: nvm, im arguing with somebody who dosent even now the allegiant swinish multitude of the socialite
hahaha lmaoo...dude..that was sooo sweeet i kicked ass in that..cody must be proud lmaooo
Cody Skully: good ise of fake words
vaniLLa13ean4 20: haha wat
vaniLLa13ean4 20: those arent fake words..those are real
Cody Skully: allegiant swinish?
hahhahahahaha lmaooooo this must be one greatt night..im having a blast hahaaha |
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| shoottt meee babi |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|11:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | atreyu-right side of the bed | ] |
alright yeah, this totally blows..man o man ...just shoot me now...how could i ever think that he was acutallu thinking about me..im pathetic..aghhh |
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[Dec. 9th, 2004|08:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | with you-jessica simpson | ] |
its crazy how the person you are in love with who was once in love with you can be gone so quickly, not even expecting it, and then it finally hits you, the love you once had is grumbled, gone, and then theres nothing more then the memories of the happiness and it kills you inside, because knowing, someone who was so great is a complete and total stranger to you, the person you once told all your deepest and darkest secerets, the person that was there to life your spirits when things got rough but you know for all that its worth, you would do anything to get him back
</3
this sucks so bad, its such a shitty feeling, last year around this time right b4 i met josh everything was falling apart, my mom was crying on my her brithday, my sister left our family and pretty much just told us she didnt love us or anything, everything was falling apart, i was a total wreck and that was when everything was just going down and when thinking about what was going to happen to our family, so on the wensday of my mothers birthday we went out to eat at the cheesecake factory, and she cried there, it hurt me so bad to see her so sad! so at that point shit was bad but i had a swimmeet to look forward to,for one reason, the cute boy on the team but then friday i was babysitting ova in braintree where i watched pirates of the caribeen with the lil kid mike, and a big snow strom started happening, now that weekend my parents went away and judy and brian were watching me and the house so i got home that fridaynight and prayed that my meet would still be on, i woke up the next morning to see about 4 feet of snow, where at that point only a miracle could get me to that swimmeet so the swim meet ended up being canceled so i was pretty upset about that and then katie called and asked if i wanted to go to pats with her with mike and steve so i did, i didnt think it was all gonig to be that great then i met josh. my 1st empression, well my 1st empression was hmm hes an alright looking kid and then that night was probably id say one of the best nights of my life. we kept talking every day from probably 2:30 in the afternoon till 4 the next morning or maybe even later, i always believed fate brought us together, i once told him that i though god sent him for me to be my angel, things were getting rough and he was there, he was there through everything, he was there when i was getting closer to finding my mom, he promised me he'd come to arizona with me and that if someway somehow things didnt end up working out between us that we'd be friends, but i guess this all taught me that promises are supossed to be broken, your not supossed to believe everything someone tells you, even if you do trust them with all your heart. he was my bestfriend, but i believe somehow we'll be together again, if not by seeing eachother from his friends then fate will make in on its own. And this time "he" wont be able to stop us from being together again, ilu with all my heart
i have a bunch of poems and quotwaes i have from me n him or poems i just wrote, i never relaly read them to anyone but him lol but he once sung me the christeena song haha, and all the stupid quotes ffrom convosations haha so random
what if we ran out of condoms?
umm we'd hafta go out and get more?
its been so long that maybe the reason why i am not crying right now is because little by little im trying to forget the memories of us and its acutally working, but maybe i dont want to forget it, but maybe you forgot how i am and how i am like, maybe thats why you dont miss me as much as i miss you </3 *12*09*03
peace 1 love
j.s.f.e.
c.m.l.w. |
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| mehh ilujf |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|09:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | angel of mine-monica | ] |
man...today i had school then swim meet against sacrad heart which we won 99 to 71..and then i went home a for a lil while had some chicken then went to dance class ..which was a prettygood work out wootwoot..well...tomorrow is the day...meh, i dont know what i am going to do, i dont think i have enoguh tears to cry but i also think i ddont want to see anybody either...this is such a bad feeling it sucks...waetever..i need to suck it up..wish me luck...ahh
cmlw |
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| why do you have to.. |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|08:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hurt | ] |
| [ | music |
| | complicated | ] |
alright my day consisted of...school...home...swim..where i got a hole in my bathingsuit and hadda go to dacathlon and get a new one..wootwoot lol its plain nasd black and looks horrible..ehh..yeah..then came home..man..i miss him soo much...
why do you have to go and make things so complicated acting like somebody else gets me fustrated..man people are soo two sided...i hate the way he makes you act..if it wasent for him we'd still be together..but if it wasent for..i wouldnt know you :/ which confuses me, am i supossed to dislike you? but i was thinking about it tonight..remember our last kiss...on the way home we just stared at eachother and kissed...and i new i was in love with you but then the next day you couldnt even look at me..it was like father beating his child saying no and just beating him until hes just too afraid to talk..so is that what you are now? a child who cant stick up from his father cuz ur so little? or it might be a dude who cant stick up for himself from his bestfriend..which is pretty bad..i know exactly how you are..well at least i knew..unless you were totally fake which i highly doubt..but you were my bestfriend..and for all of that to be taken away in a oment is probably top worst feeling ive ever had and to still be grieving on it a year later is even worse but what you did was worse, the breakup wasent even supossed to happen that way, thats like having your dad dump me ha...no, see this is what makes me think that maybe when you realize what went on you might talk to me..if you can only remember who i am and how i am ...then you will know..you can talk to me..and i will ALWAYS be there. i am now.. you just chose not to have me in yourt life anymore..now that is a pain i cant forget that you gave me..but hey whatever goes..just hope some day you realize what you did was a mistake..and who knows, maybe i wont be there, but i highly doubt that, because from all that i know ..you are my only one..my one and only and i love you with all my heart :) hope you still know that
cmlw |
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[Dec. 6th, 2004|09:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lalala | ] |
| [ | music |
| | should of known better | ] |
heyyy, here we go, my day... i went to school..in the morning kerri sliced her finger and hadda go to the hospital..aw i feel bad, the kmk concert was tonight and she hadda miss it, that sucks im sorry kerri i love you and hope you feel better!!!well then the rest of the day was alright..i worked on sandwiches in the cafe and the dishroom..woot.. lol and then i went back to the otha side at the end of the day and found out bout al and lisa :( watever its cool, he was just like ooh why'd you tell her now im not gonna get laid anymore..mehh..idk wat thats supossed to mean lol but idc cuz hes cool lol but then i found out i won best looking and i felt pretty privledged lol and then i went to swim..and swam..after that lisa pciked me n al up and i tried changing ...but it was hard and ending up sucking al's face in the back seat of lisa's car..ahhh hes soo good lol :/ hahaha but anyways..then we went to the mall i got ...made 2 girls extremly mad with lisa haahaha lmao and then got hit on by josh..man..i defintly thinking im coming to the conclusion where i know what i want, but i defintly think i am a player..which isnt cool... but you know, i think its good i know what i want and just play guys until i find the right one and stay lol, i did find the right one im just waiting for him again lol,but its cool, im just happy i know what i want lol but its cool i love josh..and russel hahaha see..now thats hard..josh is love from a distance but russel..well yeah i like him alot, hes cool |
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| crash |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|06:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | i think i love you | ] |
im begining to dislike this more and more, ive never ever felt this way about anyone. b4 i thought i could get over it but i cant, i just dont know how i can tell him, he was my bestfriend so maybe he can understand if he just looks beyond what has happened, i cant stand some people, so ignoriant and all they think about is themselves agghh |
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| 7 more days ahh |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|02:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | i miss him more than anything | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jessica simpson-with you | ] |
next sunday is december 5th...ah i have a week b4 i kill myself, what should i do, eh, this sucks i do not want this day to come at all, i think i will take a trip, just to get away from 'him' on my mind ....24 damn 7 ..i hate this so much, and on the 9th..man i have no idea what im going to do ...go on another trip? i said i would never go back to doing this god help me...
well anyways
god bless...
chrissy walsh... |
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[Nov. 24th, 2004|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | haha funnyyy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | garden grove-sublime | ] |
hey dudes here is my day..i went to boston today, with cody mikeb dan kyle ans shobian, it was awesome we went to fanuel hall, got bread bowls of chowda and their were pigions haha lmao in the place lol, yeah but then we started walking to copley and got to newbury street..the highlight of my day was CONDOM WORLD!!!! yes !!! ahah purple vibrator, left my insents on sum stoop... which sucks dude..ahh yeah but thats alright yeah i went to sguar heaven and got candy and then went on the train and came bak to norwood and went to papa ginos and saw carly and people so we chilled and then i walked to chels's and talked abotu the vibrator hahaah and danced lol wootwoot yeah then i walked down to see dave but didnt feel like driving me home at 10:30 so i just left instead and went back to chelseas and chilled and my mom picked me up and we chilled then i came home and people were here so cxhileld down ehre n than me n jodi went fora ride a lil while ago to see her brother on the other side of norwood and chilled and now im with them all, got some alochol ova here dude lmao haha so now im here..ill write more lada..im jsut not in the mood to ya no..too fuckedup in a really good sober way..mehh haha
love chrissy |
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| earth |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|09:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | angel-sarah mclaughlin | ] |
wow, this is crazy, this is only the begginging when i think about it, all the things i need or want, i have to try, and i know im going to try, i need to try. here we go with my to do list
1-get all As so i can go to juliarddd!!!!
2-find my mother and father
3-need to somehow someway tell josh
4-start being a peer mediator
5-start my book
6-find a good dance school
7-make someone believe
those are only a few but their going to be hard, very hard
this sucks, i wish things just came so easy but if they did then it really wouldnt be a goal,josh was supossed to go to arizona with me..idk if he still would want to come, but i have that feeling again, last time i got that feeling it ended up ryan screwing me over and me losing so much respect for him so i dont know, maybe ryan will come around..or maybe it was just a pathetic idea, but no i dont think so, my brain dosent work like that,especially with that skill, im not gonna say its always right but sometimes and thats why i think ryan is gonna come around or sumthing, or maybe he just needs to, doing drugs ur whole life, ya you can do, but you're never going to be what u want to be. im just starting to realize it, i mean i still blaze up and shit but not even as much, and im glad, i dont want to be doin that shit all the time all my life, im gonna make it to where i want to be. yes. oh yeah i want to talk about sunday night, i went to church and it wiked sad, everything went through my head, and i didnt want to cry but it was those tears that just come out when not even being able to help it. i pray to god everyday that everyone is alright, but see sunday night i saw so much disrespect from 2 people, they were laughing and talking about this kid who went up there and told us his story about his father, and they were saying stuff like oh hes such a loser, he punched walls, o ya okay your tough...it was stuff like that, see those are the things i hate most. i hate it. i dont really hate anything but i hate that. people are so ignorant. that what i want to change about the world, i dont know how but if i could. thats the kind of stuff you dont say about people. like those boys cant see that, they are obviously so closeminded, maybe not everyone can see right through them but i can. its horrible, just thinking about it bothers me. dude..i punch frigin walls, yes ive cut myself, but does that make me some crazi syco ..no. its how i deal with things, wat is this world now, who ever is not like u guys are losers? everyone is diffrent but people should not be treated the way they treated him, saying that stuff. if they said that to his face he could prob beat the crap out of both of them but wouldnt cuz hes so much better than that. i know both those guys are good people deep down there just so corrupted. man o man
i dont know how id be without megan, shes made me into what i am, not by her herself like talking to me that much but seeing what she was going through as a bipolar child, it was tough and its a miracle she came out alive, but thank god. i think i wasent born totally strong, but the stuff our family went through and is going through made me strong and this is making me stronger, and now i know what i want out of life, and that feels good. i feel put together and look so much beyond people. hopefully people can find their spots in life, i cant believe im even saying this now, maybe people wont read this so it would be good cuz it would still be to myself, but to alot of people i feel like im just playing a role. and then heres the real me behind all of that. its so wierd but true-GOD BLESS
chrissy walsh |
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[Nov. 20th, 2004|10:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | simple plan-addicted | ] |
alright so here it is, i am too good for him, i am going to get so much better than him, its either deep down inside he really does love me or the look he gave me was haha i had sex with u last weekend and let my friend try to get with you too with me knowing hahaa kind of look, i feel degraded by him, so degraded, and so hurt cuz i did like him, i liked him so much, its crazi. why did i let this happen and why do i let people treat me like this, i had way too much respect for him, screw him, he had messedup teeth anyways, aggh why does this happen to me, i dont no wat else to do anymore, he has no idea how i felt about him, and that hurts so much, or how i feel. im rambling but it feels better, wow my life is shit right now, tonight is daves birthday party, and i probably could have gone if i only asked my mom but i new she woulda saidno so i didnt bother, so his party is going on and prob has tons of girls over and im here ...but the thing is im not worried that he'll screw me over, for once i think ive got a good guy but dont no just yet if hes supossed to be my good guy...i truley think im just meant to be josh's or ryan's ..josh cuz howwe got along and ryan because i think somehow i could change things with him idk why so wierd, god help me please, aghhh ohh and i went to liz's tongiht which was fun and chilled wit her dave chuck and george mehhhh
love chrissy walsh |
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[Nov. 20th, 2004|12:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mwah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brian mcnight-the only one for me | ] |
my mom wanted me to have horses...like her ...so my parents got me weedie, who may i say..is the best dog ever...blind and deaf.who cares shes awesome haha |
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vanillablaze420's journal