![[icon]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/10583187/1997859) |
Presidential Deathmatch 2004
|
| | Subject: | LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! | | Time: | 11:33 am |
|
| *playing Hail To The Chief*
Good morning, ladies, gentlemen; members of the voting public; colleagues; my honoured lords.
Mr. Pratchett and Mr. Rickman, I'm sure none of us will deny it was a hard-run race. But the votes have been tallied and I am pleased to say that out of sixty candidates, we have elected ourselves a president.
President-Elect Mr. Neil Gaiman, Vice-President Elect Lord Havelock Vetinari, we salute you!
I'll see you all at the Inaugural Ball. | comments: 58 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | Hail To The Chief | | Subject: | DEATHMATCH FINAL ROUND | | Time: | 11:33 am |
|
| Hmmm. Look, a few hundred more votes than usual. I wonder why....*winks in the general direction of ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif) officialgaiman* Well, here we are with the final two. Hard luck to Crowley and Sparrow.
I'd like to ask people to keep the voting as fair as possible (Ha! Good one, Sam!) please, by not cloning journals and voting multiple times. Sucks all the fun out of it, don't you think?
It's been a long hard road to election, so without further ado, and with banners flying high, I present to you our candidates.
Keep it civil, and have fun!
*ding!*
Poll #270834
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllAND THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS... Scrawl a note in your ballot margin:
Also on this momentous day we gather to elect a vice-president by the simple method of locking several of our favourite (and least favourite) former presidential candidates together in a cage and watching until only one is left standing. Vote for as many as you like. This is True Hardcore Deathmatch right here, ladies and gentlebeings.
*ding!*
Poll #270835
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllIf someone shoots the president, who would you want in command?
View AnswersLord Havelock Vetinari: Ruthless ruler of Ankh Morpork; antipathy to mimes.
   268 (46.6%) Cleopatra of Egypt: Queen of Egypt, consort of Roman Emperors, took it in the asp.
55 (9.6%) Joan of Arc: Led the French to freedom and victory; heard voices, but sensible ones.
76 (13.2%) Joe Lieberman: Former real-life presidential candidate; holds record for least amount of Deathmatch votes ever. Even Britney Spears got more than he did.
16 (2.8%) U2's Bono: Musician, activist, and all-round stand-up guy. Also quite cute, apparently.
72 (12.5%) Alan Rickman: Professional actor; roles include a cranky wizard and an Edwardian colonel.
188 (32.7%) Oscar Wilde: Posing somdomite. (bonus points if you get the reference.)
151 (26.3%) Eowyn, daughter of Eormund: She, quite clearly, is no man.
175 (30.4%) Bjork: Freaky foreign musician with awesome hair.
40 (7.0%) Eddie Izzard: Stand-up comedian who looks better in makeup than lots of women do.
148 (25.7%) Marcel Marceau:
25 (4.3%) Delirium: One of the Endless, who keeps CrEEpinG hEr Way IN...
115 (20.0%) Cthulu: Scary tentacle-faced critter, suggested by chuck_lw
108 (18.8%) Is that your final answer?
All voting closes at 11:30 American CST tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who has voted, commented, corrected, and suggested; it's been highly entertaining. From the control room of Deathmatch Central, I salute you! | | comments: 28 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Phase VII | | Time: | 11:29 am |
|
| It's come down to this, ladies and gentlemen (and the rest of you) -- At this time tomorrow only two will survive.
I swear the pairs got picked by coin toss. I swear.
ETA: Can't alter a poll once it's begun, but Johnny Depp ought to be Captain Jack Sparrow. That'll teach me to do the poll while trying to write a paper. Take as read that it's Sparrow, not Depp. Ta, ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) eruthros!
*ding!*
Poll #270256
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND ONE: Tell the world Why: ROUND TWO: Testify! | | comments: 47 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Melee Results: | | Time: | 02:18 pm |
|
| Well, the votes are in and the election has been called. Our two final teams are Sparrow - Crowley and Pratchett - Gaiman. Note how I carefully did not use slashes. Thank you.
Captain Jack Sparrow / A.J. Crowley: 118
Terry Pratchett / Neil Gaiman: 115
Lord Havelock Vetinari / Johnny Depp: 102
Eowyn / Commander Sam Vimes: 73
Tomorrow there will be two rounds of voting, since the pairs are getting broken up, Tuesday the Final Two will go up against each other, and at noon on Wednesday...
...we'll have elected a new president of the United States.
(There will also be a special Melee Deathmatch for VP. Stay tuned.)
Keen! | | comments: 46 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Phase Six | | Time: | 11:34 am |
|
| All right, kids. Here it is. The Melee.
Four teams. One cage. The two teams with the most votes at this time tomorrow will be our finalists.
I've set up the voting so that you can vote for as many as you like; VOTE ONLY FOR TWO. I'm holding you to the honour system. Cos you know, it worked so well in Rome and all. *grins* Remember that your answers are visible, so we'll know if you've been naughty. Not that we'll do anything about it. But we'll know. *squinty Clint Eastwood glare*
*ding!*
*flees*
Poll #269455
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllPHASE SIX: THE RECKONING Curse Sam. Go ahead. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Phase V Completed. | | Time: | 02:23 pm |
|
| Wow. This was a close one. My goodness. I mean, I'm not saying Eowyn isn't tougher than Captain Jack Sparrow, who is less tough than a not very tough thing, but I do admit I'm slightly surprised.
Eowyn / Commander Sam Vimes: 100
Captain Jack Sparrow / A.J. Crowley: 92
Which means the four parties are:
Eowyn / Commander Sam Vimes
Terry Pratchett / Neil Gaiman
Captain Jack Sparrow / A.J. Crowley (Wildcard)
Lord Havelock Vetinari / Johnny Depp
Tomorrow there will be A Reckoning from which only two pairings will remain, and after that I think we'll break the parties back down to individuals to vote amongst the Final Four. Sound agreeable? Good.
*wicked grin* | | comments: 20 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | V: Round Two results and Round Three | | Time: | 11:30 am |
|
| Eee. It was close at the start, but round two really had certain elements of "landslide" to it...
Terry Pratchett / Neil Gaiman: 112
Alan Rickman / Remus Lupin: 49
Poor Rickman-Lupin. *pats them*
And on we go to the final round of this phase. Let the voting commence!
*ding!*
Poll #268434
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND THREE Pirate or Policeman? Demon or Dame? | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | V: Round One results and Round Two | | Time: | 11:35 am |
|
| And we have our voting results from this time round...Vetinari/Depp does seem to be unstoppable, even in the face of sexual sadists and transvestite comedians.
Lord Havelock Vetinari / Johnny Depp: 107
The Marquis de Sade / Eddie Izzard: 50
So without further delay, on to round two.
I'm sorry about this one. Really, I am. Nobody is more sorry than I am about this one.
*ding!*
Poll #267897
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND TWO Dan Rather is monitoring the exit polls, and wants your thoughts... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | V: Round One! | | Time: | 11:10 am |
|
| Good morning, all! Well, good afternoon or good evening to some of you, but as we're voting on an American president, we'll stick to the Central Time Zone.
Without further ado, let's get right to it...*prepares to duck the fwappage*
*ding!*
Poll #267282
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND ONE Channel Four News Wants Your Thoughts... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Phase IV Results. | | Time: | 11:42 am |
|
| All right, ladies and gents, it's coming down to the wire now.
Lord Havelock Vetinari and his running mate Johnny Depp beat out Alexander the Great and Oscar Wilde by 110 - 74, a well run race indeed. Which means that we have a list of six Phase V pairs!
Eowyn / Commander Sam Vimes
Terry Pratchett / Neil Gaiman
Alan Rickman / Remus Lupin
The Marquis de Sade / Eddie Izzard
Captain Jack Sparrow / A.J. Crowley
Lord Havelock Vetinari / Johnny Depp
Six fictional characters, four famous ones, and two from the Weird category survive. Not a single actual politician has made it this far.
Good luck to all candidates; voting begins again tomorrow.*wicked grin* Although I will admit to pairing up interesting groups in earlier rounds, from here on out it's all done randomly; this could get interesting. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Round Five results and Round Six, slightly late. | | Time: | 01:22 pm |
|
| Eep!
Well, I'm on spring break, I don't HAVE to be on time. I do, however, have to share our new official slogan:
Presidential Deathmatch 04: "Has its finger on the pulse of America and its arm draped casually across the upper thigh of Canada." -- juniper200
Mahatma Gandhi / Martin Luther King Jr.: 30
Terry Pratchett / Neil Gaiman: 109
I'd be depressed we're voting for foreigners, but then again at least they're alive. :D
This is the last round before the next phase of voting, which will probably start next Monday. Until then, children, cheers!
*ding*
Poll #265023
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND SIX And the exit polls say... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Round Four results and Round Five | | Time: | 11:04 am |
|
| HA! Bet you thought I'd died, huh? Nothing so banal. I've been in Dallas.
Now, let's see, where were we....
The Marquis de Sade / Eddie Izzard: 91
Howard Dean / Albert Einstein: 77
A good tight race. Apparently sex is more interesting than politics and science combined. Who knew?
Well, I did.
Anyway.
Welcome to a much belated Round Five!
It's really rather irksome these polls can't be done without a paid account. I didn't think useless_caucus would last long enough to need more than two months' worth. Colour me amazed...
Poll #264423
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND FIVE And the exit polls say... | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Round Three results and Round Four | | Time: | 11:30 am |
|
| Catherine de Medici / Cleopatra of Egypt: 54
Eowyn / Commander Sam Vimes: 101
Witness the power of fandom. Catherine and Cleo are still, however, the wildcard leaders; don't reach into that basket just yet, Cleopatra...
So far every winning pair has at least one fictional character, and not a single politician (unless you count Vimes, though he'd probably use the Elbow if you tried) has made it through.
Hmmm...
Things are coming down to the wire now. Maybe in some future Deathmatch it should be like American Idol. We'll put them up in front of a panel of one nice critic, one cruel critic, and one enormous but good-hearted critic, and make them sing.
Or not.
*ding!*
Poll #261490
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND FOUR And the exit polls say... | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | IV: Round Two results and Round Three | | Time: | 11:28 am |
|
| Round Two Results:
Alan Rickman / Remus Lupin: 114
Abraham Lincoln / Emperor Norton of San Francisco: 33
You know, I thought the people who voted for Lincoln/Norton had some excellent points.
At any rate, we move onwards in our quest for the Perfect American President who may not, in fact, end up being American at all. And definitely won't if good old Ahnold has his way...
ETA: Apologies, the Vox Populei function didn't go through for some reason. You can still make your voice heard in the Comments function, of course.
*ding!*
Poll #260909
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND THREE | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | IV: Round One results and Round Two | | Time: | 11:23 am |
|
| Well, it was close, but I'm declaring Sparrow - Crowley the winner of Sudden Death, by an extremely stylish hair. :D They'll advance without opposition to phase V.
Which means it's time for round two.
The captions have gotten really difficult. I'm sorry they're lame. :D
*ding!*
Poll #260294
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllROUND TWO Vox Populei | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | IV: Round One | | Time: | 11:03 am |
|
| Round One: SUDDEN DEATH!
Mwahahahah!
We have an odd number of parties, unfortunately, so I'm resorting to a first-off sudden death round. The pair with the most votes, in this round, automatically moves on to the next without having to battle. The rest will have to fight it out to the death in DEATHMATCH, ROUND IV.
*ding!*
Poll #259747
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllDeathmatch: Sudden Death Round. Vote for your favourite! Why? | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Phase IV Listing | | Time: | 02:14 pm |
|
| Well!
Clearly genre is out.
Therefore, Phase IV will be composed of cross-category pairs running equally; I'm not designating a president and a running-mate, just a pair of people running together.
And the pairings are...
Could We Be Any More Homosexual? party
Alexander the Great
Oscar Wilde
Flash Bastard party
Captain Jack Sparrow
A.J. Crowley
Improbable Partnership party
Lord Havelock Vetinari
Johnny Depp
Early Feminist party
Catherine de Medici
Cleopatra of Egypt
Fabulously Strange party
The Marquis de Sade
Eddie Izzard
Pacifist party
Mahatma Gandhi
Martin Luther King Jr.
Slightly Insane Lookin' party
Howard Dean
Albert Einstein
Nineteenth Century party
Abraham Lincoln
Emperor Norton of San Francisco
Sexy Bastard party (I didn't pick this name.)
Alan Rickman
Remus Lupin
Good Omens party
Terry Pratchett
Neil Gaiman
Prodding Buttock party
Eowyn
Commander Sam Vimes
Voting will commence tomorrow. :D | | comments: 20 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | III: Round Five results and a Query. | | Time: | 01:19 pm |
|
| And the final votes are in!
Arthur, Duke of Wellington: 62
Catherine de Medici: 161
Shame really. Beef Wellington's good eating.
Sean Bean: 50
Alan Rickman: 172
Clearly the Rickman fans got the Rock the Vote message out...
Commander Sam Vimes: 118
Delirium: 110
A close race, hotly debated on both sides, but in the end, the Terrier clung tighter.
Which means the final results are:
( Behind the Cut )
And now it's time for you lot to make one final choice before we go into Phase IV. Phase IV will consist of teams; each person being voted for will have a running mate. Now, I can either stick to the genres -- ie, Politicians will only be able to have Politician running mates -- or I can mix it up a little and we'll get rid of genre altogether. I'm for the second choice (Pratchett/Vimes in 04?), but I'll let you, the voting public, decide.
Poll #258528 What shall we do?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllWhich would you prefer? | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | III: Round Four results and Round Five | | Time: | 11:31 am |
|
| All right then! This is the last round of Phase Three. They just keep getting shorter...
But first, of course, the previous round's results.
Abraham Lincoln: 66
Mahatma Gandhi: 102
Pacifism works, who knew? Well. Gandhi did, I guess.
Bob Dylan: 34
Terry Pratchett: 140
Jaysus. Hardly even a race. How many votes must a man take down before you can call him a man...
Boromir of Gondor: 55
Lord Havelock Vetinari: 118
Another shocker, really. Then again Vetinari probably stuffed the ballot boxes.
Albert Einstein: 124
Conan O'Brien: 47
Poor Conan. Beloved by no one, thrown over for a deceased physicist...
And now on to round five! It's Duke versus de Medici, ass versus voice, and Vimes versus a surprise interloper from Sandman (cos Vimes didn't have anyone to run against, that's why, shaddup.)
*ding!*
Poll #257837 ROUND FIVE
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllPoliticians: What's your slogan? The Famous: What's your slogan? The Fictional: What's your slogan? | | comments: 12 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | III: Round Three results and Round Four. | | Time: | 11:24 am |
|
| I am perpetually surprised by who people vote for in these things. And then again, sometimes...not.
Ariana Huffington: 34
Howard Dean: 103
Such a trooper. He's out of the Presidential race but he still won Vermont -- and this Deathmatch round!
Neil Gaiman: 90
Johnny Depp: 52
Well done Gaiman! That's a pretty fair win, especially over Teh Depp.
Eowyn: 73
Remus Lupin: 67
*deep sigh* At least we know he'll concede gracefully.
Emperor Norton of San Francisco: 85
Eleanor of Aquitaine: 56
Happy as I am about this, it really would never happen. :D
Welcome to Round Four. Those of you who watch Clone High will probably be angry with me...
Poll #257292 ROUND FOUR
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllPoliticians: What's your slogan? The Famous: What's your slogan? The Fictional: What's your slogan? The Weird: What's your slogan? | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
|
Presidential Deathmatch 2004
|
|
